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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:05:58 PM | You have to read the very first post of this thread and follow the steps so you can heal. Its the only way to get over the hurt and pain and start to move on with your life. Follow it live it and take time for you. He's gone and so are his chances. Let go and be you.
Habs | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/15/2006 12:46:17 AM | Habs, let me know how it goes.
Believe me, I still struggle with this. It isn't easy but it can be done. Mind over matter, I suppose :)
Best of luck and keep us updated. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/15/2006 1:23:49 AM | yikes! darlin', leopards don't change their spots .. if he has run, he will again .. there had 2 be some red flags u missed, now, in hind sight
excuse me, i don't know how young u r .. but my daughter just went through this .. the bugger needed all the same crap & drama .. turns out he had a shag on the side & he is just shaggy .. i heard that later & still haven't told her
she is better off without him, now
i am sorry he screwed u over
i laugh though
the shit my ex dealt 2 me & i begged him not 2, at the time, came back 2 screw him
the flip side of the coin always turns up
patience is a virtue
immerse yourself in your own things, understand the world can be a nasty place sometimes & proceed cautiously
dr. phil may be on my side, i don't know your details, but in my daughters case, ggrrr
she is nice
have a good one | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:53:26 PM | | well heres my situation my b.f and i met on here and we were dating for 5 months we got along great and barley fought i fell in love with him and on sunday out of the blue he said we should be friends and i asked him the other day if it was totally over and he said he doesnt know do i give him his time to think of just say bye? what do u think | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:53:25 PM |  well it really very simple and mind you i had read tons of books spent almost a yr crying went to church did the praying bit....all for nothing cause in the end its over the min they leave in most case they found someone else.simple as that it dont matter what their excuse is space time.its all the same more on the line of selfish they only thinking of then selfs and no one else.and for those who wish to give a second chances.dont be weak and except the fact they made a mistakes.the truth is they fail and have no where to run but to you. look at this way there is alot of things a person can lose, but leaving you is also along that line of the worse thing a person can do to someone else.so thats my 2 cents on this matter the op as alot of good advice on there but why waste your time think about how much they love you and what they did to you.thats enought reason not to ever want to see them again, | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/15/2006 11:19:56 PM | | Does anyone have any tips on the forgiving process? I know one of the steps to getting over someone is to forgive them, but I'm having a lot of trouble with this. I would like to overcome this so I can stop thinking about him every single day. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/16/2006 12:38:29 PM | for katiesfrontporch
Crying is a release. Cry as much as you can and give yourself a time limit for when you stop the crying,pining,thinking. As soon as you can, TRY to remove him from your thoughts Every time they enter your mind. switch to Pleasant thoughts. Lots of them, to distract you. As soon as possible, Go Out w friends or organisations to sugaring off parties, or spaghetti dinners or karaoke , Anything that will bring out the goofy fun side of you n make you Laugh! laughter , after all is the best medicine. Purposely clean out closets, or do vigorous housework, and get exercise even if you only walk down your street the first time,buy a plant, get a pet. You will learn to love th eplant/pet, and watch it ggrow or make you laugh in other ways. Eventually, it will become second nature to you. The oxygen in the brain will clear your mind, distract you, and give you new perspective. With Time you will realise the inner strength you have, and hopefully you will realise that you dont Need a Man to feel fulfilled, and that nediness, you want to be w someone because they Augment the Quality of your life, because they bring, laughter, joy, fun, ease, companionship, loyalty,, then you know that maybe this new friend is a keeper. Also, Never do the rebound thing, its like a rubber ball, it keeps on bouncing back to you. Youve suffered enough, dont torture yourself while still fragile. :) best to you | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/16/2006 9:38:35 PM | Jar..thanks..I touched a nerve with 'no confidence boy'..what a joke he his...he wants to be you...(Hurricayne, shut up.. thx." ...duh...posted twice..what entertainment)...omg..and of course..the poor child can't even capitalize the "H" in Hurricayne...lol..omg..toooo funny....LMAO!!!!!
2nd Chances are about re-evaluation of our lives, (a.k.a..what did we do wrong??)
Confidence = We did everything right. It's their problem.
Respect is earned with the proper boundaries.
Do I want a second chance?? YES..and I got a second chance with him because of you Jar, and thank you, my friend. You are well adjusted, mature, and just plain nice.
You know that I pray for you daily. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:09:39 AM | | H, I am glad things are working out. Make sure you continue to focus on the things we discussed. It's a daily struggle the rest of our lives. Those who understand it never seem to struggle with it -- but that's because they work on in every day :) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/17/2006 12:59:12 PM | WOW! That is GREAT advice and Im glad I Found it when I did. I met someone from here and we started dating than outta the blue he says I am not dumping you but I dont want to see you ANYMORE. I need time to myself. And than he started writed emails and i read and deleted most until he said he wanted a second chance. Than it was just to get my attention So he can ask to be friends I want to but it hurts to because i still love him and i feel like its only to make him feel better.
But anyway thanks! ! | |
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tulip5
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Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 440 | |
| What do you think...
Posted: 7/17/2006 3:10:40 PM | | My X is the father of my three children and I am trying so hard to make things as easy as possible for him to get over me, but I really like spending time together as a family on occasion. I think it is important for the kids to have that family time ie; we go to dinner, to the beach and to the park all together. My friends say it is not good to do that but I disagree. I am completly over him and I think that we could be good friends for the kids sake. What do you think. It has been a year now since our seperation. I don't think he is over me. How long before we can truly be friends, in your experiences is a year long enough? Tulip | |
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| What do you think...
Posted: 7/17/2006 3:26:50 PM | | It's difficult to say since you share kids. As long as he is not over you he may be wishing for a second chance. Not sure what to say since I don't know your story. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/17/2006 5:02:34 PM |
Does anyone have any tips on the forgiving process?
I remember all the great things of the relationship....
that makes me feel less hurt....
at the same time i remeber that with all the great things
come the bad things. that is the whole package...
his i dont know... i am not sure if you are the one
and other things....
i had really nice experiences but am glad that the
whole package doesnt show later when we could have been married.
what if he one day is: i am not sure?
i am not completely over him... but i am exited getting to know other
men who are fun and have some experience so they know what they want....
hopes this helps.... any other ideas on forgiving are appreciated since
I believe that is what makes the hurt go away.... | |
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| any advise????
Posted: 7/17/2006 8:00:43 PM | ok Jar,
It's been 2 months since i talked to my ex i feel i'm able to talk to him but my problem is how do i go about doing it?? what do i say ?? any advise?? | |
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| any advise????
Posted: 7/18/2006 12:06:14 PM |
It's been 2 months since i talked to my ex i feel i'm able to talk to him but my problem is how do i go about doing it?? what do i say ?? any advise??
You want to initiate contact? Have good reason.
Does he have something of yours? Did he leave something?
A short, sweet and to the point email. Is fine.
Don't talk about the past.
Don't talk about feelings.
Don't say he was wrong.
Don't say you were wrong.
Every interaction should be pleasant and upbeat. Be happy or "fake it till you make it..."
Has he initiated contact at all? Give me an update on what has happened in your life and what has changed over the past couple months. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/18/2006 3:37:02 PM | I know there are psychological steps that people go through in a breakup. It would be nice if everyone could train themselves to your mature, well thought out plan... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/18/2006 4:06:46 PM | | I truly believe people should be given a second chance...sometimes people get so worked up about certain situations and later on after the break up they realize that, bailing wasn't exactly the way to go, they make ammends and work on the relationship and live life to the fullist. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/18/2006 4:21:12 PM |
I know there are psychological steps that people go through in a breakup. It would be nice if everyone could train themselves to your mature, well thought out plan...
Thanks, but I am not immune either. Occasionally I have to go back over my own advice and remind myself what I am doing and why.
The bottom line is you have to be good to yourself, love yourself and respect yourself.
If you don't, no one else will..... | |
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| any advise????
Posted: 7/18/2006 6:22:52 PM | | as a matter of fact no i pretty much have no reason..he has my spare car key..pretty much it..i won't die without it if that's what you mean. i was thinking email or text but i think a voicemail is more personal.. trust me i won't talk about the past if i'm lucky to get that far. i guess i'll have to fake being happy cuz to tell you the truth i still have a lot of feelings for him but i don't want him to forget about me either or give him more time to think about what a **** i am. as a matter of fact he has not tried contacting me. i'll be the first one to do it..i know he's pridefull. Pretty much i've been doing the n/c and i've been going out for walks everyday. talking to long lost friends and just hanging out..i'm still not ready to go out..out or to party or anything like that. i also had a set back..about a month ago my son (not his son) started to ask questions about him..he asked if i missed him and why didn't i call him and tell him i was sorry he then told me that he missed him and he started crying. that just broke my heart because there was nothing i can do to make it better. but i have been feeling ok...one day i feel like i move on and then i feel like i just want to cry...it's an emotional rollercoaster. i also don't want him to think that i am using my son to get him back either because it's not even like that. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/18/2006 6:29:45 PM | jarbarian I just gotta thank you for your advice column. It couldnt have come at a better time, well maybe a couple days earlier. Here's my story.
I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years now. She was my first, I was only 19, i'm almost 22 now, but this was my only serious relationship i've ever had. Our relationship was great, that initial spark just never really died down. The only thing I hated to much about the relationship was my girlfriend had a wicked temper. She'd hit people, (even me once), she'd throw things, scream at the top of her lungs etc etc. We had discussed this problem many's of times before, and she did seem to have made significant progress until she slipped a couple weeks ago by smashing her cellphone into smitherines against my car windshield over an argument between her and her mother. I broke up with her in the heat of the moment.
Since the breakup I've began to question what true love was seeing as how I am young and she's the only person i've ever been with. My girlfriend didn't take the breakup so well she continued to smother me and insist that we work things out and remain friends at least. Had I read your article then I would have seen where i'd made my mistake. We remained in contact the entire time, I invited her over for supper and we tried to be friends, it was extremely awkward and she cried. Then I invited her over to my parents place for dinner, that was even worse, far more awkward, made her cry, even made my mother cry.
She came to my place to pick up some of her belongings and she cried again. This time I cried too, I just felt so guilty for all the pain i'd caused her. I started thinking about all the good times we'd shared and what not and feeling so guilty for her I kissed her. I knew right away that was a bad idea and it immidiately meant that we would get back together and try to work things out.
So we really only stayed apart for 2 weeks and now we are back together but...during that 2 week span of being single I had sorta done some sexual stuff with an old friend (your advice column suggests calling up an old friend, but my advice is to only call up the ones whom you've hadn't some sort of past chemisty with). Since we've been back together, I'm just not feeling back into the relationship, I'm really just not into it at all. I know I made a mistake by gettig back together with her so soon and it's the same old problems that are back that made me break up with her to begin with.
I feel trapped, like I have no control over my life. So what do I do...I call up my old friend again and well...we did even more stuff this time, WHILE IM BACK TOGETHER. So technically I cheated on my girlfriend since we've been back together. Defenitely wasn't my intentions, there just always seems to be someone there at the right time (or wrong time).
I'd like to hear some input, perhaps something to lead me in the right direction, she's a great girl and all. I just don't think it's meant to be right now, maybe sometime in the future, but I have the urge to exlore some more, find out if i'm missing out on anything out there. I want to find out if what we had was really love, or if i was just so dependant on her because she's the only person i've ever been with and feared being alone. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/18/2006 6:49:59 PM | Jarbarian,
Thank you thank you for that wonderful post!!! It was extensively well written and helped me a lot at the place im in now.
 Hugs | |
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