| the best friend syndrome, can't go out because we're friends only
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:09:00 PM | Dude I just went through this same shit only thing that me and him made out..our friendship is ruined he freeked out..we did so many things together concerts shows beach drinks hang out at his house but this weekend we got a little too wasted and one thing led to another..we only did the heavy making out stuff fell asleep i left 2am..anyway next day he tells me that what happened should never happen again I was crushed cause I fell for him that night..and you wannna know what the shittiest part of this is..that he had asked me 2 weeks ago if I wanted to be more than friends and I talked him out it..what a freekin dumbass.I am!!!!.now I have lost my friend cause things are so screwed up that i cant even look at him because it hurts so much Im dieing we shared music I cant even hear the damn songs my chest feels like its gonna cave in..Im freekin depressed and I misss him like crazy..I feel like..Im never going to get that back especially after I told him that i fell for him and that I cannot reverse my feelings so i cant hang out with him.. now he's pissed he sent some cd's i left at his place with his friend I wish i had a crystal ball and see what will become of us Im going nuts because he told me that that should never had happened and it never will that he does not want to date anyone he just broke up with his gf of 3 years and she screwed him over bigtime.he said things like I am not goin got be a****to you and just mess around its not fair to either of us..it was like i was being stabbed over and over again..what do i do keep hanging out with him and torture myself? or what???
i am sooo freekin miserable right now :( | |
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| the best friend syndrome, can't go out because we're friends only
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:32:26 PM | Hi,
I understand exactly what you are feeling, although with my "friend" we did cross the line between friendship and a couple relationship, and it did ruin what was an amazing friendship. After we decided not to date anymore, things became awkward.
All I can say is, it was like someone put a knife through my heart, and I miss what we had...but....
There is life afterwards, and you are right when you say you shouldn't be waiting...if she felt the same way about you, then you would be her boyfriend.
I have been dating, and am realizing that my "friend" has committment issues, and is generally selfish...his loss, you need to be of the same frame of mind. If you have to get mad to get over her...then do it. Ask yourself this....if she met someone tommorow that she had chemistry with, would she not see him because of you? | |
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| yeah
Posted: 3/29/2006 9:29:43 PM | | ok how much longer will I have to endure this heartache..did you guys read my dillemma?? what the hell do I doo?? loveistime how long did it take you? | |
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| 2much passion
Posted: 3/30/2006 6:44:56 AM | 2muchpassion,
I think if you truely do want a relationship with this man then you should be honest. You were kinda playing games "when you talked him out of it" and games are destructive to not only you but your relationship. If you are just honest then this will get worked out one way or another. You have already crossed over into the realm of sexual possibilities. One thing you need to remember in future is that sex or anything related to it always changes a relationship. Your relationship has changed! In other words you really don't have anything to lose by telling this guy your real feelings. You friendship whether you like it or not has already changed and there is no going back to the way the relationship used to be.
If he asked you out then he obviously has feelings for you. His first reaction was probably due more to shock and not knowing what to do then the truth of the matter. However keep as a fair warning in the back of your head that he has already told you he is not ready for a relationship so there could be trouble ahead.
I really believe by just being honest and letting him have a choice this situation will become more clear to you. If he says "naw I just want to be friends" take him for his word and move on. Don't put your life on hold for wishing well dreams that only exist in princess land. If he decides to try out your lover relationship then go for it. Often the best relationships are ones that have a foundation built under them to start with! Good luck! | |
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| 2much passion
Posted: 3/30/2006 8:20:08 AM | | I have sort of a question here or maybe it's a statement. A man or a woman's "best friend" should be their mate, their spouse, the one their in love with. I've been in this same boat here and to me a woman should not tell a man that she "only friends" with that they're "best friends'. or vice versa. Most people would think that it means more, because a "best friend" should be your spouse or the one you're in love with. | |
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| the best friend syndrome, can't go out because we're friends only
Posted: 3/30/2006 9:15:54 AM | i have gone through this before..and if she says she isnt interested than that is it...i have had many friends that i was attracted to and vice versa...but we never took it any furthur...
and my present bf..well is from same situation..and that hasnt turned out well...and when this relationship does end..i know he will no longer want to be friends at all,.
i think that when members of opposite sex are really close friends that not gettin involved creates a certain sexual tension between them..that can be fun..especially if you do not act upon it..because that can ruin the chemistry of the friendship....i cant think of better way to explain it..anyone else understand that point... | |
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| the best friend syndrome, can't go out because we're friends only
Posted: 3/30/2006 9:50:20 AM |
I have sort of a question here or maybe it's a statement. A man or a woman's "best friend" should be their mate, their spouse, the one their in love with. I've been in this same boat here and to me a woman should not tell a man that she "only friends" with that they're "best friends'. or vice versa. Most people would think that it means more, because a "best friend" should be your spouse or the one you're in love with
Boggles my mind to this day. Seems the dating game has changed 360 degrees. No more is a bf/gf/spouse your friend or best friend, there is two boats, either the boyfriend/girlfriend boat or friendship boat.
Alot of times it is more the women will want the guy as a good friend, close friend. And it is also assurance he will be there for her when she gets hurt. It is a better feeling alot say to be comforted by your male friend than female friend when you are a woman. because nothig will happen and the opposite sex consoling you makes you feel better.
That is what friends are for, to be there for the good times and bad times.
But relationships will no longer work when you are friends it seems. Sad because nowadays so many want to jump in head first, move on to the next person the next day after breaking up the day before, move in quickly, make a decision if he/she is worthwhle by just meeting them once.
The days of getting to know someone, having something in common, having a blast with that person has evolved into qualities of friendship only. I know a woman who was talking to another guy for a couple of weeks when her and her bf were having problems, he decided to end it with her and who did she end up dating the next day? Yep. Talk about moving fast. | |
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| 2much passion
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:17:20 PM | thank you jessiebunnies!! you have beautiful insight..you make a whole lot of sense..right now he will not speak to me I think I will give it some time I think he may miss me and call unless I really scared the hell outta him..itwas stupid for me to turn him down when he first asked,I was not playing games,I took into consideration that he just came out of a relationship and also in the back of my head I was a little shocked he is so cute and good hearted and one of the most hones and upfront people I know..Im still so miserable he is in Vegas until Tuesday and maybe when he gets back I hope he calls I may just call him I will be honest with him,I feel like now he doesnt trust me due to my inconsistencies and he is very very sensitive and fearful of gettin hurt again..when you said that that his fist reaction was shock you got it right on..he had told me before when we had the conversation about us being more than friends he also shared how scared he was at the same time. The thing about him is he is not into the casual stuff he is either all the way or friends he shared that he felt stupid for letting things go that way because of our agreement I told him hey we are attracted to each other dont over analyze it we had fun period..that just pissed him off more I dont know what to say anymore..except if i had the chance I would tell him lets start over as friends and if we start having feelings again we can talk and see how things go..slowly..I dont know Iscrewed up in the head I feel like Im not making any sense. All I know that I miss him:(
Thanks you again sweety:) | |
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| the best friend syndrome, can't go out because we're friends only
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:23:40 PM | | I tottally get you jez,thanks I think youre right men and women should not put themselves in those situation something is bound to happen,well I think it would be different if we were not single but 2 single people hanging out all the time? at concerts he stands behind me and holds me really close I lose it in a good way but I never acted out on anything until this last time at his place and we got all liquored up I get pissed about him saying this should not happen again when he's the one that softened the lights and played outr favorite cd which happens to be very sexy music (She Wants Revenge-Tear you apart) and then the next day hes like oh this could nver happen again..WTF! | |
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| hi
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:25:35 PM | Hi, my friend's really sweet and would probably kill me if she ever found out about this post i made. no i don't have a negative attitude towards women. i think women have a negative attitude towards men. you can't just make friendly conversation with a stranger while you're waiting in line for something. people are so distrusting. it's no wonder with so much violence about and everyone carrying a weapon but sad.
anyways in my original post i was writing what her thoughts were not mine. i love this site. i've made lots of friends and if i saw the love of my life walk me by, how would i get an opportunity to ask her out? i don't and i instead pine for those that i am with.
it took me from the summer that i was in Europe missing her until February. maybe you're right it will never change. but i would much rather a friendship than a 2 month relationship. it's just hard hanging out with someone without falling for them | |
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| hi i checked that link
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:28:40 PM | http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
cynical but enlightening | |
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| reasons females hang out with gay guys - ps i am not gay!
Posted: 3/31/2006 4:38:34 PM | Friendships between males and females don't work:
Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:
1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive.
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder
how rough and shocking is that. i think that's part of the problem is what I felt that if we're friends and not more she must not like me in some way | |
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| the best friend syndrome, can't go out because we're friends only
Posted: 3/31/2006 8:29:21 PM | "Hi, You neve know what the future holds, for you or her. Keep your friendship, and be happy that you have a dear friend. I am in the same boat, in a way, but he chooses not to contact me, but we were never intamate. I choose to not wait for him, but to keep contact with him even if he does not, because things change, every day, I do not want to shut the door on a possable relationship down the road. She is being truthful with you, you are very lucky.My friend was not, had a girlfriend and led me on, made plans to see each other, than emaild and told me the truth said he was sorry if he hurt me. I forgive very much, not like youl, so I hope someday that he will see that we can have a great relationship togeather, timing is very INPORTANT. good luck 2 u "
Can't help if this offends you, but you are the classic example of a woman who LIKES being treated like crap by a guy.....who will still forgive and hope " someday that he will see that we can have a great relationship together". You are not the one to give the OP advise. | |
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| 2much passion
Posted: 4/9/2006 10:39:28 PM | | UPdate my "friend" is not speaking to me..hasnt called to see how I'm doing I texted him "hey how's it going..no reply 2 weeks have passed...screw him I think he took the whole makin out thing way too serious...Im begining to not give a crap anymore!! | |
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| 2much passion
Posted: 4/9/2006 10:51:19 PM | Other people I've kept in touch with and been friends with there was no spark. I don't know what it is, the fact that we get drunk together and cuddle and be close
^^^loveis time...its called quality time an you got to know her on a regular bases...which most don't take the time to do now days. she wasnt your idea at first right..then as the years went by....you go to know her well..inside an out...an you both clicked on the same interests...but shes lookin at you as a big brother...i know i do with my best friend of 15 yrs ...it will never be more then good friendship with us. | |
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| The Friend Syndrome
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:20:11 AM | | Seems that this day and age, getting to know someone before getting involved is the wrong way to go about it..you will forever be a friend and that is it. And if you do not catch her eye at first meeting, then no chance at all...seems dating has completely change and more of a decision is made on when both people meet the first time...guys seem to be the same way so it is generally people who make the decision when they see the other person...our society has become more jaded, selfish and shallow. | |
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