| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 5:53:55 PM | Okay, before anyone else freaks out over the term "baggage", how about if we all decide on a working definition? Maybe we can define baggage as "anything from your past that will cause us any inconvenience or problems in the future". That includes my not dealing with a sociopathic ex spouse, not taking on the responsibility of your small children if I prefer to not foot the bills that go along with young children, making sure you stick with your drug rehab, improving your poor financial condition caused by bankruptcy, any warrants you may have outstanding, etc..... I am not a social worker looking for someone to rescue. I am not a rich philanthropist looking for a new favorite charity. I am not here to bail you out from a bad past. I am here hoping to meet a quality person with whom I can build a pleasant future.
THAT is what the "baggage" discussion is all about. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 6:06:43 PM |
The reason older people seem less in desire is because those who do allow themselves to wallow in self pity, anger, bitterness, jaded, or unwilling to try new things is society's perception of us. Unfortunately, the dating pool seems to be jaded by those few who convey such an "attitude"
Sorry, I missed the point of this entirely. What's the stuff about wallowing in self piy so that I seem less in desire??
Signed, confounded | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 6:12:12 PM | "THAT is what the "baggage" discussion is all about."
eastsideeddie - Thanks for your wise words.
This is the total reason why we are facing "Slimmer pickin's when we get older. Weeding out the people with this baggage is a time consuming job. We have managed to work through our baggage - how hard can the next step of finding the right person be in comparison. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 6:22:47 PM | You couldn't follow that tarheel? She was saying that people who have allowed themselves to become jaded by the past are likely to be overly cautious and maybe not be willing to take a risk on meeting someone. And that men may view women who fit that description as being in the "don't bother" group.
I have met women in the past who talked about nothing BUT how much they hate their ex. For hours on end. I had nothing to do with that, and I don't care to hear about it. Why would I want to get involved with someone with such a vindictive streak I'd have to live in fear that she'll do that to me next?
Thank you, but this is no longer my phone number and I don't live here anymore. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 6:35:49 PM |
"anything from your past that will cause us any inconvenience or problems in the future".
What ever happened to the present?
I think baggage is anything that stops you from being in the present. People are goal (future)oriented when it comes to careers and other personal endevors. The screening that seems to be going on here is the past to the future, and nothing in the present.
I could be wrong
...then again.... | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:31:05 PM | | I am having the same problem, 50 miles, maybe I should check the 100 mile box. Yahoo was full of Yahoo's, maybe that's how they got the name. I receive hits from men who think I'm the best thing since peanut butter and jelly, then they fall off the planet, what's up with that anyway ? Since I'm in New York you would think I would have a better chance, I am 108lbs and in what I think is good shape. So maybe I'll try match.com. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:38:22 PM | eastsideeddie let be friends...Sorry, I didn't mean to freak out about "baggage" just don't like it linked to kids or grandkids...I certainly agree that everyone comes with some type of left over baggage from there past. 
"BAGGAGE"
["anything from your past that will cause us any inconvenience or problems in the future"] I like this defintion 
So now that we are older and have learned from our past all the things we don't want to be a part of our future just except the slim pickens and hope that a friend -- companion and possible lover will be found and if not.. look at all the people you get to meet along the way...
THE GOOD ---THE BAD ----THE UGLY---and whatever ever else is out there
 OH, that could be scary 
How's that | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/15/2006 7:50:13 PM | A lot of my views on the "baggage" issue come from the fact that women say I have a lot of baggage. I don't think I have ANY baggage but I can't change what anybody else thinks.
I burn bridges, do a core dump, erase my memory bank.. you can choose the metaphor that you prefer. Either way the point is that when something is over for me it is over, gone, done with, no film at 11. I think dwelling on negatives from the past is completely counter productive. Taking knowledge from the past is not the same as dwelling in it, and that's what I try to do.
How many of you have ever said "I wish I was 25 again knowing what I know now?"
Well, you don't get the 25 part but you do get the benefit of learning from a mistake. Or 3 in my case.... | |
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| YO EDDIE....
Posted: 4/16/2006 1:07:15 PM | CONGRATULATIONS MAN....FINALLY IVE SEEN SOMEONE WHOS NOT AFRAID TO STAND UP FOR QUALITY....
I FIND THE CHEAP..TACKY...LOW CLASS MIDSET OF MOST WOMEN TO BE A MAJOR TURNOFF...
MOST OF THEM COULDNT USE A SEWING MACHINE COMPETENTLY IF THEIR LIVES DEPENEDED ON IT....
MOST OF THEM CANT ACTUALLY COOK ...THEY JUST THINK THEY CAN....
MOST OF THEM HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT HOW TO PROPERLY DECORATE THE HOME... THE NEW EXCUSE IS " IM ECLITIC " SO THEY CAN THROW ANY 6 PEICES OF JUNK TOGETHER AND CALL IT DONE...
MOST OF THEM HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO RELATE ON ANY LEVEL IF IT DOESNT INVOLVE SEX, ALCHOL, OR FIGHTING...
TRY TALKING TO THEM ABOUT POLITICS..OR HISTORICAL EVENTS... ALL YOU GET IS "IM A LIBERAL AND AMERICA IS BAD FOR THE WORLDS HISTORY"
THEY SMOKE...DRINK..AND PLAY POOL AND THINK THEIR ALL THAT.... WHAT A WASTE OF A LIFE...
THEY RAISE CHILDREN THAT ARE ILL MANNERED... RUDE...STUPID
NO..A REAL WOMAN IS HARD TO FIND...IN FACT...ALMOST AN ENDANGERED SPECIES...\
IT TAKES MORE WORK THAN MOST ARE EVEN WILLING TO CONSIDER..MUCH LESS DO...
BUT GOOD LUCK MAN.... | |
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| YO EDDIE....
Posted: 4/16/2006 1:36:07 PM | ^^^ Had a few bad experiences, have we?
By the way, would you be so kind as to take the "caps lock" off when you are typing. It is very annoying to read everthing in capital letters and in computer language is means anger and rudeness. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/16/2006 1:50:13 PM | | Of course there's slimmer pickin's when you're older. But there's someone out there for everyone. Nice to hear about you and your dog; people who love animals are better for it. Sorry Eddie, no advice from you - but believe in fate. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/16/2006 3:07:09 PM | | Well, 'Eastdide' dude, just try finding a lady wanting a life of romance, leisure, and adventure. WOW, you actually have a choice from 6 from your immediate area. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/16/2006 3:50:07 PM | Well, Jimbo, part of it is that my preferences whittle it down a lot.
There are 104 women between my stated age range of 44-52 and within 25 miles.
Of those 104, 53 do not have a photo. I will not contact a woman with no photo. It is a matter of principle to me and I've been clear on that point in another thread. If you get to see me, I should get to see you.
Of the remaining 51, 22 of them smoke. That is not a negotiable item for me. Smoking is an absolute deal breaker. Down to 29.
Of those 29, 10 of them either look like they are in their 60s, are males dressed in women's clothes, or in one case the photo looks like a mug shot from a woman's prison. People are free to say that makes me shallow, but I won't date someone that I find so unattractive I can't even look at them. Down to 19.
Of the remaining 19, 9 have small kids or grandkids still at home. My point of view on that has been covered in detail on the forums. I am simply not interested in taking on that responsibility again. Down to 10.
Of those last 10, 4 have profiles so poorly written (terrible spelling, terrible punctuation and terrible grammar, all written in the language of the country where they grew up and have lived for 44-52 years) that they appear to be constructed by people who don't likely have an IQ of even 100. Mine is 162. Do you think that would make a good match? What kind of conversations do you think we could have? This is your only chance to make a first impression. Take a little care to write your profile correctly.
That leaves me with 6, in a metro area of 1,500,000. And of those six, it is very likely that 5 (or maybe all 6) of them wouldn't like ME.
And that's why I have a dog and several hobbies.  | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/16/2006 4:51:01 PM |
you couldn't follow that tarheel? She was saying that people who have allowed themselves to become jaded by the past are likely to be overly cautious and maybe not be willing to take a risk on meeting someone. And that men may view women who fit that description as being in the "don't bother" group.
Thanks. It was the phrasing "in desire" which threw me. Probably meant the same as "in demand", I guess.
Thanks for the new blog entry. Not really up to your usual vitriolic comments, and not applicable to someone like myself, who surfed the net to find out whether it was cheaper to get married in NY, NH, Vt, or Maine by a justice of the peace. There is no way I'd spend that much money on a wedding. A house, yes. Even a good dog. But a wedding? Ridiculous.
The answer is Vermont. | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/16/2006 5:22:39 PM | Well, this last one, there was no way in hell I was going to get away with a quickie marriage in the judge's chambers and then sneak off for a honeymoon. She had to have everybody she ever knew there. I felt like I was a dog in the Westminster show.
Particularly for the next 4 years until we seperated.....
I'll say, she treated me like a king.
Remembering that king is one of the most popular names people give their dogs..... | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/17/2006 1:55:52 AM | Well just to add my two cents worth: the pic thing , I really never had a pic off my self.
and really i think it's a girl thing, most guys , well the ones i know don't walk arround with pic off them selves, so if a guy has a problem getting a pic to send out it must really be a special event, and as far as this think off being over fourty, well i just do remember that one,
try sixety, I find my self after being an intertainer half my life, and playing the clubs where women were not a problem, into one day waking up to well im sory but i don't date men that old. or just too much difference in our age bracket, or to that effect it really sucks,
In my mind im still the cutup funny guy i've always been , and now it doesn't matter,
even if your still active at most sports and work at something every day it still the cold bed at night . so any off you old bag out there like to indoor skydive or set a speed record on water let em know . first one there and last one too leave, oh before i forget it must be sexually active,,,, | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/17/2006 4:10:13 AM | GESH!!!! A whole lot of  going on here. Be thankful u have those ladies to chat with. Been on here long enough myself to put up one of those sappy threads(I give up, quitting pof!) but i'm still here. LOL The only time i chat with anyone is thru these forums and I have no restrictions on my profile except age. If u want something bad enough, go after it with open eyes and open mind. Chances of ms. right being right next door(or within 50miles) aren't the greatest odds. So put a little more effort into it and seek out what u really want, no matter where her location is. Whats the worse that can happen? U dont get e returned, or they say no thanks, OR..u might come across her and then u have to put up or shut up!!! (meant in a good way) | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/17/2006 4:52:26 AM | | Hi, Match .com is partly a scam If you don't join & just browse around, they start sending you mail that "so&so" is "winking" at you or you have e-mails, so you need to join to recieve them, when you join no one gets back to you! I was on there last spring & learned my lesson | |
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| Slimmer pickin's when you get older?
Posted: 4/17/2006 5:28:52 AM | Reading about baggage, preferences, absolute requirements, must haves, must nots, etc., explains to me why the pickin's, if not the people, seem slim.
Flexibility is the key to interacting successfully with other people. The more flexible we can be, the more we can enjoy being with others. This is to suggest that dating diversity is a good thing.
The more stringent we are about who we are willing to meet, the fewer will be our dating opportunities.
I hear many folks who are highly adament about prefering to be alone rather than settling for a less than perfect companion. News flash--- People ain't perfect, none of us.
The best opportunities for finding a partner are available to all of us, if we will take the chances to do so.
A positive attitude is the most effective device for meeting new friends, dates, and lovers. Trust me. It works. | |
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| YO EDDIE....
Posted: 4/17/2006 6:45:27 AM |
MOST OF THEM COULDNT USE A SEWING MACHINE COMPETENTLY IF THEIR LIVES DEPENEDED ON IT....
MOST OF THEM CANT ACTUALLY COOK ...THEY JUST THINK THEY CAN....
MOST OF THEM HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT HOW TO PROPERLY DECORATE THE HOME... THE NEW EXCUSE IS " IM ECLITIC " SO THEY CAN THROW ANY 6 PEICES OF JUNK TOGETHER AND CALL IT DONE...
MOST OF THEM HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO RELATE ON ANY LEVEL IF IT DOESNT INVOLVE SEX, ALCHOL, OR FIGHTING...
TRY TALKING TO THEM ABOUT POLITICS..OR HISTORICAL EVENTS... ALL YOU GET IS "IM A LIBERAL AND AMERICA IS BAD FOR THE WORLDS HISTORY"
THEY SMOKE...DRINK..AND PLAY POOL AND THINK THEIR ALL THAT.... WHAT A WASTE OF A LIFE...
THEY RAISE CHILDREN THAT ARE ILL MANNERED... RUDE...STUPID
NO..A REAL WOMAN IS HARD TO FIND...IN FACT...ALMOST AN ENDANGERED SPECIES...\
IT TAKES MORE WORK THAN MOST ARE EVEN WILLING TO CONSIDER..MUCH LESS DO...
you yelling at someone here....how dare you group your comments about women into this diversified forum...women are so complex..you probably missed the boat more than one time. I for one, am intelligent, can relate on many topics, as well as sew, use a compound mitre box, a router, a radial arm saw, and fix any pc. As well as the mundane stuff like cooking and decorating. A real woman has worked circles around your comments, looks like on more than one occasion....and please turn off your caps.... | |
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| Huh?
Posted: 4/17/2006 6:53:07 AM | What did *I* do?
Oh wait, that was someone else's title and you replied to that instead of the main thread.
Okay, I thought you were telling ME off.. | |
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