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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/12/2006 8:21:52 AM |
I think the big difference between our definitions is that you seem to think that chemistry will develop over time – and perhaps for you it will. For me, if it’s not there when we meet then it isn’t going to magically appear a week down the road. To each his own.
it is sad now that in 10 minutes or less a woman will know if a guy is good enough or is not good enough...
Too many times I have heard the usual cop out that starts off with compliments about who I am...but then the bomb gets dropped and it is the ever so popular "No physical attraction"
and more women tell me they cannot be emotionally attracted to a guy, has to be physical.
I guess as the times changed, the dating game became a quicker game of chance. No longer is it "get to know someone and have things in common" as so many say that is what is looked for in friendships. Crazy times this is. Has actually deterred me from really meeting more women. I have many times chatted to someone online and on the phone but then backed off and never bothered asking to meet.
Too many bad apples I guess and so I may have become selective in who I will ask to meet and who I will not bother.
Sometimes one person is nervous meeting someone for the first time. Talking on the phone and emailing/MSN each other is so easy for everyone..and so seems many think after that it should be identical, easy to talk etc in person..I guess as the saying goes, dating is not for the weak at heart. hey I make friends wherever i go, and that should account for something, being a likable guy...but who knows what is wanted these days.
If I do not impress her from the get go then she ain't budging one bit. Sad how physical appearance has knocked personality down the list. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/12/2006 11:37:03 AM | | I have to agree with some of the others. It's hard to know exactly the type to a 't' that you are looking for or want. But, face it, at our ages you have a pretty good idea of your likes and dislikes through experience and life. For instance, I know that I don't do well with people that are moody, have no sense of humor and can't laugh at themselves. Also, men that are very particular about a certain physical type are a huge turnoff. I did a test...I ran my profile without pic....only a handful of responses...I put it on for less than a day...my mailbox filled up. Now I am not what you would call a beautiful woman, some say attractive, some say cute...some..nothing at all lol....so it depends. But for that reason, I leave my pic off...I would rather a mans first attraction be to my profile, witty personality. I do put stock in chemistry of course, like everyone else,but let them me drawn to the inner me first then see if there is chemistry. Some might not agree, but I have met some truly nice and attractive men that don't have their pics on display...and honestly there were some that I might not have even talked to had I just based it on their pic that were simply wonderful guys. Two each their own I suppose.... | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/12/2006 9:24:25 PM | Despite the female surplus in the US, which means more women than men, women are still playing the picky-do-what-cosmo does game. Only when it is too late and there is not enough men to go around (men are experencing this right now in China and Japan where there is a woman shortage) will women realize they are screwed.
The short answer is too many woman have their heads up their a-s-s-e-s. I have seen profiles of women who can fill a bathtub asking for the Brad Pitt with a large penis and 6' 5" tall.
There are just too many unrealistic people here and on all of the dating sites. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 12:30:27 AM | Whether it is a man or a woman, people like who they like. Yea, you could be the nicest, sweetest, most gentlemanly person out there, and yes a perfect catch for the right woman....but who are you to say that you are the "right one" for the woman that decided she was not interested in you? I would imagine that the "right one" for anyone would also include various levels of attraction. Perhaps a spark was not there for her. This in no way suggests that you were not good looking enough, smart enough, or anything else....it just means that on some level she didnt feel the spark with you. It is not personal, it is not mean...it is just what it is...not a match.
I have friends that are women that are stunningly beautiful, smart, witty, and even I have to admit would be a fantastic partner. But for reasons unknown, the spark to take it past a friendship is not there, and even without kissing them, I can sense that a kiss between us would be awkward. Does this mean that they are defective or not worthy of dating...no. It's just not a match.
Perhaps you should just accept that not every date is going to result in a second date. If a second date doesn't result...move on. It doesn't require an analysis of why...pick up the phone and call someone else.
Ozzie | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 5:01:34 AM | ^^^^^^^^^ what he said 
Whether it is a man or a woman, people like who they like. Yea, you could be the nicest, sweetest, most gentlemanly person out there, and yes a perfect catch for the right woman....but who are you to say that you are the "right one" for the woman that decided she was not interested in you? I would imagine that the "right one" for anyone would also include various levels of attraction. Perhaps a spark was not there for her. This in no way suggests that you were not good looking enough, smart enough, or anything else....it just means that on some level she didnt feel the spark with you. It is not personal, it is not mean...it is just what it is...not a match | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 7:42:08 AM | | Well some people are just train wrecks in general, and are only used to associating with trainwrecks and therefore are only attracted to trainwrecks. Sad but true, and form my experience the majority of this personality type is a woman. Just learn to avoid this type of person/situation. Also physical attraction is necessary (to some extent) otherwise there would be no such thing as a photo option on boards such as this.....this could easily turn into a treatsie on hypocrisy, immaturity, and dishonesty but I think I will end my comments before they evolve into that. | |
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tpgirl
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Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:20:20 AM | There are 6 billion people in the world. I think that counts for lots in this conversation. Near misses in the relationship area are not near misses, they are finding out that the chemistry isn't there, and if you choose to look at it in any negative way, perhaps that is why it was a near miss to begin with. Negativity has a way of making itself be known, even if you don't see it yourself.
****sing with me now - Don't worry, 'bout a thing, cuz, everything little thing is going to be alright now.................****
smile
be positive
and laugh dammit!
G | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:30:13 AM | People want to try to bring out the negativity in others these days..and when they succeed they will say "Do not be so negative" is all a game in dating...if you lack in looks, you will not get many dates no matter how great of a person you are..just means you either gotta try harder and keep putting yourself out there, or just move on with your life and not put dating in the priority list.
Many women do in fact read Cosmo and call it thier bible because the creative writing dictates to those who do live by it...not much you can do..
Like the latest edition of Cosmo..says "Ultimate Orgasms" right on the cover...and well, next time I am at work I will read that article to see how we men are talked down about LOL | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:43:08 PM | What people cognitively perceive as 'ideal' and what they are 'attracted' to generally differ because although they have created the cognitive 'ideal' generally from experience they haven't understood or addressed whom they are attracted to. Attraction can be a searching for what we lack in ourselves. If you have a history of attracting people who are not what you want or your relationships are not working then you have to look at what it is in yourself that you are seeking in these people that you are bringing to yourself. If you are intelligent to see patterns in your relationships then you might discover your own lack or need that you are fulfilling in being in relation to somene else.
If someone bases their choice of relations based on 'attraction' then they are doing nothing more than living in an instinctual reality. If you are healthy and in touch with who you are that can be very successful. If your relationship are toxic then obviously you are not in touch with your instinctual self and are acting out your own lack through your relationships.
So probably when an individual tells you that there is no attraction after 30 seconds...chances are they are dong you a favour.
Attraction is something that can be developed over time. Only those that have taken the time to get to know someone genuinely will ever experience that.
As for the right 'one'...I believe there is no such thing. I think a relationship works because two people make the choice to be make the same choices together, and accept the work that will be needed to create that. Relationships end because one individual in the relationship makes another choice. Period. It's as simple as that in it's complexity. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 10:11:17 PM |
Attraction is something that can be developed over time. Only those that have taken the time to get to know someone genuinely will ever experience that
It is something way too many refuse to do when it comes to dating someone. It is more the thrill of the unknown and ther physical attraction most prefer and base more on. Getting to know someone makes you a friend and no chance of ever have it go further, no matter how much one party may start liking the other....is the growing ways now in dating...is why many people strike out and are single. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 11:01:25 PM | All I know is that everything on my profile is something I want 'in time' (friends first)..But on my first day here I give my number to one man who was nice but kept pushing the 'getting married' and 'having kids' bit with me on the phone..And talking about romance and love all those things..I want to talk about those things but with someone I love and care about..Guys please dont push..I hung up on him when he just didnt get it. And in return I got 5phone calls and countless im's and messages..prob. 30 in total..NO JOKE! And all that man did was just scare me away, take it easy on us woman too..And now I cant even be excited about this place because of this..Just kinda sucks you cant shot the shit with someone without being under pressure,And have to worry about who you give your number too...I hope this dosnt sound mean..lol I think it just sounds ****y..oh well..  | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/13/2006 11:37:53 PM | Hey i hear ya, all i get is this usually common "Your a great guy but there is no physical attraction" whenever I meet any women. So with that it has made me leery on meeting anyone again offline or I will be very selective.
I sure do not want to believe that all women are this way, but so far all i encounter is looks matter for the attraction than the personality...as many women tell me they cannot be attracted to someone for who they are, it has to be physical or no go...so then i wonder what the guys who lack that are to do..be friends with all when in fact you know that you are good enough for her?
Dating is just unreal these days.. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 2:17:37 AM | | Why is expecting physical attraction wrong or unreasonable? I agree that for a longer lasting relationship, there has to be more than mere phsyicality...but the initial attraction is almost always going to be on a physical level....whether it is a man or woman, the initial draw to another person is almost always going to be physical. I say, "almost always" because there are always exception such as for fame, stature, etc. that brings an initial attraction. But to contact a woman and say, "I am one smart guy" and expect her to swoon is unrealistic. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 4:01:06 AM | {Why is expecting physical attraction wrong or unreasonable? I agree that for a longer lasting relationship, there has to be more than mere phsyicality...but the initial attraction is almost always going to be on a physical level....whether it is a man or woman, the initial draw to another person is almost always going to be physical. I say, "almost always" because there are always exception such as for fame, stature, etc. that brings an initial attraction. But to contact a woman and say, "I am one smart guy" and expect her to swoon is unrealistic.}
Ozzie, expecting physical attraction is not bad and it is normal infact I mean we are human and we would like their to be a sense to cleanliness and it's good to see a person taking care of their hygien and just in general taking care of themselves.
Where the line is drawn is when some of our expectations become UNREALISTIC or shallow, and we are too wquick to judge a person over something silly. I think that is just pure laziness to just judge soemone over something silly and not take the time to get to know them in any way.
I would take the time to know someone and not judge them on the spot over soemthing that is really trivial. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 4:10:27 AM |
Where the line is drawn is when some of our expectations become UNREALISTIC or shallow, and we are too wquick to judge a person over something silly. I think that is just pure laziness to just judge soemone over something silly and not take the time to get to know them in any way.
See this comment I agree with and I have been a victim of numerous times...is what I basically meant by saying physical attraction seems so important now than who someone is.
What is someone who is unattractive to do? Give up? Or believe that someone ro people will like them for who they are? | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 4:20:22 AM | {See this comment I agree with and I have been a victim of numerous times...is what I basically meant by saying physical attraction seems so important now than who someone is.
What is someone who is unattractive to do? Give up? Or believe that someone ro people will like them for who they are?}
I have another issue and that deals with this statement that many people say regarding looks nad that is "well what one may find attractive , someone else may not" and things of that sort. The issue I have with that (especially is that is their response to a sound reasonable statement or concern or comment by someone), the problem I have with that is it seems to be a very vague and weak excuse and not really firm and frankly even lame and it just seems to me that many people are in denial of the fact that they are having issues with judging people in shallow ways and are not willling to see themselves and what they do and how that can and in many cases DOES hurt other people in their self-esteem, feelings, emotions, and mantally and so forth and even leads to depression and axniety and peole getting angery and irrate over being discriminated (speficially for shalllow things).
Thats what my points are about and frankly it does bother me seeing this sort of stuff going on. | |
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| Why do some women ignore what might be the best men for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 6:35:37 AM |
What is someone who is unattractive to do? Give up? Or believe that someone or people will like them for who they are?
Nobody, and I mean nobody, is completely, absolutely unattractive. But I've seen that most people is not willing to do the effort to improve themselves, justifying their laziness with the "shallowness" excuse.
So you have an ugly face? Well, work out and have a nice body. Find your best features and use them. Is your personality unattractive? well my friend, work and improve it.
Unfortunately, there are too many people saying: "you must like me for who I am". But I find a bit hard to like somebody if "who she is" is an overweight, ugly, ****y, dirty, unattractive slob (yes, I'm exaggerating for effect).
These people have already given up. They expect others making the effort. They expect others reaching out. They expect others changing their views. Everybody's responsibility, but theirs. If that's "who they are", no wonder they are alone. | |
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| Why do some people ignore others who might be best for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 7:34:43 AM | It's not just women doing this, it's men as well, and dating is more problematic than it was 10 or 20 years ago.
Basically dating has got much more competitive. Internet dating helps people be aware of potential partners that they wouldn't have met otherwise. This means people who make good partners are paradoxically LESS available than before internet dating. Because they are found and taken off the market.
Internet dating information overload encourages choosy people to become more choosy. Also, some people realize they are highly desirable due to overwhelming responses from potential partners. Therefore, they decide to be choosier compared to the time before they realized they were so "hot".
So the dating pool is different. There tend to be more bottomfeeders, or at least you are aware of the existence of these bottomfeeders. Primo partners are snapped up faster than ever--this makes first impressions even more important than ever.
It's not just internet dating that is causing this shift in dating behaviors. I think cell phones have a big influence on people's behaviors. Ever see two people in a bar talking on their cells to each other? I distinctly remember the first time I saw this. In the men's room a guy is on his cell talking to his buddy in the upstairs bar about how they were scoping the joint and discussing their wingman strategy. This was seven years ago!
So back to the original question. People often ignore who might be their most suitable partner because:
(1) They can. They are in extreme high demand and therefore pigeonhole you into an undateable category to simplify their complicated social life so they can meet someone not just good for them but TOTALLY hot.
(2) They are foolish. They see others doing (1) and overplay their dating hand, so to speak.
(3) They are naturally selective. They are looking for A,B,C,D and E, not A,B,C and D.
(4) They want to play the field. A "nice" person is passed over to ultimately spare their feelings.
I could come up with more stuff here, but I got to go back to work. | |
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| Why do some people ignore others who might be best for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 9:07:17 AM | I think most people don't understand the physiology of attraction. I don't mean to be general but if your ability to attract people that work for you in a relationship sense then chances are you're not going to be on POF.
If your 'laws' of attraction aren't working for you it's because you are accessing you personal issues and acting them out through the people you draw to yourself. I find it absolutely shocking that anyone beyond their 30's hasn't taken a good hard look at the failure rate of their 'attractions' in their lives and taken steps to look beyond it. It's just an example of people not wanting to own their own 'stuff' in my opinion.
Personally I know that I'm attracted to the 'wrong' people and I know why. That's why I give people time to express themselves to me and 'become' attractive to me. And yes in my experience it has happened. My experience though is women who are friends then you become 'involved' with change. But that's a new thread! | |
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| Why do some people ignore others who might be best for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 9:23:44 AM | | haha I have female friends for the past 10-15 years and I liked them when we first met...there is no way they would date me if they were paid!! Once friends always friends and nothing more is what most women say about thier guy friends even though they will compliment you to death and see alot in you than others...is how it goes, friends do not get involved... | |
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| Why do some people ignore others who might be best for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 9:53:31 AM |
haha I have female friends for the past 10-15 years and I liked them when we first met...there is no way they would date me if they were paid!! Once friends always friends and nothing more is what most women say about thier guy friends even though they will compliment you to death and see alot in you than others...is how it goes, friends do not get involved...
I have to disagree with you on this one. Have dated friends before - they were my friends before and they are still my friends!! My respect and love (yes love - I don't believe in love at first site, I believe in lust at first site that grows into love over the years, whether it's for a friend or a partner) for them has not diminished because of this either. There are a myriad of reasons why it didn't work out, but mostly stupidity on both our parts. When you know someone as a friend, you can get to know them well without that agenda sticking in your head, and you can make an even better decision as to whether this person is right for you. Someone you met a few years ago, dated, didn't work out, but you continue to see them because your friends are in the same crowd - then bang! one day you both realize you really "like" each other. Gotta like someone to even begin to love them. Again though, what might seem as an obvious match to others is not for the two people involved. | |
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| Why do some people ignore others who might be best for them?
Posted: 4/14/2006 10:13:48 AM | ^^^I think it works for some but not many.
For me perosnally, I have way more female friends than male friends and most I met way back in my late teens/early 20's and like dthem when i first met them. Now we are great friends, share with one another our dating ups and downs, ask for advise, annoy one another, go to lunch. But will never go anywhere else...even though they will say they think i am a good looking guy because they know me peronoally, yet most women for example say I am an average looking guy. And I am sure there are traits that they like about me that they look for in guys as I will admit that a few have traits I admire and look for in women...but can bet my life not one would change thier mind after all these years and date me...so happens for some but not many I think. | |
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