| | i feel like dyingPage 5 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | OK - this is what a lot of people are not going to like nor agree with. I HAVE HUGE HEART, ROMANTIC and HAVE DONE THE threesome, couple swap, and it was not for me then, nor do I think sex has boundries since as we evolve our views and opinions do too.
I have flirted when hurts as a release, and cheated after being cheated on in my 20's - no excuse..but did it.
I have been in hurt full relationships and believe it or not as I grow and learn - I can see how emotional pain is or worse then cheating - depending on who the people are (views, personality and make up)
You see - surveys show the reason why most cheat when all is said and done - not for sex allthough attraction sparks it - yet it for something else that is lacking in there - for over 805 who do it at least...
Do you reading, check out for yourself - this is an educated opionion...
I have died, and nothing has been done to my knowledge... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 10:25:36 AM | I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND...
My husband (of then 4 years) came home with a std, and said he got it off of a toilet seat.
I told him that we could work thru anything if he was simply HONEST. He chose not to be, and hence our marriage died.
I stayed in for his kids, and for my ill mom, not wanting to upset the balance, but I was totally and completely numb.
6 years of being in a dead marriage and things just went from bad to worse, and now he has finally told (half truths) about the incident.
I feel I do not know who he is, and I don't want to know anymore. I just want out.
I sure feel for you. We don't really heal unless we get the truth, then the healing begins. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 1:21:48 PM | a place in time,
how did you finally get him to tell the truth?? | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 2:49:04 PM | I like to say give a person the benefit of the doubt. Although in this situation I also believe that where there is smoke there is fire. I have been burned by trusting when I could see the signs but chose to ignore tham and trust the person.
However, while I will join the chorus and say forget him and move on. You are better off without hi, etc. I must ask what do you have on him?
You mention months of sneaking around? you mean him sneaking or you trying to catch him?
You finally find out from a girl that he has cheated...who is she? and can you trust her? she might just have her own motive for breaking you too up. She might not like you, or him, or she might want him and want you out of the picture.
I can understand him being upset that you went thru his stuff. it isnt just that you did it but that you have shown him that the trust is gone from the relationship. You dont trust him and he doesnt trust you. All the evidence you have against him is nothing. just some chats about the weather or sports? Ok, went back and realized i missed the bit about you going online and chatting pretending to be him. First off that would be a mean thing to do as both he and the people on his contact list trust that they know who they are chatting with.
He is a cheater and while i dont liek the sneaking around spying that you have done for months i can understand why and you were right, he was cheating. In the future you will be able to pick up on the signs and hopefully get out before too long.
I noticed in another one of your threads that you are now seeing him once a week as his friend. DONT. You want to move on as I am sure he has. All he will now do is probably use you as a FB while you will think that each time you jump in bed it means you are a couple again. You CANT be a couple again with him. He doesnt want you as a gf. He might want you as a shag but all that will do is drag out the pain. Cut him lose. Get your cat back and then lose his number.
Yeah life sucks after a long term relationship ends. If it didnt then it wasnt a good relationship. Thing is the pain will go away. You will notice that everyone you see seems happy and has a great partner. Thats just because you are so low that from your perspective everyone is having a great time. Its an illusion. Track down any single friend and hang out with them. Even if all you can find is some unpopular nerd, anyone will do. Go for coffee, movies just dont go for the booty calls as that will leave you feeling worse.
Lose this losers number and just keep busy. time will pass as will the pain. Good luck! | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:09:39 PM | | I had the same experience, only I'm the guy and my ex was caught in bed with another guy. I was devestated. It hurt like hell. I got another way to deal with it, I joined several civic organizations, politics, sierra club (environmental), church and I found many friends. Because I was willing to keep busy with my life, healing came about faster. I was helping others. I picked up a guitar and started playing. There are many things you can do for yourself, you have to be strong and pick yourself off of the ground once you've fallen. If your personality becomes stronger, I think your future boyfriends will be more quality and won't pull crap like this. If cheating is on their minds , well, you deserve better than that. | |
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allh2h
| | Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 106 | |
| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:26:52 PM | My ex did the same, even though proof was right under his nose and he knew I knew it. I thought it was just him being a patholigical liar because of the other lies I had caught him in but it turns out is was a symptom of passive aggressive behavior. Even once I got him to admit the truth, in a way it did help, but he went back to lying. So I do not know which is worse...good luck hun...and one more thing:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAY DEAR IMSNEAKY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
 Lori | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:48:09 PM | | Did you ever think that he may be telling the truth. Going through his things is an invasion of privacy...and just made a bad situation worse. Having lived 51 years I have concluded that one of the hardest things to do is maintain balance in a relationship. One of the strogest structures is a triangle...a relationship needs three things to survive, trust, respect, & love..without any one side it will fail. Perhaps you should just tell him that.. | |
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Garuda
| | Joined: 1/8/2006
Msg: 108 | |
| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:55:17 PM | I should introduce you to some of my girlfriends. They had no problem leaving........ | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 5:17:20 PM | OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE ,,YOUR ONLY IN YOUR TWENTIES,,MOVE ON,DONT NEED A CHEATER,,YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM BELIEVE ME ,,MY EX AND I WAS MARRIED 16 YEARS....I THOUGHT I WAS TOO OLD TO MOVE ON BUT I DID,,,..CANT SAY I HAVE A MAN IN MY LIFE NOW BUT I RATHER BE ALONE THAN WORRY ABOUT A CHEATER...FEEL ME???? GOOD LUCK..I KNOW IT HURTS BUT IT WILL GO AWAY IN TIME..THERE IS PLENTY OF GUYS WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU...KEEP UP THE COURAGE AND MOVE ON..HE IS A DOG...A LIER ..YOU DESERVE BETTER.... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:40:24 PM | Hi there, hope your okay. I am a single Mom of two beautiful girls ages five and seventeen months, I was with a guy for two years who physically and emotionally abused my daughter (five yr old) we have been through so much in the last year that the stress we've had to deal has been unbearable at times. Needless to say I kicked him out five months ago. I single, lonely but have my girls. I have been cheated on as well and yeah it hurts but you can get through this and you deserve a hell of a lot better. I don't have a relationship at the moment but hope to find one with someone who treats me like I deserve to be treated. Put things into God's hands, he will help you through this, I wouldn't be standing here right now if it wasn't for him. You deserve the best and the best is yet to come. Kick his sorry butt to the curb and find someone who will love you for you, I know it's easier said then done but I'm living proof and will find my soulmate someday when it's right for me. Good Luck to you.
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Posted: 4/19/2006 7:44:27 PM | Hi there, I am a single Mom of two beautiful girls ages five and seventeen months, I was with a guy for two years who physically and emotionally abused me and my daughter (five yr old) we have been through so much in the last year that the stress we've had to deal has been unbearable at times. Needless to say I kicked him out five months ago. I am single and lonely but I have my girls. I have been cheated on as well and yeah it hurts but you can get through this and you deserve a hell of a lot better. I don't have a relationship at the moment but hope to find one with someone who treats me like I deserve to be treated. Put things into God's hands, he will help you through this, I wouldn't be standing here right now if it wasn't for him. You deserve the best and the best is yet to come. Kick his sorry butt to the curb and find someone who will love you for you, I know it's easier said then done but I'm living proof and will find my soulmate someday when it's right for me. Good Luck to you.
P.S. Your still young and have your whole life ahead of you! | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 4/20/2006 10:42:13 AM | | well its been some time since i posted this thread and i dont feel like dying anymore. the thing that bothers me most about this whole situation now is that i have some days where i just have a gnawing feeling that he is telling the truth. i dont want to get back with him. even if he didnt cheat. we had too many other issues. but i am wondering now, y i keep having this feeling. its somewhat disturbing to me. | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:20:40 AM | I'm sorry imsneaky I didn't see your question right away.
6 yrs after the incident happened he told me only after I had moved into another bedroom and began filing for divorce. He took 2 weeks to re-evaluate and decided he wanted to put all the cards on the table and tell the truth, and the half truths began. He gave me his email address & password (I never asked for it) after he deleted his inbox msgs. I found his "sent box" to be full with solicitations he had sent out for "meaningless and discreet sex", and one girl in particular he had actively been soliciting. The thing that puzzled me was that she was not pretty... and fat.
The other thing that puzzled me is that in our 10-yr marriage the only good thing we had going for us was our sex life. Our drives actually matched and we were somewhat creative. What more could he want????
So one night on his way home I was packing to leave for the weekend so we wouldn't have to be in the same house, he called to say he'd be home at such and such time. 2 hours later he called again and I asked if he got lucky with his g/f and that's why he was running late. I hung the ph up and did not answer it again. He made it home and said "I want to tell you the truth" - I said "then start with 6-years ago" and out came a half truth.
I don't know that I will ever really get the whole truth, and I let him know up front when I don't believe him and why. From the beginning of our relationship he was so concerned with me cheating. That was odd because it's not my style but he claimed that I was to pretty that I made him feel insecure. I don't even look at other men when I'm in a relationship.
What I have learned in life is that people give themselves away by what they themselves are guilty of... | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 5/12/2006 11:10:31 PM | im reading this but i really dont see proof yet, im sure i could dig around and find someone to say something NASTY about you! Bet on it.
he probably did cheat but i'm saying why did you make it so complex, if you have a suspicion about someone just leave! why did you feel the need to confront him?
wouldn't it be jacked if you were wrong? im sure you weren't but i bet it would eat you alive! | |
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| i feel like dying
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:34:21 PM | I will take it one father for you. The one where they come to you cry their eyes out and ask you to find out if their wife/husband is cheating on them. I listen to them for a bit and tell them do your really want the answer?
Sad part is I find more woman that cheat then men that cheat (even gay woman cheat more then gay men).
"Graphicchick" (Like the name) is right. If the person is going to cheat on you. Why do you really need or want to be with them? I have a saying "Do you really want to be a $##rag?" The answer for the most part is "No".
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