| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 8:18:14 AM | Why is it so hard to commit?
Well, in this day and age we are independent. We don't 'need' a man but I'd venture to say that most of us do want to be in love with the right man.
We want to make sure he is who he says he is and make sure that the relationship isn't a short term one.
There is no rush to make something serious when a lot of the fun goes into getting to know the person. We have a lot to lose as well. We have lives and we don't want that screwed up by jumping in too quickly with the wrong person. Also, we don't want to get hurt. Many of us have dealt with bad relationships in the past and do carry emotional scars from them. So on top of being scared to recommit, we hold onto our freedom like the holy grail.
Essentially, many of us are now streamlined with the male reasons for taking things slow.
Before taking the plunge, we want to know just how deep the water is, and we do recognize that in this day and age, the odds are against us having a long-lasting relationship and marriage.
We're just doing what we can to make sure our choices in partners is the right one. Nobody wants the heartbreak of divorce/breakup. We want our relationships to last :) .
**Just this one woman's humble opinion.** | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 8:29:55 AM | It's simple, it boils down to 3 things: not the right person; not the right time; and not the right place. You can love a person but not marry them; you may be on different wave lengths in your lives, etc.
I don't believe that women have this market cornered on not being able to commit, I think both sexes are equally as guilty.
Also, I don't believe in emailing and telephoning to death, after the 3rd or 4th email and first phone conversation if there's interest, then let's meet. Go from there. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 8:33:20 AM | Nine times out of ten if they aren't ready and you have been talking a while, it just means they aren't ready for you. Chalk it up as a friend thing, and move on.
Only thing that makes it hard for me to commit is... been played too much, it is hard to decipher if it is a game and I do commit, then I look like a fool. Trust is a hard thing. It takes trust to commit. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 11:29:21 AM | | Indi...Lot`s of people are commitment phobic....Including myself....I`m not sure that`s a bad thing....Most comittment phobic women I know are very independent...self sufficient....don`t need a man in their life unless that`s where they want them to be...We don`t NEED them.....But men come from a different place and seem to want a needy woman...someone who can be painted into a corner financially and not leave.....This is just my personal experience and my opinion.....I think some people can lead awesome lives alone..... | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 12:27:45 PM | It's not hard for me to commit.. .. .. examples of how I have commited:
To live my life to the fullest every day of it
To be the strongest me I can be
To never forget to stop and smell the roses
To take one day at a time and be grateful for each one
To smile (because it just feels good)
To never sweat the small stuff
To avoid drama in every aspect of my life
To be independent
To be comfortable in my own skin
To love every little flaw that I have
To recognize my weaknesses and try to approve upon them
^^^^See I am committed to a lot of things in my life.. .. .. now the topic was committing to a relationship.. .. .. here's the problem .. .. find me the man that can say the same as all of the above listed and who can deal with a woman that has her head on straight.. .. and won't try to mess with it .. .. .. and I'm "ALL IN" !!  | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 3:27:12 PM |
if things are right, run with it I say
Agreed.
See a problem on the horizon prepare together for going over, under around or through that problem as a team.
Maybe not wanting to commit is due to selfishness?
Either way you cut it...I think it really is. (misplaces at times...correct at other times...but selfishness none the less) | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/6/2005 5:43:16 PM | Basically, what it comes down to is money. For all of eternity, women could not function successfully outside of a marriage. They needed a man simply for economic reasons if nothing else. Now, that has changed in the western world. The ones with education, or with monied parents, or with a lot of drive to financially succeed, simply do not need a man. They have no overriding reason to pair up. Pairing up, after all, cuts options. It ties one down. Dynamic people do not like to be tied down.
So if you are a man, and you want a woman to commit, you better have enough money to make her calculate that a life with you is still going to be better than a life on her own. But these days, that means you need to be a reasonably wealthy man. If you are not, you have no carrot to entice her to pair up with you - even less for her to bear your children. What's in it for her?
As harsh as that sounds, it does indeed come down to socio-economic pressure to marry, or the lack thereof for women. For you my friend, that means money. How much can you offer? I can not offer very much, myself. I'm just a blue collar working guy. That is why I have never been married. Women find me attractive in many ways, but that doesn't mean I am husband material.
The old calculus is gone. We are now in a new epoch of social structure. It's a paradigm change. This is why birth rates are falling dramatically and marriages are going belly up at a 75% rate. Not only are kids an option these days, but marriage itself is an option. What's more, long-term commitment has now also become an option, as well. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/7/2005 11:59:30 PM | | Im just going to be straight up about it and I speak for myself and its probaly other women who feel the same exact way.I dont want no commitment with no man thats a lier and a cheat.too many make like they are looking to settle down but arent,they are just lieing and fooling themselves and thinking they are ready for a commitment.NO!!Im not ready for no committing. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/8/2005 6:52:28 AM | Timing and Fear!
People who have been hurt in the past often need longer than others to feel sure of their feelings and confident that they can trust those feelings. Anxiety over whether the relationship will work is a reason why some people find it hard to commit. Divorce rates continue to increase so it is not surprising that fears are growing about the permanence of relationships. If someone comes from a family where there was divorce or have been divorced themselves, they're even more likely to be anxious that the same could happen to this relationship.
Men have problems on this issue just as much as we females do. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/8/2005 10:18:19 AM | I think sxy chic 20 has got it!! You are sooo right. Actually all the post add very good insight into how the times have changed. It is possible that men only think women have a hard time committing these days because we are a verbal gender and express these things. While, some men, who may also have as big of commit problems as some women just don't express it so maybe they can string along as many chicks as possible.lol okay that wasn't fair.
Another point would be that we, as a society, are a decade older than our parents were when starting a family. Men, being the last minute species that they are, hit 30 and freak out about getting married, having kids and all the stuff that they feel they must do now before they are too old. So they are under the assumption that they can, as Caveman so eliquantly put it "clobber their women over the heads and take them". Well women are not so easy these days. I for one am not looking to commit, I want to have fun and don't care what anyone thinks about it. The days of good and/or bad reputations are over. I have met three guys from this site. One is awesome and I see him every week or two. We are good friends "with benefits". He is 24. Great deal. One guy asked me to be exclusive with him after one date. Mind you my profile is clear as to my intentions. No Relationship/No Boyfriend wanted!! So he is gone. He was 38 This last guy told me he loved me on week two and asked me to marry him on week three. Bye, Bye. He was 31. See the younger guy is still around and the 30 somethings suficated me.
So I could turn this around completly on you and ask not - why is it so hard for women to commit, but why are men so damn needy these days? | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/8/2005 11:43:57 AM | @blast
As someone who's been there, done that (single mom of two kids, working full time, going to school nights) I can tell you that it WILL all be worth it in the end. No better feeling of accomplishment than being handed that diploma that you earned against all odds.
Its hard, and I know that sometimes the loneliness and frustration can be overwhelming, but not only are you doing something that will provide for your future when you are done, but you are also giving your kids an example to live up to - a parent who doesn't just accept social assistance and sit on her butt all day watching soaps and eating chips.
Having a man might make it simpler, on the other hand it could end up more complicated if he ends up as just another kid you have to take care of.
Hang in there girl and know that there are some of us who understand just how you're feeling. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/9/2005 6:35:26 AM | | @ logik.......i think u're just bitter because it's happend to YOU too many times...maybe you shouldn't judge everyone by the couple of ppl that have done it to you.....and if thats not the case then stop watching so much tv and movies to try to get to know what women are like | |
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Logik
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Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/9/2005 10:39:59 PM | | Do I sound bitter? I'm just saying it like it is. Why sugarcoat the truth? I'm okay with it, though. I can wait for my next gf. It is the case and I just told what women are like. | |
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| Why is so hard for women to commit these days?
Posted: 8/10/2005 6:54:27 AM | well
women have too many options coming at them all the time .......
i think that is a big one
and they have their own money now
so they do not need men much
and now that they have that
'the rabbit " thing .........
dudes they do not need us at all | |
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