| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:43:23 PM | | Thats just it,he ws your first.The first cut is the deepest.You will have many more.I wish a man would just be honest an say;Yes I cheated,what u gonna do about it.Not in this lifetime though... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/26/2006 4:58:42 PM |
As far as the remark goes about someone that doesn't want their privacy invaded has the most to hide, I say that's a crock.
To each their own however if you have nothing to hide then why hide it. If someone is accuseing you of something why not prove them wrong...y do you need full privacy with someone you supposedly love...I am not talking going through ur underwear drawer or wanting all ur bank reciepts,,,I am talking any suspicious activity...from my point of view and experiece...
I have email accounts and journals on my computer if someone wants to read it more power to them but then again I am really open and really honest I just don't get why one would have a problem shareing who they really are with someone. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/26/2006 5:10:39 PM | | my proof is that i went on his aim account and im'd a girl pretending to be him. in this conversation she told me he took her to dinner and they made out at her house. i printed it out and read it to him and he just thought it was funny. then i talked to her again actually being me and she said that she was being 100% honest with me. what reason would she have to lie. i dont know if proof can get better then this. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/26/2006 5:36:04 PM | I can and do. The amount of time is not necessarily the factor to how much you hurt. Pain is Pain..difference is you had more time with him before you found out. My Ex-husband was a cheater and we stayed married for 11 years...10 years and 9 months after the first time he cheated. I was 21 and thought love conquered all...it doesn't. I am sorry you are hurting but he is not going to talk to you..he can't. It would mean he would have to own up to what he did and he is just not going to do that...not now and maybe never. Just take it one day at a time and in time the pain will ease and eventually go away. This guy that did this to me was the first serious relationship I had in 5 years ever since my second husband died in 2001.
Just give it some time... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 7:44:21 AM |
my proof is that i went on his aim account and im'd a girl pretending to be him
Ok, that sounds more like it. I would like to know how it was worded. If it was true then he knows he was there. Why would she give "him details"?
As far as wanting my privacy and saying that I have nothing to hide, I don't. What I don't want is someone sneaking around in my stuff looking for evidence that I'm doing something wrong. Looking in my purse, checking the history of my conversations on my computer (which I don't keep anyway) shit like that. If you feel I'm hiding something then just ask me. I'll be glad to show you what you want to see. Don't sneak behind my back and do it! I was talking about rifling through my things. I think it's disresepctful and very rude!
Luna | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 7:50:24 AM | | Hey imsneaky, even if he never admits it would you want to be in a relationship where you will never trust the person? Is that any way to live? Fact is that if someone is going to cheat on you they are going to cheat on you and there is nothing you can do other than knowing you can trust them or you cannot and if you cannot then you shouldn't be in that relationship. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 7:56:04 AM | | i know how you feel. i caugh5t my ex girl cheating on me after a year, and she still denys that anything has happened even though i talked to the guy she slept with and he told me everything. what is wrong with people these days? | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 7:59:52 AM | There are certain things you should NEVER ask a b/f or g/f, husband/wife and "did you cheat on me?" is certainly one of them.
If a person has the proof, if they unequivocally KNOW the truth, why ask? Move on or turn a blind eye...those are your two choices (but KNOW that if a person cheats once, they will always be prone to cheat and it gets easier the second, third time around).
I don't mean to downplay the hurt, I'm sure it hurts, we've all been there. But to ask someone if they're cheating is ridiculous. If the person has any conscience whatsoever, they will admit they did it and ask your forgiveness. If ya have ta ask and bug...it ain't worth it.
When you meet with him, don't say anything, hand him his shit and move on. Playing it cool is always best, keep the drama where it belongs, on the stage. This may even make him wonder...
But buck up, please don't lose it over this one guy, it's NOT worth it. There ARE decent guys out there. Trust me. :) | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:58:10 AM | | well its day#2 of my break up. i havent cried since morning but thats prolly because im medicated and am at work. i do feel now that i dont want to be with him and i am at peace with this decision and have no 2nd thoughts. right now i am mourning the 3 years that i lost with him. just totally down the drain. i mean i saw this relationship coming to an end and i was totally prepared for that. the cheating part i just didnt expect from him. i just thought i knew him and i really thought he wasnt that type of person. how can i be so wrong about this after knowing someone for 3 years. in any case im at work now. everyone there is either married or engaged. all their bf's are good looking, successful, and kind. this is the worst enviornment to be in for me right now. what can i do to make my working enviornment more tolerable? any one have any ideas? | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:55:04 AM |
I was talking about rifling through my things. I think it's disresepctful and very rude!
In my experience which has been oh so wonderfull lol, I might add...when you get to the point of needing to rifle though someones stuff...its already over. I didn't mean rifle though someones things..but if it is right there on the computer looking at you, thats a different story IMO.
BTW...sneakyone...does this other girls name happen to be Rachael lol....oh wait no that was my experience lol sry hehe
Wether he admits it or not you don't trust him and probally never will agian. Once someone breaks what trust you have for whatever reason it is next to impossible if not impossible to get back.
Luna...wasn't trying to offend you...didn't mean it the way it sounded..wasn't at you know what I mean....I know how sneaky feels all too well...that is all...and I got fed the thats my personal line crap...if it was so personal why then was it in a place were acces could be gained so easily? Just my opinon and yes it is a bitter one lol | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:18:46 AM | | Are you kidding sneaky, sounds like just the right enviroment, people in good relationships, showing that happiness is possible. Of course you feel like crap, even if you see it coming you are never fully prepared to have your heart broken , it has been a couple of days hun, give it some time. Focus on the positives, they are there. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 11:35:18 AM | | i know that good relationships are possible but if i dont have it and other people do, it puts me in a rage. i cant stand listening to them making vacation plans, wedding plans, etc. when i am no where near that. its driving me nuts!! I know you probably think im being selfish but i feel that if i cant have a happy relationship, no one else should...i cant help the way i feel and its tearing me up listening to these people. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:59:41 PM | You know what would make ME feel fantastic? Knowing I busted him. You're like a mini Columbo. You've figured out who he really is.
I know it sucks to see your peers all happy, lovey-dovey and all that disgusting crap, but think of it this way: That's the way a relationship is supposed to be like and you'll find the right guy to enjoy it with.
I realise you're extra hurt because of his infidelity. Breaking up is one thing, but to get trust shattered in that manner really blows. Been there. Just keep telling yourself you're better off without him. Cuz y'are...... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 4:42:44 PM | | i just dont want to be alone. this thought scares me more then you can imagine. i dont want to be alone especially when everyone around me has someone. its just so unfair. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 5:27:54 PM | | Life is full of unfair hun, for everyone, believe me it could always be alot worse, but you seem to have fully talked yourself into this frame of mind and no one can change it or make you feel better but you. It is just because it is fresh. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 5:41:15 PM | Life sucks. Wear a helmet.
It gets better. Who cares if everyone else has someone? You only feel you need someone because you miss that jackass. Be happy for your friends. What you see, you can look forward to. It'll happen. I'll put money on it. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:25:21 PM | Sneaky..I don't know where to begin. First of all, I got dumped this weekend by the love of my life..I met him here. We had a great thing, planning our future. I was married before and never felt for him what i feel for the guy i met here.
I was in your shoes, an ex cheated on me and I had proof, but of course deny deny deny. I had his bestfriend telling me the truth, just couldnt get it out for the a$$es mouth. I thought, read, "thought" I wanted to know everything. Just HAD to know. Thinking if I knew all then I'd be better off and able to have closure. Well sweety, after alot of persistence ( or is it tance? oh well, you get my drift) he finally spilled all. I was not prepared, not by half for what I heard!!!! You are better off not knowing. Please trust me on this one. You know what you need to know. He is not the person you thought you fell in love with, not by far.
I know it doesn't seem fair that everyone around you is happy. Think for just a second though...these "happy" couples seem to have the perfect life in your eyes...i guarantee that they are having problems, someone is cheating on the other and the list goes on. I have found that not all is what it seems. It is still new to you. Take time to grieve. You need to. It is like a death. Mourn it, then move on. Easier said then done, I know. You are young, have your life in front of you. You will, when the time is right find that person that will turn your world upside down in a good way...the one that won't cheat..the one that will know what he has in you, someone that deserves you.
Your best revenge my friend is to be happy!!! I can't guarantee this but...if the jerkoff that did this to you sees you in a month or 2 living your life, being happy, without him, he'll realize what he lost. The woman that he is with will see him for what he really is and dump his sorry butt. He'll be alone...He may look at you in a different light. Don't you want the satisfaction of telling him where to get off, that he had his chance??? It'll feel great, trust me. I've had it happen. The greatest revenge i've ever felt!!!!
Long winded I know. Keep your chin up
takn
ps not sure if I read right or not..did he get his stuff back? if not, let him come and get it when it is convenient for you. Sound cheerful when the call comes. Don't be easy to reach though either. take care sneaky, take care of you. | |
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YogiZ
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Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:25:14 PM | Well, while the rest of the PoF universe are busy patting your back and offering you their condolances, I'll state some facts as I see them and then give you a reality check:
You snooped, you found phone records (not sure what else you found as I found it painful enough going through these 3 pages of posts to actually check your other threads too), you concluded, he denied, and you lost. I always say, if you're gonna accuse somebody of something, you'd better be DAMNED sure that you're right. The reason you want this dude to 'admit the truth' is because of one or all of the following reasons:
1) You're deluded insecure
- You most likely don't want to say goodbye because of the status/fringe benefits your relationship afforded you. 'Not true' you say? Consider this: when you described this dude, you said "he's good looking, he's a pharmacist, he has a condo in south beach, we come from the same background, he makes me laugh..." I'm surprised that the fact he makes you laugh even made it in there. Another flakey thing you said was when you wondered if you should've waited til after your birthday to -- once again -- enjoy the perks. Sweetheart, we're talking about a guy who you strongly believe (supposedly) cheated on you. Do you REALLY believe that you would've been able to have fun together? If so, I gotta say... well, nevermind...
2) You're insecure
'Not true' you say? Well, along with those winning traits of his that you listed, you included the fact that he "put up with" you. "PUT UP WITH" you?!!! My guess? He knows you're insecure and has known how to play you like a cello. And you've let him. Why? Because "he's good looking, he's a pharmacist, he has a condo in south beach..." etc. Are you even listening to yourself?! You sound like a materialistic, weak flake. Are you? No? Then BUCK UP and don't let this dude run you!
2) You think you may have actually over-stepped
You're wondering "Hmmm.. what if I was actually WRONG?!" And I don't blame you. Reverse things for a moment. What if HE had suspected YOU of something (going on others' info and questionable evidence), and instead of actually asking you about it, went through YOUR things? If you weren't guilty, you'd be pissed. Not saying he isn't guilty. Just saying that if you were innocent, you'd be pissed. You took that chance knowing fully well that things could go either way, and now things haven't turned out in your favour. Just as you felt you had the right to invade his privacy, HE has the right to avoid you. (Again, guilty or not.)
By the way, some guys (and GALS) simply enjoy the attention of feeling wanted by many people. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're guilty of anything. Again, sometimes the rush comes from the attention, not the actual act.
So what now? Accept things as they are, hang with your tightest friends (tell them that for now you'd rather not hear about their lovey-dovey relationships), hide all pics/memoirs of your ex (burn them to a disc then delete them from your hard drive), keep as busy as possible, stop asking people for advice (because your emotions are too raw to appreciate any good advice any way -- including this advice, I suppose), stay out of your house for as long as possible, realise that there are plenty more condo-owning pharmacists on South Beach, think about how you can avoid something like this from happening to you again, and BUCK UP. In his eyes right now, you look pathetic. He doesn't care how long you've cried for. But he may take notice if you actually give the appearance of moving on. If you truly believe that he cheated, DON'T waste your time being angry (as someone else suggested) because it means you're still investing energy into him. Be like the phoenix! It's time for reinvention baby!
Finally, to answer your question about why he just won't admit it:
A) If he's guilty, it's his way of leaving with the upper hand. One last kick in the crotch and spit in your face so to speak.
or
B) If he's innocent, what's there to admit?
If you read this and walk away thinking "What a prick!", then you've missed the point altogether. I wouldn't waste 45 minutes of my time writing this if I wasn't at least partially moved by your situation. The point is to wake you up and telll you what you don't want to hear because the things we don't want to hear are often times the truth.
Goodluck and my condolances. I lost my first relationship the exact same way. Four years together, she cheated (I caught them -- beat THAT! :), and my buddy was there to offer this same advice to me. And it worked. Hang in there girl! If you want to talk, msg me. | |
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YogiZ
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Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 69 | |
| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:29:45 PM | | Okay. Just caught the part where you said pretended to be him to the other chick. That's all the proof you need. Dude is twisting the knife by not admitting it and you're letting him! If you're worth it, then prove it by walking and not looking back. Give his stuff to a third party. Meeting in person is only your excuse to talk. Instead, he'll laugh about it with his friends and think you're a nut. Not the way to go out man... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/27/2006 10:32:17 PM | yogiz,
i loved just about every word you said. thanks!! now all i need is a new man in my life and i think ill be all set to go. now the question of the day is, where in the world do i find this person. anyone that can help gets a prize 
finly,
you had some really good points too about how not every happy relationship is what it seems. i hope ur right!! but it sure doesnt seem like it. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/28/2006 12:17:25 AM | | Ever think that maybe he didn't cheat on you? And that (really) he broke up with you because you don't trust him and won't take his word? Just some things to think about... My ex went through all of my posts on the internet behind my back and it pissed me right off. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:46:21 AM | | U need to find a guy that doesnt treat u like that, u seem like a good girl | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/28/2006 1:51:21 AM | | dude ur an idiot just another guy talking that has cheated on his women | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/28/2006 9:23:51 AM | | warrior, u sound just like him. no it is not an option, i wish he would admit but i have enough to convict him and that's all that matters. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/28/2006 9:55:08 AM | oh please - there are not many people who do not deny cheating when caught. No shock ther.
Very lame - if your not into someone anymore just move on - or fess up. Anyway - I love the switcharoo - it makes me laugh - now this break up is your fault cause u went thru his things- not because he cheated on you. Yeh that's about right. RITE.
LOOSSEERRR...Be glad your rid of that manipulative ass.
If i were you i would still go on the vacation - with a friend or alone - get drunk - have a blast - and get yourself a very good rodgering.
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