| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/22/2006 7:24:56 PM | "Then what the hell are you doing on here?looking for a woman?"
Who was that directed to? I'm not lookin for anything really. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/22/2006 8:11:28 PM | To the OP (original poster, sweetheart) & all the others who have BLED their tales on this thread..
This behavior is absolutely NOT reserved for the MALE ***holes of the world. There are those women in this universe of dating (online or otherwise) that can and will do the same thing. My personal story aside, I am speaking for a lot more men than would freely admit it (ahh, that fragile male ego!).
However, I am moved to make other comments, along with a bit of insight that you may or may not partake of.
Suffice it to say that I am one of the dinosaurs - I believe in gut honesty & absolute openess - in furthering any important relationship.
I love to be emotional available, to communicate willingly and endlessly, and to enjoy the "work" it takes for a relationship to succeed. I have to admit, in my earlier years I have been on the other side: decietful, coniving, manipulative. My goals were selfish and narcissitic: Hey.. look how often I got laid this week.. and how many different women I could convince I was THE best thing to happen to her!
Two failed marriages and lots of ruined relationships later, I made the discovery that changed everything. The key element in one's personal inventory that will enable you to have a fun, open, thrilling and meaningful realtionship with a special someone. The key...simple honesty - but not with just others; the real key is that you need to be COMPLETELY HONEST..
with yourself.
If you can get to the point where you realize who YOU are, and accept your foibles & failures as well as your assets & accolades, and BELIEVE that you are a good and decent person, responsible for your behavior and prepared for its' rewards or consequences.. if you can be totally honest about all of it.. then you will have found the greatest satifaction you could know.
And if you are that way as a guy.. and meet the lady who is likewise.. then stories like the OP and all the others, will be just another reminder that not everyone has found - or is even looking for - that key.
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 6:04:01 AM | "what is "OP"
Original poster.
This guy is in the category of men who like the hunt more than the meal. It is a sign of insecurity that he wants to constantly be reminded that he's still "got it". Having someone on an emotional yoyo feeds that need.
Wave goodbye as you are walking backwards and never look back. This will go on forever. People can pretend and appear to change for brief periods, but in the long haul they can't change who they really are.
Don't be a pawn in his little chess game. Be the queen.  | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:05:21 AM | Okay, I am probably going to get alot of grief over this but here goes. Maybe he really did try, maybe, because we don't know the whole story it is equal blame. Who knows, but what I do know is that if he went back with good intentions and she hounded him and dogged him about the past it could have spelt the end.
Why assume that it is all his fault? If someone is willing to try again but they keep getting their past thrown in their face what incentive is there to stay. I figure if you are going to take someone back it should be after a huge talk about what made you break up in the first place and then it should be put away not dragged up and used against them.
We don't know what happened in their relationship and for us to call him down without knowing is wrong. Who gives ultimatums if they haven't been rehashing the old crap. She never said he cheated again, so what made the big blow up. I would have walked out too if someone was lording over me. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 9:19:05 AM | | I TOTALLY AGREE WITH CELABACY FAILURE! ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, AND GIRL TO GIRL, EVEN IF HE SAYS HES SORRY/HELL CHANGE OR WHAT EVER, DONT TAKE HIS SORRY ASS BACK! GOOD FOR YOU FOR LEAVING! DONT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE A DOORMAT, PEOPLE CAN ONLY USE YOU IF YOU LET THEM!!!! | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 9:34:43 AM | Sounds as if he's quite a good actor.......crocodile tears and all!!
Moral of the story....NEVER speak to an ex-boyfriend again after you split. You would have saved yourself a lot of heartache.
Except for my ex-husband where there were children involved and property settlements etc, I have NEVER spoken to any of my exes again aftet the breakup.....period !!
In the bargain...... this ex of yours seems to have a penchant for emotional abuse......trying to blame you for HIS nasty treatment of you. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 12:40:12 PM | this is directed to "friends"
Yes, you are absolutely right, you have a point. I did bring up the past about how he cheated... but can you honestly blame me?! He's had a history of cheating on gf's.. and when you break my trust, whether it be cheating or otherwise..it takes A LOT to get it back.. I told him before we got back that for a while I was going to be a basketcase, wanting to know his every move almost because I was afraid..and he was FINE with that, and even said he would prove to me that he would do me right this time... then out of nowhere, after an arguement..that had NOTHING to do with our relationship, he feels we're not right for each other anymore... i mean, i wasn't the only one to bring up the past..we both discussed it, and there were things we both needed to change.. i knew it as well as he did though..it ended the first time because of him! a lot of things could have initiated the end.. like talking about the people we were seeing while we spent that month apart, and in his defense as well as mine, i guess we both just couldnt let it go.. he didnt like the guy i was seeing, and i couldnt get over other little things about the girls he dated.. and slept with!.. but whatever, whats done is done, and whoever was wrong... doesn't matter..it does not change the way that i feel now. he hurt me... again. i am looking for no pitty, cuz i was the one to take him back, and i was the one that knew of his past.. who can REALLY truly change in a month anyway?! | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 12:59:11 PM | Hey Fritter
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I know first hand about listening to "boo hoo...I love you...I love you...never again...I'll try harder....." then wham, they break your heart again without even blinking. After time it can take its toll on both people and the relationship itself is just tainted. If there is trully any chance for you two its going to take some time for you to heal and for him to forgive himself if he's really sorry as well as decide if he can be faithful to only you.
Hope you find happiness be it with him or some one else.
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 1:56:09 PM | Hi Fritter,
I understand what you are saying but can you not see where I am coming from? I don't care how much I love a guy, if my past is not going to stay my past then I am history. If I find out that I can't handle how much it is being brought up and we have another argument on another subject, that may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I am sorry for your pain but look at it subjectively, it takes two. On the upside, now you know that he can't stick it out and wouldn't be a good choice for the long haul. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 4:10:24 PM | | Hey Fell for it again! I am the queen of wanting to believe. That has happened to me over the last 3 years ohhhh.....10 ,11 times!! Finally I have realized that a man of 58 years of age that has never been truly committed to anyone never will be.!No matter how perfect you are together...they cannot give you the ultimate committment because they are not capable of it.A friend and associate at work gave me the name of a book that I think may help you too by the sounds of your situation it is called "Men who can't love" How to spot a commitmentphobic man before he breaks your heart.Do you find that your guy actually sabatoges the relationship when things get "comfortable?" Mine did everyyy time!All I ever wanted and I told him from the get go is an honest loving relationship someone to build dreams and make plans with and he assured me everytime he came back to my door that he was ready....he even put a ring on my finger and asked me to marry him last may....by the end of January he was "confused" again!So Finally! I AM DONE!!YEAH!! I have a great job am financially secure great friends and family.....WWHAT WAS I THINKING!!!Hang in there!You will be fine..stand your ground and get busy with your life you won't regret it!! | |
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mogrl
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Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/23/2006 5:24:18 PM | | i think you were foolish for taking him back.But thats what Life is all about,you live and learn. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/24/2006 5:21:42 AM | I didn't really look at the OP's profile until just now.
You are 20 years old!! Why do you want to be tied down to ANYBODY? You have over 50 years of life left. Enjoy it now while you can, and enjoy it free of manipulators. Geeze, 20 years old you are still at the "How amazing we both like Chinese food" stage of your life. Go have some fun and meet a lot of men so you have some kind of options. | |
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Cynnie
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Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 38 | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/24/2006 5:28:02 AM | | i did it too. and its no easier the second time. trust me. we all make mistakes. we just need to learn from them and move on. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/24/2006 6:23:29 AM | I believe every woman at one time or another has been in your shoes. Why make yourself miserable over this. For me, it made me a stronger person. You know the old tale "a leopard never changes its spots. " And I have found it to be true throughout life. But don't sour yourself over all men as their are some really nice ones out there if that's what you are searching for. It was his choice to go awry so now he has to live with it. I just recently turned one in at woman savers after being treated badly. If I can help just one woman avoid the heartache the man brought me then it was well worth it.
Chin up and stand tall Girl !  | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/24/2006 6:38:43 AM | So much Drama, Men and Women all play the same head games, Back and forth, Push & Pull Drives a person crazy, Your young, you will have lots of friends that will be special till you go to your grave, Pass on this one | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/24/2006 7:28:00 AM | Well, if i'm honest. Ive been the baddie in this situation before and i really didnt mean to hurt him. i genuinely thought i was in love with this guy and when we parted on good terms although it was me that finished it, he moved away, said he would stay if i'd wanted. but i said no and i started gettin on with my life. then as time went on i felt i missed him and wanted him back so badly that when he eventually did return i begged for him back, he was very wary of tryin again as i hurt him before by not caring enough but i proceeded to promise him that i knew how i felt and that this was it, he was the one for me. then 3 months later!!!!!! i dont know!! i just thought, my god i dont love this guy and dont care about him as much as i thought, through this i have lost the friends that were our friends and i feel terrrible but i cant help but be glad i did it or i never would have known, we cant help the way we feel and if i could have turned my feelings off i would have but unfortunately it dosnt work like that. i really thought i wanted everything from this man and in the end i didnt. I will learn from this experience, felt so bad and still do for what i put him through.
Reading your story i felt awful as you basically described me (without the cheatin) and felt i should mayb try to give you an answer. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/24/2006 10:37:03 AM | | i know how you geel, but look to the future, forget the past - i know its easier said than done but believe me you're soooooooooo better off without the W4NKER! it wasn;t your fault, he begged u not the other way round. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/27/2006 1:17:13 AM | Response to EastSideEddie
This guy is in the category of men who like the hunt more than the meal. It is a sign of insecurity that he wants to constantly be reminded that he's still "got it". Having someone on an emotional yoyo feeds that need.
Wave goodbye as you are walking backwards and never look back. This will go on forever. People can pretend and appear to change for brief periods, but in the long haul they can't change who they really are. Don't be a pawn in his little chess game. Be the queen.
*****
Just came from a great weekend with a guy that I've been seeing for a couple of months now. No promises except that we were giving it a chance; not seeing others for the time being, but no firm commitments. That aside, a friend directed me to a website where his profile claims he is "looking for hot sex with someone as hot as he is". Meanwhile, this guy has to inject some liquid form of a Viagra substance directly into his, well, you know, and I can't even begin to list the other physical problems as well as personal problems he's experiencing. I've been the dumbass listening to him and consoling him. OK, I'll admit, we "clicked" immediately, BUT Guess what, ESE, you're absolutely right, before I reach the point that so many other POF'rs here have reached--where my heart is laying in the road bleeding out--I think I WILL just pick it up right now, wave  and start walking backwards as you said. He's definitely insecure, and I was the sucker building his ego. So here I go again, back into the pool. With yet another brick in the wall that seems to be growing taller and taller every single day. Not looking for pity, just a real man with a real heart who'se looking for a real woman with a real heart. I have so much to offer the right person. I know there's someone out there for me. I won't give up, but I'm going to need a good mountain climber to climb this enormously high wall. And if that mountain climber doesn't show up? Well, then I guess I have a room for rent in my house! (and, of course, the endless supply of long life batteries)  | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/27/2006 4:00:01 AM | bravo irish!!!
and a note to all of us women with hearts......batteries are always better than men. they last longer anyway!!! lol | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:30:27 AM | OK, I've calmed down now and am still waving goodbye, but have to share that I went on a malebashing humor forum and saw this one: Whats the difference between a man and a vibrator? The man will mow the lawn.
And no, I'm not going to turn into a male basher. I, frankly, love men; just not the ones I've met so far!  | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:39:46 PM | Ok, BOBs are fine, but they don't cuddle very well, and no one likes an unkept lawn...lol
Dating goes in cycles. Sometimes I give up and then get right back into it. and then someone contacts you from clear across the country, and you think, hey, you never know what will happen. I always like to keep good thoughts.  | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:45:11 PM | "omfg! one sentence....MEN ARE INSANE!!!!!! doesn't matter how old they are or what class they all seem to be insane...at least the ones online are....and never ever trust a dude with a computer....lol"
And yet, here we still are. Can't live with us and can't live without us. | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/28/2006 4:29:13 AM |
Can't live with us and can't live without us.
They can't?
Ellen DeGeneres
Rosie O'Donnell
Billie Jean King
Mellisa Etheridge
Janis Ian
kd lang
Most of the LPGA tour....
Most of the WNBA...
Most of the WTA...
They seem to do quite well without us...  | |
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| Fell For It Again!
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:16:07 PM | | Jeez, I'm trying to think of some guy partners. Hmmmm, Millie & Vanillie? Zigfried and Roy? Penn & Teller? Anyway, we all bit@h about the other halves (whatever they may be), but we always go back to find the right one. Cross the country, JN? Anyone I know? | |
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