| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/27/2006 6:15:21 PM | its happened to me, I asked for space once. There was definitely no one else !! I just needed a break from my b/fnd and the dramas and the constant hassles of us trying to work things out. It was like I coldnt think because he would come over and then just keep pushing it [ not agressively but just kept talking about how we could fix things] He just wouldnt let me think and I was going nuts
So I asked for a week or two. He wasnt happy about it and wouldnt let me so I broke it up. But I wasnt sure at that stage if I did want to break up, Just the fact he would NOT give me some space made me break it up
Space can give someone the time to miss you. They need to realise what life is like without you in it - because that is what life will be like if they break up from you.
However the problem people can make is sometimes though is they dont say how long this space will be for. They should only need a week or maybe two. Get a definite time frame and then think if you can wait that long. If not - say so and break it off. I think if someone starts having space for any more than 2 weeks or a month at the most, than that then yes they are trying to go out and see if they can meet someone else and are keeping you hanging until they do. But that is just my opinion on the matter, Im not saying its a fact
In your case though she has written to you and clearly said her feelings have faded, not once by twice She is pretty much saying its over. Maybe she did it by email as she was having trouble communicating withyou in person.
Sorry to hear it. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/27/2006 6:39:40 PM | well theirs finally a ending to this story.. she sent me an email this afternoon tellin gme it was over and that she thought alot.....
she said during the week of space that she didnt thinko fme alot and didnt really miss me
it was really hard to hear..but i guess you win some and lose some.. iam still in shock.. has she son msn right now and hasnt said a word to me.. mind you i havnt said anything to her either...
I just dont know where it sll went wrong.. she told me today when we met for coffe after the email.. that she fell head over heels in love withme again the end of dec / early jan
how can you go head over heals in love in jan to being dumped a month latr | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 4:20:51 AM |
how can you go head over heals in love in jan to being dumped a month latr
She is flighty, scatter-brained, and/or flaky. This is an impetuous immature girl, not a woman, an upstanding guy should not be wasting time considering to be in relationships with nutcases like this. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 4:32:53 AM |
im soo confused about this girl.. we talked about marriage alot.. she brought it up.. tomorrow is her bday (march 25) i bought a diamond ring and was goin to ask her to merry me somtime this weekend
LOL, did you copy that out of a sitcom or something? I hope you got a warranty and learned an important lesson: the right girl for you to marry should be so starstruck and fixated on you when you pop the question that she can't even focus on whether the ring is diamond or decoder while you're asking her. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:14:31 AM | | sounds like there is someone else that she thinks might be better but she knows you are a great guy so you get to be the fall back on guy....don't let it happen...your the 2nd choice guy...she wants to string you along just in case this other guy doens't pan out....you can't turn on and off love...she needs a reality check...but don't worry life has a way of coming around full circle....I fully believe she'll get hers!! | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:20:19 AM | why is it okay for a man to say he needs space, when he wants to let someone go. But when a woman says it she is flighty ,scatter-brained and/or flaky. This is a bit of a double standard don't you think. It maybe that she scared of a relationship cause she has been hurt or something is going on and maybe she met someone else. There are two sides to a story and why is it she always the one madly in love you know there are guys that do this to. (No offence to the orginal writer). But it could be that this is just plain not right at this point.   | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:30:06 AM | Shar, you miss read the point. It was the fact that she broke up with him the first time and then stated that she was madly in love with him again and then dumped his ass one month later. One should have made up their mind the first time.
It is normal to fall out of love. Too easy........ Usually there are external influences or you just realize that the commonality is no longer there. Your goals, dreams and beliefs no longer complement each other. Its better to move on now than to hold on something that could be potentially destructive in the future. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:30:33 AM | It's all about control. It appears your engagement with this woman did exactly what it should have - enable you to see the aspects of her real self hidden by the ecstasy of 'love'...
It's definitely time for you to see this woman is like many others and is only exercising her control in the situation to 'have her cake and eat it too', unfortunately at the expense of you.
Be smart. Be strong, though I know that's easier said than done. About a year ago I made the mistake of 'hanging on' to a woman I thought I knew...baked her one too many loaves of organic bread, one too many unwanted cell phone calls - and wound up with a six month jail sentence on a Felony Stalking rap. Cost me many things dear to me (self respect, $10,000, my business, by life in a town I thought I loved) and now, while I continue to reassemble my life, I see what a fool I was to believe in a woman who was in fact quite evil.
Moral to the story: there are ALOT of women out who will make a far better match with you. Don't play her game, because the cards are stacked in her favor. Be strong, move on, and know that's 3,000,000,000 minus 1 you have to bother trying to find love with. | |
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| when someone says they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 6:52:54 AM | i sort of agree shar, this thread should be titled "when someone says they need space". a man is flighty scatter-brained and/or flaky if he lets out the "i need space" excuse when he initiates a breakup. it works both ways. there's no double standard.
i sort of feel that the "i need space" excuse is more likely to be uttered from a female's mouth. i'm not saying men don't say it, it's not ok if they say this, but women are more likely to list it as an excuse.
woman bullshit is the same as guy bullshit--they both stink.
needing space is a crap argument. if she was growing apart, wouldn't you discuss it within the context of the relationship? no. she didn't have the courage to do that. if she met someone else, did she have the courage to say that? no.
i don't know what it means when a guy breaks up with a lady and tells her "i need space". if any lady has heard this, please expound on the circumstances.
my experience is a woman tells me this, it's a signal she can't communicate properly. it's the tip of the iceberg for other problems. if i'm in a relationship and something isn't to my liking, i communicate it. i also listen to my partner's issues. this is what mature people do. if my issue isn't addressed to my liking, i breakup and that's the reason why. it can't get much simpler than that. if i think we are "growing apart", i talk about it, and if things don't get better, i breakup.
i wonder if there is a thread of "bullshit breakup excuses"? if there isn't one, i'll start one. | |
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| when someone says they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 8:42:20 AM | i agree with most of you... this time around after being dumped.. i dont feel as down.. I do feel a heavey heart yes..but Im sure thats natual.. and I agree with you as well.. their is always two sides to the story.. but I gave the whole truth here on the posts.. b/c i wanted to get honetys opinions.. and you cant get honest with out being hinest..
when she told me that she fell in love with me again at the end of dec and beging of january
It was great... but nothing really happend from then to now for her feelings to change.. thats why im soo confused... she swears up and down theirs no one else and a realtion ship is the last thing on he rmind now a days | |
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| when someone says they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 8:58:07 AM | where have i heard that before...space..lol...means i wouldnt expect anything in return from them. men say it too.
it means their scared...cause things are goin to good for them and their not sure how to handle it...so they run. easier to let the heart flow then to fight against it.
quote"..... Life is really simple, but people insist on making it complicated " | |
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| when someone says they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 9:56:54 AM | You seem like such a very nice, sincere man and more than likely deserve alot more care and love then she has ever shown you. I know love hurts, I am in the same situation as you are right now. I know how difficult and painful it is to let go. But, you must for your own sanity and self respect. Keep your dignity honey, don't let any ONE ever take that away from you. You have received very honest and open replies and advice here. Take it and feel blessed she let you go. I feel your relationship would have been filled with alot of uncertainty, mistrust, instability and misery. You are a better person. Move on. I am off to read the so often mentioned threads of jarbarian about " moving on" myself, I surely need it. One last thought, please don't fall into the trap that you did anything wrong, I find myself wondering the same thing. Sometimes, there are no answers or reasons. It just wasn't meant to be.
Take care and I wish you much happiness in the future.
Tara | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 12:40:29 PM | Go read my thread on "Second Chances" and you'll see what you need to do to recover. There's no guarantee of a second chance but really, when it comes to a second chance you need to be fully recovered from the first chance.
I feel for you. I've been there and it sucks. If you follow my guide to a T you will recover in the shortest amount of time possible. | |
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Cybury
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Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 90 | |
| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:04:56 PM | when a girl says she need space... it means she's doing the nasty with someone else but hasn't made the decision to come clean with you
the next BS line is the "Lets be friends" crap | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:10:14 PM |
she says she needs space to clear some stuff up in her head!!
she has been watching too many soap operas and reality shows, so she probably needs to turn off the TV in her head.... | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 11:14:20 PM | | When I say "I need space" that is exactly what I'm saying.. basically.. I mean GET OUT OF MY BUBBLE and give me some room to breath!! I can' stand clingy men it drives me nuts. And some guys want to just be like 3 inches away from you at all times... I've told them before not get out of my bubble (my private space) and stop breathing all my air!!! They have no problem understanding what I'm saying to them. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/28/2006 11:27:15 PM | | some may be jumping the gun on thinking it is her way of getting rid of you.. one observation in one post mentioned it as a control method.. i think that is what happened in my last relationship... after a couple months we were at the point where we were together 24/7.. it seems to be at that point in a relationship when one has to consider how important a relationship is and what one needs to alter from the previously single life in order for it to succeed.. the lady i was seeing had some issues with comittment and it was at that time she quietly suggested some space.. things going too fast.. i said ok.. took my clothes etc. back to my place.. phoned the next day and she was so upset.. said she wanted space but not that much.. apparently i was supposed to intuitively know exactly how much space to give and when to give it... any way as i look back ... i would say that this was more of a ploy to get the relationship back to where it was more on her terms even if she didn't know that was what she was doing.. hope this made sense | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:19:17 AM | @mesna: there's a difference with clingy men and a woman claiming to need space. sounds like you often attract real clingy dudes. that's too bad.
if your man is clingy, tell him "you're a friggin' clingy girly man, you're in my bubble, dude, get lost".
if you are weak and unable to communicate your true feelings, want to play the field without admitting it, you say "i need space".
this is a distinct difference. think about it. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:31:43 AM | Pickem, as you can see the end result was she dumped him.
I don't think anyone was jumping the gun as much as speaking from past experience. I'm willing to bet Vegas would place the percentage on such a situation as around 95% in favor of the woman ready to dump the guy.
OP: Please read my thread on second chances. Not for the reason of getting a second chance, but learning how to get over this as quickly as possible so you can find someone who is a better fit for you. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/29/2006 1:18:00 PM | Space can mean space you know....
Sometimes it may be because she has so much on her mind that she can't handle having someone to answer to, someone who is always there.
Surely you must have had a phone call from her or a past gf, seen the phone telling you its her and you think "oh for f**k sake, leave me alone". Because you just need some time to find yourself again. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:18:48 PM | | Uhhhh.. bikeman.. if you read my post you will see I do not have a problem communicating my feelings and telling a man that I need my space. Even the men who are not normally "clingy" end up just wanting to be around me, I happen to be fun.. I do most anything outdoors, I'm not a whiney type woman, I love to cook and I'm a care giver, therefore men just like to "hang" with me. The problem is I'm just the type person who needs more space than most people after awhile. I'm the type person that people are generally comfortable to be with and that is fine. It's just I like my down time and do not have the need or desire to be around people all the time. There are not many people (men and women) who actually enjoy being alone. I know alot of people in general who are clingy... it's just something that's in their makeup. Being WEAK as you put it.. .is NOT something that is in my make up and if I want to play the field then I can assure you.. I do. | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/30/2006 12:22:55 AM | Hi,
I was engaged to be married after dating for a year, then we lived together for a year and a half. She went out with her friends who never liked me even before they met me, and came home that night and said it was over, that she needed space to figure out who she was and what she was doing with her life, and that I needed to move out in the next 2 days! Well, it sure did not feel good or seem reasonable, and since then I have been battling her in court because she wants money out of me for all kinds of things. And we were not even married!
So it is another chapter in my life to learn a new lesson. So the question is, why do any of us pick people who treat us they way they do, and the only answer that I can come up with, is that there is something within us that attracts the type of people that we need in our life to teach ourselves a lesson about who we are and what we are really in search of. And most of us do learn from the experience, some of us just repeat it until we learn what we need to in order to move to the next level.
But I have met someone else 6 months later and we have been dating for three months, and she told me up front that she needed a couple of days during the week to herself in order to have time to take care of her needs and have some alone time and I respect that. Because she wants to spend the weekends for the two of us. So I your girlfiend saying that she needs space is a cop out and she does not want to end the relationship, she wants you to do it so that you ended it. Well, then do it, and find someone who is more intact within themselves that can appreciate the person that you are. But do not hold a grudge or ill will, it is not worth it. At least give her the credit to let you know sort of that it is over, but she should have been more truthful.
But I hope that all of us have that special person out there just waiting for us to connect, and when we do, it will be our dream come true. So I hope that you find your dream man soon so that you can have a wonderful life.
David | |
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| when girls say they need space
Posted: 3/30/2006 12:33:54 AM | Sometimes people say "I need space" when what they really mean is "I need to break up with you, but I don't feel like it." (Or: "Our entire relationship has been part of a massive international conspiracy in which you are but a pawn. You can keep the futon.")
Then again, in "space," you cannot hear each other scream. And sometimes, that's a good thing. When it starts to feel like your whole relationship is about dealing with your relationship (like, you can't just go and see Titanic without one of you saying, "'You jump, I jump' -- would you have done that for me?'") -- yet you sense that somewhere, your heart is still in it -- a "space" age can be an effective means of stepping back and getting some perspective on what's really going on.
If you step back into nothingness, take it as a sign that -- whether you two stay together or not -- you need to build more solid ground into your own life.
Space is, like, an absence -- so how do you give it to someone?
Here's the deal: as long as you two are still, technically, a couple -- even one on hold -- you are still entitled to some degree of say in the situation. When one half of a couple needs "space," the other half should assume position at Ground Control. Request -- and demand stickage to, on both of your parts -- some guidelines: What level of "space" does s/he need? Cold turkey? A weekly check-in phone call? Hanging out every so often? (Note: "space" does not mean "Well, we can still sleep together; we just won't spoon.")
Also, don't forget the space-time continuum. It's completely fair for you to ask for some sort of deadline. Could be a few weeks or a few months, whatever he thinks he needs in order to get some clarity on what he wants. No fair leaving you dangling indefinitely.
Sometimes letting them go to find out what they really want is best. If they don't find out what exactly they are searching for they will realize that its right in front of them. | |
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