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jty98
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Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 51 | |
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SuGar0
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Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 54 | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 6:20:32 AM | You are in love, absolutely.
With a man? No.
With text, possibly an image, possibly a voice? Yes.
If you need to clear this up even more - list (and I mean write it down on paper) - just what it is you love about this "man".
Now, put that all aside, and write out your dream life together with a perfect "man."
Lay the two lists side by side, you'll see clearly the two worlds are seperate.
You are not in love with a "man", but in love with the idea of the "real" 3D man being the equal to the ideas you've cooked up.
And I'll guarantee you, when the two worlds meet up, they are NOT going to be the same; not even close.
The net is a nice way to make contact, say hello, but that's pretty much it until you bring it into 24/7, right in front of your face. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 6:36:35 AM | Midlandgirl, yeah, what you said.
I couldn't have put it better.
I believe, and it's my humble opinion, that you have been captured by the allure and the idea of hearing things that your heart wants to hear. Pictures, long talks on the phone, email .... they all feed the fantasy.
Far too often, and in many different scenarios, the anticipation is more rewarding than the event. I remember when I rented an apartment for a year right in the heart of downtown Cleveland, where all the action and nightlife is. The Hard Rock Cafe, Jacobs Field, Cleveland Browns Stadium, everything was in walking distance. It had a view of the Cuyahoga River and I could watch the big ore boats navigate the tight turns and watch all the drawbridges operate.... I was so pumped to move into "The Flats". Then I moved, and after about 6 weeks it was just another noisy apartment. Those damn boats came through at 3am and sounded their horns to alert the bridgetenders, with bright lights blasting in through my 11th floor windows. The traffic leaving the clubs at 2:30am on weekends was annoying as hell. Perception and reality don't often share the same lane.
Try to remember that this is someone who could be saying what he thinks you want to hear. Presentation is a large part of the dating game and apparently your knight has painted rosy pictures in his presentation. He may indeed turn out to be the man of your dreams, but numbers usually don't lie, and almost 67% of unions fail. Remember that all 67% of those unions began with the thought that this was "the one".
I used to live across the street from a lawyer. Early in his career he was a public defender. He told me once about a guy he had assigned to him. The man carried himself well, was well dressed, intelligent, well spoken and all of his friends thought he was a good friend and a good neighbor.
His name was Jeffrey Dahmer.
So after all of that typing, my answer is "no" it isn't likely that you can find true, long-lasting love without ever meeting. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 6:48:51 AM | I honestly feel that noone can truly fall in love without meeting the person physically. There are too many variables that are involved. When you talk to someone online or the phone it is not real.... because a your mind starts to fantasize what that person is all about. Even with a picture and cams- the true self never can come out till you actually touch them.
How do I know? cause I thought i had fallen in love with someone over line- but, in reality- it was farther from the truth.
I have met another man from here -yes, we met- and it continues to this day- 3 months later- and is growing stronger everyday.
So, if you think that you are in love- then take it one step futher- make the effort to see him
just my thoughts | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:11:13 AM | I want to add one more element to think about here.
Intellectually, absolutely everyone on these sites and that allow themselves to get carried away with this illusionary reverie have one thing in common that they will not comfortably or easily admit to, and that is this....
Becoming emotionally attached to whatever degree you let yourself go with always has this one basic point, and it's safety of the heart.
One cannot truly be in love this way, and cannot be hurt at the same level as one can in a partnership that involves day to day reality.
You've allowed yourself to be swept away in your head over some static in a phone line. Keep it real.
Your true heart and life is worth so much more. Real love requires a depth of communication that the internet and phone lines cannot match ever.
You as a person need touch, texture, sweat, tears, eyes, experiences, friends, a purpose of being in life. Again, electricity does not provide this to you. You are worth more.
A person who loves you back, does express themselves in real action. Ask this yahoo to help with this months car payment. Ask him to leave his job, relocate. Ask him to fly, walk or crawl to you tonight to lay in bed with you and hold you so you can look him in the eyes, and state the words: "I love you."
Reality will answer you with excuses, a dead tone on the line, an IM which doesn't refill, or an email unaswered.
Real partners care for each others needs emotionally, financially, and spiritually among other things. The minute you see this man on his knees, eyes closed in prayer wishing for the protection of your soul is the minute you can really give yourself away in a geniune fashion. The minute you see his family face to face, sharing a great meal with laughter and magic, you can give yourself in that way too.
All you have right now is some communication. Love that for what it is, but don't confuse the experience of a lifetime with something so droll as a modem.
Man or modem?
Challenge this "lover" of yours to bring it to the real world. Chances are honestly that he's going to bail. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:20:40 AM | | No you cannot fall in love with someone you have never met. You are in love with the idea of being in love. You are in love with the fantasy image of this man that you created in your mind. Once you meet him, even if he is a great guy, he will never measure up to the fantasy man that you have created. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:28:11 AM | I have had the experiance of falling for someone over the internet...It was a fantastic feeling until he disappeared. Yet I am a romantic and a dreamer so I choose to chalk it up to being that individual not the gender. I have met of people off the net that I have become friends with, some will be friends for the rest of my life. Love is shown in so many forms, and to completly fall in love on here is possiable but is it real. It feels real, but what about the day to day things in life, will he really go out to the car to help haul in the groceries just because, or say hey how bout we go for a walk and shut off the tv. See on the net he can be taking to you having a heart to heart and watching the football game, in real life you would be saying that football game is more important. Also everyone of us has quirks and the key to being in love is that our love one accecpts them or even finds them amusing. What if your so in love on here and you meet him and his quirk is picking his nose... don't laugh its a reality... So can you fall in love on here you bet you can, can you meet someone that you want to spend time with and get to know YESSSSSSSS. Can you base a decision on spending the rest of your life together prior to meeting and having actual time spent. Absoultly not, but don't let that stop you if I remeber right it feels wonderful to be in love to have someone recouperating those feelings just realize that its just a small fraction of what true lasting love is. ENJOY THE RIDE, LEARN FROM IT GROW FROM IT and if it ends GET BACK ON AGAIN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED! That after all is what life is about.
Have a awosome day everyone....Dancing Thunder | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:41:45 AM | | i agree that you dont fall inlove with soemone you never met. this sight is a great place for intoductions but love ties in with friendship, commitment and that wonerful process of painting something beautiful together on that pure white canvas. it's such an exciting time so why rush. enjoy every moment and if it feels right let youself go. the rest will fall into place on it's own....perfect ! | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:58:30 AM | jester has the right idea....ifs theyre into you..they aint goin any where...but your way...
but like i told my dearest friend ladeypagey....luv ya baby girl....most woman need that attachement with a man to fall inlove with them deeply with his character of who he is....actions speak louder then words....you know that way he looks at you from across the room...way he kisses you when he comes home after a hard day of work...how he holds you at night with his arms...an more...thats what we fall inlove with...him an his character.
words can only go so far...it phases out after so many months....we need actions....touching...feeling...kissing..passion...etc. | |
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lohki
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Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 69 | |
| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:12:45 AM | midlandgirl -has all the right ideas and communicates exactly my thoughts here..
fallen for the ~idea~ you have created for who he is.
until in the flesh- looking right at him- there is no way you have fallen in love with ~HIM. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:12:50 AM | I met my ex of 5yrs through a wrong phone number (mad)
I'd never been in love before, but after 3 months of phonecalls, I began to wonder....
We met up, sparks blazed and I was DEFINATELY hit by cupids arrow....
I think you can have the beginnings of love before meeting somebody, but until you meet them, you've no idea if you're perception of them is a true one. For me is was...and even better.
Von xxxxxxxxxx | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:33:31 AM | I would also like to point out the bullshit potential here, and I offer one of my own personal experiences for example.
Man I met, was at first blush, amazing. Great family, wonderful education, awesome experiences, traveled, thoughtful, into subjects I am obsessed with: astronomy, quantum mechanics, mathmatics, science, gardening, fine art, antiques, music..
He was very fluent in talking about them, explaining it all through what he's done.
Face to face time now, after a year plus of net communication and phone calls.
Okay. Hmm. He's ugly for one. Not the touched up man who's pictures I've received. I'm dissapointed, yes. But whatever..there's all this "substance" right? I can live with this little setback....
Well, where is the practice and actual use of all these similar features we've been talking about all this time? I never saw him read a book. I never saw him tend a garden. I never saw him go to university to study. I never went to a bookstore with him. He owned no antiques to speak of. He owned no cds, did not own a telescope. Never saw him use any of the talents.
Oh wait. He was a gourmet cook after all....
Saw him microwave a hot dog once - ahem. It had the distinct odor of the BO he had too. I'm not talking a light issue, but more so, a social impediment here.
How could he fail to tell me he was missing a front tooth also? Good Lord...
My point is, until you actually see it, experience it, and it lives up to what you think it is, it's worth nothing. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:53:52 AM | I'm going to sound like I'm fence sitting here, but yes and no. And sort of agreeing with Smile's first posting. I may well be agreeing with others, but I haven't read the whole thread.
You can develop very strong feelings for somebody without meeting them, particularly if you have spoken on the phone, and had communication via webcam. And yes you can believe yourself in love.
But it's not until you meet them that those feelings of love will be confirmed or denied.
It's happened to me twice.
The first time, I was really disappointed , partly because I had such great expectations based on our conversations.
The second time, I'd held back a bit, but upon meeting my feelings were confirmed. | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:01:00 AM | Wow, Midland, all of sudden single sounds pretty good.... 
Totally misrepresented EVERYTHING about himself ... and I bet he wanted to hop right into the sack, right?
Sometimes I hear stories about men that make me want to turn in my membership card.
//off topic
Daylillies, way back in 1988 I played in a bar up in Thunder Bay. It was in a hotel, and the rooms were pretty nice. They had a pool, workout room, sauna.... Lots of bikers hung out there. It was kind of downtown-ish. Do you have any idea where I mean and if it's still there?
Funny story. When we came in and played the first night on Monday, we had some concerns that the look of the crowd made us think they wanted "rowdier" music and we did stuff like Springsteen, Southside Johnny, Huey Lewis, Genesis.... By the last night on Saturday, the bikers were backed up against the front of the stage like security people keeping the crowd away from us. They were some of the nicest people we met that trip. Took care of us like we were all their older brothers.
I remember a bunch of grain silos, a mill that looked closed down, and that we fished for 3 days and all we caught was a cold. Anything in there ring a bell? | |
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| Is it possible to fall in love with someone you never met?
Posted: 3/22/2006 9:21:04 AM | Actually, he proposed marriage.....
Wanna hear the story about my girlfriend who met the man with the internet name of "Hook?" 
This (the internet) is a vast breeding ground for make-believe. We'd all do good to go back and read the fairy tale of "The Emperor Who Had No Clothes".
Lots of wisdom in that story, and lots of emperors & emporettes online is my view. | |
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