| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:49:10 AM |
With a little effort it is possible to always get exactly the reaction you wish to have. Applied to a relationship, you should be able to develop it along any lines you wish.
Ok, I'm just a dumb old cracker, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you possibly can.
Why in God's name would I want to do that? That would mean that I could never interact with the person that I have snared. 'never was a fan of Dr. Mengele. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:49:33 AM |
.I would think hat you would be wise to change your attitude and thinking as it could be quite detrimental to believe that you have that power in a relationship or would even dream of wielding it...and hope to be right all the time...I shake my head in disbelief...
Well, the alternative view would be that we have no power over how our relationships develop. That is not only completely depressing, its obviously not true. If you went into every relationship with the view that nothing you could do would change its direction, its hard to see how you would be able to do anything at all.
Most people have at least some confidence that if they try, they can succeed. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:53:20 AM | Of course, the point being missed here is that relationships are COOPERATIVE endeavours. The reactions you get are reflections of your own actions. If you are nice, they are nice. If you are not nice, they are not nice.....
You all are too self focussed here in this debate. Its not manipulation for nefarious gain. Its creative construction. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:58:28 AM |
Well, the alternative view would be that we have no power over how our relationships develop.
Try thinking in shades of gray, Rear Guard. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:29:08 AM | Rearguard, you tend to preach a lot of theory about the way you think things ought to be, yet when I read your profile and you talk about multiple past long-term relationships, the reality conflicts with your theory. For your theory to hold water sir, you would still be a part of your first long-term relationship unless one of you died. Your posts in this thread tend to identify you as a control freak, hence the reason you are part of multiple failed long-term relationships. I think can say this from experience since I have only been part of one long-term relationship that lasted forty years until death we did part.
7iron | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:25:03 AM | Rear, this seems like a winning way from AKtransplant on another thread:
["How to seduce a woman over 50? Well, how about being yourself. Be honest. Be respectful. Be polite. Do not be a jerk. Do not be an egotistical ba5tard. Do not think you and George Clooney are one in the same. Just be you.
I think women of any age would be seduced by honesty, humor, and a smile."]
The process shouldn't be all that painful and convoluted should it? I'm thinking that you think that you can strategize a game plan for an optimal result by cyphering how people respond on the forums...is that it? Or maybe it's a pass time analyzing the crew and you really have no intention of meeting anyone, as none of us seem sympathetic to your personal criteria.... ooorrr maybe it's just a pass time period. Yep, that's what seems most inline for the 60 yr olds I've met online.
7iron seems to have the logical deduction going on  . | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:36:25 AM | Well, the alternative view would be that we have no power over how our relationships develop. That is not only completely depressing, its obviously not true. If you went into every relationship with the view that nothing you could do would change its direction, its hard to see how you would be able to do anything at all.
Actually, the way I interpret what our man on the flank is saying is that most things we do to further or hinder a relationship's direction due to actual choice as opposed to those autopilot days is a form of manipulation and I think he's right about that. Even something as minor as saying please and thank you is a form of manipulation. To paraphrase Margaret Mead she said she liked good manners as they were a way to "deal with" people she didn't like and/or agree with.
I read a lot of these forums and simply using good manners as an example I've noticed how it effects what I think of a person before I read their profile and linking the two can sometimes be impossible. If you read repeated comments by people who call other people idiots, or either gender slamming the other en masse and then you slip over to their profile and they wax poetic about how they love people and are tender, caring, and ever so easy to get along with their credibility is pretty much nil. Now, by their choice, to vent their bitterness in forum posts has already manipulated your feelings towards them to the point that their profile makes you think they may be living an unexamined life. Hard to get past that, at least for me.
In real life we do that all the time. The person we live with comes home after a hard day and snaps at us. Now you have a choice, snap back...snap, more snaps, snapitty, snap, snap and everyone gets to spend the night buried in whatever distraction keeps them away from that 'beast' they live with so they can nurse their hurt feelings. I tend to choose to be amused and ask how their day was and would they like to talk about it...though that is the for company version of how it would be worded you probably get my drift.
The later is, we now know since the birth of pop psychology, a form of manipulation. It's taking what could be an unpleasant situation and turning it around. I don't like unpleasant situations, I don't like fighting, and it's the very rare time when I do either so yes, if it is in my power to, for lack of a better word, manipulate a situation to avoid that, I will do it and as often as not even be aware of it until later should I reflect back.
So yes, if we stepped back from and simply analyzed everyone's actions in the course of a day we would see in one way or another we all "manipulate" one another repeatedly though our own actions even if they are spontaneous. It's unlikely on some level even if it's only subconscious there's much we do after 50 that we don't have some knowledge of the effect of the action.
Or maybe I'm wrong and he was speaking in an advertising or the movie Gaslight kind of way which would be a whole other kind of "game" and it would be best to protect your own rear when he was around. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:14:58 AM | | ummmm, I'm just guessing here....Peace....ooooOOO please don't bash my spelling...I was very carefull when I typed... | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:52:43 AM | ["I read a lot of these forums and simply using good manners as an example I've noticed how it effects what I think of a person before I read their profile and linking the two can sometimes be impossible. If you read repeated comments by people who call other people idiots, or either gender slamming the other en masse and then you slip over to their profile and they wax poetic about how they love people and are tender, caring, and ever so easy to get along with their credibility is pretty much nil. Now, by their choice, to vent their bitterness in forum posts has already manipulated your feelings towards them to the point that their profile makes you think they may be living an unexamined life. Hard to get past that, at least for me."]
Ok waterviewtoo... voice of reason, you've got me there too. I've sort of gotten contentious from some former posts by people stuck in stereotypes, I admit it gets my dander up. I also admit that knowing that I only go to pof for the forums because they are way out of my dating range, I allow myself free license to rant at will....but you do sort of wonder what came first the chicken or the egg in a lot of threads?
But you know I have noticed a change lately, whether it's the holidays or people are also chilling down from the 'Melo' threads.....but I'm finding people a little less reactionary and bit more reflective.... more than me anyway . But I think it can be a pleasant change to actually make an effort to hear and respond appropriately to each other, instead of creating endless discord.
Could this be a New Years resolution, to at least try to show some respect towards each other?  | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:21:14 PM |
I read a lot of these forums and simply using good manners as an example I've noticed how it effects what I think of a person before I read their profile and linking the two can sometimes be impossible. If you read repeated comments by people who call other people idiots, or either gender slamming the other en masse and then you slip over to their profile and they wax poetic about how they love people and are tender, caring, and ever so easy to get along with their credibility is pretty much nil. Now, by their choice, to vent their bitterness in forum posts has already manipulated your feelings towards them to the point that their profile makes you think they may be living an unexamined life. Hard to get past that, at least for me.
^^This pretty much sums it up for me here in the forums. I have often wondered this same thing myself. Profile says one thing, thoughts in the forums portray quite the opposite!!! | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:31:47 PM | Dang it Free  , I'm gonna give it 5 days (about my average on resolutions) and see what happens  . | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:04:58 PM | Well, 7iron, it took me decades of work to figure out how to be a mature person able to manage my relationships, whereas your view would presuppose that I picked up all of this stuff while wearing diapers.
As for being a control freak, nothing could be farther from the truth about me. I am very much one who goes with the flow.
Finally, none of my previous relationships have been failures, in my mind. Since you are clearly a judgmental type, I guess that anything I say will fall on deaf ears. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:19:04 PM | Painful? Convoluted? I don't think so at all.
None of you are sympathetic to my personal criteria? Dream on. I get as much fan mail as there are rejections of my thoughts on the forums.
Logical deduction? Oh yes. Someone who I have never met nor even had a conversation with dreams up a history of my life and states I am incompetent in the relationship area. Can't argue with that "logic" at all. What's next? The conclusion I must be physically repulsive because I don't post a picture? The conclusion that I don't speak Spanish because I type in English? The conclusion that I am a snob because I have a good vocabulary? The conclusion that I am a moron because I am not American? (We already had the last one!) Logical deductions indeed!
Pass time? Indeed, for us all, the forums are a pass time. Or, do you pretend investing your conversation in strangers across the ocean is a deep, meaningful kind of experience destined to change your life?
C'mon....
Meet somebody? You never know, but the net has never proven to me to be nearly as effective a social tool as getting out and walking around the neighbourhood and talking to the people therein. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:20:30 PM | WOW!! After reading your posting I could only suggest that maybe you buy a vibrator for companionship, since you are on your way off the planet, and a tape recorder to listen to you. I am of the 60+ group and am having a hell of a nice time. I enjoy every day to its fullest. I have several lady friends and sometimes we get together (not as a group) to "scratch an itch" but nothing serious. I have been by myself for several years and I enjoy my own company. However, every so often its nice to call someone and go to a movie,dinner, concert or whatever.
One thing you need to understand, is that having lived to the 60+ age, many of us didn't arrive here unblemished and undamaged. I have osteoarthritis, but when I am with one of my female friends, or just out with the guys, its not at the top of my list for discussion. But, I am sympathetic to those that do have ailments and I am an excellent listener, a lost art among the younger generation.
What I have found out is that at my age, I know more about what I don't want, than what I do. Maybe you ought to consider that. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:32:16 PM | | When you say "we get together to scratch an itch", do you mean by that that you're "friends with benefits"? | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/29/2008 2:07:58 PM | | I am looking for a nice lady that is compatable with me, inshort someone that I enjoy being around ,if I could find this the rest takes care of itself. I am just an average guy and expressed that on my profile and think it would be great if we could cut through the chase and just be ourself as opposed to what we would like to think we are. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/29/2008 2:57:20 PM |
Or maybe it's a pass time analyzing the crew and you really have no intention of meeting anyone, as none of us seem sympathetic to your personal criteria.... ooorrr maybe it's just a pass time period.
Bullseye! Typical pattern seen over and over again on the net. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:40:12 AM | Tex..
Very nice and appropriate response. It's nice to see a man speak up and be respectful at the same time. I have met a couple of people from here over the past year ( 2 ) and they seemed very nice. I have watched the general respect on this site go down for the past year that I have been reading it and I agree with you. What we say on here reflects on all of us. I am all for whatever floats ones boat but when we start telling one another what makes a person complete and compare our relationships to others then the only thing left are the insults and there are plenty of them on plenty of fish.
I came here looking for a place to go to some activities when I did want to get out for an evening and I did go to ( 3 ). That was enough to know it wasn't for me. My mailbox was full the next day with anything from " I would love to take you out" to " Are you still interested?". I must have met some " Hello and nice to meet you" in there some place. Yep, those were my last events!
If anyone knows of a singles site A LEGALLY singles site.. that we older people that are parents and grandparents and think like parents and grandparents even when the kids aren't watching and looking for some good people to meet, enjoy and see where life might take them on a solid foundation of honesty, fun,compassion,and some men that are looking for someone that they want to be rocking on that porch with in their golden years because she makes him smile and laugh through the anti-inflammatories and baby aspirins... I sure would like to know the name of it and sign up!
Here is where you will think I am really crazy. This isn't my first rodeo and I understand the chemistry thing. I have had it, loved it, miss it, and would love to feel it again someday and hope I do and if I should be so lucky, I would not let that pass me by. But, my early thought when I meet someone is .... Do I really want to introduce this person to my kids ( although grown ) and my precious grandkids? If that isn't a YES immediately... see ya!!
There are alot of people having alot of fun while I am sitting around here with them. But, there are gonna be alot of people on antibiotics if that is all they require from the mess and still be very lonely one day and hopefully that will leave some " good guys" out there for the rest of us. All depends on how you define " finish".
Please do not respond to me if you are going to diss me. Mine is just an opinion like everyone else. Doesn't mean anything to anyone but me.
I really do just want world peace :) LOL | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:51:42 PM | omg, this is one of the best posts I have ever read! (the OP. What a way with words!  )
I'm in my 40's but often wonder what online dating would be like if I'm still doing it in my 60's 
Hey, it might be my reality!
This will be a very interesting read. Moreso than most of the garbage on here lately. Therefore, I will go back to the start and read it :)
EEP! 14 pages is a little long but I will skim it. It will take me til I'm 60 to read through it all! LOL | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/30/2008 7:51:16 PM | | Becca--you go girl--you are right on--I am 67 and enjoying a teriffic sex life with a man of 65 who treats me better than I ave ever been treated. He knows how to make love to a woman in every way | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:42:36 AM | | I'm not 60+, but, just, isn't it more important what YOU'RE looking for? And what's so bad about hugs, kisses, romance and long walks leading to sex? Sex is not a bad thing. This is why older men prefer younger women. Sex is very much a part of what makes a man feel like, well...a man. So, in your case, I'd say, look for a man much older than yourself, even 80+. But, reminding him that he's on the "downhill taboggan toward death" will NOT be a good selling point...who the hell wants to reminded they're going to die soon every day? | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:10:28 AM | | What do men of any age want? I doubt they themselves don't even know. | |
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| What do men 60 plus want?
Posted: 12/31/2008 4:25:49 PM |
I am looking for a nice lady that is compatable with me, inshort someone that I enjoy being around ,if I could find this the rest takes care of itself.
How true! Finally........a man who gets it! | |
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