| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/8/2006 6:57:22 AM | | Lonely mamma that is a good way of looking at it... my little brother was 2 months premature and he has so many learning and behavioural difficulties. I think it will be harder for him to try and 'fix' his problems - at least I know why I am the way I am because I have memories of my traumatic experiences... I could go to counselling to work through them... My brother on the other hand wont have that tool to work with. I think it would make it much more frustrating.... | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/8/2006 8:12:25 AM | | Princess.....my oldest son was 15 weeks premature. It is just amazing to watch the difference in how he processes dfferent stimulus from his two brothers. He doesn't have learning difficulties (in fact is at the top of his class in reading/spelling, etc) but has serious socialization issues, mainly because he can't handle any excessive stimulation. I think you are absolutely correct about it making it more difficult because they don't have that specific thing to look at and say "this is what is causing my issues". | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/10/2006 5:55:02 PM | I don't agree with the doctor's statements/findings. In my experience, people who seek out extremes to feel pleasure are in it for the "high" or adrenaline rush they feel. This can be said for people who go skydiving, bungee jumping, people who are into S&M and so forth. The biggest problem with this sort of high is that you develop a tolerance for it and so you have to escalate the risk to achieve the same feeling you once did.
People who engage in high risk adventure never seem to do just one activity but go through a series of escalated ones. They may have started out white water rafting then moved onto sky diving and then to base jumping. In much the same way, a person using drugs may also escalate to achieve the same high whether they have to increase the dosage or move up to a more powerful narcotic. Those who achieve a sexual high from S&M also find that they need to escalate the stimuli in order to achieve the same endorphine release that offers them pleasure. Of course, I'm not about to paint everyone with the same brush as not every person feels this need to escalate.
I don't think this sort of "thrill seeking" or rushl hinges on a childhood trauma but then again, I'm sure if you looked hard enough you could find something in everyones past that could account for their current behavior. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/10/2006 5:57:31 PM | | I was attacked by giant breasts when I was a toddler.. so why do I love breasts so much now??? Please no one say because I am a big boob... I won't accept that as an answer! | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/10/2006 7:51:47 PM | | Children that are sexually abused at a young age require more stimilation when older in order to achieve orgasm. It has nothing to do with seeking out extremes. It simply is a need that is created by over-stimualtion as a child. | |
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kymbie
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Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 31 | |
| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:28:18 PM |
Children that are sexually abused at a young age require more stimilation when older in order to achieve orgasm. It has nothing to do with seeking out extremes. It simply is a need that is created by over-stimualtion as a child
as an adult survivor of 12 years of childhood molestation....i have to disagree...it dosn't take me any more stimulation than any other woman to get off. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:52:10 PM | couldn't prove it by my experience, but theories are good to test. We learn much that way.
Scientific garbage?
Alot of it, yes... but disproving this garbage is where we get real knowledge.
Ever since the Greeks invented a less than 30 character alphabet, 99% of what people have written, their thoughts, were crap... but in the disproving of the crap, humanity actually learned enough to make ENOUGH sense of things to improve our lot.
"the truth is revealed through it's collision with error"-Benjamin Disraeli | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/10/2006 9:28:51 PM | | I had a friend who mentioned once that she had gotten to a point that "normal" sex was not enough for her and that she had to have much more and even pain to get pleasure. She swears it changed when she got with her present husband. Hell I just like sexual pleasure, I don't know why... I just like it. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/11/2006 5:23:24 AM | OK...Here goes nothing about Fetishism and the rest of what alot of people consider ...
JUST PLAIN WEIRD! 
How to explain sexual differences!
#1 The only thing stronger then physical or psychological pain is...
SEXUAL PLEASURE! 
For my example I will take a person who gets sexually aroused when violently beaten!
Very often people like that have had one or more very severe beatings in their childhood!
(I say childhood because psychology research does seem to point in that direction, when confronted with impressions of that nature being left on the brain.)
As this severe beating occurs, the child's brain has 2 options.
a) It Short Circuits and the child loses conciousness following extreme pain.
b) He gets AN ERECTION!
What happens with B is this!
The erection being sexually pleasant to the boy, and being stronger then the pain he gets from the beating, the entire experience (as sick as this may be) becomes PLEASANT to the boy because of the sexual stimuli.
Then what happens is this.
His brain will associate the pleasant experience of his erection (1) to the pain he receives from the beating (0) and since sexual pleasure is stronger then pain....
guess what the outcome will be...
This has now become a PLEASANT SEXUAL EXPERIENCE OF EXTREME INTENSITY TO HIM which he will want to reproduce in his lifetime because... HE LIKES THAT NOW!
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THIS!
IF YOU BEAT HIM FROM NOW ON...YOU ARE NOT GIVING HIM PAIN ANYMORE....
BUT SEXUAL PLEASURE! 
YOU ARE NOT HURTING HIM!
HE LOVES... THAT!
The same can be said of psychological pain or unbearable humiliation.
Foot fetichism and several submissive fetishes are often born through humiliation of that sort.
But this is far from being ALL negative (as odd as this may seem)!
This is only the normal response of the brain in turning something negative... into something sexually arousing and thus...well....positive I guess!
I don't know about you but...HE SURE ISN'T COMPLAINING! lol
(other then for his nuts being in a vice and severely whipped! )
In fact HE LIKES IT SO MUCH, HE ASKS FOR IT and goes to great lenghts to find this kind of experience again, pushing the envelope as far as being ready to PAY FOR IT very often...because no one understands his behavior, considered sick by most people who do not undestand! 
But guess what....
This can be positive in more ways then one because this same mechanism that serves to associate a bad experience to a sexually pleasant one….can also be a powerful weapon in the bedroom to help you push the boundaries of sex.
Let me explain:
The brain normally balances up the positive sexual stimuli (the strongest stimuli possible)versus the various negative stimuli the body can sustain....
If the outcome is sexually positive...then guess what ?
This can bring your partner to be turned on.... about a MULTITUDE OF THINGS!
An example?
OK…
Let's take a Foot Fetishist! 
Now let's say this guy has had this humiliating experience as a child, that made him sexually aroused when he sees pointed female feet. 
Now you have to understand that all his childhood and all his life, he will be aroused by this (this and everything else other guys love, cause remember, this is a PLUS not a minus!)
But this impression will never leave his brain!
It is imprinted there. Period!
Call it Trauma if you will! But it still amazes me how this is just... SEX!
Now let's go back to our foot guy!
Later as he gets to have sex, he will want to kiss the woman's feet because it is a positive sexual stimuli to him! Let's say, that another stimuli is when she points her toes, cause he likes the feel of the small wrinkles under her feet. And let's say he likes it when the woman not only lets him kiss her feet, but truly pushes her feet into his face forcefully, so as to provoke or humiliate him a little, knowing it turns him on.
(remember the early childhood humiliation thing?)
Now those are 3 positive sexual stimuli.
a) Visually, he likes the toes moving or pointed like a ballerina.
b) In a tactile fashion, he loves the feel of the soft little wrinkles on his lips.
c) Fantasy wise, he loves being provoked and humiliated....forced to kiss.
But here is the thing….her feet SMELL! Lol
One negative stimuli if there is one, right?
Well guess what…
Given enough positive sexual stimuli...the scent of that woman's feet will soon turn him...INTO A CUTE LITTLE LOVE DRONE! 
Let's check out what should happen!
should she caress his thing with her hands or lips, and let her continue to stimulate him in the 3 former ways, that would bring the in another very powerful (direct) sexual stimuli, bringing the total to 4 POSITIVE against... 1 NEGATIVE! 
Can you see him slowly start to turn?
Soon you will start to see him slowly give in to the sexual pleasure, and pretty soon, not only will the smell he didn't like at first not bother him anymore.... but he will gladly accept it as... SEXUALLY PLEASANT.
Wanna know the funniest part!?
If you make him orgasm while smelling your toes…
I can pretty much guarantee the next time…the mere scent of your toes will be like Viagra to him! 
Sick?
Not really!
Just the way the human brain works!
Look at it for what it is...SEX!
And it can be loads of fun! | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:23:57 AM | Droidcrasher: I sure hope you don't apply this to every fetishist you meet because you are wrong on a number of accounts. Do you have any sources to back this up?
Anyway, I am not going to go through your post line by line because it would take forever. Your generalizations of what makes someone a fetishist are far too simplistic and hinge on the formation of conditioned reflexes. Did you take a course in behavioral science to come up with this?
I would like to see where you got your information from. In the meantime, I think I will take a copy of your post to my fetish friends. They enjoy a good laugh - it releases endorphines. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/11/2006 7:33:11 AM | Kymbie, there are exceptions to everything. I suppose you are fortunate not to be one to require extra stimulation. However, studies have proven this to be true regarding childhood sexual stimulation. It is compared to a woman that uses a vibrator to achieve orgasm. Often she becomes unable to achieve orgasm with her mate due to her over-use of a vibrator. Women are often advised to put the vibrator away for awhile until there is less of a need for the powerful feeling one gets with a vibrator versus the stimulation of fingers, etc.
And DroidCrasher, I find your remarks about pain and pleasure to be of extreme interest. I also agree with most of those findings. The human mind is a complex thing.
For those of us that do require extra stimulation or fetishes to enjoy sex, nobody is pointing a finger and saying anyone is abnormal. I don't think anyone chose to be a certain way. What happens to us as a child determines the way we will be as an adult. Sometimes we can change that through therapy, sometimes we enjoy the way we are and do not wish to change it.
Very interesting subject. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/11/2006 11:49:09 PM | In response to Gallivanting:
U SAY:
Anyway, I am not going to go through your post line by line because it would take forever. Your generalizations of what makes someone a fetishist are far too simplistic and hinge on the formation of conditioned reflexes.
I say:
NOW who's generalizing!? lol
And why does it have to be complicated?
And yes...a lot of fetishes can be born from conditionned reflexes and others by an accident mimiquing such conditions. Happened to me...so I should know! What is YOUR experience... Doc!? Also, although the word is being thrown about in every conversation these days, do you at least have the right UNDERSTANDING of what is a true FETISH?
Cause THAT...is what I was talking about!
U SAY:
Did you take a course in behavioral science to come up with this?
I say:
Do I need a course or someone else with a degree, to tell me what I should think about the behaviors of certain people or group of people I consider myself... a part of ?
WE, the fetishists, are the people who told the endoctrinated ones...HOW IT WORKS! lol
Also, can I make my own mind, about certain traits that I know well...maybe because as opposed to you, I actually posess them and live and experiment with them everyday, and therefore can trace them in other people too?
U SAY:
I would like to see where you got your information from. In the meantime, I think I will take a copy of your post to my fetish friends. They enjoy a good laugh - it releases endorphines.
I Say:
The problem with Doctors and Psychologists today is that they think they are almighty because they have A DEGREE and a LICENCE TO PRACTICE!
I say ONLY THEE WHO KNOWS HOW TO HEAL IS A DOCTOR! 
SO....WHERE IS YOUR PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE, MY LADY!???
For I'm sure that will soon show up in this forum as proof that...
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYIN! lol
As if a psychology degree could give you a better understanding of me..then me! lol
Also, do I speak for all fetishists....Of course NOT!
And I do not believe I have the monopoly of truth either.
What I speak of, I actually have read in a couple of psychology books, and have applied it to MY personal experiences as a fetishist, and experiences of other people with fetishes that went in a certain direction, and I've found that those principles applied very often.
35 years of listening to your own body and mind will tell you things that books...are incomplete about...and that doctors and psychologists, don't even have a clue about!
So I guess I can say that YES...my own little fetish springs from the sources I spoke of, and that of alot of other people too...and that funnily , certain psychologists agree!
Now I didn't think my explanation was exactly laughable, but then again ...if you feel the need to shit on people so as to elevate yourself by turning what they have NOT ONLY read in your psychology books, but actually have experienced and lived with all their lives(possibly as opposed to you)...then feel free to see your fetish friends with my explanation and have a good laugh! (I gather you speak of people who wear a plastic dress every 4th saturday of the month, and consider themselves... TRUE FETICHISTS! lol)
For the rest you were right...
Endorphines ARE...good for you! | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 12:05:28 AM | And thanx BrownEyedLeo!
I DO speak from experience!
And yes...what happens in your childhood that leaves a mark on your psyche, either through conditionned reflexes or by accident, can stick to you for a long time!
And as far as therapy goes...well...if you consider yourself sick...go for it!
Otherwise...live it!
It can be really cool!
My own little fetish was born in a funny way really!
I found it is the result of my education and...a bad, but humiliating 1960's movie! lol
All that...when I was 5 !
Goes to say! | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 12:18:54 AM |  bla bla bla
Maybe some people just like extreme pleasure period... sexual.. physical or emotional. Look at all the people who do the extream sports and stuff. To each their own. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 3:30:24 AM | | I was going to say this sounds like crap, but after taking a few classes at the Scientology Center in Ybor City, and reading tabloid headlines about "Tomkat" it makes a little bit of sense. Although I must say I was a month early and I am into bondage. So I don't know. I think it's different for everybody. 'Cause you don't see a kid who was molested or something else like that saying they want to be beaten/choked (or something like that) during sex. Although I can't be an advocate for that since I was molested too. Ok, so I'm going to shutup now 'cause I'm not making sense. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 3:31:13 AM | | By the way being born premature didn't affect my mental status since all my life I was considered part of the "gifted and talented" group. Which does nothing for your social life, btw. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 3:35:31 AM | /bow
We all have a story.
I think that the worst concept is that we have a flaw. THen, some professional has to charge us big bucks to identify and explain it. Well, I think that we have to be our own parent, doctor and policeman. I think that - through others - we work things out.
Ask The One for help. He is always there; no matter what and sends angels when you are in trouble. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 7:47:07 AM | | Depending on the nature and severity of the trauma my experienced feeling is that we just want to retrieve some of what we lost out on. Gain back our innocence and be the child we never got to be. I'm not into EXTREEM. I fear extreem. It could cause pain. Maybe you have an unconcious desire to harm yourself? Or maybe extreem is just how far you have to go to get past the past and into the future. | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:05:05 AM | | Okay so i had to comment on this .. especially after seeing so many say they lived these "normal lives"... From what is first stated about the doctors..I am assumming after years of therapy that they are talking about the extreme trauma...such as sexual abuse , rape, and things of this sort... I myself am a survivor of molestation and i am still in therapy and everyone that i have met through the years whether it be by chance or through therapy has gone thru this "extreme pleasure".. Many experience it in different ways... Some sex, some drugs, some alcohol.. Many of us are dignosed with PTS... And how we deal with things can also be catagorized into the extremes... | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:45:46 AM | Droidcrasher:
I ask all these questions because you are coming across as stating a lot of “facts” with no sources. So basically you are your own source and the examples you gave are based on your “personal” experiences?
Oh, and we don’t all wear plastic dresses and the meetings are on the 2nd Sunday of every month.
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:07:32 AM | semigoodlife, you are making more sense then you know!
You HAVE been molested as a child, and YOU DO enjoy bondage and being kinda sexually abused? Then I guess you're kinda giving a little power to my arguments here!
As for the rest, Im not sure about the premature birth thing as far as SEXUAL side-dishes are concerned, unless a sexual stimulus can affect the baby before the age of reason or before his being able to feel the sexual stimuli. Cause from what I've seen, it is THAT... which has to leave an impression on the brain!
The sexual stimuli born from the trauma!
Not the trauma alone!
And Peace.... to all the plastic dress wearers in the universe!  | |
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| childhood trauma and the need for extreme pleasure
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:27:41 AM | singleblue23...I think I love you!
Could you tell that to Gallivanting?
And Gallivanting YES... I speak from personal experience and from the experience of other TRUE fetishists I have known and still know, who have had traumas leading to a sexual trigger leading them to what they are sexually into today!
By the way I never said that ALL victims of abuse, violence, or humiliation have fetishes or other desires for extreme pleasures (see auto-destruction in certain cases!)
In the case of sexual fetishes being born, I'm saying it takes A SEXUAL TRIGGER.
It doesn't always happen!
If the kid gets beaten so severely each time that he passes out....there's a good chance there will never be anything sexual born from that, because the brain hasn't triggered a sexual response to the pain received.
In the case of a psychological attack, humiliation or provocation on the other hand....
I would believe there would be more chances that a sexual fetish could be born!
For alcohol, and drugs, the rest of extreme sports...I don't know!
Haven't studied that part much! | |
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