| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 7:54:48 AM | | i dont think that men feel so different then we woman do..some i talked to have a tender caring heart....like some woman...but theres all sorts of reason..people are people..and men are conditioned not to show the emotion like us...but they are as tender...just my feelings | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:02:38 AM |
I know that it was better for my husband to stay married.
Perhaps this is the reason that men stay...but are you any happier for it? If a person decides to go down the road of "self destruction" do they have the right to take anyone with them?
I haven't raped him financially, but so far as money is concerned, at the moment I'm better off.
I am disheartened when I hear a woman say this...marriages do not fall apart because of one party alone..and one party should not be made to pay for its downfall....If your financial stability makes you content and happy at the moment, then i'm happy for you....but for myself...."I" don't want to be better off per se....i want my children to be!!
now he has to do his own laundry, housecleaning, groceries, cooking, etc.
You sound almost pleased at this....are you? Could he have not done this when he was married to you?
Just4forums....please do not take offense...i do not know your circumstances and do not presume to judge you...i am merely responding to your comments... | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:25:46 AM | I know most guyz stay because of kids or stay in unhealthy relationships that are not working well and could be in a healthy relationship with a strong women that knows how to treat a person~no games. i strongly believe it takes two make a relationship to work and i would want a guy to stay with me because he wants to (no codependants) and want to make it work and so on... that is it.  | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:27:35 AM | | I've never been married, but I would assume that it's because there is still some love there or a feeling of commitment. Just because a man doesn't see things improving, it would make him a coward to just cut bait and run like that. It goes along with "the captain going down with his ship" mentality. There would be that feeling of duty to the family, I would assume, that would make him stay and at least try to ease everyone into the change they are facing. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 8:32:25 AM | | I think men feel the same things we women do, just are not as verbal about it all. I would never presume to know why anyone stays, but perhaps in addition to residual feelings, the comfort of knowing the situation versus the new and unknown dating world, and the kids, maybe it has a little to do with not wanting to face the feelings of failing at something so important. I don't think there really is one answer to this one. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:07:53 AM | why do men stay ??? I did and maybe it cost me my life I left over 20 yrs ago and I didnt get a divorce because the courts was going to make us sell everything and of course I would still support but we really didnt want to sell our home and everything we had beside I was all ready paying more with out the court in our lifes.to make it short I kept my promise to my kids and my ex to take care of them until each one had turn 18 and out of school and marry,, it was a long road and a big promise today we are all friends two years ago the last one turn 18 I was free of my promise I had 3 daughters. my life as not been the best yea u could say I lost alot of money im a lot older now and to top it off I lost my exgirl of 13 yrs because of this promise she left last yr.but u know what inside I feel so great im bigger than life it self. yea im sad about my exgirlfriend cause she miss the part where im a man of my word just ask my exwife and my daughters today belive it or not they still call me to have me mow the grass or they need help. and the grand kids thats another story.but I will always be there for them why because in real life I was the start of it all.I was the leader and the father and I taught them that life is not all about being selfish give all u can and you shall receive.sure im single now and it hurts but u know what inside the best is yet to come. guys and women put aside all the hate and fights just because u fall out of love and be the best of friends and in the end u will show everyone who u really are.........inside | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:25:20 AM | | We never had children and just sort of grew apart. He wanted to stay together because he liked having a "home" to come home to at the end of the day so I sold him the house. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 10:46:33 AM | | Good question/speculation, thought provoking. I would say, I thought about this question and have concluded that he stays for the same reason the woman would stay at that desperate point in a marriage; and this is considering it was a traditional Judeo/christian marriage., (I don't know too much about other cultures) it might be interesting. But in this sense, the only respectable reason would be -- because she begged him to stay. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:06:28 AM | | Very good question and some interesting answers. Three times in the past year and a half I have seriously "asked" my husband about separating/divorce and each time he has said no we can work things out (and then proceeded to say if I were to leave, he'd fight like hell for the kids). I haven't been able to figure it out. He says he loves me more now than he did in the past but I can't see how anyone can hang on to someone who clearly isn't interested. Maybe it's fear (of loneliness, of starting over, of not knowing how he'll feel)? | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:13:57 AM | | Wow, you've ASKED about it, you guys must have a pretty good sense of humor. I know couples that kid around like that often. I feel sorry for GypsyGirl, but things will get better | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:19:44 AM | Men will stay as long as they have some hopes for the relationship. it is not much different than why a women would or would not stay. I don't think that kids is or should be the reason of maintaining an unstable relationship because that may affect the kids anyway. I separated because i wasn't happy anymore and although i loved my ex at the time, I saw no hopes for the relationship,so i left. I am now a better father because I am not upset all the time and a better person because I am not upset all the time. I read a book that helped me a lot in my decision so i would like to post a link for reference.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452275350/sr=8-1/qid=1143313982/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-1049156-1572728?%5Fencoding=UTF8 | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:27:54 AM | | I agree that kids should not be the reason a marriage stay's together, it makes a far better excuse. Hope is a biggy too., until it runs out, I would definately advise not to divorce until that hope runs out; but to the above , how do you seperate the two., Love and Hope | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:39:10 AM | [/how do you seperate the two., Love and Hope]
You can love someone but still not be happy. The person I was with was too selfish, careless and lazy and I am not that type. I spent years complaining about it but she never changed so I walked away.
Do not get confused! love and hope are not the same nor totally depend on eachother, and in my book will never be this way.
I can love someone I hope to be with and can I hope to love someone I am living with.
Now, My love towards this person will give me the strenght to hope and to fight for a better relationship but that doesn't mean that the hope or strenght to fight will last forever. | |
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Rock*
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Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:51:30 AM | | I stayed too long and when I left, I felt like I failed, and that's why I was staying because I didn't wanna feel like I failed at something. My ego and fear of giving up kept me in it too long. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:53:25 AM | Money didn't really enter into my decision. For me it was probably...
1. My son
2. Making a sincere effort
3. and probably not wanting to be "the one" that ended it. | |
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Rock*
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Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 11:56:13 AM | | We didn't have any kids, if we did i might still be there. But I agree being " The One" sucks | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:05:20 PM | If I may say;
The problem with most relationship "I know" is the fear mentioned on the previous post. You shouldn't throw your life away out of fear or trying or fear of people may say. You should balance your choices and take a decision based on the result of that. Your kids are very important but so your life. They will still grow go on their way when time is due. Their happiness depends on the parents and they do not to be together to accomplish that. If you want to fight for something then fight to keep a friendly relationship with your ex so that your kids do not view or learn the frequent animosity between separated parents. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:06:19 PM | If you can't be happy, then definately you need to split. If you love your husband or wife than don't leave. that is my advise. If you leave someone you love, I would predict that life is going to be a little on the misery side for a while. Until you find someone else to love.
past experiences shape who we are and how we think and love. Sniffles are a big part of reality, so where there is love, I think there needs to be a great deal of imagination. Sometimes saying I Don't Love You, is a hard thing to say., and so final, maybe that is why we all say I still loved him/her....... | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:10:21 PM | | You are right slim! that was the case with me but my hopes to find happiness alone was far more realistic than my hopes to be happy in the relationship I was. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:12:25 PM | | I think they lie to girls about there really being a proublem in the relationship. Thats what I think when I hear a man say it. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:21:42 PM | | Whenever you hear those words., there is a problem here... , well you better pray you have a partner with some good skills, at solving problems. It would be a drag if they were stupid, and left you with the problem to solve on your own. It would be better, if they were just lying as an excuse to leave, at least then you know they were a liar and that much easier to get over. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:34:52 PM | | Hmmm. I think there's a phase in there after lying to yourself or your SO. The part where you both know there's a problem that *could* be fixed, but with more cooperation/trust than the two on you can manage anymore. That's the part where somebody has to be the first one to say, "I quit". Maybe It's the last little chunk of moral high-ground you can try to claim. | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 12:43:27 PM | | Interesting thread, thanks wikkidd ! I can only speak for myself, I stayed for 21 years because I said I would, plain and simple, a promise is a promise ! The kids were admittedly a huge part of the issue. But kids aside, some of us men take our marriage vows seriousely, even when our partners do not, kids or no kids. I've known more men than I care to think about, who were in unhappy marriages, but they were committed, and there was no way they'd walk away. I operated on the theory, now dramaticaly disproven, that people can change and there is always hope. I would still like to believe that, time will tell ! | |
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| Why do MEN stay??
Posted: 3/25/2006 1:20:31 PM | | A friend at work is in a crappy marriage. He says he sticks around because he thinks that she'll do something drastic if he leaves. I think the real reason is, he's gotten lazy. She only has sex with him once a month, which he doesn't have to put forth much effort for. If he got out, he'd have to lose a fair amount weight, ditch the glasses, hit the gym, get a better haircut, new clothes, etc. to get laid that much out in the single world. I've tried giving him my old set of weights, but he turned them down. | |
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