| | How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I think the honest approach is best. "just not feeling it in person" type thing.
I dont agree with they lying or saying that you will set him up with a "friend" because he should know there isnt one and if he thinks there is then it just gives him hope and another let down. I have continued to have good online friends that didnt work out in the real world. Just because there isnt a connection in person doensnt mean that the friendship has to end.
Just try to find a nice way of saying it.
A few years back when i first tried this online idea i met a woman and we chatted for a bit and when we met up she told me after about 5-10 mins that i wasnt really her type. I wa sa little shocked as i figured she had seen my pics and a bit disappointed. I said that was fine but would she still like to go out as we had only just met up and hadnt actually gone anywhere yet. She said yes and we went and had a nice afternoon together. we knew there was no romance in the picture and so it was just a relaxing time having coffee and talking.
From these threads I have the impression that most men are thinking they are going to be getting "something" whenever they are meeting someone for a date. I go with the attitude that it is for friendship. IF it turns out that you hit it off then the next time you can think of it more of a date with the possibility that it will develop into something. That way there is no need to let anyone down. When you next chat online and say "hey I really had fun and want to see you" they can say "well i did too but i only see you as a friend and dont want to lead you on".
Honesty is always the best policy. better to get hurt from the start than to let them spend a long time wondering and probably annoying you by trying to ask you out again.
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 7:20:52 PM | insecure or spoiled guys might have a problem with the honesty but its good to weed those buggers out anyway. Be honest, tell them "wow you are really annoying and smell bad" or whatever it is thats truely on your mind. Maybe they will bathe or re-evaluate their social skills...
Wow there's two of you out there looking that hot... | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 8:34:31 PM | | It's funny how you can hit it off so great online, then meet in person and discover...it's just not carrying over. It happens and the best thing to do is admit it and be upfront in a nice way. I've had it happen to me...sure we all have at one time. But funny thing, even though we didn't click right away in person, maybe because both of our expectations were a little high...we continued to be friends and now talk a few times a week on the phone. One of the best friends I have now. Sometimes, we just aren't compatable as a couple, but can still gain a great friendship...so fess up everyone...just do it very gently... | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 8:58:27 PM | | I'm reading these answers and I think it's so ironic that the men are saying, just be honest - tell them you didn't feel a connection and move on. However, most men (I'm trying not to generalize) would rather cut off their arms than tell a woman he's not interested in dating her. Why is that, gentlemen? If you guys appreciate honesty, then why wouldn't you think women would appreciate it, as well? | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:38:03 PM | | Really! What loser would be "heart-broken" - if someone told them that there isn't a connection? We are talking about a couple of dates - right? A very desperate loser would feel rejected on-line! Tell them straight-up! Call the jerks what they are, and say you "just don't feel it" with the tender souls. That should be easy enough, and you should bear no guilt. Who has the right to make you feel bad about not being interested? | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 9:52:31 PM | This is something that has never been a problem for me, and I think that generally is because I feel I know the person pretty well, and like him, before I've met him.
I just say it, straight up "You know what? I don't feel like ripping off your clothes at all. Damn, can we be friends you think?"
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 10:06:35 PM | | Well Liz the first thing a person should be happy that you were honest, sometimes what a person she in each is so different. To feel quilty about telling someone that friends is the way it going to be is not setting someone up for dissappointment. Expectations can be high sometimes. But to continue on with email etc, well we all should be mature enough to allow that not to fog our brains. Even if we are guy, sorry joke, sometimes a friend (opposite sex) is the best thing a person can have and even help with some of the dating questions. Life is funny who know later on in life this friendship heaven forgives might cross the bridge and evolve into something special | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 10:19:20 PM | I think a solid....but courtious "no thanks" is always the best.
I usually have a hard time saying that myself.
The presure is strong... " to at least be friends"
Then the new "friend"....want's to I/M every time you sign on..
Sometimes " No thanks" ain't enough.
Blink.....Block | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 4/13/2006 10:47:22 PM | asking a dumbass, who just wants a quickie, that you "just want to be friends" is giving him two choices: (1) Go brokeback mountain and be in 'platonic love' (2) "how about now?....how about now?..."
The guys treat "let's be friends" statement from the gals as UNambiguous, because they truly believe in the "ladder theory"...go ahead, ask your 'date' about it...heck, ask ANY of your female/male acquaintances if a heterosexual couple can be 'just friends' and you'll get an almost resounding "no, they'd be lying to themselves" (you'll get the rare minority that'll profess 'platonic love' as the exception that proves the rule)
If you get a guy who calls the "let's be friends" statement as "ambiguous" then it's obvious he's in denial. "ladder theory" says that once on the "friend ladder" that it's almost impossible to get on the "sex ladder"
Two ladders; Two choices. That's what the prevailing wisdom says about what a woman sees...call it 'chemistry' if you want.
I personally call it shallow bullshit made up by players for players. But, that's just my opinion. | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 5/4/2006 10:29:14 PM | The answer is rather simple if the picture is not 10 years old and you click well on the phone then meet. If you click somewhat but the person appears to be sane then you can meet too. But if you are just basing it on pure looks and you have nothing in common you are asking for trouble.
As for how do you tell someone you are not interested. If the person has any brains at all they will figure it out without you having to open your mouth. However if they can't figure it out its usually not worth wasting the time and effort and you might have to deal with something even worse; the possibility of a huge series of why questions. | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 5/4/2006 11:14:32 PM | I met a girl on here.. after the second date, she said she didn't feel the chemistry. While I was not happy about it, I accepted it and thanked her (honestly) for being up front. I never talked to her again.
It's a fact of life with internet dating. If someone can't accept it, it's their problem. At least you were honest. No point in beating around the bush and giving them false hope. | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 5/5/2006 9:36:30 PM | I agree...
But how the heck can you feel rejected when there are so many other fish in the sea.. big deal.. move on..
I don't feel like we have a connection is the best way for either sexes.. or take the **** way out and don't return email or phone calls..
Geez... peeps.. read a book on codependancy ... | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:37:35 PM | There's a simple explanation as to why women say "let's just be friends" instead of the more devastating "I'm not interested in you". Women are in general raised to be nurturing and to never heart people's feelings. Like it or not, women are still the only ones who can have a baby and feel the nurturing connection the most. Hence, it's difficult for a woman to just say "not interested" for fear of the hurt it may cause.
I would suggest being honest and just say you're not interested. There's no reason however not to stay in touch as friends because women have women friends who may be more suitable or interested in the fish being rejected that they can introduce them to and vice versa for the man (i.e., introduce the woman to their perhaps more compatible friends). We may not all be suited for each other but it doesn't hurt to help others find their ideal mate. You shouldn't make it your full-time or even part-time job to do this but If you just happen to know someone, why not introduce them? This is also another "non-virtual", no-typring-required old fashioned form of POF. | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 4:56:31 PM | See, this is why I don't believe in the 'email for 6 months, then phone for 6 months, then meet' theory. Because during that time even if you haven't met, you are developing a kinship with that person, and feelings on one level or another. Maybe you traded personal stories you don't normally share which usually has the effect of bringing you closer to someone.
But then you meet and are shocked to discover you feel nothing towards this person in the physical sense. Just, nothing. Now you have not only wasted months upon months of each others time, but now you have some feelings to deal with until they fade.
I believe in using the internet to increase the number of people you have initial contact with, NOT to keep them at bay until you have spent a year talking to them.
I haven't met anyone from pof yet, but if someone is going to tell me we need to chat on email for a set # of months, then phone calls for a while, I'm gone. I much prefer the old way of walking up to someone you think is interesting and striking up a conversation. If there is no spark, you've only lost 2 mnutes of your time. And you don't have a year's worth of history to make you hope you can make it work anyway.
It's just unfortunate that with today's busy lives you don't really meet people as easily as you used to and that's why sites like pof come into existance.
Oh, and to answer the question, I would say 'I'm sorry we spent so much time getting to know each other on the net, causing you to really like me a lot but gosh darn it, now that I see you in person I really don't like you.' lol j/k. I would throw a lie in there. Something like 'my baby's daddy is out of jail again, so I'm going back to him.' | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:06:23 PM | Get off the email train .In other words ..rather than stretching out the email for MONTHS ,(when you talk to someone that long its hard to not have some kind of a bond.) meet sooner or tell him in your many emails that if we meet, its as friends and then you can go from there . You have to be blunt or youll keep ending up in your scenario...Good luck ... | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:07:32 PM | The most neutral and truthful message is "I don't feel we'd be compatible". NOt feeling chemistry, not interested, implies a hint of some flaw in you and that's why so many people shy away from saying anything that would hurt someone's feelings. If you're not interested then you wouldn't be compatible, if there's no chemistry, same thing. Saying you wouldn't be compatible makes it much less something about just them but something about both of you not being the right fit.  | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:11:51 PM | "Guys don't seem to get the "lets be friends line","
I sure do. The only way they could be any clearer is with a "no, thank you". And like I've probably posted here already, I sure do appreciate efforts like that. | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:14:36 PM | This is an excellent post because I was just blocking them and avoiding them, but I guess there are better ways lol I just wasn't able to tell them that I wasn't interested, I just didn't want to hurt their feelings, thanks for this post | |
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Ninki
| | Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 47 | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:22:10 PM | I think it is both classy and respectful for a man to politely tell me that he's not feeling a romantic connection with me after a first meet, if that's the case. And, I certainly am not offended if he offers friendship. In fact, I will sometimes suggest friendship. If someone has qualities that I admire, that doesn't change just because there's no spark.
I try to treat men with the same respectful attitude when letting them know that I'm not interested in them as a mate.
Of course, if a man reveals himself to be unstable or scary, then I will extricate myself as quickly as possible, without explanation. I will try to be unoffensive, but my safety always comes first. | |
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| How to tell a man that you are not interested after meeting.
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:00:58 PM | Well, telling him that you are not attracted to him sounds like good advice. But, it doesn't always work.
I tried that and the guy told me that attraction was not that important. That LOVE IS A CHOICE and that if I wanted to, I could DECIDE to like him and live happily ever after. He said
people who let emotions run their lives always end up in failed relationships.
How would you respond to that?
I can't wait to read your responses! | |
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