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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 5:22:12 AM | This is and always will be a controversial subject. should people sign one, well the way people are getting married at a drop of a hat, I say yes, but people who actually marry because of love, compatibility, singing the same song from the same book, have set healthy boundaries etc etc etc, ( which is rare I might add) doesn't need one.
Question, why do most people get married? answer because they claim they are in love at that moment, not realizing as time goes on people change, and some folks cannot for what ever reason embrace change.
Some im sure marry for money, lets face it if you're a geek, or a over weight homely person, with a personality of a dead fish and you have money and you're looking for eye candy, you better get a pre nup, if you think she's marrying you because of you , then I say you need a psych report because your delusional. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:25:58 AM |
but people who actually marry because of love, compatibility, singing the same song from the same book, have set healthy boundaries etc etc etc, ( which is rare I might add) doesn't need one.
Contradicts
Question, why do most people get married? answer because they claim they are in love at that moment, not realizing as time goes on people change, and some folks cannot for what ever reason embrace change.
Paragraph 1 is bad advice because paragraph 2 is correct. No matter how much you think you might be doing the right thing, or are 'in love' or whatever, things can change so it is always a good idea to get a prenup. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:44:54 AM | | Yes I would. My uncle got married and never got divorced. He hadn't seen his ex wife in years, but when he died she sprung up out of the blue and claimed everything he had. If you have nothing and have nothing to lose, then there's no point, but otherwise I think pre-nups are a good idea, and apparently abroad it is a lot more commonplace. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:46:05 AM | | I think you have to be savvy in relationships - I think it's a good idea to avoid ending up a lot worse off if anything goes wrong. | |
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granz
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Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 706 | |
| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 9:32:57 AM | Considering same-sex marriage is a difficult subject at the moment, I don't think that's going to be a concern for me any time soon. If it were legalized on a national scale, I still don't think I would bother getting married. I don't want the state to be any more involved in my personal life than it has to be, and the idea that all my possessions would become marital property is just... messy. If this relationship doesn't work for whatever reason, I'm not going to suffer through some legal misery over it. I just want to take my things and move on.
I don't think the idea of a prenuptial agreement would really offend me. I understand why people would want to side-step the whole legal battle and just get on with their lives after all is said and done. Some people feel it's a gesture of mistrust, but I think it comes down to wanting to avoid getting caught-up in any bullshit. Obviously, people can be pretty bitter and vindictive about a failed relationship. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 9:41:24 AM | I don't have an option in all honesty. I have to protect my children before any man. I have a great deal of inheritance when my mother passes away and it is meant to see my children thru college since i'm already an adult. I can't risk jeopardizing their futures because I was impulsive. And i'm also set to inherit my family's 100+ yr old farm... that's something that MUST stay in MY family.
So yes, there WILL be a pre-nup or I will be not be marrying again. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:15:12 AM |
I could never marry if I hadn't felt the purest of love.
I agree. I am sorta up in the air about the whole prenup thing, I think in second marriages, it might be a little more necessary where both people are going into the marriage already owning property, having saving and retirement accounts, etc. whereas in most first marriages, I'll use mine as an example, we were both young and didn't have much in the way of money or material things, however everything we obtained througout our 20 years of marriage..we did together.
With all that being said, I'm really not crazy about the idea of signing a prenup but then again, I'm not too crazy about the idea of getting married again. From what I'v read, 2nd marriages don't seem to last either, so then you see people getting married 3...4 times. NO THANK YOU. I can see myself perhaps having a relationship with someone, but I don't see the point in getting married. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:17:11 AM |
None of us can predict the future, and whos to say that maybe one day you'll wake up and say...enough, I've suffered for too long, I'm taking his half, let him suffer. Not implying youll go that route, but there are plenty others who will do it in a heartbeat.
Yep...and this is exactly why people themselves can't be judged on their own personal merits...one has to use the "norm" or "status quo" as the guideline. YOU may be one that would and/or has walked away with nothing, but that doesn't guarantee that some day down the road you won't change your mind and then soak some poor chump who "trusted" you and *ahem* "knew" you.
When money is involved, anyone can be "like that". Denying it is just pointless. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:33:01 AM | A pre-nup is a must, if you live in an equal property state, like NY or FL, where your wife can screw the mailman and still walk away with half (or more) your worldly goods.
I'm also in favor of bringing back the dowry. My guess is all the women out there who brought nothing to the table when they got married will be vehemently opposed to this one! I'm sure the responses on this one will be pretty much divided along gender lines. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:39:20 AM |
I'm also in favor of bringing back the dowry.
That's the first thing I think of when I hear some woman going on about how "traditional" she is all of a sudden.  | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:49:32 AM | | if a person doesnt like signing prenups for romantic and emotional reasons, thats fine. if a person wants a prenup before marriage, that's fine too. the real question is if both parties will come to an agreement. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:53:37 AM |
I can see myself perhaps having a relationship with someone, but I don't see the point in getting married.
You got that right.I'm all done being the one-sided provider who doesn't even get sex out of the deal,let alone love or respect. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:57:17 AM | | It would be a requirement for any woman I would marry. Not only that but she would have to have her own career and be in similar financial position as myself. I'm not taking of any one or giving a free ride! Being a stay at hom mom is not equal work in my eyes either. Too many horror stories of men being raped in divorces. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:59:14 AM | | Basically, what a lot of you are implying [by saying you need a prenup to protect your ass-ets] is that you have crap judgement. You can't tell if a person is honorable or not. so you're banking on them BEING dishonorable by forcing them to sign this prenup. Does that not seem like a slap in the face? It does to me, an honorable human being. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:17:07 AM | I would sign one-what I bring to the table remains mine to pass onto my son, and what he brings to the table is his to do with as he pleases. What we earn together can be 'ours'.
It's one thing to be both just starting out with nothing, and decide to share in one anothers wealth as you build it together...but I have things that are meant to be passed onto my son, not a man who may leave me and want half of everything upon doing so.
I have seen families torn right in half over these issues. A grandfather remarries, dies, and the new wife and her children take everything, and nothing is left to the natural children, or grandchildren. Shameful. | |
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granz
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Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 717 | |
| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:24:58 AM |
Basically, what a lot of you are implying [by saying you need a prenup to protect your ass-ets] is that you have crap judgement. You can't tell if a person is honorable or not. so you're banking on them BEING dishonorable by forcing them to sign this prenup. Does that not seem like a slap in the face? It does to me, an honorable human being.
No. Some people simply don't want to depend on the state to allocate their marital assets after divorce, or are uncomfortable with the state being involved in their personal affairs to begin with. There's no reason why both partners can't see eye-to-eye on these terms, and draw a prenuptial agreement together. It would be the sensible thing to do.
On the other hand, a couple could just opt to have a private ceremony without any legal recognition of their marriage, but that complicates matters later on down the line if one partner is hospitalized and the other doesn't have sufficient visitation rights; or similar scenarios. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:59:48 AM | You may be feeling the purest of love, but not everything in this world is up to you and you love. What if that person decides to ditch you 3 years later? And he/she happened to bring $500,000 of debt into your marriage?
It's not a hypothetical question. A person with half a millon in debt have claimed to feel the purest of love toward me. He was absolutely charming. He proposed to me after 3 weeks. Awww.... but when I mentioned the financial situation he got very angry at me, saying that I'm unsupportive selfish materialistic woman. But I think if he really loved me he'd care about my financial safety. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:04:24 PM |
Basically, what a lot of you are implying [by saying you need a prenup to protect your ass-ets] is that you have crap judgement. You can't tell if a person is honorable or not. so you're banking on them BEING dishonorable by forcing them to sign this prenup. Does that not seem like a slap in the face? It does to me, an honorable human being.
Your "honour" is not legally binding. Next! | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:17:02 PM | What so many people who are against prenupts fail to see is how brutal and vindictive we can all be when we are hurt, angry and feel betrayed. This isn't something you can possibly understand unless you have personally experienced divorce or witnessed someone close to you going through divorce.
During a seperation, honour, empathy, consideration, are, more often then not, completely thrown out the window and people chase the only thing they can get: things, money etc. Women are VERY guilty of this whether or not they choose to admit it.
Prenups are very necessary to protect each other from each other. This is also why laws exist, again to protect each other from each other. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:45:32 PM | I can live with them and I can live without them.
I think the idea of a prenuptial aggrement is to "protect" something of value, usually one's self. Most divorces that end up nasty or loosing everything... shirt included, wish they had a prenuptial aggrement.
Nothing is forever in todays world. Just because you "think" mairrage should last forever, doesnt mean it will. So..if the heavenly bliss should have to come to an end someday? I'd rather have a prenup than a bitter heart. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:53:54 PM | I would sign one-what I bring to the table remains mine to pass onto my son, and what he brings to the table is his to do with as he pleases. What we earn together can be 'ours'.
This arrangement would not be good enough for me. What if one patrner is earning significantly more than the other during the marriage? I don't think a 50/50 split works for me.
I say leave the keys and the credits cards...and take everything you came with! | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 1:58:50 PM |
Basically, what a lot of you are implying [by saying you need a prenup to protect your ass-ets] is that you have crap judgement. You can't tell if a person is honorable or not. so you're banking on them BEING dishonorable by forcing them to sign this prenup. Does that not seem like a slap in the face? It does to me, an honorable human being.
OK, I'll play. Let's say I DO have really crap judgement. I'm getting married (or about to live with someone in Canada) and think this person has honour and we've discussed our attitudes and reactions to some of the horror show divorces out there, and they are absolutely aghast at how some people behave on the way out of a relationship. So I decide OK, I love you and trust you, know you share my attitudes about organizing the financial side of life and dissolution of finances and stuff if a relationship ends, I trust you so much we don't need to put this stuff in writing. 'sides, I know you are an honourable person, so all of this stuff is moot.
But, But, But... I have really crap judgment in people and can't tell if a person is honourable or not... So, when they do an about face at the end of our relationship, I've just had a very expensive lesson in how I have really crap judgment in people and can't tell if a person is honorable or not.
Next time around, oh THIS person is different and I can really trust them and I know they are an honourable person because we've discussed all of the horror show divorces out there... including my own. And he was more than honourable in his own divorce....
Rinse. Repeat?
No thanks. If a person is honourable they will not mind putting their intentions in writing. No force required. | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 2:49:22 PM |
Did you know that a woman can have unprotected sex with a man-NOT-her-husband, and the STATE will make the HUSBAND support any child spermed by that strange man. Hmmmmmm.. where is the equity in THAT?? Seems to be a little one-sided, dont ya think?
OMG! Are you serious? I would have thought as long as there was sufficient proof that he is not the father, then he wouldn't be responsible...I can't believe such law exists? WTF!
So let me get this straight, a wife cheats on her husband falls pregnant to another man's child, husband and wife get divorced, husband is responsible for paying child support to this child??? | |
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| Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
Posted: 9/15/2009 2:54:13 PM | The problem is you're using a hackneyed argument that doesn't hold water...
Basically, what a lot of you are implying [by saying you need a prenup to protect your ass-ets] is that you have crap judgement.
Not at all, actually. It simply means you cannot predict the future.
It only means that the people in the divorce, are often no longer the same people they were going into the marriage, and the only way to protect you from unfair division of assets is to have a pre nup.
You can't tell if a person is honorable or not.
Have you lived in a vacuum or something?
Merely being honorable to date is no gaurantee that they will be in the future,
You can't accurately predict how they'll feel about you down the road, and how they'll behave towards you in the event of dissolution of the marriage.
A pre nup alleviates those concerns in a worst case scenario.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
so you're banking on them BEING dishonorable by forcing them to sign this prenup.
No, not at all. They may or may not be. What are the odds that they will be honorable?
Maybe it's 50/50.
Maybe it's 60/40.
Maybe it's 70/30.
A pre-nup is merely a failsafe and preventative measure that prevents financial harm in the event of a divorce.
Does that not seem like a slap in the face?
No.
It's not.
You'd never be able to cope being in the business world.
Your feelings of indignation because of improper correlation is nothing in comparison to the feelings and devastating long term ramifications one can suffer in the event of getting financially raped in a divorce.
It does to me, an honorable human being.
Really? So does it feel like a slap in the face that the bank holds title to the home and the car that you've promised to make good on the payments to, as well?
Tell it to the bank manager.
Will it feel like a slap in the face when the laywer asks for a retainer to settle your divorce?
Tell it to the laywer.
I could never marry if I hadn't felt the purest of love.
That's irrelevant to the topic of a pre-nup.
You might have the purest of love for your spouse, but it certainly wouldn't prevent you accepting a life insurance policy should they die, now would it?
Funny how that works, isn't it?
But it shouldn't take signing it to prove my love. Or my integrity, value, and character.
By the same token, it shouldn't take a piece of paper to prove your SO wanting to spend their life with you. But somehow you'd want that in writing. Aren't his mere words enough to prove his integrity, value, and character?
The only reasons anyone is reluctant to sign a contract are:
- They do not understand the contract.
- They do not think the contract is fair.
- They do not want to be bound by the terms of the contract in the event that it needs to be enforced.
If a person is honourable they will not mind putting their intentions in writing. No force required.
They put their money where their mouth is. Period.
Some people don't want to learn their lessons the hard way... | |
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