| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:28:09 AM | mixing sex and friendship will definitely get complicated. I agree with most .....if its a booty call and all that is ......never sleep over, never share meals, watch movies, go out .....do not do the other intimate things that lead to more. The boundaries and the expectation must be clear. If either party wants more and the other cannot give it......time to stop the booty call......you may or may not salvage the friendship. I do not do the booty call thing, no need for complications :). I also choose not to keep friendships with those I have dated and was intimate with because it is better to reflect, learn and move on.....why, prolong the agony, its better for healing and no future complications. :).......why keep in contact with someone you cared about or loved.....it just takes longer to move on. Just my take on things.
If you are involved, I agree with Trob.....other relationships with men or women you dated must come to a halt. It does not work, most ex girlfriends and ex boyfriends want more or their is the potential to revive the relationship. Friendship must be Friendship!! I never mix the two.  | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 3/23/2006 8:56:25 AM | I personally find men who think that situation would work to be @ssholes. Sorry but apparently you don't have enough respect for women to consider them as anything other than a piece of meat booty call. She obviously didn't have enough respect for herself and she's lonely and wanted more from you to begin with otherwise she wouldn't have suggested it in the first place. If you loved your friend at all you would have refused this situation and explained that you love her as a friend and nothing more. It's very selfish.
I used to have a summer fling with this guy and it worked out perfectly -- he left when summer was over, I went on with my life, he went on with his, and no worries. We were not really friends. He didn't call me to go to the movies or go out to the club or go camping or any of the normal stuff friends do. I didn't call him on holidays, or to hang out -- just to do the nasty. A real booty call. It was fun and there were no strings because I was not emotionally attached to the guy. That was a long time ago and now he's involved in a long-term relationship. Sometimes though, when I run into him, I smile, because I know what he looks like naked. Not because I liked him or because I fell in love with him or because he was just so dear to my heart or something. Just a toy. A fun toy. That's it.
I could never just sleep with my friends and not have an attachment to them. They care about me and I care about them and that kind of intimacy only leads to another step toward a relationship.
Don't have sex with your friends or people you honestly care about. It'll come back to bite you in the @ss in the long run. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 3/23/2006 10:32:15 PM | well thanks all its been a good read it sort off helped but as every one is different the situation is differnt for all and it get involved like one off thouse LONG story type of things but will take all you have said and have a think about it thanks again.....ps just to let you all know the sex is really good lol | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 3/26/2006 9:15:58 PM | Booty Calls, (I shudder at the term and resent that it even exists)
Booty Calls are for people with a complete and utter disregard for basic emotional health and common sense and would be just as happy going through life eating from a trough and swinging from vines. It's animal and it's socially irresponsible.
The fact that they can't even sustain themselves as OP points out goes to show their effectiveness.
Have a shred of Wisdom, carry a modicum of respect for Humanity and the things that seperate us from animals, and drop "Booty Call" from your vocabulary.
I just can't take anyone seriously that buys into uncivilized madness of this kind.
-Greg | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:14:45 AM | | I think one of the two parties starts to want more out of it especially if the sex is great then they want to spend more and more time with that person atleast thats been my experience | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:25:26 AM | she was probably hoping all along that the sex between you might make you like her more than that.... i know can you believe it woman can be sneaky...
She has probably always liked you more than a friend from the beginning ...hello It was her Idea to start the humping... | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:27:46 AM | I have a question: What do you tell her when she asks if you love her?
It's kind of hard to make a friend into a booty call, because if it doesn't work out...you've lost both the friend and the booty. You might just have to cut your losses and tell her that you don't want to lose her as a friend, but that you're still looking at things the way that you both agreed on. She'll probably get upset, but if you make it seem like you're stringing her along, you might wake up and find your bunny boiling on the stove or something. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 11:47:57 AM | The fact that you do not want the booty calls to stop tells me one of two thigs, the sex is great, or, the sex is great and the friendship is strong and you's are compatible. Do you's ever spend time out sharing life as good friends? Do you enjoy her company? Is it possible that, had she not asked about love and such, you may have found yourself not looking an other women, falling to her charms?
The responses here are all great, some excellent advice and prosectives, moral issues...but I think you need to really ask yourself some serious questions.
I mean are you afraid of being alone or committed? Does she have the potential of friend and lover ? as that is, I think what most of are looking for. A good friend is hard to find, and if there is physical attraction there well.. to each his own. I do not like being judged as some people have done here, so I say, just really analize your feelings and if it is a no, then communicate those feelings to her and don't forget to tell her all the things that you have always liked about her. If you's stay friends then enjoy that but don't go backwards just because you are horny and you know she will be there. She obviously has grown to love you. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 12:00:21 PM | | I'm getting so tired of hearing "friends with benefits" . Obviously some people don't know what a friend is.....when you end up in bed, you are no longer friends...you are lovers. It seems some people try to justify their shallowness by calling their relationship this "friends with benefits" Call it what it is...... you're horny and want some......and that's what your relationship is about....it's not about being friends.....I have lots of male friends.....who are just that...friends.... I would never think of having sex with them.... because they are my friends. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 1:29:56 PM | | I suppose it can for a while but in my experience not of long. If she is really a friend, someone I know and care about but not romantically, then taking her to bed would feel like making a promise I could never keep. If she is a stranger, someone whom I just find sexually attractive and she wants me and I want her, it's Ok to try it out, perhaps there will be more but, but for the long term it's invariabley disappointing. I can't maintain a connection that is just sexual. It's sort of like licking the icing off the cake. It tastes great at first but just doesn't fill you up. Besides, what usually happens is what happened to the guy who started the thread. Someone wants to take it further and then someone ends up getting hurt. Far, far better to find a real lover... | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 1:36:01 PM | | If you don't feel for her the way she feels for you.....just tell her the truth. Don't keep using her as a booty call.....all you are going to do is hurt her more and eventually she will end up hating you anyway. Just tell her before you get in too deep. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 2:16:49 PM | | I've seen far too many threads about "booty calls" or "friends with benefits". There are exceptions to this, but many times a person will get into such a situation because they hope it will lead to more. Even when you make your boundaries clear from the start, it's likely the other party hopes that you will change your mind. When you don't, the other person suffers. OP, you already have established a friendship with this lady, and you say the sex is great. It sounds to me like this relationship has the potential to become something special if you would be open-minded enough to let it. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 2:23:35 PM | Women..are emotional and the average woman can't do just casual sex...their feelings get in the way. Where as a man we can accept it and knoiw I sratched an itch and this is not going further then sex...I will be romantic, caring and converned, but I really want sex.
Woman,,,don't want the committment, cuddling or clinging feeling, but then it gets good, we talk to them, laugh with them and show love..they want the whole package...
Basically..Men and woman..especially woman are wired differently..lol    | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 2:39:09 PM | Well I can tell you from my experiences and from those of my gf's that when a girl asks u if you u wanna "help each other out" that way its an easy way to get the "in" with you. 99.9% Of the time she wants more than that but probably doesn't have the guts to say it.. or is thinking if you find out how great she is in bed.. you'll want to turn it into more. Or just plain old would settle for that than nothing cuz she wants ya so much! Hope it helps | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 2:48:07 PM | | It totally depends on the people.. I had this friend years ago. I lost contact with him after I moved. friends with benefits and thats the further it ever went.. No one got hurt and we had (safe)fun.. I think its totally possible to just be FB's if you dont involve any emotions in it..Good luck to you .. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 3:52:20 PM | | Tnkrbelle nailed it. Think about what sex is -- how it is to even the most hard-hearted, cold, manipulating, soulless male. Now do you think that emotions will be forever divorced from that? How long can you keep the game up? How long can you kill the natural instinct for there to be more? At least she was more honest about it. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 4:52:50 PM | | My personal peeve with the internet is that so much attention is paid to sex, that hardly anyone pays attention to the more basic elements of a relationship, like establishing rapport, building trust, talking about common interests,and most of all, getting to know each other on a slow but sure footing. Its much better to get a solid, real friendship started, instead of hoping to get lucky for an "intimate encounter." And every person proceeds at a pace they are most comfortable with, so no one likes to be presssured into anything they don't really want to do. | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 5:05:08 PM | Women often have a harder time with that kind of thing. Sex is a very intimate thing, and it brings people closer together... I've actually gone the other way, and turned a booty call into a long term relationship...what can I say? I'm a chick at heart
In all seriousness...you have a problem here...if she has feelings towards you but you don't, you have to stop it in it's tracks. She's your friend, you're going to hurt her...sit her down, and explain to her that you feel this should slow down, because it isn't where you want to go with her, and it's not fair to her...can a woman just be friends once she has wandered down that road with you? Hmm...personally I can't do it, if I have feelings for someone. It's a rough bed you made, you are gonna have to deal with it though. Maybe you will lose her as a friend...maybe not. If you really couldn't tell she had more than just friends in mind, then my heart goes out to you both. It's not easy to deal with. I suggest picking what you want, and telling her...just friends, if she can handle it...or nothing at all....it's harsh but...you are in a harsh situation, and you can't kid yourself about it. She is gonna be hurt, either way you slice it. The question is, are you man enough to face the music? | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 5:09:09 PM | | I think you need to find it in yourself to wonder why you can't fall in love...if your getting all the comforts of what men always want ..then why can't you fall in love with her? just go with the flow and see where it goes?....or is it that your looking for a fantasy that will never be there for you when you need her? | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a booty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 5:11:06 PM | | i think the reason why it can't stay a booty call is cause most women think wow he;s damn good in bed and they fall in love and get hooked on us guys but the fact is that ya don't call that person unless ya want a quicky lol fact women get hooked to fast lol | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 5/2/2006 5:35:39 PM | | I've "been there, done that" if it were me I'd ask for a month with only a "Hello" contact to get my head together. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees!! Get away and clear your head, then take a long look at what your about to say goodbye to! | |
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| y cant a booty call stay a botty call
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:38:14 PM | grrrlnext - Maybe I do not understand here. Your issue is that a booty call doesn't work with people you know. It is okay to think some guy you do not have feelings for as a sex object - but if you know them, then it is not okay to treat them like an object.
When is it ever okay to treat someone like an object who does not want to be treated that way?
That is the issue. | |
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