| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/3/2006 3:06:24 PM | Why should a mans respect be any less for a woman if its the first date or the hundred and first.Hate the double standards. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/3/2006 7:55:15 PM |
We are not schoolkids, awaiting our big night, at the Prom. Sex is something grownups do. Not all the time, and not with everyone, but frequently, if we healthy and able.
If a person wants to avoid sex, they can stay home, and hide under their bed. Or join a nunnery.
Of course, grown-ups also don't define their maturity by their lack of control. Funny how self-control is not an option that even warranted consideration, or self-respect. Was Prom all about getting some tail? Wow, not in my experience. Not at all.
There's plenty of guys out there who know how to treat women, but there's one thing that they all have in common -- they respect themselves.
Hang in there!
~Aurora | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 1:03:32 AM | | The OP will have some support from a number of people on the thread about "Dating multiple prospects." As I see it, monogamy is still generally considered to be a good thing. So when you start sleeping with someone, you should expect to be monogamous with that person. I wouldn't really want to be tied down to an early decision. I think that's what got me into what I'm in the process of getting out of. Can you do three dates, get laid, then dump 'em. Rinse and repeat? I guess that's monogamy too. Depends what you're looking for. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 2:41:26 AM | 1st date? 3rd date? Are you for real? I have had 6 month relationships with no sex. I think it gets in the way of getting to know someone and I don't think I have missed anything. I have had a really fantastic time with these guys. They respect me and enjoy my company and vice versa.
I think people these days are too free and easy with it and as a result guys expect it and are shocked when a woman doesn't want to. If a guy suggested sex to me before it happened naturally which would MAYBE be after 20-30 dates then I would ditch him IMMEDIATELY.
Where do these guys come from??? Unfortunately they are everywhere.
Vicky | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 10:01:36 AM |
I've come to the conclusion that guys like that come from europe.. LOL (puts on the body armor an hides from the eropean pofers LOL)
Or any sexually open country or culture. Sure. I have my own indicators that I watch for. When a woman wants you she will be forward in a feminine way. It's more subtle and sexy. Of course I'm not idle either.....I just know what to do if I like her. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 10:29:12 AM | I have often gone out on dates and found that the guy expects that i will sleep with him and is shocked when i do not. Have men become so spoiled that they automatically assume that every date is going to lead to the bedroom, and if it doesn't, they coulnd't be less interested. Where do these guys come from?
lar
THE ONLY WAY I WOULD EVER HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN ON THE FIRST DATE IS IF SHE HAD HER UP TO THE MINUTE MEDICAL RECORDS WITH HER. NO WONDER WE HAVE SO MANY CASES OF AIDS IN THIS WORLD. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 10:52:32 AM |
Rif-raf stated that he is getting flack for the 3rd date rule...and claims that a lot of guys in the forums has stated this is their rule as well...
Vanilla, if you are goin to quote me.. quote me properly on what I said not what you read into it. I never once said it was made up by guys or stated by guys.. i said people. In the forums, I learned of this rule from a woman. There are just as many women that follow this rul as there are men, so please, do not put words in my mouth.
Also, if you were to read anything that I have ever posted in the past, I have never stated anything about losing respect for a woman that has sex on the 1st date. In fact, I have always, and I do mean always said that the more experience she has had, the better. Also.. I never once said that this guy was anything other than a jerk.. I never defended him in any way shape or form. So.. Can we dispence with the male bashing now?? Or do I have to keep defending myself frompeople that obviously are too blind to read the post for what it is. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 10:56:07 AM | Davina... I will quote myself here on what I have said...
1st. the person that told me of this rule was a woman. 2nd. the ruleis for those who have already decided that they are gonna have sex with that person.. its a way of making him/her wait. build the anticipation. or atleast this is how it was explained to me.
how can this not be deemed as a good thing?? its not about not having a 4rth date if I don't get sex, it's about knowing that you are goin to have sex with someone and making them wait. (shrug) you tell me how thats a bad thing? | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:04:26 AM |
it's about knowing that you are goin to have sex with someone and making them wait. (shrug) you tell me how thats a bad thing?
I just disagree that waiting three dates is waiting very much at all. It's sort of like waiting that twenty minutes when you were a kid for the grown ups to finish eating so you could get desert. It might seem like a long time when you reeeeeeeely want desert, but it really isn't.
For me, getting to know someone and whether or not I want sex with them takes those three dates and more. I mean really ... the people who know they wanna get laid and figured it out on the first date are probably not waiting for three anyway.
So it's either ... you're waiting to get to know someone before becoming intimate with them (which usually takes longer than three dates), OR, you know you wanna get laid, in which case why wait three dates at all? | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:16:04 AM | | theres no point in even trying to bother explaining anymore.. you don't see whats being said at all. (shrug) I wish you luck on finding what you are looking for. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:46:22 AM | Vicky~
I can't belive that you have actually had an ongoing relationship with a man for six months without sex. most of my male friends ( i recently took a poll) have told me that they wouldn't stick around for more than a month if the woman wouldn't sleep with them. a couple of them also told me that they found it very common to have sex on the first date, saying that this is the rule rather than the exception (they are in thier twenties).
I agree with you completely. I think there are a lot of people out there who simply hop in bed first and find out the person's name later. i don't know, but the older i get, the easier it is for me to see the potential problems, and the less likely i am to get intimate with someone unless i know them...
Lar | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:25:10 PM | First, OP--the guy is definitely a product of Ron Papille's "Jerky Jerk Jerk Dumbass Guy Dehydrator" available in stores everywhere.......But wait, there's more!
However, and please don't take offense to this, but it seems to me you did not get to know him very well at all before going on the date with him. Is it at all possible you were initially more interested in his looks and success than in what kind of person he was? Hmmm, I would bet that's not something you'd admit, but I'd bet there's a good chance that was actually the case if we're dealing in cold hard truth here. I know that some guys can "mask" their true selves for awhile, but really, if one takes a little time to get to know someone, has some wide-ranging conversations and looks for consistencies, peppered with a few personal questions, this becomes almost impossible. Unless of course you're just not intuitive or perceptive (you sound like both of these, btw, which is why I'm miffed by your dilemma).
Perhaps this is the opposite of the "I never realized I was so shallow thread" in which the chickadee got to know the guy really well and fell for him, only to meet him and find there was zero attraction. Maybe this guy looked good on paper and in pics, but then the date brought the reality that he was a pig.
I know with 100% certainty not all guys are like this, but many are. Personally, I never EVER expect sex on a first date, and ESPECIALLY don't want it if I really dig the person.....it just short-changes all the great anticipation and build-up that getting to know the PERSON creates BEFORE the intimacy begins. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:31:23 PM | I will probably catch some flack for this, but :)
My patience really would be geared to the sexual past of the woman in question.
If you are a virgin, or *very* limited as to sexual history, I would probably be inclined to be more patient (this assumes you somehow convince me the wait will be worth it).
If you have had sex with a long line of men, sorry, I am not going to be the sucker you decide to make wait in an effort to reclaim your long lost virginity. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:33:00 PM | I know with 100% certainty not all guys are like this, but many are. Personally, I never EVER expect sex on a first date, and ESPECIALLY don't want it if I really dig the person.....
@InterCooler
So how do you feel about the Holy Third Date Rule? 
@Riff ... I understand you fine, I just happen to disagree with the philososphy you've explained. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 12:41:47 PM | For me, I trust myself and my feelings enough that I have no need for artificial constructs like the "3rd Date Rule." Not only that, but I'm probably some weirdo abnormal guy for this, but I'm not so slovenly or hard up to get laid that I need a leash like a "third date rule" to keep me from sniffing around her bum. And the women I date can easily tell this about me.
What women you say? Ahhh, now there's the operative question...... | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 1:06:31 PM | I don't think it SHOULD matter if you sleep with someone on the first date, but i think in a lot of relationships as a whole it will.
Sleeping together on the first date, or picking them up in the bar can get rid of the sexual tension but it can also set a basis in the relationship and sometimes it's hard to get out of that and into getting to know each other and having any other kind of relationship or communication with the person.
Where do they come from? They are both men and women out there who have expectations when they feel a spark that it's going to lead directly into the sex. Course most of them aren't together down the line, in my opinion. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/4/2006 1:23:33 PM | YOU TOO!!! I just read an article about this that 95% of men are thinking this all the time and really there main reason to date. I don't see anything wrong with if you wanted to, i don't see that there is a specific number of dates either. It really depends on whether you want to or not. I think things are more liberal now than when i grew up in the sexual revolution so to speak. (we were thought to be lost souls). Of course we didn't have aids then. So you would think it would be not be so easy now, but no!!!! it is expected more.
Basically i make a decision at the time, if i feel like it is the right thing to do at the time i will, if i is not right yet i won't. I don't beleive a women should be judged on their character by this.
Men"s character is not judged on whether they want to. This is the 21st Century, we should take responsiblity for our behavior follow your head and heart., on both sides.
This dating thing is not easy. But it is as equally difficult to be with and please one person all the time and to please them. .
It is not you, it is just how things are.
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/10/2006 8:46:47 PM | | Guys want sex, I'll tell you that you're hotter than Beyonce, smarter than Bill Gates and any other BS you can think of to get there. I don't understand why girls are so shocked by that. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 4/10/2006 9:03:34 PM | | They probably read in your profile that you want children and figured that you would want to start on that right away. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 1/7/2007 4:21:42 PM | Morons are certainly everywhere and this cat is no exception. I have never expected sex on an early date. The end reaction surely solidified his chances of getting nothing from you ever !
The thing I find most annoying is that level of anxiousness that seems to build sometimes. People are all different and I have had dates that wanted an aggressive reaction almost immediately, and if they didn't get it there was no second date even if you really wanted it. A couple of others have been upset about any attempt to kiss at the end of the date even if it was going really well and mutual interest seemed certain. Free frustrating results for everyone ! I have no problems with waiting quite awhile if it seems the result will be good and worth it in the end.
Sexual compatibility however is of great importance to me. I have been with women who I was extremely compatible with. The sex was mindblowing for both. Several were in the middle.It was good but one or the other could have been somewhat ho hum. On the other end of the spectrum were those that I didn't click with at all.
If you are a soft and gentle type and your partner wishes for you to ram them as hard as you possibly can from some strangly uncomfortable positions then both of you will end up unsatisfied for sure. Of course one can adapt to some degree, but will you be truly fulfilled? Probably not. This in my mind will only lead to a bad end eventually.
If you want to wait for a good long time than you should at least talk about what you do and don't like before you decide to fall in love with somone who can't get your juices flowing. At the end of the day men think about sex the majority time and they can't really help it. It's in our genetic code. Self control is a virtue. | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 1/7/2007 4:40:40 PM | | Some guys are jerks. No class. No respect. Its just me me me. All I know is, I would never do that to someone. I am just as happy to even simply get to go with someone with someone in the first place, enjoy one anothers company, chat, relax, laugh a little. Whatever happened to the simple idea of just dating or whatever you call it? | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 1/7/2007 4:47:04 PM | I am sorry you found got a runt who was more concerned about himself and what dangles between his legs than you. Throw him back and get a real keeper. Or use him for bait.
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:00:09 PM | IM WITH SASSY, A DINNER/COFFEE..WHATEVER THE CASE DOES NOT INTITLE YOU TO SEE MY BEDROOM ....MUCH LESS CRAWL INTO THE BED WITH YOU...WHAT HAPPENED TO MORALS??YOU DONT HAVE TO HIDE UNDER THE BED AND BE A NUN TO WANT TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE BEFORE YOU DO THE MOST INTIMATE ACT IN THE WORLD...I HEARD A TAPE ONCE ON INTIMACY/RELATIONSHIPS AND THE GUY THAT WAS SPEAKING SAID HE FELT IT SHOULD BE A 10 DATE RULE...EVERYONE IS PUTTING THEIR BEST FOOT FORWARD TRYING TO IMPRESS USUSALLY LETS FACE IT,SOOO WHAT IF YOU WAIT AND REALLY GET TO KNOW THE PERSON AND ALONG THE 6TH DATE SAY THIS PERSON REALLY ISNT WHAT I THOUGHT HE/SHE WAS ....YOUD BE VERY GLAD YOU WAITED... MY VIEW ONLY BUT I FEEL MEN ARE SPOILED AND IF SLEEPING AROUND IS YOUR BAG THEN BY ALL MEANS HAVE A BALL NO PUN INTENDED!! HAPPY HUNTING/FISHING/BEDDING WHATEVER | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 1/7/2007 5:49:08 PM | some guys out there just use the first date thing as a way to get u into bed.. then its toodles and onto the next. ur better off without that loser. sex on the first date can work sometimes, but by the sounds of ur date, he was just being a creep. if he was a gentleman he wouldnt have asked u to spend the night... it would have been obvious when u said u wanted to head home that u werent up for it. Instead he gets shocked and tries to persuade u to change ur mind? creep! ok if he asked and was rejected, and then got embarrassed... id feel sorry for him and maybe assur him of wanting to see him again and then take it from there... but no... 'call me if you want?'... hes only looking for sex girlie!
its hard to tell the difference sometimes, but my advice would be try get to know the guy a little first prior to the date.. this isnt always possible but maybe spend time chatting on the phone, emailing, meeting for coffee during the day, lunch? avoid the night scene till ur comfortable with him... | |
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| Where do guys like this come from?
Posted: 1/9/2007 5:16:57 PM | jewel & jasper-
thanks for the feedback... and i agree with you both. the guy was such a creep.
the thing is, i do think there are times when the sex-on-the-first date thing does happen and it works out alright. but it has to be spontaneous, not an expectation. let's admit it, if two people are really attracted to eachother and it is obvious that there is something more than just the physical, well, things can get carried away. (well, even if it is just the physical it can happen too! lol!) that is fine! but guys, don't just assume, and don't think that just because we kiss on the couch for a minute or two means that we are going to end up in the bedroom...
lar | |
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