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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 351 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/4/2006 12:48:14 AM | Me neither. My ex-gf called me after 10 years wanting to catch up.......10 years
is a loooong time and a lot has changed. New friends, career, and interests. Why
would I want to take my life backwards? Everything has been said and done....let's move on. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/5/2006 6:34:13 AM | | thanks you very much..what you said really let me know a lot ..best advice i've ever had...i will have to print this out and paste on my bedroom wall | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/5/2006 8:42:57 AM |
What if you the relationship moved to fast and before you know it, it falls apart because you smothered each other too much. When i know deep in my heart we love each other and if we played are cards differently we could maybe have been together. Would it be worth it then to talk to her about it and try it at a slower pace, learning boundaries and stuff
Dr. James Dobson has a great line for this:
"Never let a relationship take off too fast but it will most surely crash...."
In other words, relationships that start as a ball of fire usually end up flaming out too quickly. It depends on who broke it off, etc. In your case just follow the guide. If she wants to come back it will only be after you've worked on yourself and improved in the areas you needed to. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/5/2006 3:55:27 PM | | awsome really!!! gave me some insight and a light to look for at the end of this tunnel. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/5/2006 4:09:03 PM | | ok i have to dis agree on never look back i am with someone i have been with before and we are in love with eachother and are very serious in our relationship some times you have to giuve more then one chance to fix the mistakes | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/6/2006 2:01:49 PM | I think timing could be off, that's one of the reasons I would allow a second chance.
I'm not saying every relationship SHOULD have a second chance. That's why the last paragraph of the guide says at some point you have to admit when it's truly over.
That's why letting go is so important. You need to let go regardless. Nobody will want you, ex or not, if you are pining over losing someone, unhappy, depressed and out of shape.
Take care of yourself so that you are not only attractive to the ex, but to someone else as well. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/6/2006 5:08:56 PM | | Full marks to you for trying your best to get him to understand what you did. Sometimes it's hard to understand how somebody you have been with for a long time can become so cold hearted. I am guessing here but l bet your thinking how can he not be more understanding after all the good times the two of you shared together plus the number of times you gave him a second chance. It seems like all the moments you spent together no longer means anything. Well the good part is that at least he is talking to you and has not compelety shut you off. Be prepared that the time may come where you have to accept that it's over and there is nothing more you can do to save the relationship. Still hoping it works out for you ! | |
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rpger
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Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 358 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/6/2006 8:32:57 PM | A lot of good advice Jar except as Snow1996 previously pointed out, there are a few problems.
While she didn't articulate it very well, I think what was meant was that how do you cope with things in the here and now when you've been dumped (not the dumper but the dumpee).
I just went through my breakup over the weekend so I have a clearer understanding of what she is trying to say. While I tried to follow your instructions, something seemed lacking. There was something I needed or else I just could not go on. It's closure and peace with myself and my heart.
Maybe it has to do with too many story books and movies but people want closure be it with a good ending or a bad one, especially if your the one dumped.
The last few times bad seperations happened (trust me, it does not happen in only romantic situations but familial as well) I never got my closure and it can still hurt today (with the proper stimuli only).
But anyways with my newly minted ex, I did what I felt I had to do. I had to say good-bye. I sent her one last e-mail, saying the things I wanted to say and making sure she understood how happy I was to have met and have been with her. I told her that my e-mail and phone will be the same. If she wanted to explain to me fine, if not well, I can only follow your advice from here. I told her, I'm always an open ear and that I don't hate her.
Needless to say it was full of what i had to say to get closure. Beyond that there was nothing more. It was good-bye, it was closure for me. End of this chapter in my life.
Of course I worded certain things in certain ways so that I had planted seeds to be sown. If she is ever hurt in her new relationship and breaks up (i.e. gets dumped) she'll remember what I said. She will either start believing in karma and become a better person for it or it increases the ever slight chance of getting back together (she will realize who really was the "right" one but of course time is against her). Basically I put the ball in her court left my racket there and walked away when she was one point from winning. Her new guy can continue the game with her using what I left. However, after the game is finished, will he help her clean up the net and balls or will he walk away leaving my racket there?
But because I have my closure on my end, I can do your steps now with confidence and vigor. If her new relationship does not work out (or even so far as everytime she doubts it) then she has to contend with what i had sown. While I have my closure she won't. I gave her something of me unconditionally (and made it almost irresistable to turn away) and i will never ever expect it back. If her relationship works out great then i can comfort myself in knowing that I did what I could and it just wasn't to be.
Of course this only works if you don't hate a person and am more sorrowful and dissapointed but let's face it, if you want a second chance (which is what this thread is about) that's the way you feel.
I know what I probably did wrong (I was more or less a doormat, not to say that her morals were wrong exactly, it's just that I let her walk all over me in my need to become a better person).
Next time I know that I need to strike a balance between bettering myself for someone I love but without becoming a doormat. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:36:28 AM |
While she didn't articulate it very well, I think what was meant was that how do you cope with things in the here and now when you've been dumped (not the dumper but the dumpee).
I thought I made it clear: Work out, hang out with friends, indulge in new hobbies, etc. The only thing that fixes heartbreak is time. And the best way to make time fly is to reconnect with friends, work out and have a lot of hobbies (especially new ones) that occupy your mind. There will be times when you can't help but think about the ex. I find that having a list of the things about them that annoyed you and READ IT whenever you miss them helps a lot.
I just went through my breakup over the weekend so I have a clearer understanding of what she is trying to say. While I tried to follow your instructions, something seemed lacking. There was something I needed or else I just could not go on. It's closure and peace with myself and my heart
Closure is at your fingertips. YOU have to make your own closure. Ex's can't give it to you. We think that, but it's not possible. You have to learn to let go and the best way to do that is to accept what has happened, it is what it is, and no longer seek anything from the ex. Don't seek an apology, don't ask for money owed, don't ask for things back. Just FORGIVE them. You can't let go, truly let go, until you have forgiven them.
Maybe it has to do with too many story books and movies but people want closure be it with a good ending or a bad one, especially if your the one dumped.
Again, closure is completely within yourself. Once you have forgiven them and accepted it's over, you won't really need closure. Those seeking some kind of specific closure are often hung up on the relationship trying to figure out why -- when the "why" may never be known. Sort of like looking into a black hole. Lots of questions that are quite possibly never answered.
The last few times bad seperations happened (trust me, it does not happen in only romantic situations but familial as well) I never got my closure and it can still hurt today (with the proper stimuli only).
Again: Forgive and let go. When you forgive you cut the ties that bind you to an ex and you can truly let go without needing specific closure. You'll have made your own.
But anyways with my newly minted ex, I did what I felt I had to do. I had to say good-bye. I sent her one last e-mail, saying the things I wanted to say and making sure she understood how happy I was to have met and have been with her. I told her that my e-mail and phone will be the same. If she wanted to explain to me fine, if not well, I can only follow your advice from here. I told her, I'm always an open ear and that I don't hate her.
That's good, though I prefer breakups be in person. Email is so impersonable and is easily deleted and forgotten. Face to face, those are memories and much harder to erase.
Needless to say it was full of what i had to say to get closure. Beyond that there was nothing more. It was good-bye, it was closure for me. End of this chapter in my life.
If that is what works for you then I encourage it. I do believe that closure is what you make of it. You can have it yourself or you can seek it from others (but by doing so may never get answers).
Of course I worded certain things in certain ways so that I had planted seeds to be sown. If she is ever hurt in her new relationship and breaks up (i.e. gets dumped) she'll remember what I said. She will either start believing in karma and become a better person for it or it increases the ever slight chance of getting back together (she will realize who really was the "right" one but of course time is against her). Basically I put the ball in her court left my racket there and walked away when she was one point from winning. Her new guy can continue the game with her using what I left. However, after the game is finished, will he help her clean up the net and balls or will he walk away leaving my racket there?
One thing I will say about women and breakups. Women start "mentally" leaving the relationship way before the actual breakup occurs. So by the time you actually do breakup, her heart is far removed from the relationship. Sure, you can wish karma on her but I can tell you that in her mind and eyes, that's only perceived as "bitterness." I am not saying you are bitter, I am saying any negativity will be perceived that way. Sometimes it's better to just take your ball and glove and walk away without a word.
But because I have my closure on my end, I can do your steps now with confidence and vigor. If her new relationship does not work out (or even so far as everytime she doubts it) then she has to contend with what i had sown. While I have my closure she won't. I gave her something of me unconditionally (and made it almost irresistable to turn away) and i will never ever expect it back. If her relationship works out great then i can comfort myself in knowing that I did what I could and it just wasn't to be.
Great! I will say that you have to let go completely to ever have a second chance. But before you even consider a second chance with this woman, ask yourself if you can do better and if you deserve better. I truly believe in second chances but only if the dumper has a total and complete "epiphany" of mind and knows you are the one.
Of course this only works if you don't hate a person and am more sorrowful and dissapointed but let's face it, if you want a second chance (which is what this thread is about) that's the way you feel.
Agreed.
I know what I probably did wrong (I was more or less a doormat, not to say that her morals were wrong exactly, it's just that I let her walk all over me in my need to become a better person).
Changing her view of you as a doormat will be hard. I recommend "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover. That book will single-handidly solve your doormat issues. (most all "nice guys" suffer form a lack of confidence and self-esteem). I do suggest you go NO CONTACT with her and focus solely on you and improving where you can. Change takes time and she will need a significant amount of time away from you to see those improvements. I can tell you I was a "nice guy" too and I've broken that. It took me about a year to "recover" and learn to be balanced but it can be done. You just have to love yourself and be comfortable with who you are and not seek approval from others. Being you is often "good enough" for her -- you don't need to spoil anyone to be loved. In fact, it often serves the opposite effect. People know that when you spoil them you are making up for a lack of self-worth.
Next time I know that I need to strike a balance between bettering myself for someone I love but without becoming a doormat.
It's a simple formula, really:
Self respect+self worth+loving one's self = being able to respect and love someone else the RIGHT way, without having to buy their love and affection by giving one's personal power away.
Got it?
Nice guy
Balanced
Jerk
Find the middle ground and you find happiness in your relationships. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/7/2006 11:28:51 AM | I got dumped about 3 weeks ago. We had been together for 10 months and as far as i knew things were good. I worry a lot and I know that bothered him but there were things about him that bothered me. I just dealt with it because I don't beleive that people should change just to please someone else. He broke up with me and I was heartbroken, even though he was a drinker and often called me names and was rude to me when he was drunk. He never physically hurt me though. I know that it is for the best that we are not together because he didn't treat me good and he was 30 and I felt more mature than he acted. He claimed he loved me but not enough to build a life on. Theat was the first time in all the relationship he even talked about the future. I never knew he wanted to be married etc but as soon as it was over with us he admitted that's what he wants and he knows that I would have married him in a second. Mostly only because I probably just didn't want to be alone and figured it was easier to get it over with now and always have someone then to look for the right one. He emailed me last night and accused me of hacking into his dating account, and I really didn't do it, but he wouldn't believe me and he said good bye, I was so upset because I didn't do it and no matter what I say or do he will never believe me so I look like the bad guy to his friends and family even though I really never did anything wrong. I've been thinking about it and maybe that was his way of dealing with his decision to break up. I wanted to share my story becase in the beginning of the break up I offered to take him back etc etc and made myself feel worse. The advice in this forum is totally right. Had I left him when I should have when he was mean and ignorant to me then I would have never looked back so I guess I can't blame him for not wanting to make it work. Just wish It didn't have to be so rude and mean as it was last night, and a 30 year old guy accusing over the internet what a laugh. Its nice to laugh about it now and I'm sure it will make a good story to tell my kids one day when they go through a breakup.
Ciao for Now
Kris | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/7/2006 5:04:18 PM | | My boyfriend recenly broke up with me on July 4th. And he had told me that is wasn't going to work becaus eof th elong distance of not getting to see each other as we would like too. And second that he could not handle the resonsibility of handling somone elses child. And that my child's father would be in our lives when he comes to see his son. This is the second time he did this to me. Everytime he went back to school he would break up with me. Like he did th efirst time. Then he tells me if he wasn't in school things would be different. Then he says when he is done school and that we will talk about it, to see where we both stand. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:25:46 PM | | my fiance broke up with me after 6.5 years, 1.5 engaged. She went away for her second school practicum with two school mates...guy and a girl...they seemed to be having lots of fun. She was away 4 of the last 6 months. The phone they had wasnt usable...and it became outta sight outta mind..she didnt call and neither did I. I phoned her after not talking for 13 days and she said we shouldnt be together..The funny part was she took me out for dinner and we walked on the beach and she bought me presents before she left.. So after one month how does someones feelings change so drasctically..? I have not contacted her for over a month and no emails...I said here is my number if you have something to say..I dont know if thats good or what.. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/8/2006 10:50:34 AM | | I found this same advice while searching the web after my last relationship. If you're lucky and smart, you WILL follow it to a "T". If you need additional support or resources, I reccomend a site called beendumped.com. Everone there has been through it and it's a great place for support. J~ | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/8/2006 12:41:49 PM | Please....I see you in every girls face.....And I die inside....I cant get you off my mind.... You win....Just approach me if you see me. I might have forgotten your name by....I think they call it memory loss....Due to the combat I was in.....I'm dying girl....get rid of that dog your with now.....He can see his kid but I dont want to be around....I luv u...  | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/8/2006 11:25:03 PM | Good stuff, Jar, Thanx for posting it!
I haven't spoken to or seen my ex for 3 weeks. We were together for 5 months, and although it was an emotional rollercoaster at times, for the most part we had a good time together.
The problem?
For starters, he was a control freak. He never called me by my name...always referred to me as "woman," or "my (his) woman." This relationship became intense almost instantly - he bought me a small diamond ring on our 2nd date and insisted I wear it. When I asked him why a diamond ring was necessary, he said it was a symbol of his "commitment" to me, and a symbol of our "future" together. On the 2nd date?! This seemed really odd to me and I told him so. I thought we were moving WAAAAY too fast. I did wear the ring (to humor him more than anything else), but to be honest, it didn't mean much to me. How could it? I just met him!
As time went on, we grew closer and closer. We spent every free moment together, and the next thing I know, he moved in with me because he was having a lot of construction done to his house. I was a bit uncomfortable with this arrangement at first since I barely knew this guy and now here he was....living with me. But we got through it and I began enjoying his presence. Until....
One night when I came home from work, I smelled alcohol on his breath. Early in our relationship, he told me he was an alcoholic and did time in jail for beating his father half to death while under the influence. He also substained heart damage which was alcohol-related. I told him then that I would not tolerate him drinking, especially given his violent past and heart damage, and if he did drink it would be a deal breaker for us. He completely agreed, promising me (on his daughter's name) that he would never drink. So imagine my anger when I came home and smelled alcohol on his breath. I was angry, yes, but I was hurt as well...deeply so. He attempted to minimize the seriousness of it, telling me it was "only one beer," of which his sister brought to his house. I later found out it was not just "one beer" but rather whisky, and it was him who went to his sisters house and joined in with her while she was drinking it. So, not only did he break his promise to me, he lied about it. I decided to ask him to leave, to move out of my house which he did. But a week or so later, he called, apologized over and over for it, and asked for another chance, promising me it woud never happen again. I was extremely reluctant, but agreed to give him another chance. And he did keep his promise, didn't drink again.
He remained at his house and wanted me to move in with him. I was very hesistant to do so. To give up my residence and move into his was a risk because it left me with no safe net should the relationship come to an end. He kept reassuring me that things would work out, that he felt I was somebody he wanted to spend his life with, etc. My feelings about moving in with him went back and forth. One day I agreed, felt it was a good move to make. The next day I would have serious doubts about it and would back off the idea. Finally, he quit talking about it so much, stopped pushing for it as much. Especially so when I lost my job, which hurt because I felt as though his wanting me to move in had more to do with financial convenience than love. Especially so when his ex girlfriend lived with him and he completely supported her. I had never asked, nor expected, him to support me, but the fact that he was concerned about my lack of employment bothered me. As a result, I decided against moving in with him.
Then came the "rough" play. I am a playful woman...like wrestling around with my significant others. I can't tell you how many times he left bruises on my body, mostly my arms from grabbing and squeezing me. He also bit me frequently, not drawing any blood, but leaving teeth marks, again usually on my arms. He also liked to pinch me and pull my hair...all in the name of "playing around." I told him he was hurting me, that he didn't have to be so rough. He would always minimize it, saying he was only playing around and that I bruise easy. I am fair complexioned, true enough, but never have any of my ex boyfriends leave bruises on me while "playing."
Then came the threats. He told me several times that if I ever hurt him, he would cut my heart out. I laughed it off at first, assuming he was kidding. But when he said it once to often, I looked at him one day and said..."you are kidding, right?" He looked at me, didn't smile, and didn't answer me. All of a sudden it wasn't funny and I was a little shaken up by it. He likes to "punish" women who have hurt him. He told me things he did to ex girlfriends in the past who have scorned him. The things he did were sneaky, and in my opinion, cowardly and spite. And the sad part? He felt no remourse about it...felt completely justified. Granted, some rotten things were done to him by ex girlfriends, but the honorable thing to do would be to cut ties with them, learn from it, and move on WITHOUT doing sneaky, spiteful things.
Okay, the end for us came three weeks ago when my mother fell ill. The retina in her left eye detached and she had to have surgery for it. This meant I would have to drive to Southern Calif...about a 600 mile drive for me to be with her for this surgery. At the same time, his 11-year-old daughter was coming to his house for the 6-week summer visit (this visit takes place every summer). I know he was counting on me to be there to help with the care of his daughter while he worked, but I had to be with my mom. When he learned that I wouldn't be there to babysit his daughter, he fell silent, sort of sulked for the evening. Things started to go downward then and got worse. He had told me, and my son, that he planned to get me a cell phone because he didn't want me on the road without one. The night before my trip to my mom's was an unpleasant one between he and I. I thought for sure he would give me a cell phone for safety, especially so when I would be on the road for 600 miles in which anything could happen. Not only did he fail to give me a cell phone, he didn't even bother to ask me for my mom's phone number, nor ask me if I needed money for the trip, knowing that money was tight as I had just lost my job at the time. He did lend me his truck, but put no gas in it. I found his whole behavior and demeanor toward me as uncaring and I got cold in return. By the time I woke up that morning, I wanted nothing to do with him. I found it hard to even look at him. As I was leaving, (angry and in a rush, I might add), he said..."wait, you didn't give me your mom's number." I said..."yeah, well you didn't ask." With that, I headed out the door and toward the truck. He followed me out and we parted in angry words. I had my son call him with my mom's number, but he never did call me the entire time I was there. I called him once, asking him if I could keep the truck longer than I had anticipated, and when he didn't return the call, I drove the truck back (all 600 miles of it), and returned it to his property while he was at work. I then flew back to my mom's to take her into L.A. for her surgery. As of now, we still haven't spoken.
But the kicker came when, on the day before I was to fly out to my mom's, I got a visit from some representitives who work at the lot I bought my car at. By this time I was 2 months late on my car payments (due to job loss), but was expecting money to come in and was going to catch my car payments up when I returned home. According to these representatives, "somebody" contacted the bank I'm financing my car through and informed them that I was moving from my house (which I will be soon as it's being sold), and that I had lost my job, and planned to take off with the car...which was not true. Because of this, they demanded that I make the 2 payments immediately or the car would be repossessed. Here I was, trying to get ready to fly out and take care of my mom, worried about money, my bills, and find a place to move to when the property I was in sold. I had enough on my plate and certainly didn't need this. I had enough money in my accout to cover the 2 payments, but left me with very little for my trip to my moms and my other bills. And what really made me sick, to the point of shakes, was that I knew it was my ex who called the bank. He was the only one who knew I was behind on payments, that the house I lived in was being sold, and that I just recently lost my job...all of which the bank was told. How is that for spiteful???
Why would a man do such a hideous thing? Especially so to a woman he professed to love? How can he do this with a clear conscious? How in the hell can a person justify doing this to another? What would possess him to do this? Any idea? Would love to hear a males input on this because I am truly dumbfounded as to why he would do it.
As for ever going back to him.....NO CHANCE. EVER. I have received a few "hang-ups" but other than that, have not heard from him. It's only been 3 weeks and I have a hunch I will eventually hear from him, but at this point I want absolutely nothing to do with him.
I tell ya...I've had some losers in my time, but this one takes the cake - hands down!!! 
~Irish~ | |
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ozzyny
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Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 366 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:34:32 AM | Jarbarian.....thank you for this great thread.
While i am not going through heartbreak at the moment, i have been left heartbroken not once but twice and thinking and remembering those experiences made me realise that i did the total opposite of what's in your guide.
If i ever fall in love trouble again, which i probably will( i'm only 24) i will definitely put your guide to work.
I can't thank you enough dude so if you ever come to NYC lunch and a couple of beers are on me. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/9/2006 5:20:30 PM | Great advice, helped me feel a little better with my situation. Read my post (opinions wanted) and give me your opinion. Thaks! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/9/2006 6:08:32 PM | | So my ex and were engaged for a year, have a two year old son, and had just gotten through buying a house together. When his social life went down the pooper, really in actual reality he started going out more, not coming home at night, ect...and out of the blue one night he just told me he had been seeing another girl for nearly a month. I left, and his new girlfriend into the house, MY house. My Ex has called me every night since we broke up, some nights crying he wants me back and really misses me, and he's changing, and other nights he's be verbally abusive. I know the guy I met when i first dated him was a good person, and I know that the nights he calls me and is a wreck on the phone about missing me, that's the real person that is under everything. But how can i be convinced that he's ready to change? I know he loves me, and he loves his son, but how do i know he's ready to be in love? Or, if no matter how much I know he loves me, i know that he will never be ready to be controlled by a commitment? | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/9/2006 11:32:45 PM | Jar,
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.
I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for eleven months. He broke up with me the end of January. I loved him, and will always love him, with my whole heart, more than I have ever loved a man in my life. I became so close to his three children as well. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm trying to heal from all of this.
I have been seeing a counselor for a few months now. She has helped me tremendously. Many things that you wrote about in your first post are the same things that my counselor has been and is telling me. It's been good for me to actually see it in print with your writings. I just wanted to tell you thank you so much.
As far as second chances go with me, I don't give second chances. I feel that if I am not good enough for him in the first place, I'm not going to be good enough for him in second place.
Again, thank you so much.
Take care. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/10/2006 9:25:07 AM | To those this has helped, you're welcome.
As for not giving someone a second chance, the reason I believe in second chances (under certain circumstances) is that we're human nad fallable. Sometimes we make mistakes.
Use your best judgement and remember to make your needs #1.... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/10/2006 3:13:59 PM | . GET TO THE GYM: It's a proven fact that no drug works better at getting someone out of depression faster than endorphins. I do not believe the old adage "The best way to get over someone is to get UNDER someone else." If your head is not in the right place, some meaningless sex will only make you miss the ex even more. While you have the feeling of being lonely, sex isn't the answer. At least not right now. Companionship is what you are missing and in the interim, talk to you friends and work out.
I just broke up with my fiance' and had meaningless sex with someone...and it felt great! haha
Say what you want, but it helped me realize that there are others out there and it was pretty dam GOOD. 
You can not go back after a break up. If you do, enjoy being miserable! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/10/2006 3:19:18 PM | (Thanks Jarbarian)
THAT WAS GREAT ADVICE A FEW MONTHS AGO but there has been great gains in this theology of thinking AND I came up with it. The NEW AGE answer to getting a second chance with a women is kidnapping her. Yep, forget the small talk and be a man.
Just imagine the talk on the streets. "Oh yea, did you see the arms on that boy when he picked his EX up and ran off to his HILL BILLY truck? " "Yes, he sure showed that new guy a thing or two with that drop kick to the head !". | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/10/2006 3:41:05 PM | LOL! I think, don't quote me on this, that kidnapping is ILLEGAL in Canada. I know it's illegal here in the states.
Otherwise I'd have kidnapped my ex (KIDDING!).
Who wants to be with someone who doesn't want you? They have to WANT you for a second chance to work. If they don't, no amount of talking, crying, begging, pleading, negotiating or otherwise will make them change their mind.
The best way to get someone back in your life is to forget about them....
Sooner or later they are going to wonder what happened to you and why they are no longer the focus of your life.
Read the guide. That's part of what no contact does. In addition to letting them miss you, it helps you get over them as quickly as possible.
And frankly you won't get them back until you're OK with not having them anymore. It's a fact of life: Ex's always come back into your life when you're finally over them.
Because they want to know WHY you are over them :) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/10/2006 3:54:28 PM | Otherwise I'd have kidnapped my ex (KIDDING!).
Yep, it is not illegal here at all as far as I know. I imagined it too. WOW, someone else just like me. KIDNAPPING !!! I thought, I really want her NOW !! RIGHT THE HECK NOW !! ... but it wasn't that important I guess .
I could plan the pick up, but not the 1 or 2 hours after the actual capture. I can imagine it like this, um, want to eat ? "NO !" , um, are you mad ? "YOU SON OF A BLEEP, JERK, !!!!!". Yikes, nothing has changed, I am taking you back girl.
BESIDES WHO the HECK wants their EX back anyways? I mean she was a jerk, mean rotten nasty little so and so anyways. What is needed is some REVENGE, hehehe,snort,hickup,hehehe!!!!!!!!! OH yea-ea-ea !! Good old fashion hill billy HO down pay back. The best quality pay back comes in a pure form too. I got that being worked on for my next Thread. he he hick-up, snort, he he he. PAY BACK means looking good, feeling good, and in your face totally rich, successful, don't need you, satisfaction !!! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/10/2006 4:22:35 PM | Hey Jar Man,
Well I read Dr. Glover's book over a weekend away with a new female friend of mine. It was very insightful but the weirdest part was just before I left town the last girl I was with for over a year came and cornered me per se. I had been doing the NC thing for the most part till that day I had a few things over at her place and she was trying to get them back to me but I resisted the urge to call her right away and called when I wanted to on my terms yyou could say.
The book was very helpful if not eye opening. I am a recovering nice guy and I was when she met me since all through my marriage I had been a devout nice guy and that was the biggest reason why I left my marriage. Anyway I know now that not being a nice guy after I left my wife was what made me attractive to her and during the course of the realtionship it changed and so did I. I went back to being what she didn't want me to be. Things happened and circumstances brought the nice guy right back to the surface and now I know why it happened. I let it happen. The turning point was when I stopped looking after my needs myself and started trying to fix everything for her and in doing this I was making covert contracts and pressuring her all the while having no idea I was doing it. The worst part is she tried to tell me I was doing but all I did was do the typical nice guy thing and try harder.
Well now that I'm taking yours and the books advice like doing more things for me and getting my self sorted out like keeping busy and going out with friends and I don't mean just woman, again this is a nice guy trait thats not going to help me get better. Anyway I'm saying that things are working and I'm meeting more women now than I have ever before. The things is now that I'm doing this I think she wants me back. She asked if we can go for coffee sometime. She said she was sorry about how things went down and that she doesn't hate me and I told her I forgive her and that I was sorry that things didn't work out aswell.
It's only been a month or so and this new girl is awesome but she needs time to figure things out too and she knows I'm not over my last relationship. I want to be over the realtionship but I don't want to be over the person I was with. She was a gift to me I just tried to make her into the jewel I thought I wanted. I don't want a project anymore and maybe one day she won't be but until then what do I do? I want to go down that road again but only if she wants to make things right this. I was willing to do that but I know now that just because I am willing doesn't mean its going to work. She told me she's making major changes in her life and she's taking responsibility for happened but I'm not sure if she really understands what it takes to make a relationship work. It may never work but I feel like I owe myself another more educated chance at having a healthy relationship with her. The other side of the coin is maybe she needed to know that I didn't hate her so she could move on with her life and feel free to start looking for some one else. I guess I won't know until I talk to her.
I'm going to call her just not right away. I want to be sure this is what I want and I won't play all my cards at once this time, if at all.
Habs | |
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