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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 11/28/2006 11:58:08 PM | Christmas cheers to everyone and may your holidays be special and fun. Christmas soon to be here and shoppers going crazy, some stressed, and some not so stressed, they are taking their time looking for bargains and sales. Christmas to me is a time to share and recreate fond family memories as we bake, decorate, make our gifts, or shop around. It is a time to be with family and friends spreading great cheers every where. Our partners sharing these moments with us is what we all want. Christmas trees and lights every where, Santa parades, and hopefully we will have snow that day. Gift ideas fill our minds as we budget for gifts and will not go over. Time for laughter, time for play, time for cheers, and warm thoughts fill our souls with vibrating sounds of love.
Christmas is highly commercialized now and I must remember to celebrate with family and friends the old fashion way. My daughter will be taught good thoughts for this day and one day she will help me create wonderful gifts and bake with me while we laugh and create fond memories. Christmas always lies here in my heart as I think about our homeless and low income families while the Salavation Army continues to help and other organizations. Time for sharing and helping out where ever I can creating memories for these people. Hamper funds and gathering gifts to wrap looking for sponsors for our low income families. Christmas music fills the air and more lights go up as we prepare for the Christmas holidays. Choirs practicing their song along with our children in school for Christmas concerts and events.
Toy drives in the malls are another way to help out because there has to be something every one can afford so children can enjoy Christmas as you or I are. Every year our family spends ten dollars on a toy for the ones in need and this tradition I will continue with my own daughter. I bake for the ones in need and offer to help out where ever I can. Christmas cheer in my home comes of the heart and I will continue to teach my children the best.
Merry Christmas to all the readers who drop by this page and remember you can add at any time too your words of inspiration or poetry. You all stay safe and hugs to you all! Thank you for dropping by on a regular basis. From my home to yours, may your Christmas be filled with joy, happiness, and love! Cheers to you all! | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 11/29/2006 9:12:12 PM | | I some how found your thread and starting reading from page one. It has been a story that I couldn't put down from start to finish and now it's time for bed. The positive outlook you have kept alive through everything you have endured is an inspiration to every woman who has ever found herself alone and raising children. I have watched you grow through your words and through your own passage. Charming you are quite a woman and your love for your daughter brings back wonderful memories to me too watching my babies grow. Thank you for sharing this with me and I hope to read more as time goes bye. Take care | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 12/9/2006 2:17:03 AM | Hello Autumn:
Glad to see you and thank you for your kind words. Your babies are adorable! You were blessed with two beautiful children who will inspire you, remind you of when you were younger, and will always love you as you do them. Merry Christmas to you and your family from our house to yours! And a Happy New year filled with love, inspiration, and joy!
Lets see...hmmm...wondering what to write...ahhhh...okay....I am going to write a story
The White Sea Caps
As I look out towards the sea I see many white caps with the wind blowing, and rain pouring melting our snow away. As I focus on the white caps my mind begins to travel through past, present, and future. The one thing that really stands out for me is my relationship with self. Why do I feel unlove, frenzy, sadness, and my heart cries out for a love that will stand by me. The caps remind me of those days when I was walking the black road and how many times throughout my whole life thus far I ended up in abusive relationships. They beat me up, took advantage of my kindness and generosity and how that rage fills my veins as the caps of the sea. Banging into rocks and sides of boats, my heart can feel the rage and anger.
I have no idea as how to care for number one because I always had to take care of others. I let them do things that tore me apart inside and I kept running in to barriers and anger of self. I know deep from within my soul, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be love, and I deserve to be treated with respect, honor, and integrity. I cannot help but wonder why I pushed away the great ones and stuck to the mean ones. Was it the challenge, was it the reality of what I grew up with. The white caps travel fast and at great speed washing away the hurt and pain and when I hear the crashing of the waves, it is time to release to the beat of the caps, to let that anger and disappointment wash away as it travels farther and farther away. To hear it crash against rocks and boats helps release tension because along with it I am crashing away my negative thoughts.
I have asked myself many times what it is I am doing wrong and why don't my relationships last. As for relationships not lasting, I have trouble trusting any one and I know this scares the caps out of me because I have put trust into my foster family and look what had happened. They were supposed to love me and take care of me instead I saw fire, I saw rage, I saw erupting volcanoes, I saw people getting hurt and I was hurt, day in and day out. I would complain to social services and then my white caps got higher and the waves became more intenses and anger filled my heart and down I would shut. I was made out to be a liar and making up stories. Off they would go again and over and over, the same thing, liar, sneak, and making up stories with principals of the schools, counsellors, family, neighbourhood, etc and I know the truth and the truth was mine not my mom's. I feel rage, I feel anger, I feel like I had been let down many times and as for my abusive relationships, I am glad I was finally able to pull myself together and walk away forever. You all tore my heart to pieces and not once would you speak the truth of what was really going on at home behind our closed doors when nobody was around.
Each barrier I knock down the stronger I become inside and my broken spirit slowly heals yet tears still swell up in my eyes and when I think about the man I truly care for, I hurt, I feel so alone out here and I wish you would become a part of your daughter's life because every day I am faced with the reminder of you and pray for your well being. And how much you are missing out on as she continues to grow. You broke my heart, do not break hers and do not become a apart of our world if you think you can come and go when you please sometimes not seeing or hearing from you in ages and boom suddenly you show up expecting that same love I hold for you to be there. You can no longer walk in and out of my life. Each time you do, my heart sinks once again.
Are you seriously wanting us to be a couple or is it a comfort zone you choose to not let go? I can no longer keep taking care of as you want me to where I at times think I am just a mother figure in your life. You were supoosed to love me as your girl friend not as your mother and I can no longer hold on to you as I have been, it is exhausting and my heart weeps for your love and time together. You get mad at me because I say "No!" all the time, I wonder why my dear this is? Because you are not going to hurt your daughter as you have me and I do not think it is such a good idea you babysit her or hang out with us over night because deep with in my soul, you need to show me you will be committed to being with your daughter. You have not been around for her first year at all and each time I try to arrange time with us, you have an excuse, you are too busy, the list goes on. I am tired of being the handles for you to grasp because Baby, I will always love you no matter what because of the beautiful daughter I have. You need to put your self pity aside and grow up. Act your age, not your shoe size! You are a father! Be a father! One day she will decide what she is going to do and I am going to honor that for her. I will not try to change her mind! Stop pulling my heart and make me believe something will come about.
I weep in pain
I weep in sorrow
I weep in loose strings
I weep in blue
I weep in loss
I weep in unstability!
Time for me to move forth
Time for me to pull self together
Time to recreate a better life
Time to move out of town
Time to let you know
In time I will weep no more!
I hear the white caps banging against the rocks and baby that is what you are doing to my heart. The roughness of the sea shows me how within I feel or be! Being torn from limb to limb, my heart weeps for you! I will always care about you because we have had great times creating memories I choose to not forget. You obviously do not feel as I feel towards you even though you try to tell me differently. Well, Baby, your actions speak louder than words!
Today, your actions tell me you are unsure and baby you are never too old to be a father! You are a father and cannot change that but you can create your destiny with your daughter and right now, it is not looking too good. Sure she is young yet she still knows what is happening here. And baby, you are the one who chooses to not spend time with her or I and that you will feel one day while sitting for coffee wondering how she is doing, what does she look like and what is her life like! Is she in the same room as I, you will never if you continue to choose walking the path you are!
Pull yourself together and join our loving circle because baby no matter what type of life you choose to live or have lived, I will always accept you with open arms and a hug because your spirit shines as everyone elses! You have feelings, you have emotions, and we all make errors throughout our lives and I pray one day soon you will come and be with us! Hold on to your hat because baby your life will move as fast as the white caps of the sea and the further you will move away from people who care and love you as much as we do! It is time to come out of the raging sea and climb on to a rock and ask for help, reach out for support, and make new friends who will inspire you, not uninspire!
Life is too short to waste valuable time right now! You have a daughter who is patiently waiting at this time and a woman who truly thinks the world of you no matter what! You are getting older my dear, not younger and the way you are going you will pass on a lonely man when all along you have had me love and care for you as much as I have. I have been waiting for quite some time and now time is beginning to run out. Sure I get angry with you at times but baby anger is only a minute or two and it will bring all of us down if we continue to choose this lifestyle we currently live!
Come be with us and let us love you unconditionally! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are not the victim here, we are with your actions and words! Stop tearing my heart and show me how much you really do care! I see it and fear holds you back! Committment holds you back! It is time to "Let go and Let God!" as the famous person who created this phrase does! Life is what I make it and I choose to make it happy and joyous! I choose to love and inspire! | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 1/29/2007 2:05:43 PM | My thoughts are with each and every one of you that I have met through here or in person. Hello All! I was gone for a while with health matters and my year started out rough and now it is getting better. I hope all of you had a wonderful christmas and new years! I was wondering as to whether or not to come back and continue writing my thoughts. I have not been around as much lately being a mom and not well in the healthy area of my soul. Physically been through lots and emotionally still struggling here and there. And I decided to continue writing my thoughts in here for 2007 and more to come throughout the year!
Spiritually I am always doing well here if I just listen to my heart and follow our natural instincts. Many times I have allowed my instincts to be buried and thought well I will just try to connect any ways maybe I am just imagining this. In the long run my instincts are telling me something and I am learning to let these instincts talk and follow the warnings I may receive. Inside my soul I am constantly battling my own fields of fire and one day may I learn to just be and not be dramatic or always worrying. LOL....some adventures I would like to throw away and at the same time I am glad I trekked it any ways because I learnt valuable lessons along the way.
Each time I go through rough times, I have learned very valuable information about self and realized that hey if my life were perfect no flaws, no hurt, etc, than I believe I would find my life boring with no action taking place. Many times I thought money would make me happy and than I have to remember that money is not the answer or material things, it is I who is important and I can make my life as interesting as I choose it to be. I was given free will and the chance to make choices and we need money to survive but I do not need a whole bunch because when I leave this world it is just my spirit that comes with me and memories of self stay here. I come into the world with my spirit, I leave this world with my spirit. Money, material things stay down here, my family inherits what I have and most of all I want them to inherit self love, self esteem, and etc. As time moves through generations, how much of my belongings will actually be here in 100 years or more? How much money will actually be left over or will it be gone quickly? Most importantly I want my family to know how much I love them and no matter what happens I will be here spiritually for them.
My daughter has celebrated her first birthday and all of her is special. Her spirit shines on and her smiles radiant, sweet, and pure. Her laughter fills the room and her running around keeps mom busy. Getting in to everything as she explores our world and watches closely what we do or say to her or another. Every day she is learning new things such as words, life, etc the list goes on and she is content and loves to dance that girl just like her mama! I look at her in awe and thank God for her every day, she is my special angel and always will be!
Once you become a mom your life will change and maturity takes on quickly because every day I am constantly wondering how I can better our world and what can I do to help make her life enjoyable. Always thinking about her future with education, money put away for her own pleasures in life later on. I began looking at the world in a different light and know within what ever I do for her now will enhance her growth and make sure she is loved every day. She is my precious little girl and always will be!
I am back for another year of writing my thoughts in here and I wish you all the best for 2007 and may you find your special man or woman who will walk beside you and be with you and support you all the way! | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 1/29/2007 2:24:36 PM | My Wings Spread to Soar
The light shines on me today
As I keep walking tall and proud
Remembering each new day
On a bright and sunny cloud
Each time I walk my talk
Life seems easier than I thought
I have no time to fight or mock
Leaves my stomach tied in knot
Love spreads through my walks
As I open up my welcoming door
Life and love comes back in bulks
My wings spread to soar! | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 3/7/2007 12:49:29 PM | | The sun is out yard work being done daylight savings around the corner robins are every where canadian geese are coming home mallard ducks flying home also work is cool lots happening makes my shifts interesting people singing with glee and harmony lovers quarrel turns in to passion people minding their own affairs life is great no complaints here just a happy mom loving her daughter to pieces outdoors we are now most of the time now that winter is over blue skies and warm sunshine flowers blooming daffodils budding people wearing shorts and mini skirts my how short they are today I will not be seen wearing something as short fashions changing all the time slowly it has come around but with alternations to make it different from our days different names of clothing or shoes same style as I once wore years ago life is filled with love and understanding families reuniting with one another and children shouting with glee as they run outside to play on the swing or in the park they are no longer bundled up to stay warm how they have grown and many new ones about to enter our world as proud parents shine with joy baby boom is here again not a poem or story just word of love and what ever comes to mind no periods or capital letters just words of thought and inspiration as we continue to walk our paths following dreams and long time wishes creating a life of happiness and joy all the past behind us now new memories being created as our days and nights unfold we have much to be thankful for every day cheers all stay safe | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 3/21/2007 1:45:22 PM | Life full of hope
Dreams floating all around
Too frightened to say
How I truly feel inside
My heart feels close
My life was once flourish
Now it feels low and lonely
All I want is to find peace
And learn to be myself again
To love another has its challenges
For trust seems to be my downfall
It has to be someone who will love
Both myself and my daughter
I want love to be a part of me
And one day I will arrive here
Baby steps taken freedom awaits
And my one true love will soon be here
Standing by my side and loving me for me
My dreams fullfilled life is marvelous
And it is okay to just be me! | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 3/27/2007 2:59:32 PM | I know we can not all be what the world expects of us we have to be our own individualities. We all dream, wish, and hope for a great life. We all make errors in our lives and will do our best to make things right. As for some though, they have their minds made up and that is the way it has to be. These are the people who may or may not cause hardship in our lives. We eventually learn what each person is made of and then we judge character, looks, and the way they may or may not live their lives.
When it comes to the one true love and that person ends up hurting you we than run our lives on that one moment of our lives and place that on others without realizing we are because our inner world may be torn or still grieving that one true love we wanted. As for myself I know I carried many grudges and resentment towards people and I ended up hurting these people for no apparent reasoning because I was still hurting inside. People have hurt me too and I allowed these people to keep controlling, manipulating, because I did not want to lose another. As life went on I ended up getting hurt over and over again and I kept attracting the same person only to find myself alone at the end again and again.
One day I woke up and decided I needed to fix my own life and not every one elses's. I went on to my own healing journey and eventually life became better. I was still attracting the opposite in my old behavior patterns until I got to that point in my life where I no longer wanted to do this. I finally realized that I did deserve better and that I had to put out my boundaries and set limitations to keep myself from getting hurt. As I began feeling better abouit myself I started attrcting better people and healthier. And now I am proud of the person I am and I know I have gifts galore to pass on to others. In my life I accept people for who they are and no longer judge or criticise.
Each time I did this I had to ask myself what is it that I need to do to get over this. What do I need to change within and what is it that I am doing to this person. I will than back off and work on myself because most of the time it was my own unresolved grief and conflicts that were helping me feel this way towards another. I love to dance and so does my daughter and to me if I can just go any where and dance with my daughter when she asks than we are both celebrating life in our own ways. Sure some may find this weird, uncalled for and some will see it as two happy people who will continue to celebrate life in their own special ways. A long time ago I would not be seen doing things as this and now, I just do it and we always say hello to the people who pass us by.
My daughter has picked up on my ways of dealing with life and that I am very proud of because I want her to walk her own path and not allow others to steer her away from what she enjoys doing. I am also teaching her to accept all for who they are regardless of gender, their lives, etc and to always remember everyone has feelings and emotions just different stories or similar to our own.
Remember you are special, your are beautiful or handsome, you are worth a great life, you are smart, you are intelligent and you are your own individualities not what others want you to be but who you want to be. How can you make your life happier and what do you want out of life? What makes you happy? And you are loving and deserve to be loved for who you are not what others try to make you out to be! These are my words today and you all have a great day! It is absolutely beautiful out there! | |
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| Inspirational meaning of my own life and its challenges!
Posted: 4/4/2007 4:33:17 PM | What is love and how do I know if I had found that love?
Throughout my life I had dated several people and was in relationships, long term in a couple, short term in others. I thought many times I was in love finding out otherwise as time went on. There were a few good people in my life and because of who I was and where I was emotionally, mentally, and physically I pushed these people away because I was looking at love differently. At this time I was still active in my addictions and only stayed with ones who hurt me. As a survivor now thriver of abuse in various forms, I was looking for love in the wrong places. At one time when people treated me well I thought this is not right, it has to be the other way only finding out this was not the love I was seeking. Love is sharing dreams, walking beside somebody being there for him when needed and loving him for who they are rather than how I wanted him to be. Good communication, similiar interests, and listening while they talk without yelling or labelling. Letting him know every day that I love him and I am thankful for having him in my life. To accept him for who he is rather than what I want or expect! I have had many high expectations and this was how I picked my men and today I am careful and respect myself more than ever. I like to date someone for awhile before sleeping with him and I have to discipline myself to abide by my own rules and guidelines because today I have learnt that I am worth it and deserve to be happy. If I were to give myself to him right away than I am not respecting myself as a woman and if this is what men want right away I will let go. When I ask myself these two questions I am really not quite sure what love looks like because I had not experienced this with my parents growing up and wonder if it is love or lust? As time moves forth I am learning and there is this feeling we get when there is love in the air. It creates a happy atmosphere and we are continually getting along, laughing, compromising, communicating, loving each other, and the vibrations feel different. I have to admit when I feel all this, I instantly go in to fear mode and blow every thing out of proportion or create stress and make small things go in to bigger things. I have learnt to control this now and I just have to keep telling myself that everything is going to be all right and stop worrying so much with assumptions, reasons for arguments etc. I have learned that there is love in our lives every day especially if we have children because we are loving our cars, kids, families, friends, pets, material things etc. I learnt too that falling in love will take time and at times it can be instant. I take it one day at a time, one step at a time and if five years later I am still very happy being around this person and don't become bored than it has to be love. There is a honeymoon stage we all go through and than by a year things begin to show themselves and I no longer think or believe I am in love with this man immediately. I found out when I was out looking for love it never came but once I let go and allow love to find me it happens unexpectantly and there it is in front of me the whole time. Now the secret is to hang on to that love and work with it rather than against it! These are my thoughts for today! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 4/4/2007 6:02:11 PM | While walking home...I noticed all the snow and ice on the sidewalks, the garbage on the ground, the darkness in the sky, the few stars. But never seem to notice the right in front of me, the eye level. | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:05:28 PM | | Today and every day are cherished with love, happiness, joy, and excitement! Today my mind is wandering in tireville while itsy me tries to keep her eyes open. Midnight shift and being a single mom every day is very tiring. Luckily my shifts go four on four off and at times maybe just three days off and an extra shift! I am finding that being a single mom working the night shift and being a mom all day are rewarding and busy, I sleep when she sleeps than work my midnight shift with maybe one or two hours sleep. By day four mama is ready to sleep when she goes to bed for the night and wittle ole me will eventually get my sleep caught up during those four days off and all over again! People ask me how do I do it and I always say it just becomes natural after awhile and I do not think about it unless my eyes are sleepy! I am off to being a mom and all of you have a great day! If you are going out on a date have fun and be yourself! Your nerves will eventually settle down if we just do not think about the end results or how is this person feeling about me etc all those nagging things we put into our minds before our dates especially if it is the first time. Relax and before you know it you will be on another and do not judge your first date together because all in all this is just our own fearful thoughts we create. And the person we are with could actually be our partner if we give it time, patience and respect one another always! It takes more than just a few dates to get to know one another it can actually take a life time and all in all, one day at a time, one step at a time and have fun always! Leave your stresses at home and enjoy each others company! Leave work at work, Leave home at home! And best of all be who you really are! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 5/10/2007 1:52:51 PM | About Hector.....
Hector spoke of shadows that penetrated his dreams at night and that he could not either overlook or fear because he knew that they were there to allow him the comprehension of knowing himself before all others. If he were to ever hum a tune, or a slow lingering melody it was with a fateful sense of imminent doom and the thought that he was not only acutely aware of his fragile humanity but also what it meant to be mortal, and possibly unable to free himself of what he had read were material concerns. If he ever wanted to be successful, it would have been a definition that was beyond most people’s comprehension, because it was unlike anything they would have understood.
To him, the success of the moment was when he sat knee deep in grass and with a small broken flower opened up each petal, soothingly, to soften it's pain and remind it that it had lived even for a moment explicitly for God. When he lifted it's broken neck, it was as if he lifted a bird in his hand with a broken neck.
When he laid it softly inside a favourite book, to be rediscovered some time in the indefinite future by another's eyes, he knew even as he placed it there, that such a tender moment was explicitly for God.
... by xsapphire | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 6/12/2007 2:36:19 AM | True Love
Thinking about you day after day
Whenever I see your gentle face
A big smile across my face
A sigh of relief and happiness
My mind is thinking of you
I count the days when I see you next
And as that day becomes near
I am thinking about you my love
Making beautiful memories
That will last forever more
Please come to me my love
For each moment spent with you
I become more and more fond of you
Our love will continue to prosper
And one day may we reconcile
In eternity love and happiness
And become one happy family
Where one day we will be rocking in our chairs
Remembering our love for each other
Not ever regretting our years together
I will love you forever into eternity! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 6/12/2007 2:46:59 AM | | Hello all my beautiful friends for I have not forgotten our times together! I often wonder how everyone is doing and if they have found their one true love! I will remember my meetings and boy what wonderful memories these were for me! This site is unbelievable especially all those POF parties which at one time I did circulate until the day I became a mom! I had great times and met so many wonderful people and have introduced my friends to this fabulous site and boy they are having fun as well! I will surface once again once my daughter becomes older! I love you all and look forward to reading your forums and profiles! I look forward to hearing from my friends and catching up with you! I wish all success and may you soon meet your soul-mate! I will continue writing in my forum and please anyone who wishes to add their thoughts for the day please feel free to do so! Off to bed I return for my daughter has fallen back to sleep! Bye bye for now! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 7/22/2007 10:40:01 PM | Wow! This site really does work! I was just over at the success stories and I am truly amazed as how many pages there are for one and so many got married or are getting married! This shows the world that there is true love out there and we just need to be patient! Over time who knows who will swim with you!
Summer Love
Summer is here people everywhere
Festivities all around the globe
Projects finally started, people vacationing
Camping grounds are full lakes are swamped
And the sun shining brightly
True love in the air for some
And some just beginning to know one another
The birds are singing, children playing
Roof tops off the vehicles plenty of drinking water
Barbecues happening every where and people partying
Summer love summer fun summer has beauty
In my heart lies true love ready to be discovered
My thoughts of you and never ending
Each day you come across my mind
And a smile comes across my face
Visions of us being together and loving each other
Just thinking about my summer love!
And forever you remain close to me! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 7/30/2007 1:22:21 PM | Hmm...what are my thoughts for today? I guess I can say my mind is all over looking back on my past and looking forward to my future! I am going to be making a lot of changes with my life and for me to do this, yes it can be fearful! I look back on my life and ask myself why am I still renting, why have I never married, and what have I done with my life? when I think about theses questions I am realizing that my being in my forties now, this is normal and I became a late mother, miracle child actually, I was told that i could not have any children and there she is, my beautiful daughter!
I am thinking about my daughter's future and how I would like to contribute to her future and in some areas I have already set this up! I want to put money away for her future graduation, prom night, 16th birthday, the day she becomes a woman, her education, buying her a car, and of course her biggest event as a beautiful bride walking down an aisle! These are all mother's dreams for her children and our children are priority! I do not know if she will accomplish all this but who knows maybe she will, either way I am still going to love her and I want to raise her healthy! I can only do as I can and once she ventures out on her own, she will be making her own decisions in life and I pray they are all healthy choices!
When I hit my fortieth birthday my mind was all over the place and all I could think about at the time is holy smokes what am I going to do as a single mother, why did I have my daughter late my gosh I will be in my sixties when she is ready to leave home etc!!! Than one day I finally realized, why worry, 40 is just a number and my life continues to flourish! I will be changing jobs and going back to school to complete my degree and land a good job that will buy our house and who knows I may be sharing this place with my future husband or partner! My daughter will be okay and I will have money put away for her! I learned this day that no matter how I live my life my daughter will always love me and I will always love her and our future looks bright! It is important that I spend quality time with my daughter and love her unconditionally and one day my book will be ready to publish and my dreams fulfilled as what I have been working up to through my schooling and my job! I will have that future center set up and feeling quite proud of my accomplishments!
Good luck finding your soul-mate out there and I do wish you all the best of luck! Never give up hope or think this site is no good because it is and as everything else in life, it takes time and patience to find that perfect someone! There are so many to pick from which yes can be overwhelming at times! And yes we will have dates that turn out to not be what we wanted or expected! We will also have dates where we will click with that person and have a good time! Many times we sit around waiting to hear from our contacts and by doing this we can create things that may not be and turn something small into something big! We will at times come across people we know and know of their life all ready but that gives us no reason to judge or label that person! They too are looking for that perfect somebody! Do we go running to our friends especially the delicate ones and tell their ex spouses who we saw on the site or people going through their separations, no we don't! It will only cause more heartache and more pain! Like anything else here, it is confidential and we need to keep it that way! If a date does not turn out as we expect, it is not right to bash that person in here! It just means that this person is not for me and that is okay! There are many more fish in the sea! We keep swimming, we keep looking, we keep exploring, and one day it will land in front of us!
Remember this is a dating site and there are many people who surf through here and have signed up as memebers! Throughout this site there are words of wisdom, joy, and opinions! This has become the largest dating site and there is so much to see and do through here! there are pages we can go to that will help us see our inner worlds and the talents of many writers and poets who surf through here and have created their own sites! Individual pages of all sorts, there is something here for every one and remember take what you need and leave the rest behind! Life is what we make it not what others try to make for us! We are all our own individualities and we all have talents. There is no competition out there unless we make that way! Sure there are many talented writers in here and that is good! Do not let this stop you from creating your own pages as I did! It is still here and as long as my page remains here, I will continue to visit it!
Best of luck and keep looking! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 7/30/2007 6:55:27 PM | Well actually a great woman I recently met inspired me to say this...
I have released my heart in hopes of perhaps my now vulnerable heart might find it's mate and both return to us with a piece of the other that will always be the most cherished contents of those hearts, and with that, we then are both cherished and love one another unconditionally bcuz it is already in our hearts! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 8/27/2007 10:27:41 AM | Writing to Let go of Pain or Sorrow
To the ones who have passed on,
Does this sound foolish?
I am certain it does!
It gave me a chance to converse with them,
Acquainted with where I was!
The feeling of tranquility filled my heart,
As I watched the fire burn,
The wind came up blowing strong,
Those were my words going to paradise!
In these correspondence sit the reality,
My heart feeling love,
My body relaxing!
I know they get them,
As the wind blew the remainder!
I heard that this was an excellent way,
To help me through grief/sorrow!
Just like when I have expressions to declare,
To someone who has wound me,
I am scared to face them,
I write them a letter!
Do the same thing as I did with today’s,
When the time comes to face him/her,
I can talk with rather than at them!
Each piece of paper I watch burn,
Is another piece of letting go!
I write from my heart, say what is on my mind,
I find a safe place to burn them!
Each time I write a letter,
It allows my spirit to fly free!
It also brings me nearer to the ones I love!
An opportunity to let go,
A chance to shed tears,
A chance to help me perceive,
My own answers within!
In these letters, I can say what I need,
I can be angry, disconcert, or weepy,
All I know, once I am done,
I feel much enhanced within!
Than I will burn them,
With prayers and tears,
I know an important person is listening! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 8/27/2007 11:08:28 AM | | Our latest adventure was scary and tramatic but we are all okay! As per the bus accident on the lion's gate bridge last weekend my family and I were on this bus! It was a traumatic situation for a mom or anyone to go through! I still hear the screams and the delayed cries of my 20 month old daughterand my body tremors thinking about this day! The aftermath of all this was not a nice way to begin our holidays or to spend four hours waiting to see what we were supposed to do! The emergency people were all great in comforting my daughter and I! The lady who ran around making sure everyone was okay I remember hearing her guiding voice as I tremored and shook crying! Remember to breathe and every day I thank everyone who had helped us get through this day! If that driver was not careful worse could have happened because this bus was packed with people standing and sitting from horseshoe bay! The funny thing is at 3:30am I awoke feeling frightened and shaking with tremor not remembering the dream I had before this! At exactly the same time that day at 3:30pm those same feelings were there and it was after the bus accident! The motherly instincts of putting my daughter in her stroller five minutes before the accident and strapping her down was another! All the interviewers asked us if it was the driver's fault and many said no way! She was in her own lane, was not speeding, and the tracks of the car were sure signs who had impacted first! This is still under investigation! The mess on the bridge and the looks of that car are still strong in my head and people scattered here and there getting up quickly and running off the bus! The sights of our driver being calmed and taken out on a stretcher are still in my vision. I could not tell you whose fault it was, I was busy comforting my daughter and worrying about my goddaughter and her friend! We were all banged up and thankfully my 20 month old only had a few small bruises! As the night went on my muscles became more sore and tense and the bruises on my legs are a constant reminder of this day on the Lion's Gate bridge. I am also discovering how trauma effects our lives. We hear of accidents as such and not really knowing this could be us one day. As my mom voiced, "When we see such things as this on the news hour late at night, our own family was on this bus and we did not know about it impacts us too after my daughter shared it with me!" We had no idea our family was on this bus!" The experience and trauma will be with me for quite awhile! " As each day passes it will help to keep sharing and talking about this day and allow the healing to take place! I am glad we are okay just bruises and were not taken to the hospital! There is one thing I would like to voice though and that is when children or toddlers are involved in accidents as such they ought to be taken to the hospital to be checked out with no doubting or questioning about it! If later on my daughter's back gets sore than they will have the answers! I was not impressed with the idea that this did not automatically take place! And to end this thought for today, I am glad we are okay and my blessing go out to the families for their loss this day! I am sorry for your loss and may you remember the fond memories of this person as how she impacted you in a positive way! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:18:55 PM | The day has come where all at once things are happening. Through my heartache and pain, as each event takes place, my tears rolling down my cheeks. It feels as though the doors have been squished shut and there I am stuck in the debri of life. Each hour worsening, events that started small are now bigger! Many people affected by the energies of this both invisible and real! Tears pouring out every where, many more to fall as each family has been notified. My daughter's only family who was always there, will soon be faded out of our lives because of resentments, anger, and selfishness! My own family and I have had no real connection and I have drifted far away from the ghosts of my past! Everything that has taken place and still yet to has brought much sorrow and tears! I feel so alone defending my life and making the best choices I can or am able to. As each day unfolds this will get better and now the treacherous journey is about to begin! I will be travelling through the treacherous waters and riding with the storm waiting for the calm! As each step is taken things will be as they will be. There will be many more tears shedded as I encounter each event. People have made up their minds and are going to do as they want not taking into consideration my daughter and her future! When will this journey end? There is no answer to this and I will have to walk alone defending what I can in a healthy and respectful manner!
If anyone was walking in my moccasins now they would know how I am feeling and only I can make better. My confidence level low, worries galore, and the frustrations of all who try to tell me what to do! It seems as though karma has found me and my past is being thrown at me all at once! For example, past relationships that have caused so much pain and one day you walk into your mother's house and there I am face to face with that reminder and secrets still being held back. The secrets of a relationship gone crazy and hearing how my family adores this person not ever knowing the truth behind it all! That secret is my daughter and who fathered her! What is a person to do? It is not my responsibility to tell her the truth, he has to and he says in his own time he will! Meanwhile I will be heading home for visits and will be faced with this secret! Than if she ever finds out the truth, it will break my mother's heart because she admires and adores this lady so much! A few family members know of this secret and the rest have no clue! What am I to do now? My family members guilty conscious as they sit and not say a word silently knowing it in its own time will be as will be! Now that time has come! I truly believe that saying "Karma will find you!" and many people are all ready hurt, more will be as this secret unfolds but how would I go about facing my family and telling them the truth! How can I take care of myself without going through a nervous breakdown! I will do my best to face this chapter of my life and I knew one day the truth would be told!
Talk about my past catching up with me! Everyone is innocent and because this actually is a small world, people meet people, and the truth be known eventually! This was totally an event where nobody knew what is hidden under all of it! This lady has become really good friends with my family and does not know her ex fathered my daughter while they were struggling! And the story unfolds piece by piece! My thoughts for today everyone is to be truthful at all times especially when there are children involved! It is best to let known the truth rather than hiding it because I think it is his responsibility to tell her! This secret lies deep within your soul and my heart aches for my daughter now! It also aches for my family! I am standing totally alone now and by not telling the truth, it eats away at your heart and than one day it is lying in front and I have to deal with it! I may be feeling low right now later on, maybe this will be a blessing sent from above! Because I will no longer have to live that secret! I want to tell my mother the truth and let her know how much I love her and never meant to hurt her or anyone involved! This was totally normal, I dated this guy for awhile and never thought this would ever happen and there it is! Our town is not really that big especially where I grew up, everyone talks with everyone because there are only a few stores and the post office where everyone goes from my ole stomping grounds! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 9/10/2007 11:38:17 PM | Today is a brand new day! Yesterday is gone! Each day leaves me feeling rejuvenated or refreshed! I gave my resignation today and this was the hardest decision anyone has to make! It is time for me to close one door and open a bigger one! What awaits me is not known! The most important thing is to take care of myself and my daughter to the fullest! I have gained knowledge, experience, etc and now I want to continue walking my journey! Yes, I am aware I still have to face what I wrote above and I will walk this journey! I have decisions to make and would like to see my life become better! Each event I face and walk through will open my doors to freedom and no more secrets! I do plan sharing my story with everyone above and I need to become strong! I am not ashame of my daughter, she is a beautiful gift from above no matter who fathered her! She is my sunshine and each step I take to heal my inner turmoil, the happier my own little family will become because mommy is better! I will continue walking my journey and seek the help I need to get through this and my future holds many dreams for myself and my daughter! She is my family now and I will do my best to ensure she has a happier and healthier mommy! I love her to pieces, I will always love her daddy because he helped create her in a special means of way! I will continue to walk my life and who knows what the future holds! I am happy to be me and I know I have made mistakes in my past as everyone is not perfect! I have learnt from these mistakes and have become stronger because I faced them head on and never gave up! I will continue to fight my errors and will heal the pain and sorrow!
My words for today is to never stop believing in yourself! No matter how many times we have errored, we are all still beautiful inside and out! Staying mad at my past will not make life any better unless I walk through this pain and fight it all the way! I will forgive myself for erroring and I will not beat myself up emotionally or mentally any more! I have enough people all ready trying to do that to me! That is their own stuff and all I can do is pray for their well being! Hatred kills! Bashing hurts! Resentments are not worth my stopping my life because people are mad at me!
Today lets find someone and give them a hug and words of thanks! We may not realize it but strange events and people we do not know have means of entering our lives at the right time for all the right reasons! Be strong and remember you are always loved no matter what type of lifestyle you have led or walked! Everyone will error and we will learn from these even if we do not want to look at it that way and stay in denial! The more I stay stuck here, I will keep burying my soul deeper and deeper and will not move forth! I want to move forth! You all have a great day! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 9/11/2007 11:36:15 PM | With challenge comes the inspiration for change, and with change comes the opportunity for growth. In short, if you want your romantic situation to improve you need to acknowledge the challenges that you're currently dealing with, face them head on, accept the challenge, and embrace the necessary change. These words remain strong within my mind! I read this somewhere today and thought what a good inspiration to add to my page!
The above is so true and the power behind these words builds up my self esteem for today! I walked around lots today and before I realized where I was, it was my ole stomping grounds when I first started my journey as a person healing the past! Every where I went today was a constant reminder as to why I chose to walk this path to begin with. I even ran into an old boyfriend of mine whom I have not seen for quite a few years and this reminded me of what it felt like to be adored and loved fully by this guy and how important it is I find that love again! He was a good man and treated me well until I walked away from it because I at the time did not know how to be! If anyone treated me well I pushed them away and if we were getting too close, I would start something. We did remain friends and then we never saw each other for quite a while. He is happily married now to a beautiful lady who will do anything for the man she loves and for the woman he loves! They are really happy and hats off to them both. I am glad he found his soul mate!
I grew up around a lot of abuse and thought this was the way I had to live and I did not deserve a good relationship! I stuck with the abusive ones for many years until the day I became stonger in my own walk of life! I walked away from abuse and would not let anyone near me that would hurt me! Trust is big and I know through experience there are good people out there! It was my losses when these good relationships ended!
And today I find facing my own challenges head on and making the best out of all was the only way to continue my healing! Sure there were many areas I did not want to walk through and eventually I did! My own beliefs scare people away because they do not agree with how I am or ought to be! I do not believe in judging or labelling anyone no matter what because I learnt, the more I stayed stuck, the faster the quick sand took me down! I learned to climb up and reach for that light at the end of the walk!
Today was a day of reflection and memory! The day was beautiful and I felt better when I came home to my daughter! I realized too that everything I am doing is to create a happier and healthier environment for both my daughter and I. Everything I completed today was a reminder as how I want our future to look like and may mommy find a good paying job that will allow us the freedom to make our home a loving and friendly atmosphere. I knew to find the right rental with the right bedrooms and a back yard I would have to soar out of my old job and land softly onto another one day time work! No more midnight shifts for me! I cherish my daughter and will do what needs to be done so that one day we can live in our house!
There are many angry people right now and all I can do is to pray for each and everyone of these people! May they find that light and reach high for the best of the best! This experience in the last few days is shifting a lot of energy around and I wish all of us the best! We will be smiling once we have reached our goals and completed the healing we need to in order for us to move forth.
My words for today is to be yourself and do not allow anyone to change you! We are all unique and wonderful people! Our kids are very important and what we do with our lives will enhance their lives! We must always remain positive and loving around our kids and do not drag them through our bad moments! It is between the adults when disagreements and fights break out not our children! Do not isolate our kids and talk with them. Let our kids know how much we love and adore them with no negative energy controlling it! Same goes with dating and loving relationships! If we love somebody show that we do and walk our talk! Talk with not at and take a time out if you must! This is our love for life and we want the best always! Let each other know every night ten great things I love about you! Bye for now and good luck out there in the pond! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 11/10/2007 2:48:27 AM | Hello all you wonderful people swimming around the pond! I am still alive just been really sick the past four months and going in for surgery next week! I am not in here as much being aneamic and other medical conditions! It makes me really tired typing just a few words here and there, the concentration and focus are both short span!
I am glad a doctor has finally diagnosed me after so many tests and seeing certain specialist, the only thing, she found out what I have and booked surgery in two weeks and rushed all the tests for it is severe! There will be a few complications during surgery they will all be watching for as well a blood transfusion nearby! I am scared and not sure how things will turn out! All I know is that I will fight all the way and do my best t0o! I hope to write again! You all take care! And love yourselves unconditionally!
Mommy's Precious Angel
As tired and weak as I am feeling
My heart keeps loving everyone around me
And memories flooding my mind
I look down that long and winding road
Knowing there is a light awaiting my arrival
As God embraces me in His loving arms
My life will be fulfilled with His love and joy
I know He has always walked with me
My life is full and a precious Angel joins me
Our love for each other will only grow
As my daughter embraces her light and love
There will be two strong hearts beating as one
And my angel, mommy will see you again
I know sweet pea this will be hard for you
As you adjust to more new things and mommy's way
After recovery I will hold and pick you up again
Just to let you know, mommy's heart will be breaking
As I yearn to pick you up and play as we always do
Remember my sweet one, mommy will always love you
And that this is only temporarily, mommy will be back
Each step I take will make me stronger
As I learn to walk and become better
I will visualize your future with mommy there for you!
As I drift off into a big sleep I will see your smiling eyes
Tears will roll down my cheeks as I attempt to count
I pray God I will come through and see my sweetie again!
Mommy will have Angels by her side as we journey
No fear honey for I will be back for you
For you are Mommy's precious Angel! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 11/24/2007 9:30:40 PM | Mommy came back to me!
I shout with glee and embrace love
My dear moomy made it through
I knew she would make it
And hug each other again
My mommy is the precious life I walk
I watch my mommy in tears
As she tries to keep up to par
The pain overwhelming and unbearable
My mommy hangs onto her boo boo
And sadly I see her crying tears
I cry tears for my mommy too
I hold my breath and pray for mommy
Please God take my mommy's pain away
And embrace her in your loving light
Rock my mommy gently to sleep
As she rocks me when I am sad
And love my mommy unconditionally
I miss my mommy's picking up cuddles
And I want to hug her for a long time
Please God, help my mommy get better! | |
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| Just a thought of inspiration...while walking home
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:29:39 AM | It is that time of year again! Christmas has begun and shoppers galore every where in our town. We are the shopping capital of Vancouver Island, restaurants, movie theatres, and a new plaza is coming in up by our biggest mall ever, Woodgrove Mall! And Tim Hortons every where too!
Every Christmas our malls are packed with tourists and christmas shoppers! Busy time of the year for our town and the businesses love it! We have had mall names changed on us too! Rutherford Mall, now called, Nanaimo North Town centre. Harbour Park mall, now called, Port Place shopping centre. We have houses going up every where, condos and our trees are being taken away more and more for houses and condos. We lost our Civic Arena, torn down now, new one built under a different name and they want to build condos where the old civic used to be! I wish they would keep it as one big park and put in a water play area instead. Our park needs to be extended because our Bath tub weekends are drawing bigger crowds each year especially the fire works.
As I look around Nanaimo and our surrounding areas, we are being over populated with all these new houses going in and still many more to come. Our beautiful trees gone and we keep running out of money for our conference centre, will this ever be built, our downtown is a mess with all that construction going on! What is happening to our town? Changes every where!
My words for today is to enjoy what we do have in the present because soon it will be gone for bigger houses, condos, etc. Enjoy the beauty around you because one day you will be looking at tall buildings or houses galore! Some places plugged up wondering how on earth did they build that house on a such a hilly lot or small. Houses close together no privacy! Mansions are going up here and ther too! Remember what it used to look like so we can share it with our children and grand children! Remember the pioneering days, the beauty of the trees and now sadly they are being logged away for houses and more businesses. Remember when you were young and running about in our fun spots! I love living on the island but it is so sad to see our trees go! Tthis was one reason why I chose to live back here again and now, it is being used for developments.
Have a good day every one! | |
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