| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:08:22 AM | I post here repeatedly because I constantly read this post. All of you I feel so much sadness for. I came here because I had a rush of emotions of remembering my brother and I just needed to tell someone. I realise now that that would be selfish of me.
This is the best forum that POF has. If the moderators read this I have a message for them. Thank you for keeping this up. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:39:31 AM | I lost someone very special that I loved dearly and was engaged to be married
too he was killed in a wreck by a drunk drver around the holidays in 2005 on
his way to take me to a holiday Christmas ball to benfit kids with Cancer. So
I feel your pain and know what your poor heart and mind is going through your
all broken up with greif and pain but know this your not alone that loved one lives
on in your heart and is watching over you that is how I coped also with the gift of
my poetry and expressing myself through words and telling myself that I can go
on and will find love again~ Living is part of dying we all will but they never leave
you for you will see they leave foot prints and path for you to follow at the end of
that tunnel will be a heavely light there they will be waiting for you again. My heart
feels for you and your saddness will end then the grief period starts but soon you'll
see that they are not gone for they live on in your heart and
leave you precious memories for you to carry on with each day.
God Bless
My deepest sympathy and prayers goes out to you!
Yours,Brenny   | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:26:38 AM | | I am only 20 but have lost so many family members, Dad's side- Uncle Frank, Grandma, Grandpa, and 2 family members in Italy. Mom's side, Gigi, Nana, Uncle Ron, and Great Uncle Kip. I have been to each of their funerals, except for the ones in Italy and great Uncle Kip. So i can sympathize in the loss of a loved one, I was REALLY close to Nana "my grandma" and we were like best friends. But time heals all wounds, but don't supress memories of lost loved ones, embrace them with open arms and kind hearts. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:57:27 PM | It is the most hellish thing that a person can go through. I lost my husband awhile back and It nearly killed me and I would go to the graveside and cry and come home and not be able to sleep and I barely ate, had thoughts of suiscide because he was the world to me but then one day I said this is enough and I felt that it was time to breathe again and at this point I am trying to take things a second at a time and appreciate all that life has to offer and give thanks.
I am so sorry for your loss and hope that your pain gives you some relief.
Remember that your loved one loved you dearly and dont harbor this pain too long darling because it will destroy you ,I know because it damn near destroyed me.
Find solice in those people and things you love most in life and try hard to release this feeling within to let the beautiful gift of life and love. Good Luck to you. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/5/2008 12:36:54 AM | I guess there are no answers on how to cope with death, each person does it in their own way. I have read everyones replies, through my tears.
I lost my husband of nearly 30 years last Oct suddenly and I'm still crying everyday. He was my bestfriend, the one person who I could talk to about everything, he was my rock and the only person in my life who was always there for me. I feel like I'm broken and I keep trying to put back all the pieces but there are some missing. I am thankful for the 6 beautiful children we had together and our 13 gorgeous grandchldren and if it wasn't for them I doubt I could find a reason to go on without him. I want to share a poem that a friend gave me, she has lost 2 beautiful children to CF and she is the strongest person I know, if I can be a fraction as strong as her then I know I'll be ok.
Please Be Gentle.
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving. The sea I swim is a lonely one and the shore seems miles away. Waves of despair numb my soul as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow. I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask "WHY?" At times my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly, so great is my loss.
Please don't turn away or tell me to move on with my life. I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal. Companion me through my tears and sit with me in loving silence. Honor where I am in my journey, not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story. I may need to tell it over and over again. It's how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss. Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead. Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable. A small flame still burns within my heart and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears. I need your support and understanding. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me.
By Jill Englar
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/26/2008 4:45:59 PM | I've lost many loved ones over the years & with each one,with time & going through all the emotions & feelings,I was able to cope & move on.I think they'll always be tears at times,at least for me there is.But,the death I'm facing now I can't conceive of ever getting over.I'm losing my Dad,my hero,the greatest man I've ever known.He's always been there for me & now I think,who will be there now? My heart is breaking & I don't think I'll ever be able to mend it.There's so many emotions & feelings that I'm overwhelmed.This is a man who has faced,battled & won every illness that ever attacked him.Now,it's his own body & its one he can't win.As I go & see him,lying in that bed,I just want to say Dad,get up,you always have.Yet,I know it would only upset him if I did because he can't.And my Dad never knew the word can't,just how long til he could.I want to ask God to keep him here with me no matter what,yet that would be selfish because my Dad would never want to live like this.I want to be angry with God but how can I? He's rejoicing in the fact that one of His Angels are coming home.And an Angel my Dad is.I would not be who & what I am today if not for him.He has no enemies & anyone who knows him,loves him.
You ask,how do you deal,cope,move on & stop the tears? Before now,I could've told you. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/27/2008 1:29:16 PM | You Dont,
Its like a sack filed with heavy rocks that you carry with you.All the time.Its so heavy and it hurts so much to carry day after day that you feel like you just cant move. As the days and the Monthes pass,you are able to set it down once in awhile and think of other things. As the years pass those times that you can set it down come more often and last longer, but it is always there, waiting to be picked up again. After awhile its such a part of your life that you dont even know when you set it down or when your carrying it,its just always there.......its just is not so heavy anymore,somewhere along the way someone,or yourself,has removed some of those rocks and its not so heavy anymore.It hurts less. Its always there,it just hurts less to carry it. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:41:58 PM | | I wish I knew.I lost my only child,my son who was 25 to a motorcycle accident on June 5th.His daughter was born on June 14th.The pain is so bad sometimes that I wonder how I will survive.People mean well but all those sayings dont help when you suddenly lose a child in an accident.He was my bestfriend and we were very close. I pray for the day peace comes. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:24:32 PM | I still miss my Papa. I'ts been since April of 2004. He was my father and best friend. I trusted him only outside of God and my brother. He genuinely cared for me the way you do care for someone.
What can I say. I roll with the punches I guess. If you have any better ideas, Please feel free to share. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:30:19 PM | Debb, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope peace comes into your heart soon. He IS with you though. If that makes you feel better. I'd like to think that pap's with me when I have my questions for him again. (I'd ask him about everything).
You know how they say a girl measures her future man against her dad? Well, whomever said that was full of canal water since I measure my dates against the kind of man my papa was and now I'm fully aware why I'm still single. haha!
It helped me somewhat to keep a journal of letters to him after he died. If that helps.
!!!!!!!! | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:48:40 PM | Beautiful red curls:
I know what you have been going thru I just lost my Daddy Aug 2, 2008 unexpectedly.
Every day i still think about him...i was having problems with my car and picked up the phone to ask him a couple questions then realized he was gone.
Unfortuneatly I have found out a few things about the hospital that he was taken to and right now my tears and sorrow has turned into anger...but that only makes things worse because I think about what the doctors did against my dads' and family wishes...and maybe my Daddy could be alive right now. So every day is like the first day still.
I'm not sure when u lost your loved one or how ......but like everyone has said before me take it one day at a time, talk to a support group, have your friends close to you...try not being alone that is when it hits me the hardest ...
My prayers go out to you and if you need someone to chat with please feel comfortable in contacting me...maybe we could help each other.
God bless you child and your family | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:01:46 PM | | i lost my husband 0ct 20,2007. now it is getting to that time and i find all i can think about is what happened on this day that year. can not watch football i cry. seems so silly when you want to go on with your life but he is always with me. some days are good and some days bad but now i can smile and think of good and funny things we did . | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:12:38 PM | Before posting - I confess to not having readh through all the pages of this forum. I do know that many here are suffering from the loss of someone special.
I lost my wife 6 years ago. She was only 44 and had fought many health battles throughout her short life. I learned so much by her example of courage and unending compassion for others - even when she wrestled her own challenges and fears.
To those of you who know the Lord Jesus Christ - death has no victory. Yes, we hurt like everyone else when we lose someone but we also rejoice that they are not lost to us forever. In my wife's passing, she didn't die - she was healed. I know that she and I will be best friends for all eternity. Honestly, without Christ, I don't know people cope with the thought of losing someone to nothingness. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:19:20 AM | I lost my loved one in August 1977. I was with him enjoying a beautiful afternoon at a bush birthday. I saw him two hours later being covered with a blood splattered sheet.
How did I cope? I went temporarily insane. After I could cry no more I became angry.....with him and with God. I no longer speak to God.
After the anger and pain I thought of myself as lucky. I had my whole life ahead of me.....a chance to marry and experience birth.
I will never understand why he was taken from me, but I accept it and embrace my own life.
The strange thing about losing someone we love is that we always have people telling us "They know how we feel".....They don't. They can however imagine how we must feel. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/29/2008 7:40:59 AM | Juliet,
God didn't take your husband, your anger with Him is misplaced.
Being born human is a fatal condition. We will all, except those still living at the time of the rapture, face death.
I'm sorry for your loss but I encourage you to not turn your back on the only one who can truly help ... God. Through Him/Jesus we can face and overcome the hardships of this very brief existence. You have carried this bitterness long enough.
Watching my wife being brutalized by paramedics in an attempt to save her life was certainly no picnic. It never occurred to me to be mad at God because he was generous enough to have shared her with me in the first place. I know she is happy with Him now and I am grateful to have been so blessed. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:07:12 AM | alone 2 soon.....He was my first true love not my husband.....I was only 19!
Sorry but although I was born a Christian I do not follow the guidelines. If you see a greater power who can get you through the pain then you believe in it .....I don't.
I do believe that some of us must experience death as cruel as it may seem to be.
It may take a while but we soon learn to deal with life and embrace death as it is inevitable.
Watching my wife being brutalized by paramedics in an attempt to save her life .....I feel for you, BUT I also feel for the paramedics.....they tried in vain it seems to keep her with you.....They were playing God, but we all know that God can fail us sometimes no matter how much faith we have.  | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:51:00 AM | Juliet,
I don't want us to become contentious over this issue. Just know that God loves you and He NEVER fails. The paramedics were not playing God - they were just doing their job like the rest of us do every day. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:45:34 AM | Im going to put a poem on that was sent to me when I lost my husband and hope it can maybe help someone itdoes help me.
A LETTER FROM HEAVEN
SOMETHING Id Like To Say,
But First Of All To Let You Know I ARRIVED OK
Im writing this from heaven
Where i dwell with god above
Where there are no tears or sadness
Only his eternal love
Please do not be unhappy
Just because im out of sight
Remeber i am with you
Every morning noon and night
The day i had to leave you
When my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me
And said "I welcome you "
Then god gave me a list of things
He wished for me to do
And froemost on that list of mine
Is to watch and care for you.
And i will be beside you
every day of every year
And when your sad im standing there
To wipe away the tears
Do not be afraid to cry
It does releive the pain
Remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain
One thing is for certain
Though my life on earth is o,er
Iam closer to you now
Than i ever was before
When you are walking down the road
And i am on your mind
Im walking in your footsteps
Only half a step behind
And when you feelthat gentle breeze
Or the wind upon your face
Thats me giving you a hug
Or just a soft embrace
And when its time for you to go
From your body to be free
Remember you are not going
You are coming here to me | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 12/4/2008 7:25:49 PM | Sherry,
I wish to thank you for such a beautiful poem. I havent been back to this forum for awhile so I do apoligize for taking so long to reply. I hope you dont mind that I have made a copy of it to share with my family. Happy Holidays to you. It is going to be real hard for me but I am going to try | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 12/4/2008 9:53:43 PM | I was at work this morning (Thursday Dec 4) when I got the call. Some fellow wanted to know if my mother lived at (address). I said no, my ex lives there, who is this?
It was a police officer, and he said my ex, Barbara, had passed away.
She had been in poor health the past year, bedridden for the past 14 months. She came home from a long-term care facility in August, then just a few weeks later had to be rushed to the ER with pneumonia.
Released and was home less than a month, then again had to be rushed to the ER.
I spoke to her while she was in ICU, where we had our last real conversation. It was about what she wanted me to do after she died.
Unfortunately, we needed to have at least one more conversation. I sensed last week that she might not survive this round, so we did have a short "end of life" conversation about her final wishes, but still I didn't expect it to happen today. So many things left unsaid and undone...
I'm OK with it, just a little bit upset about things we never got around to talking about.
She returned home last night (Wednesday), I spoke to her for a minute on the phone; she said she would call me today.
She was 56. She leaves behind 3 children, Theresa (Tracy), 35, Paul, 24, and Kelly, 18, a lot of unanswered questions, and much unfinished business. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:46:31 PM | I am in the middle of dealing with this issue. On October 19th, we were coming back from a long weekend at the lake. I had a flat tire on my boat trailer and had to get off the highway. It was a 22 foot pontoon and I was afraid it was going to roll or jack knife. I pulled completely off the highway, onto the shoulder. My wife of 26 years and I got out to change the tire. Our 13 and 14 year old daughters and our two black labs had to stay in the suburban because there was no safe place for them to go. I could not get my jack to work on the boat trailer so I called my insurance company for roadside assistance. My wife was standing 3 feet away from me. I was in mid sentence and the next thing I remember is waking up in the ditch laying beside her. My boat was gone. My suburban was totalled. I heard my girls screaming. I was laying on my side and couldn't get up. I rolled over and sat up and looked at my beautiful wife and as soon as I saw her, I knew she was gone. I've been in law enforcement for 25 years. I've seen a lot of death but this is the first time it was someone I was so close too. A truck driver, driving too fast and not paying attention to what he was doing, ran off the highway and hit my boat. The boat went airborne striking me and my wife, and then rolled over and through my suburban. My wife was killed instantly and all I got was a two broken ribs.
To make matters even worse, in the impact her left arm was severed and ended up in the back of the suburban with my girls. After the impact, my 14 year old saw one of our dogs struggeling in the back of the suburban. She went to the back of the truck to try to help Abby and saw her moms arm. Her first instinct was to shield my 13 year old from going to the back but she had already seen it also. Strangers had to drag my girls and one surviving dog through the broken drivers door window to get them away from the suburban. We were put into the first ambulance and taken to the closest ER for treatment.
I haven't slept much since October 18th. The accident, seeing the love of my life in that ditch dead, the vision of what my girls saw, all run through my mind like a broken record. I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes. I've been back to work for a couple of weeks now but I'm not really getting anything done. My girls are getting help through school counselors and group counseling. I need the grief, the anger, the heartbreak to fuel me through the law suit and possible criminal proceedings against the trucker and his company.
Yesterday, I took my wedding ring off of my left hand for the first time in almost 27 years and put it on my right hand. I wear her ring around my neck with my St Michael medalion. I've been doubting whether I really believed in religion for many years, based on work experiences. THIS has removed all doubt. How I feel now would be devastating to my family so I keep it to myself.
I cannot grasp the idea that I will ever be over this or that I will ever be really able to "move on". My girls are the reason I get out of bed in the morning now. I'm 46 years old and for the first time in my life, I'm alone.
In addition to our 13 and 14 year old daughters, we have a 25 year old son who is in the military. He is married and 18 months ago, he became a father. Our first grand child was my wife's pride and joy. She loved that baby so much. Now, none of my current or future grand children will know their grand mother. All of the plans and dreams we had been working so hard for are gone. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to retire together and enjoy the rest of our time spoiling grand babies and traveling together. Now, half of my very soul is gone and I have a long and lonely future ahead of me.
How the hell am I supposed to get past this and "move on"? | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 12/6/2008 7:59:09 PM | I can certainly understand the desire to punish those responsible for your wife's death. You've suffered terribly, and a lawsuit will cost them plenty.
But the larger issue is the economic climate that pushes companies to encourage truck drivers to push themselves to the point of exhaustion, that rewards them for violating the rules, and that shields the truck companies and their customers from liability. Federal rules should require accident investigators to determine if the customers' deadlines are a factor in causing accidents. Drivers "hours of service" should be limited to 10 hours per every 24, not to exceed 60 hours in any 7 day period, each 10 hours of driving should be followed by 12 hours of rest. Truck companies and customers should be held equally accountable for driver violations (that requirement by itself would stop 90% or more of all "hours of service" violations).
There should also be a minimum wage for truck drivers that reflects the degree of skill necessary to do the job.
Not gonna happen. That would increase the cost of freight. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 12/8/2008 11:32:04 AM | Gene,
That is such a heartbreaking story. You have my sincere condolences but I realize that is of little help right now. There are no words that can take the pain and the loss away.
I know how my life changed in the blink of an eye. Shock, numbness, emptiness, depression and loneliness became my companions.
You always hear that time will help. Believe me, I didn't want to hear such a simplistic response while I was hurting so badly. But, you will find eventually that it's true. The ragged edge of your loss will slowly fade and you'll find the days easier to take. For me, 6 months was my first noticeable improvement but the 1 year mark is when I felt ready to move forward with my new life. It's been over 6 years now - I still love her and I still talk to her - but my heart has been free for some time to love completely again, if God so blesses me.
With Christ, I know my loss is just a temporary - albeit painful - thing. Without Him - there would be nothing but emptiness and a lifetime of regret.
I am so sorry for your loss, and that of your children. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 12/8/2008 11:40:25 AM | I didn't lose my wife to accident, it was a history of poor health. Shortly after she passed, I wrote this poem and put it on her grave. Perhaps someone will be able to relate and find some value ...
… for Margarita
The grass is always green here,
fed by my lonely tears.
The agonizing seconds pass slowly,
but have added up to years.
You were taken far too early
and left me here behind,
A broken heart and empty life
is now all I claim as mine.
Though many came to love you,
so few could understand
The gift you had that touched my soul,
each time you held my hand.
This life was hard and so unfair
to one so kind and true
God felt your pain, called out your name
and kept His promise to you.
My arms still reach to hold you
and draw you oh so near
My heart has died and love is dead
but the grass is always green here. | |
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