Tried the second chance route, finding I walked on egg shells, I am not a quitter in a relationship. Now realized I was changing to suit his demands, and he was playing head games. It wasn't me, but him.... he has some deep seated issues. The last breakup was his doing again. He wanted as he said, a girlfriend, boyfriend relationship without the commitment. Come to the point in seeing it's his lost, and I am now hopeful to find a stable, good man in my life.
Good luck everyone!

Jarbarian - you are the relationship God of POF- bless you baby
=----"can we move in now?"
love to you and the time you spend helping others.

Cheers J,

Will take a trip to the bookstore tomorrow, but with so many recommended reads, which would be the best - my circumstance, is to get over her and move on, with the slim hope she realises what she's missing.??

About re-establshing contact, but surely, if you go 5 months, and your s/o hasn't contacted you, that's a tell-tale sign?? Then if you make the contact, thus breaking rule 2, and you get the cold shoulder, "you're the past buddy", then it's likely to take you back to virtually day 1 again, especially if for the 5 months, you've been clinging to the slim hope that she will realise "man I miss him" ? It's been 2 months since we split, 4 weeks since we spoke, and 2 weeks that I stoopidly sent the flowers. OK, I know, I should let go, rule 1 before 2!!

Why we split - in a nutshell, as not to bore anyone. Met 9 months ago, became inseperable, she's a nurse so works long unsociable hours, spent all our free time together, I don't drive, she lives 20 miles away and drives a crappy car which kept breaking down, thus the onus was on her to do the travelling (which she said she never minded, i always gave her petrol money).

So the times we couldn't be together frustrated me, and i let her know this, and my insecurity (being so far away from home), each time we had a slight disagreement, I would threaten (though no real intention) to call it quits and move back home to England. This happended 3 or 4 times, upset her severley each time.

We spoke, I promised not to say it again as it upset her, then St Paddy's night, after a few too many brews, I said it again. This time she flipped as I broke my promise. Had a tearful farewell, me thinking a few days later she would calm down. SPoke on phone for a few times after, she very angry, said that's it. Short-story long. 2 months later, I feel like I've let her down, as I went bak on my promise. Not seen her since. Sent flowers, sent card announcing n/c. Broken heart, trying to follow the rules.

That's the story morning glory!! Cheers

Excellent post...but if you are with the right person, you won't have to worry about this...because you won't need that second chance....

ok so imover my daughters ex i went out with a guy hes 21 same age as me we went out for almost three months we were doing ok but he never talked so we decided to work on it then we got into a fight he has a 3 yr old daughter about somthing but he said it was ok after we talk onthe phone but he told me about this sara chick that she liked him and he never visted her they were friends aparently but he never saw her until we go into a fight he said he din do anythign i acused him of doing things and well we broke up right over the phone i could not trust that in him but ya when we broke up they ended up being to gether for like 2 months and i stoped talk ting to himeverytrhign then one day i got an email from him saying he wants to eb firneds he comes over fine u know and then after couple time s hang ign out he was stil with sara he said he din relize he still wanted to be wiht me and it was stupid for us to break it off cause my ex my daughters father hurt me siverly so it is hard for em to trust iw ill admit that so now hes not with sara and he wants another try with us wat do u think

thank you so much for your "present", as what you wrote is a present for the soul. the trouble is that while being very much aware of things like those mentioned above, some of us we still have the tendency to fall into temptation and do the wrong thing. i wish i read your letter 2 weeks ago. anyway, i'll keep it as a reminder!

Thank you for posting this info jarbarian. I was wondering if I could get some advice from you.

I'm 19, my ex is 17. It was a first relationship for both of us. Everything was going so well and we did so much in the time we spent together. Then she went away to a bible camp, our first time we were away from each other, and came back and she broke up with me. She said she was just "trying out having a boyfriend" and still wanted to be friends, and we have hung out once since then. It was hard to look at her as just a friend because we had only dated and were never really just friends. We both worked at the same place, so we talked and joked around after the relationship. Her family was not too happy with her decision since they really like me. I called her a few times just to talk and ask why things happened the way they did but she just said that she didn't want a boyfriend right now. She gave me her cell phone number a few months ago, which I thought was a good sign. But I tried calling her once and left a message but never got a call back. Weeks went by and we slowly drifted apart and at the time I was so confused. Then I found out that she became interested in another guy at the bible camp when she went on her trip and at the time I made a very stupid move...I called her and talked to her about it. At the time she was ignoring me so I figured "What do I have to lose, I need answers to help me heal." She said that she didn't like him...I told her I believed her and I trusted her. Well, after that weeks went by that she would see me and wouldn't even say hello or anything (she comes into the store I work at). Well, at this point I was very upset with myself because I thought I had hurt her, so I wrote her a letter and told her that I was sorry if I upset her. Her brother came to me and said that "she still thinks I'm cool" and that he wasn't sure why she did what she did. This happened last week.

So my question is, did I blow it? I wish I had just stayed away instead of trying to still be there as a friend. I was just confused, because I thought since she said in the beginning that she still wanted to be friends that it was ok to try to call her, and if I didn't I wouldn't be holding up my end of the deal. My plans now are to not contact her for a few months, what do you think? I know it will be hard because she will come into the store I work at to shop. When I do decide to see how she's doing, I'm not even sure what I should say. How long should I wait? I just hope she remembers me as the guy that made her happy and all the fun we had. Thank you very much

It ok to cut off with him, but what about the stuff? should I give him back all his stuff and take mine back? He doesn't want to give me my stuff back. What should I do?