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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/26/2006 11:14:16 PM | Apology accepted.
But like you, in forums, and in life, I too am entitled to my opinions.
No where did I state this guide was bad advice..my words were..I disagree
From the posts, I believe the guide has possibly helped some. But like others have said also, I too choose not to put it to use for my own reasons.
I am going to leave it that, or this thread will run the possibilty of being nuked, and us going to banned camp, and seeing that you really have been an inspiration to alot of people, I truly would not want to see that happen. Peace | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/27/2006 4:49:32 PM | | Thanks so much for the advice, yes I would like a second chance and yes I have grown, I totally agree with you, I do love her but you know it is about me and all God has in store for me, I've already been doing most of what you say as far as not replying right away, we don't talk that often but out of the blue she calls, who knows, all I know is about me, thanks Deaner | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/27/2006 6:11:59 PM | the x texted me this past friday to wish me a happy holiday and i texted back the same.
now there is another holiday coming up on monday? would there be any harm in me wishing him a happy holiday first this time? | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/28/2006 12:16:56 AM | I was actually wondering the same thing...
My ex's birthday is coming up. Should I remember it with either a call or an email? Or just ignore it? My biggest fear is that he might be taken aback that I even remembered, esp. since we're broken up now.
My birthday, coincidentally, is a week before his. I'm having a birthday party, and at first I was tempted to invite him, but I opted against that. I think that'd be too awkward. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 9/28/2006 12:47:24 AM | Looks like you have already majored in the school of life young man.
Excellence to say the very least.
Would there were a few more out there who look from your perspective.
Blessings
Tricia | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/1/2006 5:23:24 AM | Hi ya I just stumbed acrross your message while looking throu this site, It does hurt and is really sad but you will get there I went throu the same last year, he came back after a year of no contact which completely suprised me, although it took a year to get over him and I felt the worst pain ever I didnt want him afterwards sounds crazy but I bet thats how you will feel! Hang in there hes not worth it!!! Good luck find yourself another guy who will treat you like a princess!!!!  | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/2/2006 5:50:29 PM | | I'm glad you finally got over him, princess. A year is approximately how long it takes the vast majority of people to get over an important relationship. Sometimes, though, it's hard for me to blame him because it was more my fault that we broke up. We had been quarreling for a while, and we were both seriously contemplating ending it, but I was the one who officially broke it off, only to regret it a few days later. By then he told me that he had gotten over me the very next day, and had stopped having any feelings for me as soon as we broke up, which hurt me A LOT. Looking back on the relationship, there were so many times he really did treat me superbly well. I just took it all for granted, which was stupid of me. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/4/2006 7:03:06 PM | | I totally agree, if you are with the right person, there will never be a need for a second chance. Here is my story..........met what I thought was the perfect guy for me, I used to shake and get butterflies in my stomach everytime he held my hand........he left saying "remember my face I ll be your husband one day" (which now I understand he never meant)! Still have his pictures, his letters, firefighter t shirts...........we were never boyfriend and girlfriend, but i've never felt like that about anyone ever in my life, it was crazy! THings did not work out for certain reasons. I did call him one summer, he told me he can't be friends with me because he has a girlfriend and it would complicate things, it killed me my stomach was turning. A year or so later, I emailed him, he was single, we both decided to go out and hang out, it was the biggest mistake ever; although I was the happiest girl ever,everyone could tell, Domenic was back in my life. We went and had chinese food at the same place we went 2 years before, and my favourite song came on, trully madly deeply,,,,,he remembered that when we were there 2 years ago the song came on too; i felt like it was a sign, and my feelings for him had never changed. Even though I never had a chance to tell him how I felt, I had loved this guy for almost 4 years now, never once told him. Basically, he asked what we are, and when I wanted to talk about it he told me he IS NOT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE............that's when i felt so sick to my stomach turned my back and never looked back. Now I understand he was into playing games and does not deserve a girl like me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,nobody should should waste their time on second chances, at least for me now I know that there will never be a Julia and Domenic, or a Julia and all my ex boyfriends!!!!!!! It was hard but has made me so strong, it's unbelievable how much I suffered over an IDIOT! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/4/2006 8:55:51 PM | You got it bang on Jarbarian....
I've been there - and you've spoken the truth. If she's feeling trapped by you not letting go, the best thing you can do is to OPEN THE DOOR and let her out.
Her thinking MAY change from "How the hell do I get out of this" to "Do I really WANT to get out of this".
For years, I'd heard that ol cliche, "If you love someone, set them free. If she comes back to you, she's yours. If she doesn't, she never was" - never rang so true.
Funny thing though. Without exception, every woman in my life who has dumped me, has come back, wanting "another chance". But after picking myself up, I had already attracted someone new, and quite honestly, better and I wasn't interested in rekindling anything.
Not sure what the lesson learned there is, but i'm pretty sure it might be about commitment and the only way to celebrate a 25th wedding anniversary is to recognize that there will be dark times and disappointment in a marriage - you can choose to quit, or get to the other side together.
(Quitters usually find out they have the same problems or worse with the next relationship, because nothing was ever resolved) - duh, right?
Bob | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/5/2006 9:49:06 AM | Good post, Bob. I agree. If you let them go and they don't come back well then, you have your answer and you've not wasted a load of your time on someone that doesn't want to be with you.
If they do come back, then you know they really want to be with you. At that point you're strong enough to decide if you really wanted them in the first place or if you were infatuated with them. | |
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| i need some advice!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 5:43:14 AM | hi guys! first of all i'd like to thank jabarian for the great idea of this forum: IT REALLY HELPS!! My story is a bit complicated, but i'll try to explain it as clear as possible, so i can have good advice. I'm 19, we met at school (he was my teacher, and now is 28 years old). We had a good relationship in the classroom, but nothing more than than, then when the school year finished we began to chat and send some mails...he had a girlfriend....but was going through a difficult time (and he talked to me about that!) and by that time i know i felt more than a friend feeling. When mails began, then we couldn't stop! we sent to each other huge mails, we had so much in common! our souls were so alike! we liked the same music and had so many simmilarities, that we began to like this of contacting each other...we met a couple of times....and then i told him i'd been confused (but i really WAS confused!) and he told me he had also felt confused, but "not any more"...and we continued being "good friends".....summerizing....i went to USA for a month, and the night before i left, he kissed me....i felt so many butterflies in my stomach!!!!!!.....and then i left.....it was a hard month....but i got back and went back to him. He had broke with his girfriend, and we began to date. At the beginning it was difficult cause no one in the school had to know (although he had quitted when i arrived from USA)....and well....we ad such a beautiful couple!!!! :) But he is so sensitive, so good guy that he began to call me 7 times a day!!! he always did what i wanted...i was the one who decded...and that became to get me tired! not at the beginning, but then. I felt awful, because i did not have the same attitude, and i began to feel that he loved me more and all that shit that we can begin to think...he didn't deserve this....etc etc etc.....so i talked to him and said to finish the relationship. HE WAS BROKEN....called me crying, sent me sad mails...etc... and i loved him so much! that we got back after 20-30 days....but we did not change anything, so things kept on going the same way. I began to get tired, didn't want to kiss him (didn't feel like doing it)....my libido was on the floor...i was like bored of doing always what i wanted..... so i talked to him again, after a year of the last cut...and as i saw there was no solution being together....i told him to break up again...for the second time...........BUT THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT. He didn't contact me any more, didn't call, or mailed, NOTHING. And i was obviously dying to contact him (i have to say that i never felt i didn't love him any more....but i felt that love had turned to an "intimate friend's love"...)....so i began to feel that i wanted to see him, to hold him (yeah, you guys will be saying "women.....!!!!"), so i called him a couple of times...and the first time we saw each other after the break, he kissed me and we had an encounter.....then we didn't talk anymore and we met again..and we really acted as boyfriends! kissed each other, hug, etc....and the third time we met, we had sex...but i felt him kind of cold......i mean he kissed me and all that but i felt i was the only one that needed to hug and kiss him all the time.....i went home, and he didn't communicated since then...so two days later i sent a txt msg and told him that the casual encounters were hurting me, and that i needed to know what will we do.......he called me, we talked for an hour, he didn't know what to do, but what he knew was that : HE COULDN'T CAME BACK WITH ME AT LEAST NOT ATTHAT MOMENT..... (it sounds funny right? i broke up and was the one wanting to come back, but he didn't!!!!)...so he told me not to talk or see each other any more at least until a concert we are having on oct 11..(and have the tickets before we broke)...so 2 weeks passed by, and i couldn't resist any more, so i called him....we talked...and he was so cold again!!!!!! "its the same for me to meet tonight (sunday) or on wednesday"...i'm tired today....god! i was dying to see him and he acted so indifferent! (i understand all the same....) so we met....and he stood cold and told me he was great, hanging out with friends, living his "28 years old for the first time", bored of his job...deciding if he goes or not to USA to begin his master on biology (we was offered to go some months ago...but if he decides to go, he will be leaving for 4 years!!!!!!!!!)....and then the question came......"and how'r you?"..and i couldn't resist so much pain, and i began to cry.........so we left the bar and stayed in the street talking....(me crying, he talking)....and then he could show me he wasn't "that ok" and began to cry too....he told me he wasn't ok, that he felt like lost, not ok with his family or friends and with a lot of inner doubts (the thirties crisis they call it.....) and that he didn't know what he wanted to do with our situaction but that he could see i needed a definition, so he told me "continue with your life, go out with friends, continue with college....i don't know what i want but i can't tell you to wait for something that maybe never comes....the future is unpredictable..." i need time.....and at the same moment he told me crying "i don't know if this i'm telling you is what i need or what i don't want"......and after some more tears and a tight hug........i went home......dying inside (his answer really surprised me! wasn't he the one that always did what i wanted? wasn't he the one that depended on me?)....... well....26 days had passed since that day....and i'm still blocked on his msn messenger.......and we had NO CONTACT at all.........The thing is that in 4 days we're having the concert....(his brother, 21 years old, is coming too)...and he has my ticket.....and today i can say that i'm going! but i'm really afraid.....i KNOW HE LOVES ME.....we've been together for 2,5 years and shared so much together!!!!! we were the perfect couple, but he was too perfect, too good, too nice, and i needed some "action" to say it some way...i needed to hear a "no", a "i don't want to", “I’d like to” or something! when things are so easy they become boring, and apart from that i could not know him at all if he did not show me what he liked or preferred!!! BUT, I WAS SAYING,......IM AFRAID!!!! Anything can happen......but since the day we met....26 days ago...i suffered so much.......didn't want to get out of my house....didn't want to talk about my pain....so i stayed at home, talked a lot to my mother and cried my eyes out!!! Today I can say I feel stronger…at least I could avoid contact….but on 4 days we’ll meet again….So I hope you can give me some advice guys!!!! Do you think he’ll talk to me about any decision? And if he doesn’t…should I tell him to give me any answer? Because, I mean, he told me to continue with my life and stuff like that but showed me so many doubts! And doubts mean HOPE for me! So I cant end this story, because it’s no time for an end, but I feel I can’t go on with my life because I’m like in the “waiting” position….IT’S SO HARD!!!!!! I guess that the day of the concert I will get a clue of whats going on with him…….and that when it ends he’ll tell me to talk….or something like that……I’M SO HURT THAT FEAR INVADES ME, and sometimes I feel he will tell me to come back……..and some other times I feel he will tell me to please end the relationship, that it’s O-V-E-R……
So my question is…SHOULD I GO TO THE CONCERT? He has my ticket so if he doesn’t contacts me to go….should I call him? I love the band and would hate to lose the money of the ticket, and of course not seeing the band….and I asked a lot of people, but some tell me to go and others not to do so….. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????? | |
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| i need some advice!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 6:52:23 AM | | Ahh 2nd chances. if your a young person, try to understand that you have so much of life ahead of you. In this day and age how is it that after one or two relationships in ones life can become so tramatic. I`m a 49 year old man, I had many heart breaks and I`ve caused many a heart to hurt as well. I posted a comment on a thread of how after 6 weeks the husband wanted back and she did`nt know what to do. Well again I will use these same words. Once you have walked through a door and have closed it behind you, do not reopen, keep walking forward, once you`ve crossed a bridge that is now burnt, do not rebuild, in the same spot. Build a new one. The human heart is like a Diamond, strong, virtually unbreakable, and can be mended with time, a smile, in a feeling that you`ll know when it`s there. Life is so short to dwell on " poor ole me, he/she broke up with me and now I`m wallowing in self destruction because of it". My ex and I are good friends ,and I do not want a second chance, nor does she, but by the same token moving forward is not calling each other to say " all these what later on have no meaning words" you know the I miss you`s, the I can`t stop thinking about you stuff. Understand if did`nt work out the first time, it`ll will never work. My ex and I spent over two decades trying to make it work, meeting,dating,marriage,kids,home,perfect life we showed the world. Yet down deep I knew myself that it was all for show. Don`t get me wrong I love my kids and am a responsible Dad and a good financially rewarding person to my ex. But we want no more second chances. You can return to each other and forgive, but you will never FORGET, the damage that has been done to your heart, there for true happiness will and can never be achieved as it once was like ,the first time. As in most cases that I read here, I hear, I still love him/her and don`t know what to do. My opinion never look back at where you`ve been, Always look forward, it will prevent you from walking into the wall, you yourself have made by looking back. My opinion if he/she sez I need time to think, (bet on it`s thinking about how to find the go-nads to tell you "BYE BYE") True love is so far and few these days, as we and I mean "we" all know we are all very materialistic and think about what can I do for me. There for LOVE is put so far on the back burner it does`nt ever simmer. And I can attest to this, I have accomplished all I`ve ever wanted, with the help of my ex of course. The only thing we forgot to do was to take time out for each other. And so then came the time where I said "I need time to think about us". Knowing all the time my thought was "I so need to get away from her" When it all was over, there were no tears, no #$$%^%^&& words, just a mutual feeling that it`s time and best to move on, and that there would be no SECOND CHANCE. | |
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alu
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Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 617 | |
| i need some advice!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 12:22:55 PM | | thx for the advice. sometimes its hard to stop thinking about her and having another guy inside of her while i still thought we were together. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:03:24 AM | | i did the oppisite of what you said mot to do and my ex came back to me everything you said is the truth and some people should follow that advice but like i said on my part i won back doing the opposite | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/10/2006 2:00:18 PM |
i did the oppisite of what you said mot to do and my ex came back to me everything you said is the truth and some people should follow that advice but like i said on my part i won back doing the opposite
If you don't mind I would love to see you post your story in great detail of how it worked for you...
I am assuming you did most of what my advice says (i did the oppisite of what said mot to do?????)..... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:14:17 PM | Notice that you didn't hear from him until you made the move to MOVE ON. Is he a stalker? Sounds like you are really honest and sweet and he is a possessive creep, intent upon finding someone new before you do. He didn't like the idea of 'you not hurting and longing for him anymore'. Don't go back (unless I am completely off base, which wouldn't be the first time).
Get over him. Get a date with one of these guys following your story (hey, somebody, take this girl out!) and refuse to get back with that ex. If he really wants you he will have to get over his addiction to causing pain. Keep him AND your new men on your calendar. Don't allow yourself to be monopolized again until you are engaged.
I am rooting for you, Sweetheart. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:17:38 PM | Will somebody teach me how to insert the specific quote you wish to reference? I don't 'get' the instructions
Be very detailed, I can be slow on the uptake | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/11/2006 8:35:56 AM |
Will somebody teach me how to insert the specific quote you wish to reference? I don't 'get' the instructions.
copy the text you want to quote.
hit reply.
look to the far right above the smilies. ---------------------->
it shows you exactly how to quote.
[ quote ] text you want to quote [ /quote ]
Pretty much like that without the spaces between the words quote and the brackets. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 10/11/2006 4:05:12 PM | i do agry with all of it but you forgot to tell them
they will always have the little voice in the back of there mind wondering
will it happen again every time they walk out the door how relly whants to live like that oh it does go away after a long time for me it was about 10 years before i could trust again
and then here wee go again and yes i may have been part of the problem i am sure of it
does anyone want to live like that what you say is thru i do it and live it and taking nots from the past not to repet them and oh yes it hepend twice but a therd time no i could not those same feers would still be there move oon thats the way to go after doing what you have said
i agry | |
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| hey my name is tammy
Posted: 10/14/2006 9:57:04 PM | i recently met this guy .an we really like each other. but i want to date him . but he sayes i have a chance with him.but how can i tell if he really likes me?i talk to him on the phone ever day an he stayed with me the first an second nite.an the third nite he spent time with his kids . an he leaves to go back off shore monday an it really hurts . would i be wrong if i started to fall in love with him already? r should i not call hom an just let him call me r what should i do ? help me please. Tammy     | |
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