| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 12:51:34 PM | Fox-
Proof: She told me so. WHen she dumped me
Remember this can also and is used at times as an excuse to give the guy the door as in ,,they are just not into you.....and use it as a dump maneuver ..... | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 1:06:00 PM |
Yes.. big cowards.. but lets call them that.... not commitment phobes.
Is this why i see soooo many apparently "committed" people on the dating sites (thier wording not mine)??? What exactly are they committed too?
P.S. I know this is the case with women too...but we are speaking of men here as your thread suggests... | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 1:23:22 PM | I identify with EB1 alot in this thread. I know for myself, I could have THE most perfect man in front of me, and still run when it got close to the altar. It's not about committing per say, I could live with someone for the rest of my life, but MARRIAGE omggggggggggg ahhhhhhhhhhhh.  | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 1:24:37 PM | just skimmed a book, "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The fascinating research that can land you the husband of your dreams" .. the first 6 bullet points are ..
"If you wish to marry:
> You must insist on it.
> If you find yourself in a dead-end relationship, move on.
> Love yourself first.
> Commit yourself to the idea of getting married.
> Keep in shape, watch your weight, and take care of your appearance.
> Time can be your worst enemy. Use time wisely in your search for that marrying man."
there are many more bullet points in the book .. here are a few more:
"> Women who go out a second or even a third time with men they are not crazy about at first often end up happily married to them."
"> More than 73 percent of women coming out of marriage license bureaus said they put pressure on their man to get him to propose."
"> If a man seems like a good prospect but you have some doubts, get a background check on him."
just adding fuel .. | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 1:32:24 PM | Ok but what if you find a man who WANTS commitment, he's the one talking about moving in, marriage. That honestly scares me because I question WHY.  | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 1:52:16 PM | | Frankly, I don't believe in fear of commitment, I believe in he's just not that into you. If he was he would not have fear of commiting to you. Someone on this post said it just right, it isn't fear of commitment, it's fear of commiting to the wrong person. But I say honesty is the best policy, just tell a person if you like them but don't think they are the one then go on to the next person. Then people don't get hurt or feel led on and all that. But I agree with you, there is no fear, just I'm not committed to this person. | |
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Hezron
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Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 85 | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 2:19:52 PM | carmella,
your man did not have a fear of commitment.. He did not want to commit to you.. and was to cowardly to be alone. So he used you while looking for something better.
So with every woman he has ever been involved with it wasn't fear to commit it was afraid of being alone..............BS............he can't commit
Explain why I got a phone call from him re this post very angry....I didn't mention who he was and no one will ever know, except his ex POF gf who emailed him about the post. Truth must hurt for him to be so pissed off.........and his ex must be just as pissed at him for his attitude and he straight out says he will never get married to anyone.......to bad I didn't know that he was serious when I met him......Lesson learned now I ask if marriage could be a possibility with the right person............ | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 3:05:36 PM | Carmella,
Here's a story about a friend of mine who used to claim he had a fear of commitment and never wanted to get married.
He dated girl's x, y, z, etc. He didn't like to say they were in a relationship with any of them, yet things were going for months with them and a couple of them were for over a year. We all (his buddies) knew it was just a sex thing... he was using them. If they started pushing any kind of marriage type talk OR someone else who he thought was better came along, he walked with the "not ready for a commitment" line.
One day, he hooks up with a gorgeous red head - she's smart, beautiful, funny and built like a playboy playmate. The guy that would never commit to anything now has a "girl friend".
Irony - He finds the tables reversed on him six months later. He wants a comittment and she suddenly develops a fear of commitment and dumps him.
Take from that what you will, but watching that unfold made me a disbeliever in the "afraid of commitment" line.
Do you think that your ex would fall victim to the same irony if said playmate comes along? | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 3:11:13 PM | He is 45 yrs old I highly doubt he is going to change. He takes no responsibility for his actions in any relationship. He can't and won't commit to anyone and never will. If he hasn't commited to anyone by this age and stage in his life he never will.
Not saying he doesn't have his good points, just saying he has a fear of commitment, maybe to do with his childhood! | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 3:33:39 PM | Maybe, just maybe, when it gets serious the guy looks into the situation...how lopsided family law is, how demonized men are, and what tools she has available if she ever "loses interest" in him....and the complete and utter lack of any legal protection he has once he slips that little ring on her finger.....maybe then he decides not to.
Any guy that has ANY idea what divorce/support laws are like (once he gets past incredulity and actually accepts that "yes Johnny, that really IS the law") will never ever run into that sort of thing. Couple that with a raging sense of entitlement that most women have ("what have you done for me LATELY?"), and the recipe for disaster becomes fairly plain.
Oh, and once a guy moves in (or she does - whatever), you start to see what the person is REALLY like.....Presto!....fear of "commitment".
Sounds like I'm bitter? Nah, been through it, accepted it......but I'm not stupid enough to fall for it again. | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 5:33:02 PM | No one wants to hear, "I just don't want to be with you anymore", it's got to be labelled something else so as to keep the fault off of people. Don't want to get any FAULT on ya... it doesn't EVER come out.
You can't tell someone that your feelings have just changed... they'll want to know why. There isn't always a why.
Anyway.. every commitment-phobe I've known generally wanted to commit, but the thought did scare the hell outta them. | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 5:42:27 PM | Whatever side of the gender aisle we are on we have a propensity to look without before we look within. Any sane man wants a wonderful woman. Unfortunately this high tech world of ours has given us big heads with unreasonable expectations. Women pursue men they have no longterm chance with, we do the same.
Sugaredhoney gets my vote here too. | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 5:50:08 PM | Agree on the fear of commitment is a myth
What it really means if someone says it to you is that person just doesnt want to commit to YOU
Disagree it was manufactured by women alone. Ive had men accuse me of the same too. So enough with the gender stereotyping. You have a good point otherwise
Cheers | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/20/2006 6:21:23 PM | Ah yes. The old "fear of commitment" jibe. I've gotten that a time or three. But then again, I seem to get - sometimes - the girls who want to talk about longterm commitment on the second date. I had someone interrupt us in the middle of a make-out session in her car to talk about longterm commitments ... on the second date. She received the following comment from me:
"If you want a prediction about the future, I'll give you a prediction about the future. This thing right here that just happened? This is NEVER going to happen again. Ever. In the future. At all. That is what we have going for us in the longterm: nothing."
I do NOT take kindly to women using the heat of the moment to lock me into saying what they want to hear.
I'm glad that so many thoughtful and mature women have replied to this thread, but in my experience, women use the whole "fear of commitment" thing quite a bit. | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/21/2006 8:22:27 AM | Maybe, just maybe, when it gets serious the guy looks into the situation...how lopsided family law is, how demonized men are, and what tools she has available if she ever "loses interest" in him....and the complete and utter lack of any legal protection he has once he slips that little ring on her finger.....maybe then he decides not to.
Any guy that has ANY idea what divorce/support laws are like (once he gets past incredulity and actually accepts that "yes Johnny, that really IS the law") will never ever run into that sort of thing. Couple that with a raging sense of entitlement that most women have ("what have you done for me LATELY?"), and the recipe for disaster becomes fairly plain.
Oh, and once a guy moves in (or she does - whatever), you start to see what the person is REALLY like.....Presto!....fear of "commitment".
Sounds like I'm bitter? Nah, been through it, accepted it......but I'm not stupid enough to fall for it again.
Wow...I don't know what the divorce laws are like in Canada, but here they're different in every state...and many states are finally figuring out that it's not just women who get the short end of the stick but that men can also get sc*ewed by a nasty, vengeful woman.
But I have to take exception to your 'raging sense of entitlement that most women have' comment. Maybe it's something women in their 20s and 30s have, or simply just the type of women you meet, but I know many women, myself included, that have never felt a sense of entitlement, not wanted a man to do for them. Maybe *some* women are that way, maybe the ones you meet are that way, but by all means I don't believe *most* women are that way.
IMO, when I use the term 'fear of commitment' I'm talking about those men/women who have been in a relationship for a good period of time, who have either moved in with their partner or spend so much time with them that they might as well move in, who have gone through all the motions of being a 'couple' in a relationship...but when one of them says 'where's this relationship going'...they rabbit off 100 mph with the excuse that they don't want a 'commitment'. They've *already* made a commitment just by their actions...but the thought of making it legal scares them silly because they feel they simply can't walk away as easily if it's legal. Those are the fear of commitment types I'm talking about.
Someone who can't commit to that particular person is a different animal...and they shouldn't lead the person on by making them think they're more serious than they really are.
BTW, anyone who walks into a relationship already worried about divorce laws isn't willing to make a full fledged commitment to anyone. | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/21/2006 9:08:17 AM | | ^^^^^^Pro...........I agree with the comment you made about any one walking into a relationship already worried about divorce isn't willing to make a full fledged commitment to anyone | |
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| Fear of Commitment... myth created by women.
Posted: 3/21/2006 9:29:39 AM | | My theory is that some men like the chase and like the being in love part, but like the having to eat off the same table all their lives part, in a manner of speaking. These guys are just in it for the fun times and the romance, which doesn't make them bad guys, but makes them difficult to nail down in a long-term thing. Now then, a guy who talks about the number of kids he wants, the kind of house he hopes to buy someday, if you ladies are looking for a long term thing, these are the guys to look for. He may never acheive those dreams of owning that house or having exactly the kids he was hoping for, but it shows that he's looking toward the future and is willing to do what he can to get those things. He has his mind so focused on these things that he has no concern for any one woman other than the one who loves him and supports his dreams, and for her, he shows all the love he knows to give. | |
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