| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:26:54 PM |
If you love and respect yourself you simply walk away from people who take you for granted. If they'll do it now, they'll do it again in the future. Besides, if they really wanted to be with you, neither hell nor high water would stop them from finding you. You don't have to pursue them, they'll find you.
In the end, this is what it really all comes down to.
Second chance is HIGHLY OVERRATED! Why give that person another free shot at breaking your heart? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:23:03 AM | that's a pretty cool post. i noticed it was posted in 2006. it's now Jul 2009. has of any of you or anyone you know tried with these guidelines and actually got their exes back?
thanks. Wendy | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:50:55 PM | Wendy,
Working thru a lot of these guidelines right now. No...have not gotten an ex back yet. But, then again, even if the latest ex showed up I'm at the point that I wouldn't take her back. I fully realize that it was just not meant to be and it's better to just let this one go.
Much better.
I'm focusing my efforts on ME for the time being. Getting fit, jumping back into hobbies that I love (and understand that my ex would never be a part of), and understanding what went wrong (in my case, a broken picker).
Hope that helps.
Paul ;) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/28/2009 12:55:43 PM | | Smartest thread ever sent to me, by fortygeek, thank forty and thanks op.... this is really helping me out right now as far as just simply letting go instead of trying to constantly win her back through contact. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/28/2009 5:07:35 PM |
that's a pretty cool post. i noticed it was posted in 2006. it's now Jul 2009. has of any of you or anyone you know tried with these guidelines and actually got their exes back
You've missed the point of the thread. I know it's misleading but the crux of my post was simply to help you move on as quickly as possible and meet someone new. Not really to get your ex back.
As one poster admitted, once you reach a certain point, you shouldn't want your ex back anymore. You should be looking forward to meeting someone new who loves you just as you are.
Anyone who is willing to walk away from you, do you really want that person in your life?
"Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option."
Cheers. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:09:24 PM | ..well, I've started reading this thread from the beginning...on page 12 now I believe.
I'm 22, and my ex is 19. She's a model in Toronto and has fallen for a 26yr old alpha male beefcake meathead.
LONG story short, she left me in early june, then went back and forth between whom to go with which turned me into a complete and utter wuss. I've read the David DeAngelo e-book and I more or less did everything opposite, and that's even AFTER I read the bloody thing.
She has trust issues with me, though I have never cheated. Vis versa.
She dropped the bomb on me this past Friday and it was harsh. It was like a raped her homeland and starved her children. She figured I was lying to her when I told her I was on my way to my sister's work in Toronto with her and I wasn't able to meet up at that exact time to see her. Fine. She then called back 5mins later and she asked what I'm doing because as I answered my cell I was talking to my sister in the background. I told her I was on my to my sisters. She then thought I was lying about the whole thing, and when I went to explain to her that I had to go back to my sisters because she forgot her apron (she works at a studio bar) she proceeds to rip me a new verbal assshole.
It was awful. For four days, and even after she dumped me half-asssly in early June, I've been a mental car wreck. Never been involved in this sort or relationship mess with the girl fighting between one and the other.
I SHOULD have listened and threw the no contact, indifferent side to her. But no dice, I helped her move into her apartment (the meathead u-haled it to Toronto when she in June) via going to Ikea, setting up furniture, doing a whole hell of a lot of errands, and never really truly enjoying myself due to the cloud of him over me. Now, if I would have hidden that in myself at the time and let her know I'm a capable provider, she probably wouldn't have lost the physical attraction she has for me, which stung BIG TIME.
Anyhow, without dragging that into the ground any further, on July 19 she emailed me this: "You need to move on... Immediately. Because I have and I can never go back. We slept together and I can't take back that feeling of being in his arms and how he just wants me to be me. I can't control these feelings as much as I want back what we had. I'm truly sorry for your pain because you are a great guy."
I was retartedly devestated. Never in my life have I been more flatlined before. Then a week ago she calls me on my cell that we share a plan on (which I no longer use after I destroyed the SIN card on Saturday) and we talk...then talk again at night and I turned into one of those I Love You etc tards and she even said to me "you keep pushing me away and closer to kristian"...I felt like such a loser. Clearly I have ruined everything.
Anyways, after the blow up on Friday and her reiterating the fact that she's done with me and chose her new beefcake on Saturday (while also kindly pointing out the fact that they've had sex, without going into too much detail).
She sends me an email today (I've since deleted it) saying "call me I'm worried about you."
No thanks. I'm not ready. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:35:34 PM | ^^^ DO NOT CALL!!! She is/has been playing you. Sounds like a spoiled brat that needs to grow up- she is 19 after all. Sounds like you really cared for her & she did not return the feeling- we all go thru it- but its still a shitty feeling.
get rid of the cell phone plan & delete her #. Move on- take a breather; go out with friends, family & get yourself together. (God I sound like your mom!) but when my ex dumped me- that is what my friends told me, they were very supportive.. it can be really hard but will be better for you in the end. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Good luck!! | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 3:38:36 PM | Preciate the advice Joanne...that's what a lot of people have been saying to me...
...sooner or later I think I will call her back....iunno | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:32:15 PM |
sooner or later I think I will call her back....iunno
Why? She doesn't care. Sure...her words make you think that she cares, but her actions tell a completely different story.
I think you need to go back to page 1 and re-read the part about no contact until you have it memorized. Every time contact is made you basically have to start over, especially in the first 1-2 months after a breakup. Do what you can to eliminate your connections to this woman (the cell plan has got to go), then force yourself to go no contact. The longer you delay this step, the longer it takes you to recover.
Paul ;) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 4:39:06 PM | Yeah, your right. I won't contact her for a while. I'll see when she sends another e-mail this way...when I received her e-mail at work, a huge rush of warmness filled my body...butterflies, the whole deal...reality's harsh.
She said she wanted to be 'best friends' etc...Even last Wednesday she wanted me to go to this model get together that night, which I've already been to one of them before during the whole "hmmm, which one do I want?" phase she went through...
There's no way in hell I'm being friends...eff that nonsence.
It's all about the physical attraction. She's lost it in me, and gained it with beefcake...lovely times we live in.. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 5:49:38 PM |
...sooner or later I think I will call her back....iunno
And when you do, you'll be right back to where you started. This won't do you any good. It doesn't hurt her, it doesn't make her miss you, it doesn't help repair any damage.
All it does is VALIDATE her at YOUR expense.
This is why NC is so important.
Listen, here is the best advice I can give you: If someone REALLY wants to be with you, neither hell nor high water will stop them from finding you. And you don't have to do a THING. In fact, the more you try and stay in contact, the more you will screw things up....and screw yourself up in the process. But, if you leave her alone with her thoughts, you'll look better. She'll have to WONDER what you're up to (this is why blocking them on Social Networking sites is important) instead of you removing all doubt.
In the meantime, follow the guide and move ON with your life. Friends, hobbies, working out, etc. There will be other women, I promise you.
And at 19, she doesn't know what she wants. She has a lot of growing up to do. It's best you let her do that on her own while YOU enjoy the company of someone who wants to be with you.
Cheers. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:21:19 PM | thanks jabarian for passing on a great wisdom
i'd say its good to spend some time on your own to reflect things you did wrong on previous relationships and take a break from dating. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:45:08 PM | Naturally your right...I've heard to give it a minimum of 21 days without contact...but if she's contacting you after the 4th, then I guess I'd assume the same set of rules apply.
It's depressing in all aspects as we all know. I've been working out for years but, until a few days ago, finally perfected a weekly workout schedule for myself...baby steps I suppose...in due time
Your a solid character Jarbarian.
minako79: I think it all boils down to confidence in self & self respect. I lacked, therefore I failed. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 7/29/2009 8:22:10 PM |
I think it all boils down to confidence in self & self respect. I lacked, therefore I failed.
You're welcome. As for confidence and self-respect, read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). The book is all about teaching me to build confidence and self-esteem (not how to be a jerk, but how to NOT be a door mat!). | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:53:43 PM | | ..is there a thread anywhere in here that has a running title along the lines of 'my ex dumped me for another guy' etc...could use some stories...I'm a wreck. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:09:31 PM |
..is there a thread anywhere in here that has a running title along the lines of 'my ex dumped me for another guy' etc...could use some stories...I'm a wreck.
AYP, we've all been there. I know it's a struggle, but you have to understand something. I recommended a book to you. It's not until you read the book and let the philosophical thoughts sink in that you'll understand much better.
It doesn't matter why she left. She's gone and in the past. There's no greater waste of time in your life than "driving your car while staring in the rear view mirror." Yes, I know that's easy to say but as someone who's been in your shoes once (or twice) in life before, I can tell you it gets much better.
Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's what you do with that time that matters how soon you'll heal.
Read the book man. I'm telling you. It will be an epiphany for you... | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:51:07 PM | Yeah...it's rough...just some of the things she comes up with when talking about him to me...and I listen...I mean, how retarted is that...Instant burial of ones self.
Went to the local Chapters today and no dice on the No More Mr. Nice Guy...out of copies, how lovely. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 12:06:04 AM | AYP,
I want to second that epiphany that Jarbarian talks about. I got the book a few months ago and it has been a real eye opener. You will not be sorry.
You can get No More Mr. Nice Guy from Amazon for about $10 and have it at your door in 3-5 days with standard shipping.
Paul ;) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 1:59:29 PM | | Heh, that reminds me. I should probably read my copy again. I highly suggest reading it then doing a bi-yearly review to make sure you're on track. Even I need a refresher from time to time to make sure I don't fall backwards. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/4/2009 6:41:08 AM | Having just begun my journey, I'm still reading it every other DAY. A lot of 'nice guy' behaviors to monitor in the beginning.
Paul ;) | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/4/2009 1:19:06 PM | | What perfect timing to come across this thread as I was seriously considering taking my EX back after he cheated on me. I am already in the process of some of these DONT'S. Thank you for posting this, I need to read it tonight and gain some better perspective. xoxo | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:26:18 PM | | If you are given a second chance its a good opportunity to change yourself for the better. | |
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| So you want a second chance?
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:52:02 PM | If by some random act of nature... someone decides to give you a second chance, I say you change what you did wrong and keep it that way... it's hard for people to give second chances sometimes.
I gave my ex a second chance once... and I learned my lesson. Would I do it again? I don't know really... it would depend on the one I'm with.
If I did something wrong like cheat... I wouldn't expect a second one. I mean once I screw up like that with someone I'm with, I think it's best for me to leave... the person won't trust me the same again... so why not just cut it then and there? | |
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