|
|
|
|
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:00:14 AM |
It's been 2 weeks...and he hasn't responded. He either didn't get it, or like my friends say, he probably got it but doesn't know how to respond to it. Or maybe he figures he doesn't need to. I don't know. But would it be too much to give him a call or an email to ask if he got my note? Or is that a bit obsessive? I was definitely expecting a response of SOME kind - if nothing more than just to tell me that he got my note. WHY can there not be peace between us? And why did he have to blow me off like that and not enable this to end well?
If you truly wrote the note to "make sure there were no hard feelings" then you shouldn't be "expecting" a response from him. And that's why you didn't get one. There was nothing to answer.
If you are truly over him then there is no need to contact him for any reason. Let him go, be happy with who you are and move on. You seem to want some sort of closure but that won't come from him. It has to come from YOU. That comes with accepting that it's over and letting go.
Don't write him anymore. If you see him on campus, just smile and keep walking. Don't attempt to make any small talk. Focus on you and your needs. Right now that is all that matters. | |
|
| |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/17/2006 7:24:09 AM | Thanks a lot. That makes sense. He probably just read it and didn't see the need to respond.
I guess the truth is, I'm not completely over him yet. But regardless of whether I am, I still want to be friends with him because I miss his presense in my life. He was one of my best friends, and this is someone I invested a lot of time and emotions into. In the note, I also offered my friendship to him, but I didn't get a response of any kind.
While I couldn't let go for 3 months straight, I was finally able to do so over the summer after telling myself that he'll come back one day. It was literally the ONLY thing that could get me to move on. And then overnight, I immediately begin feeling happy again. I'm not even kidding. Also, your guide was extremely helpful. The first piece of advice was to LET GO, regardless of how much you love your ex, because unless you do, you won't start healing That was a huge incentive for me. Yet despite focusing on myself and feeling happy again, I never stopped missing him as a person, which is why I initiated contact again.
Even now, when I think back to what happened, I still feel a little sad. But when I get these down moments from time to time, I just continue to tell myself that he'll come back, so there's no need to obsess. And it's the only thing that works in getting me to return to my normal routine. I have an older friend who's been a through a lot of these heartbreaks, and she's told me that if you handle yourself with grace and dignity, he ALWAYS comes back - even if it's many years down the road and you no longer want him. EVery guy she has ever broken up with has come back (and there's been a lot).
Maybe it's a sign of weakness in me, or maybe I'm just not strong enough to face the truth (whatever that may be)...but accepting the possibility that he'll NEVER be back brings me too much pain, and actually holds me back from moving on. That's when I start to obsess and plunge into depression again. Maybe I loved him too much for my own good.... It's only when I tune in to my friend's advice that by staying away from him and keeping my dignity, he will inevitably come back, that I gain a sense of security I haven't been able to obtain anywhere else. As far as I'm concerned, I was only able to get through the first piece of advice in your guide because you wrote that no second chance will work if I don't let go first. My only incentive, over the summer, to let go and move on was knowing that as long as I didn't, he'd never be back. I KNOW I sound like the most pathetic person on earth, but I loved him too much to really be okay with the idea of him being gone forever in my life. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/21/2006 1:32:57 PM | | Bump. Been seeing a lot of threads started lately that perhaps the questions could be answered here. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/21/2006 7:26:03 PM | jarbarian,
i noticed ur thread is very popular and makes a lot of sense due to ur keen insight. i was wondering if you could evaluate my situation from an outsiders point of view. i was seeing someone for 3 years and didnt treat them great. i was selfish, careless, ****y, etc. ultimately he'd had enough and ended it. this was about 6 months ago. for about 5 months after the break up we were fwb and i didnt think i wanted him back. however, about a month ago i decided that i want a 2nd chance but i just found out on monday that he has a gf. i know what i did wrong and i know that if only he could see that i have changed over the past 6 months that we can make it work this time. what should i do now? i miss him and i just want to show him how things can be. will i ever get the opportunity? | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/21/2006 10:20:20 PM |
i noticed ur thread is very popular and makes a lot of sense due to ur keen insight. i was wondering if you could evaluate my situation from an outsiders point of view. i was seeing someone for 3 years and didnt treat them great. i was selfish, careless, ****y, etc. ultimately he'd had enough and ended it. this was about 6 months ago. for about 5 months after the break up we were fwb and i didnt think i wanted him back. however, about a month ago i decided that i want a 2nd chance but i just found out on monday that he has a gf. i know what i did wrong and i know that if only he could see that i have changed over the past 6 months that we can make it work this time. what should i do now? i miss him and i just want to show him how things can be. will i ever get the opportunity?
I can't answer that. But I can tell you FWB is never a great idea for this very reason. Someone is going to get hurt. He didn't have to miss you because you never left and you filled a need of his until he found someone to replace you.
The only thing I can tell you is to follow the guide. No groveling, begging, pleading, asking for his time, phone calls, etc. Focus on yourself and your needs and healing. You can never win someone back especially if you aren't over them. Once you get over them you may figure out they weren't the right person for you to begin with.
Again, the focus needs to be on YOU. Follow the guide and let him go for now. If it's meant to be he'll come back later. But he never will if you're sitting around pining for him. There's no guarantees of course but the benefit of focusing on yourself is two fold.
If he comes back, you'll be stronger.
If he doesn't, you'll be better, MUCH BETTER, for the next great guy the comes into your life.
Cheers. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/21/2006 11:42:46 PM | Flawless Advice........I would take back a man and increase those odds to 35% if he followed your rules.........
14. Dive in to Plenty of Fish and catch a few for the meantime. | |
|
| |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/22/2006 2:55:15 AM | 6. GET TO THE GYM: It's a proven fact that no drug works better at getting someone out of depression faster than endorphins. I do not believe the old adage "The best way to get over someone is to get UNDER someone else." If your head is not in the right place, some meaningless sex will only make you miss the ex even more. While you have the feeling of being lonely, sex isn't the answer. At least not right now. Companionship is what you are missing and in the interim, talk to you friends and work out.
the above is soooooo true - worked for me a treat | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/22/2006 1:00:32 PM | | Working out will definitely help in many ways. You'll feel and LOOK better. It will help you attract someone else in the future and if your ex does see you, he/she will get a shock :) | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/22/2006 10:03:11 PM | | thank you , u may of just saved my life. but everything u said i believe she walked away after12 yrs just5 weeks ago and i still cant sleep in my bed. i think i better get busy livin and stop worring what i did wrong shes not coming back thanks again | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/23/2006 8:31:46 AM | Another poster put it in words like I've never heard before:
Don't pine for the one that may or may not come back...search for the one that will never let you go to begin with. Good luck!
Sanschele | |
|
slady
|
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 588 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/24/2006 10:01:40 AM | | Ok...so I have a question...I followed everything to a "T". So I went out the other night. Where I live its a pretty small town and there is only really one place to go. Now here I was thinking I was safe there because my ex hated going there. He never went. So I'm having a blast dancing, and all of a sudden I look up, and there he is. So I kept my cool and continued like he wasnt there. But as I came back from the ladies room, he stopped me. We talked a bit, argued a bit, but didnt come to any real conclusion. He said he still loves me, as do I. The next day, a friend calls to tell me that they all knew I was there, and that he purposely wanted to go so he could speak with me. Ok, so we spoke. Then he calls me up 2 days later to talk again. He says, not that he wants me back, but that can we sort of make a fresh start, cause he says we have to start somewhere if we both want to make a go of it. I am not sure what I should be doing. I havent contacted him myself, he's the one doing the calling. He says that if its meant to be, it will happen. I'm just not sure what my next step should be or my reply to him. I do want to be with him again, but I have held back in letting him know how badly I do, just so I dont get hurt. I know I am taking a chance but just dont know how to do this. We have a long history together, and I believe he is sincere in wanting us to be together. I think we have both learned alot from the break up, and maybe that's what we needed to open our eyes...any advice?? | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 9:38:44 AM | How long have you been broken up? Has he changed? Have you changed? Under what circumstances do you feel the relationship can work? Already you were arguing (as you have stated). So what changed?
To me, unless you can identify the reasons things didn't work out and unless there are substancial chances to insure success I would say don't go back.
He is right though. In order for a second chance to work, you have to start from scratch. You can not pick up where you left off or you will most certainly break up again. | |
|
slady
|
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 590 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:56:25 AM | | We broke up August 1. We had been friends for a year, then dated for a year. During this time, we didnt live together. I will say that we both had alot of insecurity. Me with his past ways, because he was a 'love em and leave em' kind of guy. Now I see that he had grown up alot. He's proved to me that he's not that way anymore, but I guess during the relationship, I was very insecure. That night we argued because of something I had asked him about during the relationship, he lied, and only now did I find out the truth. So when he asked why I was upset, that's why we fought. It wasnt like he cheated on me, but it was stilll a lie. Anyway, I realize now that alot of my insecurities didnt matter, that he was with me, and only me, but I couldnt get past HIS past at the time. Now I know better. I also know he takes nothing lightly and any decision to get back together will be totally thought through. However, he wants us to start as friends. So what does that mean? I mean, I dont want to date someone else, I want him, but I cant put my life on hold if he and I are going no where. I guess I just dont know how to handle this. He stated he still loved me, and he held me as I cried, where as usually he would get upset that I was emotional. So what now?? | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 11:24:40 AM | What now? I say take it one day at a time. Don't be in a big rush to go right back into a relationship.
Taking it slow and steady is the right way to do it. If you rush, you will fail. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 8:47:59 PM | | so ur saying i shouldnt make any attempts at contact even if its not related to getting back together? | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:57:59 PM |
so ur saying i shouldnt make any attempts at contact even if its not related to getting back together?
Especially if it's not related to getting back together. Read the part that talks about being friends with an ex. It serves absolutely NO PURPOSE but to keep you down and delay your healing process. In addition it keeps you from meeting other people and actually IMPEDES any reconcilliation with your ex.
There is no way your ex would want you back if you're still pining over them. You have to be over an ex completely before you can either reconcile OR find someone else. The point is you have to get you FIXED and out of the funk you are in. That's how you rebuild your confidence and self-esteem.
So no, I would not stay in contact with an ex for any reason unless there was a possible reconcilliation and they were doing the pursuing. If you have to pursue, you will not succeed. They have to want it as much or more than you do for it to succeed.
And even then, as I said before, if you reconcile you have to start from scratch. You can not pick up where you left off. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:58:11 PM | Thats some good advice. Very well said.
I was clingy with my ex. For two reasons. I have/had low self esteem and she lives so far away. She always told me I was definitely the one for her but since she lives in South Beach and me in cali it was destined to end. We got along on EVERy level. I miss her terribly but I am moving on. I am in better shape than ever. I stopped partying. I never contact her. I know she is with another guy and my thoughts that she will someday come back are fading.
I hope she does but I wil be fine if she does't. We are both 28 and dated for a year. Any input would be appreciated.
Thanks bro | |
|
slady
|
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 595 | |
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 7:27:10 AM | | Well we talked again last night. He says he enjoys us talking, but as far as a relationship, he just doesnt know. My thoughts, if you have to think that hard about being with someone, then they obviously arent the one for you. So, that said, I agree, us being friends is going to do nothing but harm. He apologized and said he will leave me be. Back to square one. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 9:56:51 AM |
I hope she does but I wil be fine if she does't. We are both 28 and dated for a year. Any input would be appreciated.
There's really nothing to add. You are doing the right thing with your life. It doesn't matter if she is going to come back or not. What matters is that you get yourself in the right frame of mind and healed up so that if she comes back you're in great shape and if she doesn't, you are STILL in great shape for someone else.
That's the beauty of this guide. It shows you that no matter what you have to get over your ex. To have a reconcilliation work out or to meet someone else.
The key to success is you. Nothing you do or say can control and ex. All you have control over is you and your life so it's best to take the reins and do whatever you can to improve yourself and leave the ex behind. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:00:43 PM | Enough about this guide. It is spoken of like it should be a verse in the Bible. Not only that, but constantly being promoted in other threads.
I have read this thread from the beginning to the end. I thought this thread was about wanting a second chance. But what I see over and over again, is advice to people to follow this guide and move on and let go. Not only that it is full of contradictions.
There are actually people out there, that truly believe in love, and believe some things are worth waiting for and fighting for. Hard to believe isnt it?
I completely disagree with this guide, and promoting NC, in my eyes is promoting abandonment. Not only does the other have to deal with pain from circumstances, but now pain from abandonment. Now really, if this happens, who in their right mind is going to return to their partner after this happens, because the fear will always be there that they will do it again. Hmm reconciliation after abandonment..I think not.
Maybe if this thread was called, how to move on, burn your bridges, and never look back, then I would be thinking differently. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:23:51 PM |
Enough about this guide. It is spoken of like it should be a verse in the Bible. Not only that, but constantly being promoted in other threads.
Because it applies to most breakups....
I have read this thread from the beginning to the end. I thought this thread was about wanting a second chance. But what I see over and over again, is advice to people to follow this guide and move on and let go. Not only that it is full of contradictions.
Then you don't understand a thing. In order for a second chance to work out you have to be OVER your ex....
There are actually people out there, that truly believe in love, and believe some things are worth waiting for and fighting for. Hard to believe isnt it?
No not at all. What's dumb is fighting for someone that at the current moment doesn't want to be with you. There is no bigger waste of time....
I completely disagree with this guide, and promoting NC, in my eyes is promoting abandonment.
Well let me see. Your ex abandons you and your solution would be what? Chase them and do stupid things that don't do anything to repair the relationship but instead push them away even further?
Not only does the other have to deal with pain from circumstances, but now pain from abandonment.
So do this. Continue to chase your ex and have her reject you and see how far that gets you. Not only will it totally destroy and second chance you might have, but will keep you down and out and anyone else who comes into your life that could be the RIGHT person for you simply finds someone in "better shape."
Now really, if this happens, who in their right mind is going to return to their partner after this happens, because the fear will always be there that they will do it again. Hmm reconciliation after abandonment..I think not.
Follow your ex like a puppy dog and see how that works for you....
Maybe if this thread was called, how to move on, burn your bridges, and never look back, then I would be thinking differently.
Well then you've missed the point. Because when a breakup happens and your life is shattered the best thing you can do is distance yourself from an ex and pull yourself together. That will not happen if you're sitting around pining over an ex. That is why second chances don't work. It's because we're left holding the pieces while the ex moves on happily with someone else.
Try your method and let me know how it works.... | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:43:43 PM | Thanks for the response, interesting I might add.
First of all, I was referring to the guide, so why is it that you personally attacked me?
You do not know of my situation, you do not know how I am handling my situation. With all due respect I do not owe any explainations to you, nor do I need to check in with you and tell you how things are working out for me. | |
|
| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:53:03 PM |
Thanks for the response, interesting I might add.
First of all, I was referring to the guide, so why is it that you personally attacked me?
Sorry, it wasn't meant to be personal. But the advice works and I've seen it first hand so to say it's bad advice is incorrect if used correctly.
You do not know of my situation, you do not know how I am handling my situation. With all due respect I do not owe any explainations to you, nor do I need to check in with you and tell you how things are working out for me.
If you're going to dismiss the advice then show me how, in your experience, it hasn't worked for you.
That's all I am asking. | |
|
|
| Page 24 of 56
|
16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56 |
|
Home
login 