| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/15/2008 8:04:51 AM |
of course you will not love another man that way again, however, realize that you ARE capable of loving another in perhaps a richer, deeper way because of what you have experienced. I liken it to a parent of several children. No child is loved in exactly the same way but they are all loved in a unique way because of who each of them is.
Perfectly said!! Kudos!
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/15/2008 6:18:41 PM | Don't fear the future as you cannot control it! I too have lost my wife of 10 years , 18 months ago, I too started to grief a few years before she died and was "ready" when the time had come...I wasn't, it was hard and group thready helped me to get thought the grief process .
It is normal at our advanced age to worry about the future of a prospective mates health. DONT!!! relish the time that you have to enjoy each other and let God have control of both of you and enjoy the finding each other and possibly starting a new life, after all isn't it what your late spouses would have wanted? | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/15/2008 10:18:55 PM | | i too cared for a sick spouse, iloved that woman with all my being,she was my everything!!!!! but again if that right person crosses paths i would do it again in a heartbeat !!!!! would just like to know when? | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/16/2008 8:20:22 PM | My husband died 3 years ago--we were married 28 years. That's a long time.
My greatest fear is that I won't find a man that I'm crazy about again--some people even say that I should count my blessings to have had my soul mate for 28 years. That makes me sad because it's like my friends are saying, "You've had yours. Enough."
I want love in my life though--that's why I'm here. | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/16/2008 8:41:41 PM | I have avoided this thread...but I guess I do have something to say.
I buried one husband and one boyfriend. There were many many years between the two deaths. I took me almost twenty years to allow myself to grieve for my husband. Then, within a year I met a wonderful man who died shortly after we got together.
When my boyfriend died over ten years ago I felt I was cursed. Cursed to live alone and never find what I had with him and cursed if I did ever find someone again.
Its taken me a long time to overcome the all to depressing feeling. His memory does enrich me. I would love to meet someone who can enrich my life again. Hopefully the experiences I have behind me will allow me to enrich someone back. | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/16/2008 11:24:10 PM | Lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack June of 07 though we had only been married 5 1/2 years we had been together 20 and figured we be together another 15-20. My wife was an important part of my life but she was not my life. Some might say that I am cold or unfeeling but I was brought up that death is normal and inevitable and beyond our control. And that we should be thankful for the love and time we have and not regret what we cannot have. My life plan was altered but not ended it is my responsibility to write a new life plan.
I know I do better in a relationship but I'm not ready to settle for just a relationship, with the use of this and other dating sites I have met many nice women. Is this too soon to start dating? Not for me but perhaps for others. I do believe I may be more cautious than I was when younger but I think this is more a factor of age, self knowledge and life experience than any fear of loss or possible future loss as these are part of life and it could be me that takes an early exit from the next relationship.
I look forward to the feelings, the excitement, the mystery of a new love. Is that seeking a validation that I still live? Don't know, may be but it is better to make new memories than holding on to fading ones. | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 1/18/2008 11:34:23 AM | DoUCanoe has it right on, although we have different circumstances at the end.
I lost my wife as well due to cancer and we had many months to say goodbye to each other. She wanted me to be happy and be with another woman again.
That's what I want also, making new memories! | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears of dating them
Posted: 1/18/2008 12:02:23 PM | No you don't have to deal with an EX, but its hard to deal with someone they never would have left if they did not die. Its a no win situation.
Blue | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears of dating them
Posted: 1/18/2008 1:12:16 PM | @ Bob-O-LInk and DoUcanoe.......same here lost my wife over 3 yrs ago....very long illness....so most of my grieving was done with in my arms. You two are doing it right......I call starting a new "normal".
As for when you should start dating.....that really is up to you. I will say this though. On my first date.......after about 2 hrs into it.........it wasn't working.........I apologized, explained that I wasn't feeling right about it and took her home however, my second date went well......of course it was with a different lady. | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears of dating them
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:16:21 PM | I remember when I first started dating after I lost my husband--it ALL felt too weird, awful. I hadn't convinced my heart that I could date yet. It's hard to explain but I felt like I was cheating although I knew I wasn't.
I guess feeling like that had a lot to do with being married such a long time--it's all I knew. | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:21:18 PM | | Having dealt with my Husband's illness for a long time I needed to control everything around me to make me feel safe. But whenever he died I couldn't make a decision for the life of me without second guessing it. Today to make a deep heart felt commitment is very hard for me...I get fearful over thinking about it. So I went back to counseling and have learned to control my fears...well most of the time.....Great topic thanks. | |
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| Widow/ers: Greatest fears about new relationships?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:41:03 PM | | I don't have any "fears". The worst possible thing that could happen to me in a relationship has already happened when I lost my man - I lived through it - I can handle anything now. | |
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