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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 8:22:07 AM | | Bravado Soup, thank you for your observations. For me there is a problem with "taking care" of these guys while in a relationship. I have found that the more I do for them, the less they do for me. After a while I think I am the only one rowing the boat, so I stop doing that. Turns out they weren't even in the boat, so to speak. What kind of relationship is that? One that's over. So I try to figure out on the first date if they are going to be one of those passive guys, wanting me to take the initiative. If so, we're not a match. Don't get me wrong......after we have established a relationship I have no trouble doing my share (while watching that I'm not doing all the rowing, as I said). I don't want to be a "nurse" or a "purse" in these later life relationships. Don't mind nurturing so long as I'm not being taken advantage of. Any other older women out there who have the developed the knack of finding an older guy with "juice"? | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:12:51 AM | I had the same thing happen to me
I have found that the more I do for them, the less they do for me. .
He spoiled me in the beginning as I did him, the more I did, the less he did. One of his parting shots..........'I don't feel the love from you that I felt from my late wife'. I don't know what else I could have done to show my love except give him children and that was out for both of us.  | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:15:14 AM | ......what men need to do is spend more time in hospitals and old age homes instead of dating sites and bars and hanging around younger guys...the fear of immortality makes them silly...
Huh?
I think some of you ladies are still chasing that bad boy that you were chasing when you were 18 to 30.
I suspect she meant to say mortality and I have to agree that's a bit of a kicker though I tend to see it as a gender non-specific kind of thing.
This world of dating after 50 seems all together too much like "high school with money" with all of our old insecurities brought back to the fore with wrinkles and other beauty enhancements brought on by gravity and time. Add that to the endless list of generalizations and cliches we all drag around with us and it just seems like it's more bother than it's worth.
Happy New Year to all! | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:33:07 AM |
Snagging an older man who has been comfortably on his own for a number of years is a difficult task and impossible if you think he is going to change his lifestyle for you.
Speaking for myself, I don't WANT a man to change his lifestyle.I doubt I'm all that different than the average woman over 50.
But what the hell, ASSuming that being in a serious relationship means having to change his lifestyle is probably a pretty good excuse for ducking out after a few dates.
For the record, just because I don't expect HIM to change his lifestyle, should not be taken to mean I'm going to become HIS satellite, either.
Am I the only over 50 woman who simply wants a relationship of man and woman as equals, to "have each others'backs" and for emotional support, with time spent together a reasoned negotiation? Or do all men over 50 ASSume that a relationship means that one of the 2 people involved has to consent to being completely absorbed into the other ones' life?
Cindy O | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:36:46 AM | I know a number of older gentlemen who certainly don't fall in your description but the last thing any of them are interested in is a LTR that affects their lifestyle. They are willing to entertain, spend money, and have many ideas of what to do in life and enjoy doing them. I don't think many of them will be tied to one woman and only if the woman lets them live a lifestyle they enjoy. Snagging an older man who has been comfortably on his own for a number of years is a difficult task and impossible if you think he is going to change his lifestyle for you.
Classy ladee gave you an excellent reply, she really is classy.
Me, not so much, so, darlin', as you're personally only looking for a little slap and tickle on the side what ever are you basing this one sided point of view on? Do you actually think all these women have nothing to do but sit around in their webs planning ways to 'snag' someone?! As a female living without a man in their lives they have no lifestyle of their own? How delightfully Victorian of you.
Just so you know, you're wrong. I've only been on my own for three years and I can tell you, baby, those are officially the glory years. Living without trying to make some other person happy is lovely....my life, my rules, my happiness....who knew how wonderful that could be?
Speaking as a woman who genuinely likes men as people should I at some point decide to get back in the game, as it were, I can promise you it would be on a catch and release basis only! Should he wish to be caught again that may well be fine too but he still gets to keep his own pond and his own 'lifestyle' as I'm not giving up mine either. If two people over 50 can't work together to find a common ground where both are happy then they aren't ready for any kind of relationship. After 50 plus years on the planet that's the VERY least anyone should expect....male or female.
Now go to your room and think about just how wrong you were! ;o) | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:53:07 AM |
YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICAN THEN NOTHING YOU SAY IS OF VALUE TO "US"!!!
GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY SCHMUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yikes! Spelling/grammar police getting you down?
Technically we're all in Markus Frind's "country" which started in his apartment in Vancouver, Canada though I believe he's moved on to warmer climes 'down under'. Maybe we're in Oz but I think it's N.Z.. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 10:58:34 AM | Hmm....I've wondered about that absorption thing too Cindy  .... I guess there are women like that too. Wanting the 'idea' of a mate, but not willing to give up one single thing they've become accustomed to in the real world.
But look at oldkids wife that he doesn't want to divest himself of....tho obviously has in every way but the name. Or when you see profiles of so many men with fish, cars, dead critters hanging, boats, bikes, trucks...or near nekked at 60 (please refrain, we will not turn mad with lust at the sight of you really.)....you kinda wonder why they're pretending to bother with us, when it's pretty obvious they're either looking for somebody to clean their fish or....... to find his very best last male buddy....cause in 60 yrs they still haven't figured out that if you want to catch a female fish you really should be using the right bait  . No, got that wrong, it's not us, it's the v jay jay....oops foiled again.
We're just from 2 different planets and doomed to have our timing and thought processes permanently askew    | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:01:45 AM | Wow and I thought I was a biatch.....girl's got me beat and even I don't approve....what's the world coming too???  | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:16:47 AM |
Only if you are an American, which I am not. Check your Oxford Complete.
So this is what 60 plus men want... All this time I thought it was comfort during their last years on this planet we all share called "Earth".
Time to catchup with the ever-changing times I suppose.... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:18:24 AM |
Did you not love those eyebrows and that little smile
Groucho Marx is applauding from the heavens.... With all the other 60-plus men...
Hosanna in the highest!!! | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:24:43 PM |
Men are so thrilled to hear that I am a widow, that I've been totally alone for 4 years. I had one say to me that he would be honored if he would be the first one to have sex with me.
Don't tell them you've been totally alone for 4 yrs.
<div class="quote"> I had fathomed having a fling but you know what, that would make me feel cheap and disgusting and I don't want that for myself.
With all due respect, I absolutely recommend a couple of well chosen and responsibly handled "flings" . Then when you get this " Have you BEEN with a man since your husband died?" question, you can gently smile and say " I ain't answering that question."
Look, you lost your man. Fate played dirty pool with you. We're not in high school anymore. As long as you are not taking foolish risks with your safety, or suborning adultery, a discreet fling will help your perspective. And those drooling fools who think they can get lucky with a sex starved widow( why the HELL do men still believe that old locker room myth?) will no longer piss you off.
Anyway, that was MY experience.
Cindy O | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:32:13 PM | | DESIRE.........it's a dumb little word isn't it?....have you felt it lately?...have you been desired lately?...are you desireable?....can you still make yourself desireable?...is life worth living without being desired?...how long has it been since you felt desire?..tasted it?..smelt it?..haha.....c'mon folks...we all know what it felt like,..and we miss it...we "long" to be desired..we've had enough of melancholy,doldrums...being taken forgranted...unloved,uninspired,unnoticed,unwanted...we are not desired anymore...that's what splits couples up at any age...how long since you felt alive?...and how do you shrug off the yoke of mediocrity?..boredom?...the blahs that have made your life dull,without sunshine,without whistling,without singing,without love,without passion,without desire?....we are all in love with desire,...the word....not the desired....it's all a big sham....and we continue to hope that someday,before we leave this earth,we will once again feel desire,desired,....forget it...who is kidding who?...not even viagra can reach down into the depths of the soul where desire flickered once before....it's just a shallow flame,easily extinguished by a little word of doubt...but,we're all adults now right?...we all have seen what happens when desire flies away...we've witnessed the loss of it thru out parents and our own relationships.....so,what's left now?....the ones who we thot we'd live with until death do us part,are gone....they knew us best and we them and that was our only hope of the replacement of desire....love......like loving an old pair of slippers,like the velveteen rabbit,all tattered and torn....but always still loved as an old friend....there is the key word folks....friend.....if you can reach out to someone and say, I am your friend and mean it....it just may have to suffice....women are far more realistic then men....women know men more than men know themselves and that is so scary that most men run away....but it doesn't change things does it?...all we can be thankful for is that maybe,now in our later years,we truly have become...like the velveteen rabbit....by being loved,at some point in our lives,and knowing now what love was/is...we can now say that we are "real"...and so many men's profiles on here,whether they are aware of it or not...are asking for just that....a companion who is "real"....just hope that they make sure,that when they find one,they cherish them and search deep enough to find that "realness"....realness is truth...and the truth is,we are all somewhat tattered and torn and we are all one with each other and we are all at the same time different,but we all bring those things to the table of life...I,personally,long for a man/woman/person who I can relate to and be real with...with all my pseudosynchroses,??spelling??,attributes,talents,baggage,warts,good and bad,and who can still be my friend...would be really nice if they could teach me something or make me think...I'm past all the hormonal ups and downs,miss some of it,but hey,that's life and I have to accept that part of me along with everything else and so do I of everyone else.....defensiveness is just a mask for feeling not good about one's self,or feeling attacked...so,I guess,if we don't attack each other,we've got part of the problem licked...enough for now... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 2:53:18 PM | There is a theory that in any interaction between 2 people that the communication they exchange has an effect on the subsequent actions of the parties involved. The theory goes on to postulate that by careful management of the communications you engage in, the development of the relationship between you and the other person can be managed toward your goal for the relationship.
An exercise for the curious is to call up all of your posts on a forum and analyze each one against the question "How would I expect the reader of this post to feel about me?" Then, look at the responses and see if your predictions are accurate.
With a little effort it is possible to always get exactly the reaction you wish to have. Applied to a relationship, you should be able to develop it along any lines you wish.
In fact, a corollary of this is that you DO always get the reactions you wish for from your communications. Something to think about there..... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:02:29 PM |
6. Many prefer a quiet night at home over the noise and drama of a night out on the town.
Are you kidding me?
I must be living on another planet If any of the ladies that I know is offered an exiting night out on the town, Bubba, you best not be blocking that doorway. 'course it may depend on who's doing the offering.
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:17:35 PM |
you DO always get the reactions you wish for from your communications
There is always that darn thing called assumption............when they assume you meant one thing when you really meant something else. It is called giving the benefit of the doubt.........................
Desert flowers may have thorns, but properly cultivated can be quite loving and forthcoming............... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 6:43:43 PM | rearguard,I definitely do not agree with what you said...and have experience with it on here...most of the time I am quite shocked how differently people react to threads on here...I've learned not to be sure of anything anymore...and that was a revelation for me...you can't think for someone else...or as someone else thinks...or even recognize how that person thinks without any doubt...and it is foolish to think that you do.
And that statement about being able to develop a relationship along any lines you wish???...where is your proof?...how do you figure that to be true?...how smug a person are you...???....even a psychoanalyst can do that...how controlling a person you must be to even consider that you have that ability,talent,voodoo?...I would think hat you would be wise to change your attitude and thinking as it could be quite detrimental to believe that you have that power in a relationship or would even dream of wielding it...and hope to be right all the time...I shake my head in disbelief... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:05:03 PM | Rusty & the others--
I hope I didn't give the impression I am not willing to give up some of my current life style for a new partner. I really meant to say I'm not sitting home alone with nothing to do.
I enjoy my current life enough to offer to share it with a partner, who I believe would also enjoy it in combination with theirs. I would not be sitting home sulking while he wants to go with the guys, or work part time, or volunteer somewhere or go to his poker game. I don't have any plans to change anyone. I am certainly willing to give up most of my activities to gain a partner. Many things are just MORE enjoyable with someone else.
I am willing to relocate. I make friends easily & volunteers are needed everywhere. The property I own can be sold, & I have no particular sentimental attachment to any of it. Some guys think because you keep yourself busy that you have no time for them. Why should I sit home bored when there are so many fun things to do somewhere else. If someone wants to do something together, I simply make plans to do it with them. It seems you're just supposed to sit home & wait for them to call or email instead of exercising your brain or your body. The person who mentioned assumption or ASSumption seems to be on target.
It also seems to be assumed that older women expect to be catered to, wined & dined. I probably reciprocate at least 40% of the time, if the opportunity presents, such as a second date, and always offer to go Dutch, and frequently invite when I can pay the way.
I have never asked anyone what their income is. I don't care, as I live within my means.
I don't get it. That's why I'm here--to learn. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/27/2008 9:20:58 PM | sum1reel -sum1reel -
"guys past their 60's would just be happy having regular bowel movements and a peaceful dinner!"
NO WAY - I must be meeting the live ones ....they have plenty of life left. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:06:20 AM | ["There is a theory that in any interaction between 2 people that the communication they exchange has an effect on the subsequent actions of the parties involved. The theory goes on to postulate that by careful management of the communications you engage in, the development of the relationship between you and the other person can be managed toward your goal for the relationship."]
Gosh Rear, I can't believe some of the stuff you come up with  .
*A forum exchange is NOT communication between 2 people, but reactions to subsequent threads and attitudes.
*Management of the communications? Are you talking manipulation here? Just because someone gets hot under the collar about an issue, doesn't mean that is how they would handle things in their personal lives with someone they respect and care for....DUHHH, this is Lala Land on the forums and has very little to do with real life, to assume so would be very naive.
*The only thing that brings 2 people together is meeting as soon as possible after thinking you might have something in common and talking one on one.....everything else is just so much blah, blah, blah.... it ain't real til it's real.
In my pushy, grumpy, frustrated, upfront opinion..... personally, just for example, I'm never grumpy at home and always have a twinkle in my eye.... I get it all out of my system here, thrashing errors in theory and reasoning for my amusement ;-). | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:35:15 AM | | I can always see that twinkle in your eye, rusty...your quotes are full of your personality... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:09:17 AM | I guess it all depends on the man....
Some want to sit in their well-worn recliners picking at the disgustingly long hairs that grow out of their ears and nose.....
Some want to dress like 30 year-old "buff" guys, and look totally ridiculous while they attempt to chase 30-something women.....
Some want to sneak out on their 60+ wives with single or divorced women because they complain that their wives dont' like sex (and judging by the looks of them, I can understand why their wives would be turned off by them).....
And there are some who are just classicly handsome, vital, and sexy at 60+. Harry Belefonte is in his 80's, and I'd go out on a date with him in a heartbeat! | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:44:21 AM |
Just because someone gets hot under the collar about an issue, doesn't mean that is how they would handle things in their personal lives with someone they respect and care for....DUHHH
Meaning you have no respect for the people you communicate with on the forums? No care for them?
I see.... | |
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