| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/5/2006 8:29:44 AM | | I wish people would just be more honest about their feelings. If you say you will call, then call! Don't play the game about...if she calls back she is insecure, if he does that blah blah blah.... If you want to talk with someone, do it, if you don't then let them know. Don't use contact as a test. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/5/2006 8:40:29 AM | has it ever occured to anyone that if your out with someone, and they seem distracted by the surroundings, that they could very well be thinking of a bigger picture that involves you.
i've said it before, if a guy is nervous he will show it. if he's looking around content, being quiet, great chance he's happy. if he's with you, you probably made him happy. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/5/2006 9:02:53 AM | ab.stract.....maybe, but not necessarily
nothing is ever for sure, ever - people change, feelings change, surroundings change
There is no guide to say if it's right. I think it's something you just know in your heart, and hopefully, the object of your affection feels the same way. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/5/2006 9:21:27 AM | This post is becoming very interesting for sure.....................and it just keeps popping back up......LOL
I think every relationship is different, they all move at different paces, we all have different expectations...........if it feels right it probably is, if that inner voice is telling you something is not right listen to it and communicate any concerns you have to your partner
Common sense if you are not going on formal dates, he only calls when he is drunk or wants sex, chances are he really isn't into you
If he says he is busy but still takes the time to at least call you......he is thinking of you chances are he likes you, if it keeps happening over and over and he keeps cancelling on you chances are he is not really into you
How fast things progress in a relationship depends on the 2 people in the relationship | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/5/2006 9:26:34 AM | division-belle, i do agree, and yes you need to hope the object of your affection feels the same way, if they don't beat them with a big stick until they do
sometimes we just need to believe | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/7/2006 12:06:50 PM | Anyone see that commercial where they are in the car and the woman is thinking it's great that they can sit in silence, that life is great, and the guy is thinming she's giving him the silent treatment and they aren't speaking, so the hell with it all?
LOL, love that one.
Never assume, just ask. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/7/2006 12:39:16 PM | ^^^ I agree with spiced's earlier post. People have different ideas about what is, or isn't, enough communication. If you have expectations, let the other person know.
Personally, I like communicating in person, much better. And, generally, only use the phone for making plans.
Peace  | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 4/7/2006 1:40:06 PM | orrrrrr, you say to yourself, feck the verbal, the computer and the phone and you can just grab the rirl/guy and plant one on her/him and hope she/he gives a little back!
side note: ma hoe, baby, notice how i put girls first! aren't you proud of me!?
back to basics: he's not into if you constantly initiate contact and he seems "menh" about it.
i say again: NEXT! ;)
now, if i could just find another "NEXT" that will become the last one to be a "NEXT" maybe he could to convince me that i should stay straight! LOL
anyone confused yet? ok, me too! LOL | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 5/11/2006 6:10:41 PM | This what you have to tell yourself... and if u cant then he aint into you.
I deserve to have a great relationship! I’m worth it.
I want be the bright spot in a horribly busy day. Which should be a day that you would never be too busy to not call, email. MSN me.
When you like/love someone, they don’t just slip your mind.
I want the guy who’ll forget about all the other things going on in his life before he forgets about me?
I want to be with a man who’s at least as good as his word. (doing what he say he will do and carrying through with it)
Respect and care enough to call, email me if only because you know it will make me happy. Being with someone is supposed to make you feel better not worse.
If your not calling/emailing me its because I am not on your mind.
If you create expectations for me, and then don’t follow through on little things, is it likely you will do the same for big things? Are you okay with disappointing me?
I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.
Every two weeks, once a month, seeing someone, having a little love and affection may help you get through the day or the week or the month – but will it help you get through a lifetime?
Better than nothing is not good enough for me!
I take it as No answer is my answer.
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Forget about all the excuses and the promises. Ask yourself one question only: Do we make each other happy?
I don’t mean some of the tine, on rare occasions, not that often, “but the good still outweighs the bad
Is it clear in the actions every day that your happiness is important to me? | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 5/11/2006 6:39:40 PM | | I think people over think dating. Whatever happened to taking things day by day and seeing where it ends up. Not every date has to turn into something. You're not going to marry every GF and/or BF you date. When in doubt enjoy life without trying to figure out what's next. Enjoy the journey. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 5/11/2006 6:47:01 PM | | I think if everyone would stop worrying if he or she is "into" them and just lived their life, they would be a lot happier. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:32:24 PM | | Have that book, and it is so true......a requirement book for all ladies! Another great one: is Love Smart by Dr. Phil...... | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:20:51 AM | Definitely a book for burning.
Thousands of promising relationships are goign to go to the wall because of that book.
I've done more than read it. I've done a full review. Here's a few choice bits.
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Not into you Page 1
Introduction By Liz
It started out like any other day. We were pitching around ideas for our fiction stories from Sex and the City and one of the women asked for feedback on the behavior of a man who she liked. He was giving her mixed messages and she was confused.
After much discussion we concluded that she was fabulous and that he must be scared.
But on this day we had a male consultant in the room who gives a straight male perspective. Greg listened and then said to the woman. Listen it sounds like he’s just not into you.
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OK ladies. Listen up! Open your ears and, far more importantly, open your minds. Firstly the average woman is about as “fabulous” as the average man. But the over inflated, and totally fragile female ego can’t handle the possibility of being “average”. This despite the average female making frantic efforts to power dress to the same average as those around her, to date the same type of boyfriends, to patronize the same bars etc etc etc. Baa baa baa!
But Greg couldn’t give the straight male perspective that I am giving because even one female ego couldn’t handle true male honesty, let alone the half a dozen in the average office environment that Greg normally occupies.
The guy being discussed wasn’t giving mixed messages. The woman, like any AVERAGE woman, has been dishing out the mixed messages to the guys for so long that now she’s hearing mixed messages even when the guy is talking straight.
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Page 12 “He’s not into you”
Dear Greg
I have this friend that I’ve known platonically for ten years. Recently he was in town for work so we met for dinner. All of a sudden I felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me as he was checking me out, “So what, you’re working the whole model thing now” That’s flirting Right? We both agreed that we should get together again soon.
I’m disappointed because it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t called me. Can I call him. He might be nervous about turning the whole thing into a romance. Can’t I give him a nudge now.
Friendly Girl
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Greg’s answer
Two weeks is two weeks, except when its ten years and two weeks. That’s how long ago he decided whether he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge. Nudge away but watch how fast that nudge doesn’t get a return phone call. And if your date did feel different its been two weeks and he’s had time to think about it and decode that he just not that into you.
Here’s the truth Guys don’t mind messing you a friendship if it could lead to sex whether it be a **** buddy or a meaningful romance. Go find someone who lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.
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The real answer
Dear Jodi
I have had about a half dozen experiences like yours over the years.
Girls I have been good friends with for years have suddenly started flirting with me at a party. Usually prodded along by a little alcohol.
When I have visited these same girls later on the reception has been decidedly frosty and they have usually kept me at arms distance. A few visits later and we have been old friends again. Not lovers, not even flirting, just the friends that we have always been.
On only one occasion I made a big mistake when I pushed the issue on a second visit. (IE When I “gave her a nudge along” Your words!) The girl turned hostile and ended up hating me. In all of the cases the flirting has been a one night affair and the girls have all wanted to return to casual friendship the next day.
As you can see the only way that the guys can maintain that casual friendship is not to push things the day after the flirting.
And this is, quite possibly, what this guy is doing. He values the friendship too much to risk it by pushing you too hard. And not ringing you back is included in that not pushing you too hard.
Greg said “Here’s the truth Guys don’t mind messing you a friendship if it could lead to sex whether it be a **** buddy or a meaningful romance.”
That’s totally inadequate. If he doesn’t care if he loses your friendship by ringing you back and going after a “**** buddy” then he has nothing to lose by ringing you back. But guys do mind messing up a good quality, a worthwhile friendship, that they value, even if it means skipping a little guaranteed sex. And you have not guaranteed anything. That’s only when they do have something worthwhile to lose.
Sure he can ring you back and turn the friendship into a true romance. But, as happened to me on the one occasion that I pushed it, he can also ring you back and risk destroying his friendship with you completely. That’s a risk that a lot of guys simply aren’t prepared to take. Not if he values the friendship. Not if you are likely to end up hating him.
It’s a simple equation really, guaranteed friendship with you vs chance of a romance, but also the chance of you hating him. And it depends on ho w much he values the friendship vs how big a risk of losing that friendship, vs how good a chance at sex, or a full romance.
By all means ring him back. He may simply be “not into you” but he may also value a guaranteed friendship more than the risks involved in sex romance. Lots of guys do.
The most serious example of this is when flirting starts between workmates. When things cool off, or turn hostile you still have to work together. Big problems!
Greg’s been around the girls too long to really appreciate the attitudes of real men.
He has advised you to “Go find someone who lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.” The fact is that, on a scale of one to a hundred guys give a MAXIMUM score of five out of a hundred for even the most absolute killer body. The high scores are reserved for girls who love them, not girls with perfect bodies. This is why guys get horny over strippers and prostitutes but don’t normally fall in love with them. Lets face it, strippers don’t fall in love with their customers either. | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 43 | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:54:13 AM | If he's not calling you he may be concerned that you'll run away cuz he's calling too often...
Everyone learns from their experiences (or at least we'd hope to), but sometimes the wrong lesson at the wrong time. A guy who's lost out on a girl because she was afraid of all the attention is going to learn to be less attentive.... but maybe the next one wouldn't...
Bottom line... if he's not calling you... call him and ask him why | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:16:26 AM |
He's just not into if............
If someone wants to really be with you, they will. If they keep giving reasons for not calling or say they are extremely busy. GET THE HINT.
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay- maybe if you have big screen plasma and serve him beers all day long then he might stay just because. LOL | |
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Saintk
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Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:41:45 AM | Oprah = innovator. People laugh at how she looks etc... and i know she is laughing because well she has Harpo productions. I have nothing against her. Not my type.. but power to her....
As for this book.... why do people get caught up on stupid stupid books that really don’t tell you anything that you don't already know...
Now if you really want to learn what you need to avoid... read David Deangelos Books... this way that so called "Nice" guy will actually get a run for his money ... | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:50:42 AM | There could be a 100 reasons they arent calling,not being into you is only one lots of factors though.
This is kinda crazy its like ok I read it in a book so it has to be true.....YIKES
Anyways stay tuned for my new novel.....Shes not into you if........................ | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:57:24 AM | Welcome to the milk bottle line….homogenized product, quality guaranteed.
….and no, that has nothing to do with your sexual preferences!
With over 6 billion people on the planet, why do we ALWAYS expect people to act in a consistent manner from person to person? We can accept that there are no two snowflakes exactly the same….I’m not sure how they KNOW that, ‘cause I had at least a couple billion flakes on my lawn last year, and I’m SURE I saw a couple that looked just like mine on my neighbour’s lawn….but we have this mental block about human behaviour and consistency. The only consistency in human behaviour is it’s inconsistent!
There’s a number of fatal flaws in many approaches to dating: a) that people's expectations are the same; b) that people have a single purpose in life; c) that people are mind readers; d) that people know what they want, and e) that everybody wants the same thing at the same time. It’s unfortunate, but in reality some of us in the dating world missed the 6 billion Vulcan mind meld that must have taken place to justify any of the expectations above. My excuse was I had to number 2….when you gotta go, you gotta go!
Let’s try this….a) accept that people's expectations AREN'T the same….so ASK them what they expect!; b) in a world that demands we cram more and more things into the same 24 hour day, accept that people are trying to keep a lot of balls….no pun intended….in the air at the same time. Sometimes we have to have priorities, and as sad as it may be, sometimes keeping the bills paid or protecting the world from nuclear annihilation trumps giving you a call; c) maybe after 30 years together you’ll be able to finish each other’s sentences, but after three weeks? Again, ASK ‘em! It’s called communication….say it people, com-mune-e-kay-shun….so don’t just talk about it, do it!; d) some rare specimens of the human race may know precisely what they want when dating….a genetic cross between Charlize Theron and Katherine Hepburn in my case….but most don’t. Sometimes it takes a while for a person to grow on you….sort of like an amourous form of athlete’s foot….but in a world where we consider a ‘relationship’ a failure if you haven’t sullied the sheets within three weeks Patience seems to be out of fashion, as does just being friends. Finally, e) as anyone who’s been married or in a long term live in scenario can attest, when you’re randy she’s not, and when she’s randy you’re not, and on those occasions when, thank god, you’re BOTH randy at the same time, you better make the sparks fly enough to make ‘she ain’t, he ain’t’ times tolerable. Timing ain’t everything, but it can be the stake driven through the heart of true love.
Now if you don’t mind, I have a boulder to roll back up the hill. Damn gravity….. | |
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| He's just not into if............
Posted: 6/21/2006 9:07:22 AM | Who cares why he's not into you...
Who cares about any of the why's, how's or when's of any relationship that could have been or once was.
Stop wasting your precious energy on all the negative aspects. Let it go and move on so the one meant for you will see you and be happy with you.
Perhaps if we'd all stop psychoanalyzing every little last insignificant detail we may just possibly be able to get off a site like this and live in total bliss with the one we are meant to be with. | |
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