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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol      Home login  
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 strangebloom
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 26
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lolPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Mr.G,

I understand the philosophy behind it. I don't think I need it though. ;)

Maybe I would be head and shoulders above the rest, because I would be the only one that didn't know the rules! :P

Who knows... But I would rather be myself and take my chances.
 ~squirrly~
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 27
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:38:20 PM
Ok I don't get this reasoning at all. If a guy shows no interest then I figure hes not interested. I mean how the heck are we supposed to guess if you have interest in us??? This has me perplexed and flummoxed. ( good words huh? LOL)

For those guys who are showing the cool approach and not showing interest, I just wanna say...how is that working for ya?
 Brian_Thorn
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 28
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:48:05 PM
^^^ Flummoxed is an excellent word, and the term "How is that working for you?" is trademarked by Thorn LLC. That will be $5 in royalties please Ms. Squirrely, less the $2 discount for using a $2 word in a sentence correctly.


Have fun ;)!
 cobaltblu
Joined: 3/6/2005
Msg: 29
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:54:57 PM
I completely agree with the OP that there shouldn't be any silly games or waiting to tell ppl you are interested. I just started a thread on it tonight and then I just saw this one also! If they really like you too-it shouldn't scare them away that you tell them you like them. But I have heard the same advice the OP has heard; to wait and not always let the person know right away that you like them; you might seem desparate etc etc b.s.! I am the type to just be honest and outspoken. I will tell ppl when I like them and hope they tell me too!
 nomenome
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 30
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 10/1/2006 8:57:55 PM
sometimes it not that a person shows interest, it is HOW they show it that matters.
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 31
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 10/1/2006 9:38:14 PM
OP .....I really think you must be dealing with a superficial bunch of women and bad advice giver's...I personally try to look for women who are sincere and real . If a real woman is interested it definately won't hurt if she knows you feel the same ..only flakey immature "girls" would need these psych. games ...it's funny it sounds more like grade 5 kids stuff ..but unfortunately some never grow up.
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 32
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/17/2010 1:54:33 AM
I think the op's theory is more true in situations where women have leverage over men (such as the bar and club scene, as well as in online dating). Reasoning behind it as I understand is that men are *obviously* more interested in women (than women are in men) in the bar scene seeing as that women have leverage. It's nothing novel for a man to show interest in a woman in these environments, and if anything it's a major associator of low-value. Contrarily, a woman showing interest in a man in the bar- now that is something to marvel at. Basically there's no value in men showing interest, where there is in women showing interest (in these venues where women on average have greater value and leverage over men).

Not much different than the stance on promiscuious, 'easy' sex:
*A woman *giving away* sex is not cool (because it is far easier for women to get sex- seeing as heterosexual men have enough demand for sex themselves that women need not put any effort into attaining sex).
* A man *gaining* sex IS cool (because there is high demand from men to women for sex- thus making sex more 'costly' to achieve for men as women will attempt to parlay that demand into something where they can gain in other ways for 'giving away' sex to men. There is also more competition for men to gain sex, which in itself makes getting sex something of a 'win' over other males.)
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 33
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/17/2010 4:14:40 AM
There are two main aspects to this.

First, and most important, it's not THAT you show interest, it's HOW you show interest that is either "cool" or not. It's okay for everyone and anyone to show interest while remaining respectful, and not unzipping clothes and waving appendages about.

Second is the very old, slightly hidden fact that PROCESSES of getting to know people are intersected by INDIVIDUAL TASTES AND DESIRES. Thus, you will, from early on in your life, repeatedly witness people SAYING they want a certain kind of approach in order to accept someone else into their life, and you will THINK that you are repeatedly seeing them ignore their own claimed "rules", and accepting people who DON'T follow them, rejecting those who DO. This is actually NOT hypocrisy, and not even necessarily self ignorance. Rather, it is because if you are attracted to someone, you will likely 'bend' the rules for them, or even see behaviors in them that are not really there. Also, if you are NOT attracted to someone, you might LOOK for reasons to claim that they missed a 'rule.'
What I think you are really referring to here, is a current MEDIA-driven fad, which was triggered by eager capitalists wanting to tap into the general "womens' Liberation" ideas of the sixties and 70's. It's the same reason you see tons of commercials and shows based around he notion that people who from non-European extraction are allowed to be more expansive in their expressiveness than those who are, and that by being so expressive, they achieve social superiority. These things aren't the fault of the many individuals who are portrayed, it's all a game being played by hopeful sales people, trying to get a "date" with those people's wallets.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 34
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/17/2010 4:34:32 AM
The women who do not like a man showing interest...are the ones who don't want a certain man showing interest..meaning she has no interest in him.

Then you have the ways a man shows interest....if you show interest in the wrong ways...then its a turn off.

Other than those two things...I don't see where you have a valid argument in most cases.

As far as game playing...some people like that...the hunt, the chase...if you don't then move on to someone else. Personally I don't have time for it and I figure I'm just as valuable as she is...I prefer to meet mutually in the middle somewhere.
 RedheadEnigma
Joined: 4/12/2010
Msg: 35
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/24/2010 9:48:23 AM
@Shoedaddy

That's a pretty good explanation. I hadn't thought about it like that before. Wonder what the OP thinks of your response.
 zynex
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 36
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/24/2010 10:13:50 AM
"I hate guys starting a conversation with, "hey, cutie/honey, dear.....Damn... you are hot...." It totally stinks."

Seriously though do you actually come across guys that do and say things like that. LOL ..WOW!! Perhaps this is the reason women in vancouver B.C make a conscious effort to look away in the street, instead of flirtacious eye contact.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 37
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Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/24/2010 10:39:31 AM


"I hate guys starting a conversation with, "hey, cutie/honey, dear.....Damn... you are hot...." It totally stinks."

Seriously though do you actually come across guys that do and say things like that. LOL ..WOW!! Perhaps this is the reason women in vancouver B.C make a conscious effort to look away in the street, instead of flirtacious eye contact.

Uhhhhhhhhmmmmm, yeah ~ that happens ALL the time. And I'm with the first quoted poster. It's ridiculous and after years of trying to politely answer such silliness, I'm resorting to the "read/deleted" mode.

~OP~ You've been given some very poor advice by those you speak of in post #1 (your friends or the posts you've been reading prior to this thread.) I think common sense would tell most anyone that if a member of the opposite is NOT showing interest, there is no interest. And those who think that's a covert plan, that no interest really means interest, are likely the game-players most of us can't stand. If you're interested, you don't need to get all stalkerish/emotionally driveling/etc., just be ..... interested. If a man doesn't let me know he's interested in something, I'll assume he's not. Pretty simple. Likewise, if I'm interested? He'll know it. JMO
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/24/2010 11:15:40 AM
Dude, there's nothing wrong with showing interest. You seem to confuse that with drooling over yourself for a girl. If you like a girl, go talk to her, ask her questions, what she likes or doesn't like. But what guys do that is wrong, is go over and tell her how beautiful she is, how much he likes her and all that blah, blah, blah. If she is good looking, she heard THAT all the time. So your chances go down to NADA. In the other hand, you ASKED her and learned about her. She will remember YOU because you SHOWED interest in the real person. And those are actions. One produces incredible attraction on the girl, the other one, well, you are forgotten.
 lateā„¢
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 39
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/24/2010 2:02:13 PM

One interesting point some of the posts in here brought to mind that i've thought about before, why is it that it's considered fine for a girl to show a guy she's interested, yet if a guy is interested in a girl the worst thing to do is to show any interest?


You need to learn to discern between well reasoned declarative statements and banal toilet worthy generalities.

...solves a lot of potential problems.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 40
Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol
Posted: 6/24/2010 2:11:52 PM

One interesting point some of the posts in here brought to mind that i've thought about before, why is it that it's considered fine for a girl to show a guy she's interested, yet if a guy is interested in a girl the worst thing to do is to show any interest?


I don't think that's the case at all? Where did you get an idea like that?

Did it come from one of those "dating guru" guys? Don't you realize those guys just want to sell books and they dont give a fig about your relationships?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol