| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/21/2009 4:22:27 AM | I find that the older I get, when I am not in love, sex just isn't....HAPPENING. Oh yes. I said it. I have reached the stage in life when I just can't do the deed without having deep feelings for the person first. In younger years, before I had experienced much of life, there was no such thing as bad sex...if I was having it, it was great! Now, I have mellowed, and really can't even in some wild fantasy, imagine making love with anyone but my sweetheart. When you're in love, the sex goes deeper than just the physical..it involves the heart and soul, too. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/21/2009 6:24:37 AM | When I was in my 20's I would never have believed how I now feel.  The older I get the more I need a relationship in order to physically respond. I have a strong labido but I need a relationship in order to really respond. Along this same line if the woman I'm with isn't emotionally and physically responding I, eventually, peter out (pun intended). All in all my ability to respond is tied directly to her emotional and physical response which requires a relationship. No response from her, little response from me and this response comes from a close relationship.  | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/21/2009 7:04:36 AM | | Im finding that the older I get, casual sex just does not appeal to me. and im only 26. It just seems to be more work when the feelings arent there. I can masturbate and get the same sensation if not more..lol.. For me to be truly satisfied and inhibited its better for there to be some type of solid relationship established. It makes the relationship and the sex more enjoyable. Now dont get me wrong, there is nothing like a good "fcuk" but that is just what it is.. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/21/2009 7:26:16 AM | It doesn't surprise me that sex without love is not so great as you get older...
For a lot of people they've had so many partners.... so may instances....
good lovers, bad lovers... you name it they've done it...
They've become jaded to it all... I remember my 1st beer - it was great..., but not my 51st... why would anyone attack significance to something you've done thousands of times with dozens of people....? It's only when you're with someone special that the sex is(and makes the sex) memorable enough to want it, crave it, enjoy it, love it.... etc.... | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:09:38 PM |
? It's only when you're with someone special that the sex is(and makes the sex) memorable enough to want it, crave it, enjoy it, love it.... etc....
For you.
It doesn't work that way for everyone.
Pretty presumptious to think someone can't have memorable enough sex to want it, crave, enjoy it and love it.....without being in a committed relationship.
and not everyone that has sex without love......is having sex with "so many" partners.....
nor are they jaded to it all.
It gets really old hearing this crap that just because someone is capable of having sex without love.......they must surely be out screwing everything that walks by them.
Not everything is as black and white as some like to make things out to be. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:32:26 AM | | yes...I have had sex before without love and its just not worth it..I don't get anything from it...maybe in my younger years it was all games and fun...today...I want and desire that connection...so much more rewarding......I'm 55 and still just as horney as i was at 30...but willing to forgo the sex for sex's sake | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:49:32 AM | When I'm deeply in love with someone it is the best. I allso have some amount of love for everyone I'm with. I can't just have sex with someone I feel nothing for. When I do have sex I put all the love and feeling I can into it.
I found some women that don't know how to handle that and never hear from them again. I guess it scares them. I don't tell them (I love you) because I don't know them that well and I wouldn't say it if I don't realy feel that we could be together. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:20:02 PM |
It doesn't work that way for everyone.
Pretty presumptious to think someone can't have memorable enough sex to want it, crave, enjoy it and love it.....without being in a committed relationship.
Yep, when I didn't know what an absolutely mind blowing experience sex can be, I would have agreed with you.... but then I discovered that what I thought was great sex was just pretty good sex... But hey, if you're happy with what you're getting no problem.... | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:25:09 PM | If you have feelings for a person, the sex is about a billion times better. One night stands are boring and awkward, but having amazing sex with someone you love and being able to wake up to them the next moring (and go at it again ) is the best ever.
Foxx
Did a MAN actually write this? Nice!And OH SO TRUE!
I agree. I enjoy the connection I feel for someone I have deep feelings for. But is sex ever boring?
Try having it with the same person for 25 years..SNOOOOOOZE!~
Divorce woke ME up! | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 2:18:54 PM | Yup. I just wrote about that very phenomenon in "love WITHOUT sex", kinda different, but similar, topic.
I've had sex with women I didn't really care about and knew they didn't really care about me. It worked on a level of lust and friction, but, the older I get, emotionless sex isn't doing it anymore...I require some real emotional heat in there too to make me feel loved and glued, like this is home, this is where I belong.
And I've loved a lot of women as platonic friends.
I've yet to fuse both into a single person, although, until now, I haven't really been trying lol.
Sex with passion is ALWAYS hot sex. I've yet to have that (or at least have it be mutual). Fallen in love with a lot of porn hotties I've jerked off to lol. It wasn't just lust--I could see and feel their hearts.
It begins with US. WE have to love. Then HOPE they love us back. But, even if they don't, we can feel secure that WE loved. It requires emotional bravery. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 3:55:21 PM | I remember when sex was easy, pregnancy and syphilis were the biggest worries; the introduction of the pill and Roe v Wade made "free love" easier. Fast forward thirty or more years and there are a lot more things to worry about. HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis and the list goes on. I'm not quite as anxious as I once was to experience everything.
The most earth-moving sex I ever had was in a long term relationship, a marriage. Our mutual love and commitment made it all the better. But, I've had pretty good sex without love and/or even regrets. I find the older I get the more I seek connections with a lover, look for more ways to bond than through solely the physical aspect. It's finding the line between love and lust, sometimes blurry, that can be a dilemma. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:06:51 PM |
MsMicki: It doesn't work that way for everyone.
Pretty presumptious to think someone can't have memorable enough sex to want it, crave, enjoy it and love it.....without being in a committed relationship.
mchurch: Yep, when I didn't know what an absolutely mind blowing experience sex can be, I would have agreed with you.... but then I discovered that what I thought was great sex was just pretty good sex... But hey, if you're happy with what you're getting no problem....
Did u just ASSume once again?
You slay me!
You honestly think I haven't had sex while in love? 
Good Gawd mchurch......has the pedastal you've put yourself on got your head so high up in the clouds you can't use common sense anymore?
Try again!
and this time, when you're trying to make a point.......try being a bit realistic.  | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:13:28 PM |
It gets really old hearing this crap that just because someone is capable of having sex without love.......they must surely be out screwing everything that walks by them.
Not everything is as black and white as some like to make things out to be.
We do seem to be a judgmental group at times here. I think people expressing their feelings and personal choices are just that. I suspect they are not seeking your assessment of their lifestyle choices.
I remember when sex was easy, pregnancy and syphilis were the biggest worries; the introduction of the pill and Roe v Wade made "free love" easier. Fast forward thirty or more years and there are a lot more things to worry about. HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis and the list goes on. I'm not quite as anxious as I once was to experience everything.
Yeah, I'm not quite as anxious to experience "everything" either.
The concept of "Free Love" as expressed in the 60's didn't just appear overnight. The philosophy had deep roots for generations before mine. The encouragement of the 60's in the form of openly shared knowledge about human sexuality, "the pill", a slew of psychedelic drugs, and a counter-culture with the freedom to express their views let it all happen.
We're all human with our own thoughts, needs and morals. For me, sex in love is ultimately what I want. Would I turn someone down because we weren't "in love"?
If there was a mutual attraction, no. But, I'm not looking for any more one night stands either, that does get tiring. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:35:59 PM | We're all human with our own thoughts, needs and morals. For me, sex in love is ultimately what I want. Would I turn someone down because we weren't "in love"?
If there was a mutual attraction, no. But, I'm not looking for any more one night stands either, that does get tiring.
I agree, sex in love is what we all ultimately want........when the time is right.
Sometimes the time isn't right.
I'm not looking for one night stands either.....they're not only tiring.....they're dangerous in this day and age. I have no desire to pick up a complete stranger and be alone with him.
But I do have sexual desires .....
and as long as there is not only the mutual attraction......but mutual respect and open communication.........I see absolutely no harm in having a purely "sexual" relationship with a man.
But I will never agree that this has made me "jaded" to love or sex.
Nor does it mean I'm having sexual relationships with alot of men.....or that I ever have .
That's the "crap" I was referring to. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:13:59 PM | OP, I understand what you mean. I believe it's just a feature of maturation--for some.
I can't honestly say that I have ever felt sexually deprived. I've enjoyed many good sexual experiences, some bad ones and overall, sex has been fun.
However, I have noted that as I approach the end of my "breeding years", sex has taken on a completely different meaning and purpose.
Where once I would view it as an opportunity to "taste the colors of the rainbow," I now view it as something more intimate, even, if I may say, more spiritual.
I've reached all the sexual limits that I felt the need to reach. Truly, I found these experiences left me wanting.
Today I view sex as a form of expression. An expression of my passion for someone not only physically but more importantly mentally. My biggest sexual organ is my brain and having that work in unison with my body makes for a much more enriching sexual experience. What I think of the person I'm having sex with defines the quality of the sex I have with them.
So to that end, I really have no desire for casual sex. It never was "all that and a bag of chips" and I can honestly say that I do have a hard time sleeping with a guy I don't have any feelings for simply because I just feel too detached from him. Even having to look at someone's face when you know it's just for sexual purposes causes intimacy to bleed into a place it should not be found. This seriously diminishes my ability to reconcile the need for an emotional/mental connection with my partner so I forego the need for such types of involvement. Just doesn't do anything for me.
Someone made mention that women, if deprived of sexual activity for longer periods, will tend to not require as much. I am going to agree that at least for me, I have noticed that the less I get, the less I need. It seems to be one of those "on demand" things and I think it's the genius of the female mind. What efficiency! LOL sure beats acting like some men do while they feverishly pursue a hot hole that they have no intention of pursuing again. | |
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| do u find the older u get, when u are not in love, sex isnt as great?
Posted: 8/24/2009 10:31:27 PM |
Did u just ASSume once again?
You slay me!
You honestly think I haven't had sex while in love?
Actually No...
I didn't assume... you assumed I meant that.... Why?
Try rereading... unless your heads so high in the clouds you're having trouble with the fine print LOL
Oh yeah, BTW writing "ASSume" instead of "assume" is kind of old.... afterall, most of us got that joke when we were in public school... I don't think we need to see it for the rest of our lives.... | |
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