| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 4:05:11 AM | Sound advice and I definitely agree with the no contact advice although it hurts my personal conscience a lot because it just doesn't feel like a nice thing to do.
But you're right in that if any form of contact comes up it seems to reset your feelings and emotions to default. Those feelings might not be as strong or persistant as before but it's step back rather than foward. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 5:48:36 AM | DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS FORUM HAS 52 PAGES OF SO YOU WANT A SECOND CHANCE...
How sad is that...
THEY KEEP ASKING FOR A SECOND CHANCE...and this will continue after 100 pages...since they never get it...and think they can have more chances.
GET IT...WAKE UP AND LOOK AT THIS THREAD.
Tell them to GROW UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN LIVES AND NOT OTHERS AND STOP THE PITY ACT...put LOVE everywhere, and TRUST IN YOURSELF, and I will tell you this, this thread will STOP.
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:14:15 AM | Thank you...
I only wish I would have come across your guide a month ago when she did seeem to miss me but I had found out that she had started seeing someone and pretty much lost my mind over it. I see that all I did was push her further away.
This heart break has been an absolute nightmare but on the positive side I've gained some valuable advice on respect and boundaries.
I think I need to chock this one up to lesson learned and move on. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:00:37 AM |
(Msg 1274) Easy to say as she rides this new found emotional high and gains confidence outside our marriage.. ( I want to know everything she does but I know it's not healthy)
So, you need an emotional high. Start by renting a Post Office box. Then place an AD in the local papers in the Personal Column.
Check out what's called "Meet Up". Maybe there's one near you.
Get out of the house. Let her wonder what YOU are doing. 
(Msg 1278) This heart break has been an absolute nightmare but on the positive side I've gained some valuable advice on respect and boundaries.
It's never to late to switch. (Just a friendly reminder.) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 5:38:14 PM | I read all through this whole thread and decided to write my ex and apologize for my behavior and explain my feelings a little better.
I received a text from her this afternoon saying that she'd forgive me for the way I acted if I promised to be nice to her from now on and be a friend. She also said that she wants me to come visit her at the end of the summer.
I haven't replied yet..I don't know what to say and I don't want to mess things up again. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:17:14 PM |
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS FORUM HAS 52 PAGES OF SO YOU WANT A SECOND CHANCE...
How sad is that...
Oh, don't be so harsh.... Give this thread another chance! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 9:14:30 PM | | Well, no offense, but I think this is just crap. If he needed some time alone, that just means away from you. He's a cheater, you shouldn't be looking for reconciliation. You just need to move on. I've heard this crap before, and it's always an excuse for, "I'm getting it somewhere else now, if it doesn't work out, I'll take you back!" When I fal in love, and I'm sure everybody here will back me; I don't want to be without you. I want you home with me. Snuggle up on that bed or couch. Let's get some real quality time together. That needing some time to be alone is shit. That's the death rattle. Move on to somebody who will appreciate you. He's a player. He's had you and left. He doesn't really think that much of you then. I've never gotten back together with any woman that needed time to think. Hope this helps. It ain't happening. Not for long. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:09:13 PM |
I read all through this whole thread and decided to write my ex and apologize for my behavior and explain my feelings a little better.
I received a text from her this afternoon saying that she'd forgive me for the way I acted if I promised to be nice to her from now on and be a friend. She also said that she wants me to come visit her at the end of the summer.
I haven't replied yet..I don't know what to say and I don't want to mess things up again.
Don't reply at all...and don't be her "friend". If you do that, she will never respect you. You shouldn't accept breadcrumbs of her affection if you seek much, much more! And if that is the case, my suggestion to you is to let her go. If it's meant to be, it will happen. The more you communicate with her, the more opportunities you have to screw it up :) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:29:56 PM |
So I should just ignore her or should I tell her I can't be her friend?
The notion that you would "wait around" for her until the end of summer while she sows her wild oats with someone else should answer that question for you.
Do you love and respect yourself? If so, the answer is clear. You don't have time for someone like her. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:55:35 PM | | I would do that it is my fault she left in the first place. I was the one that was unfaithful. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:29:48 AM |
(Msg 1286) I would do that it is my fault she left in the first place. I was the one that was unfaithful.
In that case MAKE NICE! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/10/2009 8:11:04 PM |
I would do that it is my fault she left in the first place. I was the one that was unfaithful.
Then show your true love to her and let her go find someone who will be faithful to her.... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:02:06 PM | | Okay maybe that's not quite what happened. She asked for time away. I took it as her leaving me but trying to let me down easy. So we sort of broke up. I ran into my ex who was also a really good friend. Anyway she told me she was still in love with me, I got confused and I didn't want to hurt anymore over my current girlfriend so I kind of went with it. I felt guilty right away and I knew I needed to tell my current gf what was going on. I thought I wanted my ex back because she knew what she wanted and she was sure that was me. My current gf didn't really know for sure if she wanted to be with me, just that she did love me. I'm not okay with cheating so I told my current gf that we were done and I wanted to be with my ex again. Really I didn't even know that I wanted to do that but I thought at that point there was no turning back. As soon as I walked away I had a sinking feeling that I just made a big mistake and it just kept getting worse. A long story short I believe that saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone". I told my ex I had made a mistake, that I really do love my current gf. I told her that it was wrong for me to be with her just because she loves me, if I don't feel the same. I feel like I'm a monster now, I've hurt 2 people. I went to my current gf and after a lot of talking she agreed to give me a second chance. I was so happy and I knew when I woke up the next day without a doubt that I made the right choice. I also underestimated the wrath of my ex. She somehow got my current gf's # and called her and decided they needed to have a heart to heart. My gf was not too happy that I had shared some personal info with my ex when I had been drinking. After that she didn't know if forgiving me was possible but she still wanted me around. I did the breadcrumb thing that you've talked about. I promise this is ending soon. I just wanted you to get an idea of the whole picture. Last she gets a really good job offer in another state. She says that it will be just for the summer and she'll be back when the summer is over. So she leaves and were good for a couple weeks but then she starts to worry about what I'm doing and says that maybe we should just do our own thing then when she comes back we'll see how we feel. She started calling me less and less. We share a phone bill and I started to notice this # on the bill more and more. I ask her about it and she tells me it's nothing they are just friends but my bill shows that they talk around the clock, even when she's working and says she's too busy to text me but she texts this girl all night long. There were other things as well but everytime I asked her she said it's nothing and I'm just paranoid and that she wants to be by herself. So that's when I started to get crazy and you pretty much know the rest. So am I insane? | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:18:33 PM | HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU...anymore
the reality is he has moved on, don't focus on what it used to be ...focus on what is | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/20/2009 9:20:36 AM | This thread and a few others proved to be very valuable to me in the not so distant past.
I want to pass along some info from my experience to hopefully help others who may be in a similar situation.
After a big fight the ex (were together for about a year) went to stay at a friends place and announced that she was going to be moving out. I spent so much time and effort in the next few weeks trying to work things out with her. I was miserable that she was leaving.
This was when rule #2 - no contact became so valuable for my situation. I said to myself that I was miserable with this girl for quite a while so something is really wrong here for me to be so upset. This was not a girl that I should have been heartbroken over because there were many reasons why I was so unhappy in the situation - between EVERYTHING always being so one sided (compromising, effort put into the relationship), the drug addiction that was kept a secret from me for the first few months, and how toxic she was - projecting her misery onto me from things that happened in her past (this girl took away my lost my self esteem, my confidence and my smile).
Ending this relationship was sort of like quitting a bad habit like smoking. After getting the "addiction" of the relationship out of my system (having someone to talk to at home, the companionship) and having time to myself I went to a counsellor because this just doesn't make sense - why am I so heartbroken over a situation that I was so miserable in? Why have I been begging a girl to work things out with me that treated me like crap for the most part? None of these things made sense. The counsellor was VERY helpful and I only wish I would have went to see him right away instead of letting a month pass.
The no contact rule allows you to think objectively and not emotionally.
This was a relationship that I should have been relieved to see come to an end. I wish I wouldn't have wasted two months of my life after things ended in moving on with my life and getting back to the old me that I missed so much. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:56:29 AM | | me and my ex broke up 3 wks ago he said he needed time i asked him for second chance and things has got alot worse instead of better ive tried calling him and txt and hes ignoring all calls now i was so in love with this guy its got me an emotional wreck i cant eat or sleep and i also cant stop thinking about him i was with him 6mths | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/24/2009 12:33:14 PM | | THE NO CONTACT RULE IS THE BEST WAY. EVEN THOUGH I BROKE IT MANY TIMES. AND EVEN THOUGH MY LOVE AND I ARE LOOK PROMISING FOR A SECOND CHANCE AFTER MONTHS OF BEING APART. WHEN WE CRY, AND ACT LIKE BEGGERS FOR THERE ATTENTION ,THEY FEEL ALITTLE GUILTY, AND ALOT BOTHERED. WE BRING OUT EMOTIONS THEY DONT WANT TO FEEL. AND WE DONT WANT THEM TO FEEL THAT WAY . EVERYONE WANTS TO BE WITH A WINNER, SOMEONE STRONG AND CONFIDENT. GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO MIS YOU, AND YOU THE CHANCE TO PUT YOURSELF BACK TOGETHER. THE LESS I MISSED MY LOVE THE MORE HE WANTED ME BACK; Soraya | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/24/2009 1:31:09 PM | all i have to say to the original poster fo this thread is thank you deeply not only have you givin me great advice about the future you also shown me where i might have gone wrong in the past i was in a six year relationship which ended up with us having two children together also posted as why do good things go so bad when they seemed so perfect if you want the details long story short after six years of being together she said she didnt feel the same and now after reading your thread i understand where i went wrong because in truth i was a very needy person and that might have overwhelmed her into leaving. but after having read this i will do ny best to follow these guidelines to eventually find happiness whether its with her or not although the pain still remains with the situation with our children having to go back and forth. other than that great post i do believe you have really helped | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/24/2009 5:45:17 PM | Drutherford, you are welcome my friend.
I hope things work out for you in the future.
J. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/25/2009 10:19:28 AM | Awesome !! I normally do not read long posts, but this one....well, glad I did.
A great list even for just getting over someone, without the thought of wanting them back.... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/25/2009 12:21:17 PM | YOU are so RIGHT ON with it all!!! Horray for you. There is a no second chance. what do people think, the two people are the same, have the same feelings, issues, ect within themselves, they been there done that already. Why exploit one's self to the same pity potty routine story? Kick the trash to the curb where it belongs no matter who you are. Life goes on, why don't people do the same.  | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:28:45 AM | | Im only 2 months into this breakup and reading this is amazing....in a way it makes me feel a little better...at this point im over the hump and its not as nagging on my mind...however i often wonder how the hell it even came to this point...i believed i was used...the thing i lost sight of was....actions speak louder than words....ive had one text in 2 months and it was a strange one as though he was weighing things out in his mind...hes moved on and is dating someone 17 years younger...at first it was shocking cuz i do believe he was cheating at work...then when he ended up with someone at work duh puzzle pieces seem to fit together...funny thing is....am just kinda numb like wtf are you thinking...and it actually kinda makes me laf in a way...ive met a few guys and talked to them and even went out with one twice...thing is right now im just not ready to get involved with someone...i have no trust right now not even in myself...my x did a really good number on me and i let him obviously and therefore if i allowed all this crap hes no more to blame than i am...that shits not cool....its true i finially curb kicked him in anger but it had went south months before that and it was just the final straw to send me to this point...he use to manipulate my mind and tell me you brought me here u just cant kick me out...i use to fall for that but when it came down to it that nite when he disappeared to party all nite with his 'friends' id had it period and like i told him when he returned the next morning....the first time shame on you...the second time shame on me...there wont be a third....i dont doubt we could of worked out our problems...i just think that the deck was stacked against us at that point in our lives...and where i cant be a hater and i acknowledge where i went wrong in the relationship im glad that i had that experience to grow on...do i want him back...would i like a second chance...a month a go i would of said hell yes....but as i sit here today and read through 52 pages of people like me...i can honestly say no the trust is gone...it was gone long before that ...and without trust folks the foundation of the relationship crumbles...hey thank you for letting me think out loud...if you actually knew what i went thru your mouth would drop to the floor lol....glad it happened to me and not you...hugs to all | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:35:15 AM | | I just want to say thank you for sharing.... Very good words of wisdom!.. I'm sure they have made a difference to many. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:59:39 AM | I just wanted to say thank you for writing what you did. Although, in the past, I may have broken a few of those "no-nos"..I have learned from them. I know now that if I am ever put in that situation again I will be able to stay strong!
The motto to live by:..."Plant your own garden, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers"...
Thanks Again!:)
P.S. HAPPY MOM'S DAY TO ALL OF YOU GREAT MOTHERS!!!!! | |
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