| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 8:37:51 PM | Did both your husbands get along?...did you do alot of things with both spouses involved?
It may be once your husband has been removed you are missing a piece of the puzzle to her and her husband and you no longer fit in. And Yes some people think that way. | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 8:43:41 PM | | We all had a civil relationship...i think i could count on one hand how many times we ALL did something together...our kids would occasionally fight and stop talking to each other, but that never interfered with OUR friendship, we never allowed it to...I'm actually beginning to now think (after reading the replies and knowing the full story myself) that perhaps it does have something to do with her husband...but i have been so careful as to not be in any contact with him so to not give the other neighbours reason to talk.... | |
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Rouxx
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Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 8:47:14 PM | OP: I was about to just read and go but you seem so sincere...........who in the world can know what's going on?
If you've been friends for six years......ASK her how she is feeling. It's also possible that because you are now separated you have more time on your hands and may wish to fill it by being with your "friend" who isn't separated so doesn't have the same amount of time on her hands? | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 8:59:19 PM | Wikkidd~ I didn't read all the comments ...so I'm sorry if this has already been said ...but I think your friend now considers you a threat.
You know how some woman are just catty like that
~Pour | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:09:26 PM | | I'm beginning to think this may be the problem..but how do i fix it? I know she has made some off beat comments about what her husband thinks of me in the past..and i have always tried to play it down or remind her i'm almost 10 years his senior...but now i'm wondering if there is more to it that she has never told me...i just redoubled my efforts to be out of his range whenever she told me these things... | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:13:30 PM | Try inviting her to your place for coffee...going out with her and leaving her hubby behind...if she is feeling threatened, then maybe just distancing yourself from HIM will ease her mind? I also had problems with losing friends after my last relationship broke off. One friend forbid her bf to ever talk to me again now that I'm single...lol How's THAT for insecure??  | |
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zapt
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Joined: 11/4/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 9:27:43 PM | | O.k. how's about your ex and her have something going on in the background? Why does it have to be about you? | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/2/2006 11:07:32 PM | | If you two were really good friends then you wouldn't be doubting or questioning her motives. Maybe you weren't as close as you thought you were. If it's worth saving her friendship then bite the bullet and save it. | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 12:24:45 AM | Sure I know what happened. Ask her what she did to you or said about you that you don't know about.
Not too hard to figure out actually. | |
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Rouxx
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Joined: 9/19/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 11:29:18 AM | OP: This is not your problem.....except maybe thinking that your "friendship" is deeper then it is?
I've "grown small" in my life based on what I've perceived about another person. It was (now I know in hindsight) always with the subconcience (sp?) thought that I was too overwhelming........I don't mean my looks (though I'm DAMN cute!!  )........I mean my personality.
Don't "grow small".............if someone can't handle you then it's their loss. | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 11:33:53 AM | | I think it's sad when one person considers themselves to be a good friend to a person and expects the same in return...but you don't get it...Wikkid..don't let her get you down..she must have her own self esteem issues and can't handle a close personal relationship with another woman...maybe she considers you better than her...prettier than her...or is just envious of your life in general...if she can't see what a great friend you are to her...her loss! | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 12:03:51 PM | Shot in the dark here....I think I am pmsing....
I think you know what the answer is to this thread OP! In the last year although subtle her friendship has not been the same....last three months more overt messages that she has it in for you. How about you tell us what distanced her from you a year ago. Obviously you have not validated her concerns from a year ago. The last 3 months of her behavior is basically telling you she is firm with 'the end' of your relationship as friends. What took you so long???? | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 12:05:32 PM | | Darn did it again...didnt read all of the posts to the thread before posting mine...wooooops! | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 3:27:57 PM | | HI, People grow and change, life goes on, for her, so , for you too..If she is a true friend, she will be back later, it you contact her, you might make her upset, we can not second geuess what she is going through now, she might need some space now, so, give it to her.PJ | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 3:50:28 PM | If this is a longstanding friendship, by all means have a heart-to-heart with your friend...you'll never know for sure if you don't ask.
That having been said, I would not be surprised if it has a LOT to do with your changed status-she may feel threatened, maybe she's a little angry at you for your separated state? Maybe she fears the "domino" effect that sometimes occurs when one couple in a group of friends/a neighborhood/ a family even gets separated or divorced.
But you aren't ever going to know for sure asking any of us-ask HER!
Cindy O | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 42 | |
| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 4:00:12 PM | I might be the outsider or cynic here but really this is or was a neighbor who you've known for six years. You say there was a "bond" which was mostly the ages of your daughters. It's just entirely possible there is no real "reason" she no longer acts as she once did---maybe her focus has changed and she's no longer interested in being as close as you once thought you were.
By posting here and not talking to her you'll get nothing more than opinions. Those opinions would be based on many, many things and none of them really pertinent to what this situation really is. If she is that important to you then make an attempt to ask her why she'd cooled towards you---if there's anything you should know but might have missed.
If she doesn't seem willing to open a dialog with you about it, leave her alone for a while. She'll either come to you in her own time or she'll not. If not, that tells you everything you need to know---she's no longer interested in being as friendly any more.
As is often said here: she's just not that into you any longer!
J W | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:21:53 PM | | Are either of you stubborn? If you are then, the unwillingness to call could be just because of that~ I am very stubborn, and I feel that I have lost a fair amount of freindships due to it. | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:34:49 PM | Dear OP - like many people on here have said you need to ask her. nicely and without defensiveness or aggression. Not saying you will, but just keep in mind subconsciously it might come out that way simply because you are obviously hurting
But while we are theorising on what could have happened - I would like to throw another idea into the works here. No its not logical and I dont have the answers as to why it happens - but - its quite real Sometimes people in relationships see another friends relationships fall apart, break up, whatever and it scares them. They cant help but automatically put themselves in 'your shoes' sometimes [ its called empathy and friends do that] and when they do, a lot of people cant help and think, wow what if that was me?? Think about it - hav eyou ever done that just reading about car accidents or people losing loved ones?? well its the same thing. So she could be just a little scared that what happened to you could happen to her. She is going through a phase of adjustment, is worried herself, and because of those bad feelings she is staying away. Its just an idea.
You have two choices, ask her and try to talk it out or just wondering and wondering......No matter what anyone says on here, yu need to approach her and ask her | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 4/5/2006 6:24:30 PM | Don't spend too much time in Skull theator,not good for the head you'll come up with a million things you could have done wrong and it might be somthing really silly come out and ask her,good advice. | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 5/25/2006 7:58:46 PM | | did u let her know that u cared for her?and that u wanted it to progress further than 'just friends'? | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 5/25/2006 9:23:45 PM | Your separation with your husband has finally strained her. All the talk about you not being at fault and dumping on your husband. The fact that you state your friendship with her leaving her husband out and that you never shared with him your problems and that if he knows is due to her.
Guess what? Her husband comes first not you. You seemed to disregard this and feel you need to be a couple since you three ( her husband) not just both (she and you) have kids the same ages. And she now feels indifference. | |
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| What happened here??
Posted: 5/27/2006 4:28:35 PM | For every one who says Just ask or Talk about it. Have you ever asked some one what the hell is up? well i have. theres a lot of people who say Communication. well im one who belives in it over anything else but you know what on the other side of it Communication is Bullshit. you ask some one whats going on? do we have Beef? did i do something shitty? etc all can and often do back fire as we are not taught as a society how to communicate effectivly. every one tryes to read into it. "what are they saying" "What are they not saying" "what are they Really saying" "is it the truth". if the friendship is dwindling Let it die to a smoulder. keep in touch. and then if it starts to re-kindle go with it.
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