Tansi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 301 | |
| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:44:31 AM | Tink
There are no slim pickin's of any age or gender here. We have the creme de la creme of folks around here. C'mon down girl. Always a spare bed here to help out a fellow fishergirl.
I'll put the coffee on. West Jet flies right in here and it's only an hour. I'll pick you up. No excuses now huh?  | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/9/2006 12:34:34 PM |
Well, Tink, that's a good point, but doesn't the same logic dictate that attrition will proportionately cut down the number of hunters as well as the number of prey?
In the US, I think we lost MORE hunters than prey in our age group....think about it. The Vietnam War took over 58,000 mostly men and mostly of the baby boomer generation. POF makes it look like there are more men than women, but in reality, I don't think that is the case. At least not in the USA. (I'm assuming that you are calling men the hunters, although I realize that is no longer necessarily the case.)
~DC~ | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/9/2006 12:44:30 PM | As much as the men have been considered the hunters in the past mindset of society, computers in general were considered boy toys for a long time. In the early days of the dial up, one at a time, text only BBS systems, way back like the early 80s, and even well into the high speed, graphic, animated web as we know it, there was maybe 1 female user for every 100 male users. That chasm has slowly narrowed in the last 5 or so years. I have a feeling that in the context of this discussion, which is who chases who, the men will generally be the aggressors, and given the high profile news coverage of sexually related crimes against women, possibly a lot of women won't use systems like this. With the stalking and the child preditors, it can be a scary thing for someone, man OR woman, new to this with no experience of what to look for.
I have seen and worked with, in the last 5 years, some outstanding female techs, and there is simply no reason that computers and the internet should be a male dominated playground any more. The best IT director I have worked under to this day was female. The sexist gap is closing quickly, and with that, more women are online, and the rule of numbers says that more of them find their way to the online dating world. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:14:16 PM | Boy OH Boy I was all ready to head for the west coast, but the ladies there have as many age restrictions as the toronto area. Maybe TEXAS | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:37:37 PM | Yeah, I agree that this venue is a scary route to go for women first getting into it. I have a girlfriend who has been doing this for years, and her and my daughter kept trying to talk me into it, but I was having no part of that!!!! The idea just terrified me...(I'm such a sissy...lol!)
As I heard about more and more people who have done it...with success, even!!!...and heard about it more through the media, I started warming up to it more.
I'm sure that the more women who can come out of it, (successful in their search or not), without a horror story to tell, the more popular it will become. After all, meeting people in bars isn't so safe, either.
~DC~ | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/9/2006 8:59:30 PM | I have been a very heavy computer user (in my work) since 1981 (proud Apple guy - never had anything else). When I got the “I need to go find out who I am” crappola three years ago - online seemed totally logical to me. Since I have never been all that into bars - it is even more logical - since I have worked from a home office for like 18 years now - it is the ONLY logical thing for me.
Even if you are so picky (like me) to the point of - being so picky it is stOOpid (like me) you can STILL find some potential matches online if you look look look look for them. Sure many of my potential matches are after a 25 year old stud muffin (which I ain’t) but a few of them still believe in male/female chemistry being more important than their check boxes.
The downside for me is - the gals see my age FIRST - in real life they would see ME first. Also the CAST IN STONE - check boxes cause some people to be locked out that just may be an exception. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 5:35:21 AM | I agree with DC, it was a scary thought to go on line to meet someone...but I know people who are doing it and in fact 3 people I know meet there now husbands on line....
I always make sure I tell someone who I am meeting and where it will be...not that it makes me safe but I have that support from my friends..we make arrangements for her to call me at some point during the date... Or I go to a place where I am known to meet...
So far it's all been good....
Ron...I agree...it seems men/woman have this criteria as to who they want to go out with ...wheter they think because your an older woman you can teach them something or it's a I want a casual affair...
A friend told me sometimes you have to kiss a lot of toads before the prince/princess might come along...
So don't get discouraged...who knows what the future has in store...it sure is fun meeting some very interesting people...I have gotten a very good education since being on line  | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 5:57:02 AM |
we make arrangements for her to call me at some point during the date
The bail out phone call. Low rent.
If you don't like the guy, you say "I'm sorry. I don't see any spark here." and leave. That junior high study hall nonsense of the panic stricken phone call is bush league.
As far as the 3 you know who met their husbands here, how about the 3000 who have had disasters? Optimism is fine, but reality is the king over optimism's deuce. That's the same logic as "I know women here who went out and the guy got grabby." Whether the assessment is pro or con, you can not generalize over a few specific situations.
All in all, online dating is a back up plan at best. People who bet their future on POF hookups are in for a huge letdown.
That may not be the popular thing to say, but as I said, reality..... | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:13:41 AM | Well, as I have mentioned, the pickings are not slim, there are quite a few older women out there looking for someone. The problem is finding one that is even semi-compatible and wants the same thing I do from a relationship. Now finding one like that is very slim pickings. I suppose if I were a “citizen” with my hair cut short, and shaved, and wearing Dockers and sports shirts and was into all the things a lot of guys my age are, I would have no problem finding someone. But that sure isn’t me and I see no reason to change who I am just to find a woman.
I did that years ago, back then I was a regular chameleon. I would change who I was just to get and keep a woman and do anything not to be alone. Well, the older I get, the more I find that I am finding that I like being single and like the way I am and enjoy my solitude.
So, I guess, the “Pickings” Census depends on who you are and what you want from a relationship. For some of us guys, the pickings ARE slim…for others, there is no problem finding a woman from the many choices available….
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 6:17:54 AM | And if you went the route of the haircut and Dockers, hangin out with other yuppies shooting pool and having a real "bull session" like the commercials, would you really still be you, or a plastic replica?
And there's your problem right there......
A lot of people want to fit the mold. I prefer to break it. From your photo and comments you are more like me than them.
Isn't it nice to be able to just be yourself?  | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 12:15:29 PM | You got it... Back before I came to the conclusion that I needed to be "Me" (who ever that is, for better or worse) I let one of my girlfriends turn me into one of those clones or clowns or whatever. I hated every second of it because I wasn't that person. Oh sure I tried to fit in, and it just didn't work. I am glad to be me and even if it means I have to stay single and alone the rest of my life, fine. I have friends so I won't be lonely..in fact sometimes I wish I could be left alone so I could have some "me time"... The only thing in my life missing is physical contact. Otherwise I am fine being me.
As the song goes, you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself. And that is what I am doing... Here's to all the Outlaws and Outcasts out there...   
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 2:19:05 PM |
I did that years ago, back then I was a regular chameleon. I would change who I was just to get and keep a woman and do anything not to be alone. Well, the older I get, the more I find that I am finding that I like being single and like the way I am and enjoy my solitude.
Oh, I had that trick pulled on me before, and it's sure not a 'good thing'. All the things he claimed to like before we were together...and DID at the beginning of the relationship, were things he HATED to do!!! When I asked him why he pretended to enjoy those things, if he didn't.....his answer was, "I loved you so much, I would've done whatever it took to have you" My answer?..."Oh great! So now you've made us BOTH miserable!" That makes a lot of sense...and it's not like we were kids....unless you call people in their 30's kids!!!
That was the LEAST compatible relationship I ever had...and no wonder!
The pickings are only as slim as you want them to be....we all have our 'deal breakers', but if someone is worth it, there can be some 'compromising' without giving it ALL up...just don't give up who you are.....that isn't fair to either of you!!!
~DC~ | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 7:12:33 PM | Yeah don’t you hate that. I have had several relationships that the person I finally got with was totally different after we got together. There was the one I mentioned who liked the way I was when we were dating but once it became serious and we lived together she started the changes. And then there was the woman who just loved to do all sort of playing and trying new things and wearing all sorts of sexy clothes until we got together and then suddenly, she became “Little Miss Prude” and if I asked her to wear something sexy I got the “I am not a tramp” etc. routine. Why the sudden change? I have no clue.
Yes I agree there should be some compromises in a relationship, but it should be equal. Having one person do all the giving and one all the taking just doesn’t work… When I said that the pickings were slim for me, what I was referring to was the fact that finding someone near my age who enjoys even some of my interests is a bit difficult. I can live with the fact that she might not want to go to Goth Clubs or listen to Goth Music, but it would be nice to alternate back and forth…go where she wants one time and where I want the next. And we listen to her music this time and mine the next…
Also, decor is a problem. Will she like lots of Gargoyles? Will she think having a buzzard in the front yard is cool? And I suppose painting the bedroom black is out... ROFLMAO...
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 9:04:52 PM | Eddie
Why are you being so negative...no where did I say that if the date was going badly I would use the phone call to bail out on someone...the remark was meant to help put my friends at ease to be able to call me and check to make sure I am ok...if I travel a distance to meet someone my friends are concerned so if they call me they can then feel better that I am ok...not to bail out on the person...I have no problem telling someone it isn't working between us.
I was just saying that so far the people I know who have done on line dating have had good experiences that's all...be it they got married or had a relationship for awhile or just meet and became friends...whatever the case was....
I understand that this my not be the ideal place or way to meet someone...and I understand there are possibly many disastrous situations that have accured. I am being realistic....
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:13:05 PM | hlady -you made me laugh with the " before you meet your handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs". I say that to my friends so often, one of them bought me a broach with it on it.
And yes this may not be the ideal place to meet someone but when you don't do bars,
and churches ( I believe in God, just not too fond of churches, I'd rather say my prayers in a forest or on a lake) and most of your friends are married - there aren't a heck of a lot of options left.
I understood what you meant about your friends calling you - I have orders to check in with my friends after each and every date - nice that they worry about me but I usually pick a Tim Horton's during the day for the first meeting - they have nice big windows that look out onto their parking lot and I make sure to park right where everyone looking out can see you ( it also gives my "date" a chance to run for the hills if he doesn't like what he sees lol)
Being yourself has to be one of the most important things as anything else would be the same as lying. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 5:17:02 AM |
no where did I say that if the date was going badly I would use the phone call to bail out on someone
And did I say YOU? I said getting a phone call during a date WHEN CELL PHONES SHOULD BE TURNED OFF, is extremely rude, and don't even try to tell me that MOST women don't plan that call as an escape route.
Most of you people here take every little comment and apply it to one specific situation that only you know about and then run with your indignant responses.
People call you to check if you are ok? How old are you???? In your 50's you still need someone being mommy and checking up on you? (Let me reply for you. 'It's different for a man'.)
Of course, this is only my opinion and not what everybody thinks, but I would have more respect for you if you said "I think you are a big fat ugly disgusting woman-hating pig and I don't want to be around you one more second" as you left the table than if you excused yourself with a phony and transparent pre-arranged phone call.
"He was climbing Mt Everest and fell off? OH MY GOD!!!!!"
"All 4 engines fell of the plane and he died? OH MY GOD!!!"
"The tornado hit just MY house? OH MY GOD!!!!"
And these kind of b*llsh!t games are why the pickin's are slim. I got out of high school in 1969. I hoped this kind of nonsense would end then. Apparently not.
Here's how I do things. If I invited you out to dinner, there is no question who pays. I pay. I invited you, you are my guest, I get the check. You invite me, you can pay (and in fact I prefer that! ) We go to our table, where (like it or not) I pull your chair out for you. While seated at the table, I take out my phone and say "I'm here to get acquainted with you, not to talk on the phone. Let me turn this off." And if you don't get that hint, we have a problem already. If your cell phone (which again, should be OFF out of courtesy to your date) rang, I would tell you politely yet in a "this isn't negotiable" tone of voice "Since you feel in such peril being out with me in this public restaraunt that at themoment has 150 people in it that you have to have that bogus phone call come in, why don't you just go ahead and leave now and tell your wingman that everything is okay." That phone call is THE most insulting thing you can do to a another human being and I won't ever speak to you again for insulting me that way. And if it is a real phone call, whatever it is can wait an hour.
Everybody wants to play these stupid games and validate it with the safety card. Nobody trusts, nobody cares about hurting other people.... Sad society these days. And I use the term "society" lightly. If you don't feel safe meeting someone, don't meet people. It isn't an issue for me because of my confidence level, as I tend to walk into a room and immediately take it over. Yes, I have a swagger to my step, and whether people think I have that right or not is their concern, not mine. I walk with confidence and poise at all times. That's just my aura. (Probably from playing in some of the best bands in Ohio, and earlier than that being a good athlete and having a good amount of spotlight in my younger days.) Others are so shy they have actually gone to places and chickened out right in the parking lot, and to those people I pose the question "Then why even go?" I don't play games and wish others didn't either.
Now watch how soon the posting of assualt statistics begins.....
Assault... unbelievable that your first thought is the the man wants to assault you. And you call ME negative.....
Know what? Not of one of those stats was me so they do not apply. N/A. Doesn't involve me. | |
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Tansi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 319 | |
| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:04:49 AM | There have been lots and lots of tv programs, and articles written, recommending to women that they use the "phone call". People get their information where they get it. (Doesn't mean they sit in front of the tv. (It could have been in discussion around the water tower at work)
Not everyone has had a lot of experience with this type of dating. Some have had no dating experience at all. I expect they are looking for as many options as possible to make themselves feel comfortable and safe.
Some have dated half the state in their days in the spotlight but I am not sure others discomfort or inexperience should be judged harshly by those people. Maybe suggestions on how to make a date more safe and comfortable would be more helpful.
As for assuming that any phone call is one of "the phone calls", perhaps you may want to have that discussion, or one more courteous, before you make the date and then check before you enter the restaurant of "150 people". There are some situations or emergencies that "can't" wait an hour. i.e. "Your dog just got violently ill" or "You wanted that Lexus you bought for Eddie delivered to which restaurant?"  Be nice. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:35:57 AM | Wow 52 hits! are you sure??? if thats the case I'm sure you will find some
wonder of a woman very soon ,,,Hand in there!!! D | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:47:20 AM | ^^^ I think Eddie was referring to 52 "matches" and not 52 "hits". I believe he explained it in an earlier thread.
Tink | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 2:51:30 PM | Thanks Whisper
Glad I made you laugh....I agree too I don't go to bars/church so I have chosen to take this avenue..and so far it's been positive... | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 6:06:50 PM |
There are some situations or emergencies that "can't" wait an hour.
What'd you do before cell phones when your first meeting was a picnic in a local park? | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:23:08 PM | | "It isn't an issue for me because of my confidence level, as I tend to walk into a room and immediately take it over." This attitude would make pickin's slim. | |
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Tansi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 325 | |
| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 5/12/2006 2:20:13 PM | Eddie
I don't like the cell phone thing either. I don't even own one. Don't want one either. Just making a point.. Just a natural born problem solver I guess. 
Slimmer pickins? Still say no.  Life is great. Lots of the folks on here never even tested the waters before. Lots in my age group married right out of high school, so they don't have those years to compare it to. Lots of great pickins and this site proves that. Just that some screen so many out I think. We never had the luxury of knowing so much about them before these sites. (good, bad or indifferent) | |
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