| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 3/31/2007 7:37:07 AM | | How does a man wanting to "please" their partner translate into meaning they can live without sex? Or that they have low libido? Is the OP saying that in order to please a partner, one has to forego being pleased themselves? Question makes no sense! Pleasing does not negate being pleased. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 4/1/2007 12:07:54 AM | Interesting topic. First, it is entirely possible to have libido but no strong compulsion to act on it. Some days it just doesn't seem worth the trouble. Even when the desire is strong, without an appropriate partner there's just no point. That old Eric Clapton song is true. There comes a time when you've just had enough bad love.
All the best,
Robert | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 4/25/2007 9:37:42 PM | i would like to try and answer that being an older man and i feel that way the reason being most women today don't think that we can still take of business so we like to please them to prove we are still capable of course we please ourselves also but in my case at 69 years old my partner is more impotant i'm happy if shes happy so don't let the age stop you it's only a number 'looking in nw. ohio    | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 4/26/2007 12:41:45 AM | It is definitely not a form of low libido. It is a concession to the ravages of aging, and experience and maturity showing a man that there is more to sex than 'wham, bam, thank you m'am'.
It is the rare man who can sustain an erection without medicinal or surgical help after age 45. By then job stress, poor diet, and lack of exercise lead to diabetes, obesity, and poor health, all of which affects a man's ability to perform. Can older men live without sex? You answer your own question when you state that men try to please their partner as they grow older. There is more to the sexual experience than vaginal penetration, and more ways to please a woman than with a stiff penis. An older man has to make concessions to the aging process and develop those alternate ways of pleasing the woman he is with. As men grow older, those who do have sex find it more difficult to perform at the level they did in their teens and twenties. The desire is there, but the body fails them.
Given a choice of intimacy with a woman and no intimacy at all, men make those choices and adapt. Men lose interest in sex when they are being measured for a coffin, not before. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 4/26/2007 12:31:30 PM | I don't entirely agree with the previous posting. I'm almost 50 and everything still works. What doesn't work for me is the memories of bad experiences, misunderstanding, and heartbreak that come along with the pursuit of my own pleasure.
In younger days, I just didn't know better. Of course I hoped that my partners would enjoy themselves too. I wasn't completely selfish. However, doing whatever I want and hoping it works out just doesn't cut it for me any more.
If it isn't sweet for my partner, it's boring for me. Actually, it's painful because of those memories. It's easy to get off. There's nothing new in that for me and if that's all it's about it really isn't worth the trouble. However, being good to someone, being good for someone, now that's an interesting proposition.
My libido is lower than it was in my 20s and thank God! It's nice to be able to think about something else and not feel such incredible pressure all the time. But there's plenty of juice for someone who can appreciate it while holding her own.
All the best,
Robert | |
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libabc
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Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 285 | |
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libabc
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Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 286 | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:36:44 PM | I think we know that we only have one chance as opposed to multiple ones when we were younger. The old "I may not be as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was" thing applies so we want to make it last as long as possible for both of us. In my case, as I got older, I learned to appreciate foreplay. To learn how to build up the excitement in both of us, and to appreciate the beauty of a woman's body not just to jump right in and go for it. And giving pleasure is pleasurable in itself. In lovemaking you use all 5 senses, not just touch. And I, for one, love to hear those moans, groans, cries, squeeks or whatever weird sounds women make at that moment. And men too..we make our own weird sounds.
And I think a lot of men have learned that most women have a hard time reaching orgasm just thru intercourse unless the man has a lot of stamina. Without the benefit of the little blue pill, I doubt that most men our age can sustain intercourse for 15 minutes or more without having their own orgasm. And I've known women that take that long. Not recently, however, this was before my late wife. And without getting graphic, women I've talked to say that orgasms from oral sex are more intense than from intercourse. But that, of course, depends on the woman. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/28/2007 2:27:49 PM | | Did you ever think that just maybe us guys by this time have learned a thing or two? One of the things i have learned is that when i seek to give my partner pleasure, somehow I also reap the rewords. See old dogs can learn new tricks. | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 289 | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/28/2007 3:14:03 PM | Maybe I'm just confused by the question ... but why is the assumption that men who want to please their partner aren't interested in sex or have a low libido?
Personally, I garner a great deal of pleasure from pleasing my partner. In fact, I think that is one of the traits of a highly successful relationship ... when you are focused more on giving than receiving.
I guess I take exception to the statement ... "to just get by pleasing their partner?" I feel like I am doing much more than simply "getting by".
Please help me understand.
Gary | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/28/2007 7:03:25 PM | i have not read this "entire" thread, but did skim through it. i am not following your leap in logic, let alone interpretation. you read some profiles and some older men say they can please their partners. although you say they say it is their "role". i have not seen that. but even if i am wrong, the leap to their living w/o sex is one very big leap.
mature and sophisticated men (and women) would like to please their partners. past the teens and early 20's supposedly we have developed impulse control centers in our brains.
as my friend's husband says: why eat mc donald's when he has steak at home? well, i'm a vegetarian, but why not have a partner who takes his time, knows what to do, is attracted to you, gets turned on by you, also likes to hold you, has enough brains to talk to you in between--after all, it's going to take a few hours. and i ASSUME you know how to reciprocate!
now why would a man take a few hours, if he didn't like sex? as to living w/o it? well that's the same for men and women. we've been "through the mill" --some of us more than once. we wait and hope. some give up and some keep on searching. we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable--that takes bravery. so, yes, we do w/o "it" because we are looking for a lot more and know we only have so many more years on the planet to find it.
so we take time seeking the right investment. men and women. then we find it and try to protect it. like the stock market, the relationship goes up and down (even the good ones) and thank G-d for the gift of a good sexual relationship and chemistry to steer us through it all!
so are you worried that as you get older, you will get less sex or find men who are bored with it? because it takes too much work? for me, it's been the opposite with the man in my life right now. up until now (past relationships), it has not been great. now it finally is. the sexual part. but it takes commitment for two old farts to agree on things and not get set in their ways!
for me, it's the reverse. my man could probably do w/o sex as he did before he met me. he still hurts from his prior marriage. although we have only reached the agreement to be monogamous stage and the very good friendship stage, because of all the old tapes it seems, i still have way more than i did before. we did w/o sex for six months in between the beginning of our relationship and currently. we know each other for almost a year and a half. we just could not do w/o the friendship. the nurturing. the laughing. and then, the rest fell back into place. it sure ain't mc donald's!
there is HOPE people. do not give up!!!! but dam-, it sure takes a lot of work on just the daily living part!  | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 292 | |
| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/28/2007 7:10:44 PM | I could be way off, but I'm thinking OP is trying to say nicely that she's concerned that men do more oral for their partners as they get older because they can't get it up.
But OP, I really don't think that's the case for most guys. I think we all learn how to please each other a lot more as we get older, men and women. It's a good thing, not a negative. Something to look forward to. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:19:33 PM |
i am not following your leap in logic, let alone interpretation. you read some profiles and some older men say they can please their partners. although you say they say it is their "role". i have not seen that. but even if i am wrong, the leap to their living w/o sex is one very big leap.
No I read a lot of forums when I first logged into POF and the summary I came up with was that men my age group seemed more concerned with pleasing the partner. There was no question that the need to please was high compared to the act of wanting to be pleased……
I did not say
you say they say it is their "role".
the leap to their living w/o sex is one very big leap. The sense I got from the threads I read in other forum topics was the fact that there was no expression of wanting what they profess to give through pleasing.
now why would a man take a few hours, if he didn't like sex? as to living w/o it? well that's the same for men and women. we've been "through the mill" --…. we wait and hope…. and some keep on searching. we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable--that takes bravery. so, yes, we do w/o "it" because we are looking for a lot more and know we only have so many more years on the planet to find it.
so are you worried that as you get older, you will get less sex or find men who are bored with it? because it takes too much work?
I realize the topic was nothing to take lightly and I could see how some people might feel slightly defensive. Unlike the general ‘we’, my expression of my sexuality through making love might be higher then the norm as a result slightly concerned about meeting men my age and coming to the same conclusions you have in the above post I highlighted.
Maybe read all the posts….alot of good information here
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/29/2007 2:34:03 AM | YOU KNOW WHAT FOLKS....This is all oral. You are all talking about it when you should be out doing it.
Older men are far more considerate.
Younger men are fun but very time consuming.
Besides, when its all over at least you can talk to older men. | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/29/2007 10:19:47 PM | This is all oral. You are all talking about it when you should be out doing it.
That's a lot easier said than done, otherwise most of us wouldn't be hanging out on POF.
And I am NOT suggesting that everyone is here just for sex. But in the long run most of us are, we just want more to go with it. | |
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bayrab
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 297 | |
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/30/2007 12:46:07 AM | I don't think it means they can live without sex ..... I believe that older men realize that many of us ladies have been through dating men that, quite frankly, didn't give a darn whether we were happy or not ... long as they got off ,,,, LOL
I think it is the older man's way of letting us know that they DO care and are actively seeking to make sure we won't have that issue ... in a kind way.
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| Older Men 'Pleasing'...or is it a low libido?????
Posted: 6/30/2007 5:00:47 AM |
older gents that claim that their role in making love or having sex is really to “please” their partner This is merely a MYTH.
I cannot believe that guy's in their 40's 'forget' how to please a woman, and for that matter don't even care about pleasing a woman.
It's got nothing to do with libido, it has got everything to do with selfishness. | |
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