| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 3/31/2006 5:35:07 PM | | I've been told and have told theres nothing going on, you kind of know 15 minuts into it. I respect when a woman says I enjoyed our time but I don't feel an attraction. No skin off my back, I've done it plenty of times. If its not there its not there, it's why I say up front that the first meeting is just friends, no expectations. If there's something there great and if not then NEXT | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 3/31/2006 9:08:39 PM | | I have an even scarier one....he says he is 5'10, black hair and he will meet me and he's going to meet me and we are going to play some Texas hold em poker. Sounds great. First meeting he is actually 5'4". We go to a couple of clubs/bars where he becomes drunk. Then when it is time to leave, he begans to paw all over me. Even "licking my hair" Pretty gross. Then he begins to grab at me, and I tell him I have a gun. He says oh you wouldn't shoot Me! I told him without hesitation. he thought that was funny. Once I finally got away from the potential rapist, I jumped in my truck and flew away from him. FAST. He actually had the gall to call m before I got home. A simple block on the phone and POF was all it took for me. Kinda pathetic and scary. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 3/31/2006 10:10:34 PM | | yup. honest, and straight up. A brief explanation of why would be a bonus. I will respect her for it. I accept I"m not for everyone, and everyone isn't for me, and if something which can be worked on, then there's always self improvement. The disappearing act is the worst, 'cause you can't really learn from it. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 3/31/2006 10:16:22 PM | Well said Haha.
I've often wondered why a guy I liked wasn't interested in me. I, too hate the disappearing act. Even when I write guys on POF I occasionally don't even get so much as a reply. It would be nice to receive a reply even if he says that I am not his type. It disappoints me when they don't reply, not giving you any idea what's behind it. Knowing that someone isn't interested gives a sense of closure and is only fair. I let someone know that it's not going to work out because it's only fair to give that person that closure so he can keep on  | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 3/31/2006 11:25:28 PM | | After being on the site for a bit, i've gone through a couple of stages...at first i was replying to all in some manner, even if there was no interest...but that was taking so much time i wasn't actually meeting anyone...then i sorted through them and the one's that i felt did not really ask me a question as much as make a comment, i deleted, as i did the ones that i felt i had no connection to...that also didn't sit well with me...so now i've started sending the ones that deserve and answer either way a brief..."not interested"...but what i actually say is that i think they would be perfect and probably a lot of fun for the right woman, but i don't think i'm her... | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/1/2006 2:32:05 AM | I think regardless if your interested or not you should never hurt anyone's feelings. If this person takes time out to see you then that's impressive. A person should always care about someone's feelings. Unselfishness and uncaring people are a real turn-of, that's why this world is up side down. I think if a person is not interested, they should Email that person back and let them know that they appreciated the time they took to show up(that person could of done a no show!!!!)but there was no vibe and anyways beauty is on the eye of the beholder. So if U get a rejection message don't freak out, it's part of dating. There's someone out there for everyone.
Kind and gentle dating is the key to success and your name won't be smeared!! that is if you care about your own feelings!!!! | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/1/2006 6:56:24 AM | Can I add a question to the mix? Do you guys on the post think it's too pushy for a girl to ask a guy out on a date, after you have been emailing and chatting for a month or two?
Just a get-to-know-you in person kind of thing, but I thought it would be kind of fun since we live kind of close, but it freaked him out and he won't talk to me any more. He said something like "reminded him of stalkers he had in the past" or something, and now he won't talk to me at all!
Was I too pushy, and would you all have thought I was weird, too? | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/1/2006 7:03:48 AM | It really doesnt matter what they say anyway. I have asked gals why they didnt reply and the excuses are so lame...I wish I wouldnt have asked.
"oh, I am so busy and dont have time to read your long profile blah blah blah....
who cares. there are plenty who do want to read it. find em and enjoy | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/1/2006 9:19:27 AM | I think the whole 'not being interested' happens in many situations, not just from meeting someone online or dealing with first-time email responses (which shouldn't even be an issue; not replying to a stranger speaks for itself and shouldn't 'hurt' them).
Now conveying that you're not interested after a first date can be a difficult thing, if you've exchanged more than a handful of emails, IM sessions, and/or phone calls beforehand. No matter who anyone is, if you go on enough dates, you will find people who you don't even find terribly attractive to not be interested in ya, and that's something always to remember.
I think it's the people who really try *not* to hurt the other person's feelings that end up hurting others the most in the long run. I know, it's strange, but I've been on both sides of the situation! Ladies, if you're out on a date, yes, be comfortable, but don't let him get the impression that you may be attracted to him 'just to be nice', or let him pay for a whole tab (assuming there is a sizable one).
The key is handling the first date, not the after affects. Don't send mixed signals (which many 'I dont want to be mean' people do), but make it clear that you aren't interested in them romantically. Having a friend call and bailing out on an "emergency" during the first date is obvious to most people, so I would say you'll end up hurting someone by obviously lying with a stunt like that. Just steer the conversation towards you liking someone else, but they were worth meeting... and that you had this one friend that would be great with them, but they're now taken, and go on a story about that... Of course, this is only possible and somewhat comfortable to do if you haven't been 'ga-ga' with the guy or girl before ya met. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/1/2006 9:48:47 PM | How about sending the person an email with a link to this forum?
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/addpost.aspx?PostID=3800348&x=37&y=8
How thick would someone have to be before they got that?
.... wait I got mail..... whoa... look at that just finished this post and I already got 37 email with links to this forum !!!!
See told ya it would work. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:57:57 AM | " No. Actually, I have created a rejection process that my date and I agree to before hand. We meet and after one hour, we both leave for a half hour with the knowledge that if we both return to the same spot then we want to take it further."
Sounds to much like a kids game. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/17/2006 6:49:19 PM | I don't believe in games. If you know someone is interested in you but you aren't in them, then let them know. Your allowing them to have hope when there isn't any. And that is not doing a service to that person. There are too many mixed messages to expect someone to understand what your feelings are without you actually saying them. You don't need to be rude or cold. Most people will back off once you make it clear to them that there will never be anything between you both. Of course, if you're not sure then you have a different problem.
If you like the person as a friend, then let them know that when you tell them. There are people I know as friends who started out as people interested in me. We have a lot of fun together and we watch each other's backs. One of them is even married now and his wife has also become my friend. If someone thinks of me as a good friend only, then I would like to know.
If I'm not interested in someone but I know they're interested in me, I try to be kind. Rejection is not a nice thing for anyone. I don't appreciate a cold shoulder or rudeness tho.
There is just no excuse for that unless the person has been rude to you.
But I realize just because I'm interested in someone not everyone is going to be interested in me. I let the person know I'm just not attracted to them that way even tho I think he is a very nice person. I wish him the best in finding someone. He's free to move on and so am I. Afterall, a relationship has never really developed, so it's better to do it as soon as possible. | |
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tazgal
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 92 | |
| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 3:19:06 AM | | Honesty up front is always the best policy, a person doesn't have to be rude and hurt feelings, unless they don't get it after being told. Once of my first online dates a few years back taught me that most men appreciate honesty. I chatted for a few weeks with this guy and then he drove quite a ways to take me to dinner in my town. Ever meet one of those people that you like better online than in person, you know the type, they're fun online, but in person you can't hardly get 5 words out of him? Anyway, typically I would have sent him a 'no thank you' email if he pursued me after that meeting, however he asked me for a second date in the parking lot afterwards. I politely told him that I felt bad that he had driven that far to go out, but I didn't believe we were a match. And the nice man that he is said, " I appreciate your honesty, but don't worry about the drive. I got out of the house for the evening, had dinner with a beautiful woman, and hopefully made a new friend. Nothing wrong with that". And that's what happened, we have become great online friends. If they get mad when you tell them, then they aren't even friend material. | |
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tazgal
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 93 | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 3:45:37 AM | | hey all...i too wish the guys on here would reply...if u do meet they make u believe it was great..even say theyll call u the next day...then dont...no emails nothin...i too would like to know ....some on here know how to write beautiful words but dont know how to spell sorry, didnt feel anything...or had a good time, but its just not there...come on guys...n girls...its only common courtesy....we all deserve that. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 4:16:37 AM | | No one ever really want to hurt someone on purpose, well I still want to believe that....Not sure about telling someone in a email....but I supose if you cant do it the righ way then a email is better then not hearing any expliantion at all......and guys and girls being honest is always better then letting someone believe you really want what they want.....be kind and the deed will come back to you....Something to thing about! | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 3:18:08 PM | hey jaglaw..
I totaly agree with you there. I always feel more confortable talking with someone for some time before i even think of exchanging #s or meeting them. Its crazy but it seems that if you tell a guy that you would like to chat a while first, i usually dont hear back from them
i actually had a arguement with a guy who wanted me to meet him the very same afternoon we first chated..he totally creeped me out..and kept comming up with reasons like ((i could die tomorrow) and you only live once..ect...and the more i said no, the more he persisted
finally i told him i wasent changing my mind, and he basicly called me a few choice names
and i called im a freak and blocked him from writing me..I definatly like to chat and get to know someone for a few weeks or couple months first. | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 3:30:24 PM | Looks like the general consensus is "people want to be told, upfront, gently, and honestly"..
Although it appears a select few don't seem to be able to take rejection well and persist.
but what are you going to do with them? Not much really, it's their issue, not the one doing the rejecting. I think I'd like to know upfront, at least not have a guy say "hey, great time, let's get together and do it again" and then doesn't follow up. I think people should also look for clues to see how much that person is into us, because sometimes I've had situations where I know we both didn't feel it and neither one of us contacted the other and didn't care either way. I'm guessing that's happened to everyone too? meet, no sparks, say "bye" and onto the next? | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:35:51 PM | DEFINTELY RIGHT THEN!!.. y play games with others feelings n emotions..besides if you know wat it is you are wanting ..then y would you WANT to settle for less right?!?!?.. Stand up for yourself and wat you believe in cuz no one else can speak ..act.. or think for you !!!!  | |
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| Not interested..would you like to be told?????? And if so, HOW?
Posted: 4/18/2006 7:48:55 PM |
Although it appears a select few don't seem to be able to take rejection well and persist. but what are you going to do with them?
if you feel your safety is threatened, lie, block e-mail, block cell calls etc. otherwise be honest and accurately express your feelings, (1) a responsible person then knows exactly how you feel and will leave you alone, won't persist (2) do the right thing, if you generally care how others view you, respectfully declining someone shows you have class, you took the high road. basically treat the the rejected in the manner that you would want to be treated if someone rejected your advances. i guess if you typically accept people treating you like shit, you treat those who you reject similarly. | |
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