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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/29/2006 4:15:55 PM | [When you really love someone -- without hesitation or even restraint -- you give up a part of yourself that you never get back.]
Perfect answer..I lost mine to a drunk driver. I often think about how things would be had that not happened but I'm moving on. It's been three years.. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/30/2006 3:48:33 PM | a torch no, but fond memmories yes. there are two men that I have very fond memmories of and still love in my heart (not in love), I wouldnt want to get back with them but wished they could have stayed friends. Some ppl can't remain friends , I think because they feel they would be cheating on there new love interest / or it would make their new love interst jealious? Im not sure but I know when I have loved someone truly and it ends then I still loved the friends we had been, I just dont understand why ppl can't seperate the in love from the friends they both were. #1 guy was 12 years ago I still remmber him and hope hes happy and well the other was 6mos ago and I miss him alot , but agian I wish him everything, and will not go back only forward. I know we always wonder what could of should of would have been but it didnt so let the heart heal and move on , and just remmber the good . | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:03:59 PM | anenigma,
You can never quite forget those people who have touched your life. They will always be there no matter what, whether you like it or not. I still have the greatest memories about my first love....And they are beautiful, sweet and endearing since we never fought or anything.
Now, it is quite another story to want something with them even after a very long time. I just do not believe that is realistic or healthy. Besides, you have to take the best of what they gave u and move on. Seems like you have not moved on, and after a long time that is a two-edged sword that may affect your current relationships.... | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:10:30 PM | verygreeneyez,
As hard as it is, you have to sort of "KILL" it. If it is not meant to be then you cant be selfish about it... You have to let go. Had to do it with the woman I loved the most. She nearly killed me with pain, and it took me many years to get over it, but I did....
You cant have hope where it died... | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/30/2006 4:12:37 PM | holy...
I can relate to u also.
I wanted to be hypnotised to forget my "torch" LOL..
but time does help,almost a yr now(as long as I dont lay eyes on him) Im getting better
Hang in there Flowerchild 1963
( i also bawled like a baby, it was almost a physical ache when we split) | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:35:04 PM | I met this guy at a party and we hooked up - it should have just been a one night stand. But I was fascinated with him, and we developed this totally passionate, intense relationship. He was open with me about the fact that he was coming off cocaine, and he told me all about his addiciton, and the withdrawals, and how he had good friends, and friends he shouldn't see.
About two months into it, I realized that he was more than just passionate - he was actually bipolar, though I don't think he's ever seen a psychiatrist. Some days he felt like a total failure. And then the day I cut his hair, he went to work and got offered 3 different jobs. In other words, some days, he was on fire.
It only lasted a total of 3 months before he did coke again, and then walked out on me 2 days later. He never really did give an explanation. It was like one day he loved me, the next he did drugs, and then the love was over. It was really weird and I cried for a week. I still feel sad whenever I think about him, and I'll probably compare every guy I date to him forever. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/30/2006 5:36:44 PM | | somtimes you know better, but you take a chance on a person anyway. All the hope in the world can't make it any more likely to work out. You just have to hope that what you got out of it was worth the pain after. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/31/2006 1:51:14 AM | 37 years ago, I fell in love with a beautiful young lady. In spite of what people say, it was love at first sight. We became engaged, with a date a year in the future. What was there was so sweet, clean, and fantastic--then I screwed up, and had to let her go. Didn't want to, but it was the "right" thing to do, for her sake.
I've never forgotten her. I've been married now for nearly 34 years, and I love my wife, but the first one still has a big chunk of my heart. Finally located her, called her. Got the chance to talk to her husband first, then her. Talked about our lives since, kids, spouses, and I got the chance to say I was sorry for the screw-up that cost us our lives together. Then I wished her all the happiness life had in store for her, and said an honest, and real, "good-bye".
It hurt. God, it hurt. But, I think you are right about taking the good that came of that relationship with you. I think back and remember the good times, and the bad, and have learned to put the lessons learned there into practice here. And, calling her and talking like we did, allowed me to finally let her go. It doesn't hurt quite as much any more, maybe because I know she's happy--and that's all I ever wanted for her anyway. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/31/2006 9:51:34 AM |
somtimes you know better, but you take a chance on a person anyway
When you know that someone is not right for you, and you still love them, you still gotta let go. It is happening to me right now with one of the most beautiful people I have met. Unfortunately, she is not for me and i know it. I have gradually stopped seeing her, and have never initiated anything due to our major differences.
If, knowing that someone is not for you does not deter you from being around that person, then you have to only blame yourself for the future hole that person will leave in your heart and for your emotional blows. You cant set yourself up for disaster when you know someone is not for you. It is almost like having surgery on an open wound to avoid someone you know it is not for you, but once that person leaves, you will feel better....And will move on to greener pastures.... | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 3/31/2006 3:28:45 PM |
I wish I could have his memory burned out of my head.[/bold]
What was that movie with Jim Carrey? "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". It was an odd but intense drama about a service that did burn the memory of a past love out of your mind.
He had been in love, it went sour, they split and she had it done to her. He then began the process but learned that it was important to him to remember the pain. To remember that the love was there even if no longer requited.
It was directed by the guy who did "Being John Malkovich" so it was a little out there and all over the place, but quite poignant. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/14/2006 6:47:36 PM | I think I'm getting better every day, sometimes I think I'm nuts, I mean more time has gone bye than the amount of time we even dated, I was so obviously his transitional girlfriend... but I still think of him from time to time. I wonder why can't I just forget about him? He obviously didn't love or care about me that much.... I date, meet people, I try but still I think of him sometimes. I wish there ws a majic remedy to get rid of these thoughts...but I guess that's th oldest problem in the world........ but maybe it comes down to faith... it WILL pass. that;'s what I hold on to
hugs | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/14/2006 8:36:16 PM | I think everyone is guilty of at least one undying love. There is always that one love we can never get over, even if that person was not right for us or caused us alot of pain. The difficult part is understanding why! Why still feel love for someone we know is not right for us? Does anyone have the answer for that question? | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/15/2006 6:50:00 AM | | maybe when you're a nice person, and give love and affection, it's just hard to understand that other people don't always hold the same ideals. And it makes us a little nuts trying to understand why that is? Some people just aren't nice, and the Nice people of the world tend to project their values on others. I don't know... we'll probably never have "The Answer". Maybe we hold on to the person we wanted them to be. It's more like mourning someone who never was, ya know? | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/15/2006 7:58:06 PM | 99c said:
The torch is an excuse to avoid risking pain again with someone new.
For many people that is true. For some of us though, we simply really loved and gave our heart, the feeling wasn't returned, and it simply takes time to get over it. You have to accept that the other person will never be yours--you didn't have what it takes to win his love. Someday the sadness will go away, and only the memories of being happy together will remain. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:34:08 PM | | Yes, I still carry one....we have been divorced for almost a year but we are still friends. It is so hard at times (he left me for his exgirlfriend) because I do still love him but we both know that we are better off apart. The things that hurt the most is when we talk on the phone, he still calls we "honey" or "sweetheart" just like he used to. Its getting better with time but sometimes, I think it would be easier to just not see or talk to him again. Love is just something that you can't turn off. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:55:19 PM | Yes, I remember. She was about 5.5 nice figure, beautiful blonde hair. Personality that wouldn’t quit. We traveled. Hawaii several times, even Chicago, (on business). She was a look but don’t touch type of person, (no sex), but her personality more than made up for it. At the end of an evening out we would go to her place. She would lay on the sofa with her head in my lap. Staring at each other. I sat there brushing her hair until it shown in the dim light. I am old now. I guess too old to love again, but I can truthfully say that I have never in my life loved a woman like I loved her. I don’t believe she really loved me, but she was so very kind in all ways. We went together for 2 – ½ years, and finally for whatever reason we went our separate ways. We see each other at a club I belong to once in awhile. That’s all I have left is a ‘look’. I really miss her, but I have to give her, her undivided freedom. For she gave me a couple of the very best years in my entire life. Her name was Alice. I called her Angel. I used to write her many emails, telling her how I believed she was an Angel sent from heaven to be with me. I really believed it. She knew how I felt, and she was always so very understanding. I miss her. I miss her very much. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 48 | |
| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:18:09 PM | yes...the torch used to be a problem and got in the way of my life...everything I did or tried to do was illuminated by that damn torch. At first it was nice, like a friend keeping me warm and safe. Then it was a pain...a real pain...a deep pain. But time does help to heal wounds and after a gazillion years have passed I can say the torch has been reduced to a dim match.
NOT that I don't love him...I do and always will....but it's all TOTALLY COMPLETELY DIFFERENT now. Time changed it from a romantic love I thought I couldn't live without to something unexpected. Now I love him like a SON!! Yes it's true, it's all unconditional, eternal, undemanding. We don't keep in touch any longer, I don't want to be with him, but I wish him all good things in the world, if he's happy then I'm happy. That little match isn't very bright any longer and it doesn't affect everything I do these days it's moved to the background, but it's there... just a little twinkle I can see once in a while. | |
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| Carrying a torch? Anyone out there still carry one?
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:53:33 PM | To the beautiful lady anenigma: girlfriend is that you today and you are 40! Wow you look good & youthful! I think when you really, really fall in love with someone or even have a very genuine love for that person. I had a guy whom I thought was going to be my guy for the rest of my life. He was a younger man from the Ukraine. After what I was only delusioned to think was for the most part a beautiful, sensuous love relationship & after many talks/plans we had together last year (2005) of marriage and getting jobs & moving out of this boring town together. Well after all that he droped me (dumped) over-night and for no logical reason. I kind of had a combination in love and genuine love feelings for him (Mykola). He was 13 years younger yet you could tell we were that far apart in age since I look pretty young. I was 47 and he was 34 (soon to be 35) when we met in March 2005. I practically lived with him and hardly ever went home until he abruptly ended our relationship on Jan 9, 2006. I tried for months to get him to make up but he would budge. He had me blaming myself as though it were all my fault. I helped him clarify/write many parts of his phd dissertation that he finally got approved & he got awarded his phd this summer semester at SIU-C. It took me months to realize that he used me the entire 9.5 months to help him get his writing done for his dissertation. And that he never loved me like he said not intended to keep any agreements of having a future together with me. He only lead me on. It took me close to 6 months to get over him. The first few months I was very heartbroken. And today I actually thought he was coming toward me and I happily said "hi" but it turned out it wasn't him when I got closer up. I think when you really love someone, despite if they hurt you or whomever ended it for whatever reason, that you always will hold that love, or a part of it thereof, in your heart for that person. I think there is no getting past it really. I think it shows that you do have a heart. It shows that when you love with all your heart, when you're willing to give that much of yourself and lay yourself out on the line like that - that you are all heart - that you're heart pumps all the more and you are even stronger for it. And you are more then likely then ever to find love again since you have so much love to give.  I have a fav quote from the Bible; it goes "those who live with love; live with God!" not many days go by when I don't say this to my adult son Justin I love and adore so much! | |
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