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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/24/2006 11:26:41 PM | | Yea, second chances don't work for me. I was always right the first time when I ended it. The second chance is just more abuse of not learning the first time. How about a 3rd and 4th. Why does life have to be so-o darn hard and then you die ? | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/24/2006 11:28:53 PM | KDS, glad to see you back. Did you have a second chance with your Ex???
Talk to me, Goose. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/24/2006 11:39:54 PM | Thank you Jarbarian ! Yes we tried again and the problems she had with her boys were bigger than I could handle so we are now divorced. I am a different person from the experience. She made me a better man by far. Thanks.
Hey, I wanted to ask you something, what is it going to take me to venture outside these single sites and mingle in public and meet her that way? I got to get really hard and serious and brave and think of the great possibilities of going out beyond these walls. I feel so isolated starring at this monitor hoping my girl of my dreams will be on the lists. I want a scrawny pretty thing and they are all pretty big women on here and no offense I am wearing a six pack myself and don't see much in common with girls my age on here AND I don't feel any attraction to younger ones neither. I want her to be about 42 or close to it and thin and pretty and educated and moral and loves me. I like little slight scrawny tiny girls about 5'5" or less and cute and pretty and WOWOWOWOW I am going to lose my mind I am so-o pumped for her. I can see her pretty eyes now ! Oh Sweeeet Girl Where are you !!!!! I actually pray to God every single night for that exact cutie to show up! She is probably sleeping in her bed right now, little cute nose and some freckles and all. OMG! I am going to move right in with her when I find her, it is going to be good ! HELP !!! You are the man of all men of wisdom on here, my mentor. Help. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:31:45 AM |
Hey, I wanted to ask you something, what is it going to take me to venture outside these single sites and mingle in public and meet her that way? I got to get really hard and serious and brave and think of the great possibilities of going out beyond these walls. I feel so isolated starring at this monitor hoping my girl of my dreams will be on the lists. I want a scrawny pretty thing and they are all pretty big women on here and no offense I am wearing a six pack myself and don't see much in common with girls my age on here AND I don't feel any attraction to younger ones neither. I want her to be about 42 or close to it and thin and pretty and educated and moral and loves me. I like little slight scrawny tiny girls about 5'5" or less and cute and pretty and WOWOWOWOW I am going to lose my mind I am so-o pumped for her. I can see her pretty eyes now ! Oh Sweeeet Girl Where are you !!!!! I actually pray to God every single night for that exact cutie to show up! She is probably sleeping in her bed right now, little cute nose and some freckles and all. OMG! I am going to move right in with her when I find her, it is going to be good ! HELP !!! You are the man of all men of wisdom on here, my mentor. Help.
Perserverence, my friend. Just gotta keep a good, positive attitude. Women dig that. Confident, happy, funny men get all the babes :) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 11:49:37 AM | jarbarian, I stumbled onto this site by accident and read your initial post, which I thought was very good advice. I've also read most of your replies in this thread and think you have a very objective view on things.
Anyway, here is my dilemma. I hope you can give me a little insight.
My ex-boyfriend and I were together in a serious relationship for over a year after having liked each other casually for about three years before that. He broke up with me four months ago. He told me that he wanted to be friends and still be able to go out to movies, etc. together. At that time, I told him I didn’t think I could do that, at least for a while. Unfortunately, we worked together, so no contact was near impossible. But I tried to keep it to a minimum, only seeing him at work when I had to. (Although after one month, he told me he missed me and we ended up getting together, but not back in a relationship.)
Two months ago, I got laid off, so no contact was easier. However, he emailed me to see how I was doing and having gone through the breakup and the loss of my job, I felt very vulnerable. So I replied and asked him if we could hang out. He said yes but he would like to keep it just friends. I said absolutely. We went out for lunch at a bar and after a couple of hours, he decided it was time to take me home. I was mad because I felt like he only went out with me because I wanted to. I decided that there was no way I was going to email, call or text him again.
A little over three weeks passed since then with no contact, and then I got an email from him. He was on vacation visiting his cousin. He said he was thinking of me and would tell me all about his trip when he returned. I did not reply. Two days later, he wrote again, this time saying he just got home and he wanted to get together to talk about his trip and maybe we could go to the movies. I thought it was really strange that he would write to me while he was on vacation and as soon as he got home. I also wondered why he felt he had to see me in person if he wanted to talk about his trip and why he couldn’t just tell me about it on the phone or in an email. Anyway, I didn’t reply for a couple of days, but then I broke down and said I was busy this week, but maybe next week.
So I’m wondering what I should do. If he doesn’t write back about getting together, I will not be contacting him about it. But if he does, should I ignore him? Should I go out with him? I do want to get back together with him. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 11:57:34 AM | | That's probably the best, soundest advice that I've ever heard or read. You probably helped many people today with that post. You are a great guy! I wish I knew a young gal to fix you up. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:49:39 PM |
... but I am only happy, confident, funny after I get the woman.
KDS - NO! That's not how it works.
In order for you to attract someone to you, you have to learn to be completely happy as a single person. If you require someone else to make you happy you're what's defined as a "co-dependent" and that's not a good thing. It's not an attractive trait in a mate, I can assure you.
You first have to learn to love yourself (And God!), love life, learn to make yourself happy being completely alone and then you'll start to truly exude the confidence and happiness that attracts the RIGHT person into your life.
Never be dependent upon anyone else for your happiness. That's a sure path to self-destruction. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:53:31 PM |
So I’m wondering what I should do. If he doesn’t write back about getting together, I will not be contacting him about it. But if he does, should I ignore him? Should I go out with him? I do want to get back together with him.
My opinion?
He likes you but doesn't want to BE with you. I think in your case you are filling a void for him until he finds someone else. If he does, mark my words he will not contact you again unless they break up (or his feelings TRULY change).
My question to you is: "How long do you want to accept breadcrumbs on his attention?" Don't you deserve better than that? Sure you do.
Stick with NC. I mean it. Act like that guy is the PLAGUE and avoid at all costs. If he really wanted you he wouldn't play with your head like that.
If what you truly want is to get back together then as long you continue to feed his emotional needs (while yours are not being met, I might add) that will never happen.
Make him see what life without you is truly like and see if he really wants to take that chance. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:08:21 PM | Thanks, that's good advice. And I think I knew that all along, I just needed to hear it from someone else.
I know that he had gone out with one of his sister's friends since we broke up, but I don't think that worked out.
The reason we broke up is because of our age differences - he is 27, I'm 42. When we first started going out, I considered it just a casual thing because I never thought he'd want to have a serious relationship with someone my age. But then he started talking about having children and buying a house together, telling me he loved me and all that. I told him I wasn't always going to look like I look now and that I would get wrinkles, etc. He said he didn't care about that, that he needed to "feed his soul." So I let my guard down and I fell in love with him. It really hurt and pissed me off at the same time. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:10:05 PM | oops,
I meant when he broke up with me because of the age thing it really hurt and pissed me off. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:17:04 PM | Okay Jarbian,
I caved and I caved myself right into the ground! He wouldnt stop calling and I didnt answer but then I answered, I was out and he made me feel guilty and like I was the bad one. He told me he was depressed that he missed me terribly on and on and on! I asked him if he was ready to see a psychologist, he said yes. I reassured him and then went over! BAD BAD BAD! I only lasted 2 weeks! Of course we had a wonderful night together, but in the morning I woke up feeling like I had to run for my life, nothing had changed and this wasnt suppose to happen this way, I screwed up royally!
Then to make matters worse, I snooped in his cell phone before I left ( I am really acting out of character) and he had txt msgs from a girl I was wondering about just before we broke up, I actually called the girl a month ago and in a nice way directly asked her?! She explained they were just friends and that she actually dated his brother 15 yrs ago?! Well the text msgs were from her saying he was a smooth talker and that she was sad, he had basically stood her up all day and night, I was so angry I txt mssgd her back from his phone saying he was with me allnight, then I realized that it was truly over and left! Then he called me and lost his ever loving mind told me I was a secretive snoop who is untrustworthy and I wrecked the relationship for good and that he didnt want anything to do with me and that he would never call me again etc. etc.!
I was angry and told him that he was the one that was untrustworthy and crazy and that I wasnt going to be victimized by him any longer and that there was nothing wrong with me. That he was just angry because he was busted in his own game playing! I am so angry I dont know whether to cry or be mad. HELP!!!!!!  | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 1:54:06 PM | Guys, I don't have all the answers. I really don't.
The best advice I can give you is located in the guide. Bottom line is I can't control your ex, you can't -- well, no one can. The only thing you have control over is your own life.
An old saying I think about a lot: "Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I deal with it."
You can choose to let whatever happens own you, or you can take control of your own life.
Relationships aren't mean to last forever for the most point. People come and go from your life for varying reasons, but use that opportunity to learn, to better yourself, to not give your personal power away, to take control of your life, to be more discerning about who you choose to be in a relationship and above all, learn to love and respect yourself.
Learning to love and respect yourself is at the foundation of every healthy relationship. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 2:49:51 PM | Jarbarian,
How do I insert a quote that you wrote in your previous email here? I'm new here and have been trying to figure it out.
Anyway, I know you don't have the answers to everything. But you give really good advice, so you've opened yourself up to being kind of a "Dear Abby" here.
My friends have been telling me that I deserve so much better than my ex and in a lot of ways, I believe them. I think because I have so much time now to think about this since I got laid off, I am dwelling on it. I think once I get a new job, I will be too busy to worry about him. I've also tried to go out with my friends as much as possible and meet new people. That helps. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 6:40:05 PM |
Look to the right of the message box when you reply. It shows you how
Okay, I think this might work. Let's see. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 10:55:59 PM | I want a scrawny pretty thing and they are all pretty big women on here and no offense I am wearing a six pack myself and don't see much in common with girls my age on here AND I don't feel any attraction to younger ones neither. I want her to be about 42 or close to it and thin and pretty and educated and moral and loves me. I like little slight scrawny tiny girls about 5'5" or less and cute and pretty and WOWOWOWOW
^^^ give your head a shake...seriously...your attitude really suks big time....an you sound like an ...pardon my french...an a$$....take your nose out of your a$$... what makes you a prize? sorry ..but i really hate ignorance.
scrawney..??? try saying petite...more mature like. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 11:19:39 PM | Jarbian, I know you dont have the answers to everything and especially cannot control any ex's behaviour. I just really like the advice you had to offer through out this entire thread and I was desperate for someones advice that had an incling of what I was going through.
It wasnt my intention to put any pressure on you to be a genious, a mind reader or a God.
Thank you for your time. And I really hope all of your advice is taken well and wish you all the best. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/25/2006 11:39:04 PM | mate thats easier said than done in some circumstnaces id agree but heres a side u didnt count for
my partner left me after 3yrs bout a month and a half ago and is pregnant with my child and is due to give birth in 2 weeks so how can u say time is not the enemy as i want nothing more than to see my first child brought into the world and have had that taken from me for no reason so if u think that stalkn as u put it or no contact is the way then how do i acheive seeing the birth and knowing where she is? as she has said the child isnt mine now and has gone into hiding ????????? | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/26/2006 9:19:17 AM | mate thats easier said than done in some circumstnaces id agree but heres a side u didnt count for my partner left me after 3yrs bout a month and a half ago and is pregnant with my child and is due to give birth in 2 weeks so how can u say time is not the enemy as i want nothing more than to see my first child brought into the world and have had that taken from me for no reason so if u think that stalkn as u put it or no contact is the way then how do i acheive seeing the birth and knowing where she is? as she has said the child isnt mine now and has gone into hiding ?????????
I'm sorry this has happened to you. All circumstances are different. We don't know what makes people tick.
You're not in a position to go NC due to the child but it sounds like she is doing it to you. Not knowing your entire story I can't comment.
I can tell you women take a longer time to change their minds. When they up and leave it isn't a surprise to them, they've been preparing for it for months.
Did you not see any tell-tale signs of her indiffernce or did this just come out of the blue? | |
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ET620
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Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 323 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/28/2006 2:40:00 PM | Holy WOW!!! What FANTASTIC advice!!! I just realized I was doing everything wrong and after reading... something clicked and I started to feel better.
We broke up about 3 weeks ago and I have been doing just as she asked by "being a friend" bowing to her every wish, etc etc. I was soooo WRONG in doing all of that. I do hope that she will come back to me but now... its not a priority. I am my priority.
She broke things off when I thought things were beautiful but after reviewing the time prior to the break, I now see telltale signs that she was having issues. We talked after the breakup and I poured my heart out to her (BIG MISTAKE), told her I would be there for her no matter what (ANOTHER MISTAKE). I asked her what I did wrong in the relationship (I was blindsided by her news that she wanted to end it) and she said that I did nothing wrong, she just needed to work on herself and her issues.
Your post reminds me of the old addage "If you love something let it go...." Well today, after reading the post, I decided to do just that. Its time to work on ME... I have been miserable for over a month and I am tired.
I do have a wrench to throw in the works though and would like some advice on how to handle it.
I work with this lady... not in the same office but she is a supplier of mine and I deal with her on a daily basis for work related things soooo NC is kinda out of the question here.
Any input would be GREATLY appreciated!!!
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE A1 ADVICE!!! YOU ROCK!!!  | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/28/2006 3:17:21 PM |
I work with this lady... not in the same office but she is a supplier of mine and I deal with her on a daily basis for work related things soooo NC is kinda out of the question here.
Keep it strictly business. No personal talk. Absolutely do not tell her you love or miss her, don't talk about your feelings, don't ask how she is doing, etc. When she is ready to discuss those issues, she'll let you know. Just keep it professional.
In the meantime, work on you. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/29/2006 10:29:51 AM | | hey i took your advice and it was worked out wonderfully. i now have another girl friend and i pretty much erased my ex out of my life. i would like to thank you for the advice. | |
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