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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/1/2006 3:46:24 PM | | you dont cope, just hope they are in a better place. ive never gotten completely "over" losing loved ones. it sucks, plain and simple. remember the good times, smile and just try to be a better person, to honour their memory. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/1/2006 10:42:33 PM | | Are you living in guilt of being alive and of not having died with them? Stop and think. Do you really believe those dead loved ones want you to die too? No. They would love to trade places with you. They would want you to live and live an abundant happy full of life. Even losing someone to bad relationships or circumstances out of our control. Live one hour in honor of them and what they meant to you. The dead loved ones would be very happy you are going on with your life. You get stuck in the past. Moving forward without them is difficult and painful. But, make your life have meaning. Without them. They live in your heart, don't let it stop you from going forward. You are cheating yourself and all those around you who would benefit from your smile and laughter and talents, and your love. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/5/2006 6:33:38 PM | I came across this forum and it brought so many tears to my eyes. I lost my Dad 5 years ago and in December 2005 I lost my mom. When my Dad died, it was extremley hard for me but I had to be strong for my mom, now that my Mom is gone I feel so alone so empty and feel that I lost my Rock, my best friend. My mom was the world to me and meant so much to me. I would do anything for her as she did everything for her family. She truly was my guardian angel.
When she passed away, I felt like a part of me also died. I didnt want to live, I didnt want to go on, I felt like I was going crazy, all I wanted to do was run away and hide. The pain was so intense. I felt so alone and felt like no one understood, I was angry and wondered why God would take my "guardian angel", "my rock." away from me. People tell me, your Mom had a good life, at least she didnt suffer. Those where things I did not like or want to hear. All I wanted was my mom back. I feel so alone in such a Big,Big World and have lost 2 of the most important people in my life My Dad and My Mom. Im not sure how I find the strength to deal with each day, but I know they are a part of me and I somehow find the courage to keep going because thats what they would of wanted for me.
Today tommorow and always, I love you Mom and Dad and thanks for being the "Best Parents" a daughter could ask for.
Hugs and Kisses Forever | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/5/2006 6:46:49 PM | I know how you must feel. I lost my Mom ( the best Mother in the world) and brother within two weeks of each other,
then a week later my divorce became final after a 36 year marriage. That is way too much on my plate at once. It's hard, but I have to go on the best way I can. Have to keep saying the sereninty prayer. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:33:03 PM | I read some of the messages, and they all brought up a bunch of feelings....some good...some not so good. It seems like I've lost everyone that I've ever gotten close to. Wether it be parents, close friends, or a high school sweetheart.
How do I cope? Well I may be just a "young pup" but if there's one thing I've learnt, it is that when a loved one dies and passes on, you feel an unease emotion - a personal grief that refuses to go away. The grief that you feel is a burden that you carry throughout your life. Grief is a reminder that the loved one that has passed on still lives within you. When you live your life to its fullest, you honour their memory. You become their pride; their joy; their prodigy; you bring forth a new form of life by honouring the values that they bestowed upon you. I truly believe that you honour your deceased loved one's memory by the way you live. Overall, live for what you are as a person. Live for the life you want to lead and be proud of the true accomplishments you made in your life. The more you accomplish in life, the more you will bring a better reflection upon life. By building on reflection, you honour your deceased loved one's more ways than you could possibly imagine. More importantly, I believe you honour yourself by carrying this belief. This is my personal creed.
At times it seems like the whole world is crumbling down all around me, like this never ending darkness covers everyting. So in the words of Bruce****urn..."gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight". (song just came on...)
Cheers | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:40:53 PM | | Serenity Praper: Can you tell me how that goes. I could use all the help. I have a picture of my mom that I sit in front of every morning before I go to work and I just chatt with her for a bit. I find it gives me some sort of strength. Im really sorry to hear about your Mom and brother and your marriage that is a heck of a long time to be with someone and then have it end. How did you mannage, how did you find the strength to deal with everyghing you were going through. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom. All I can say, is that my heart goes out to you and I feel for you. I sympathize your pain. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/5/2006 9:01:56 PM | I lost one of my loved ones 17 years ago. I still talk to him and I feel him being with me when I call to him.
My Father.
Tears never came down in front of others because I was the son and he never liked me to cry, even when I was a kid and his mother, my grand mother passed, he stopped me from crying.
But tears still come down when I am with me, alone and thinking about him and I do not think if they would ever stop. Once you love some one, you never stop loving them. You only learn to live without them being with you. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 3:26:54 AM | | i know exactly what your going through and i dont know how to stop the tears i wonder that myself all the time..it will be 5 years in june that my uncle passed away in a drinking and driving accident and i still cry everytime i think about it or him everyone always says that in time you'll be able to cope with it all but its been five years and it still feels like yesturday i cant even talk about it without crying, for a while i used to cry myself to sleep all the time and when my grandmother passed away it just got worse and before that i witnessed a 14 year old girl get killed in a hit and run accident...ive been through so many things that people my age should never have to go through but i cope as best as i can and telling myself that they are in a better place and they are with god helps sometimes but it still doesnt stop the tears but by crying it makes it easier to go on with life without thinking about it every minute of every day...without the support of family and friends i dont know what i would have done and i will always be thankful for that....there is so much love in my family everytime we see each other we tell each other that we love one another and give hugs and kisses because we understand the fact that life is to short | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 3:32:15 AM | fav quote
~*You Never Stop Loving Someone... You Just Learn To Live Without Them!!*~ | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:03:25 AM | I am very sorry about your loss, I to have lost my lover and bestfriend (twice) one in 1998 and again may 14 2005, I miss them both and always will, you hold everything dear in you life and remember they are always in your heat and soul, still have bad days but getting better, take what you have learned from this and live everyday like it is your last, i know they both watch over me now but sometimes I would really love to have one more hug and kiss to keep me going, good luck to you and be kind to yourself and if you ever need to talk I am here and know how bad it hurts | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:22:49 AM | | Everyone deals differently & the tears really never stop..They just rearrange themselves a bit..Just remember, the soul goes on & the lessons your loved one needed to learn, were learned..And that they are still around us & we can feel them if we allow ourselves to.. Look for signs,ie: finding pennies, the smell of flowers when there aren't any..They do say hello. Know that they are happy & that they want you to be happy.. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 5:21:59 AM | First, My heart goes out to everyone here, although there is so much sadness in this thread, I feel there is strength in numbers as well, therefore I would like to also thank the OP for starting this thread. I have found myself returning here when the grief seems to overwhelm me, if only to read what has been added while I, myself, may sometimes remain silent. It seems to be helpful in rather a confusing way, I never want to lose the feeling of having compassion and/or empathy for others. I dont want to drown in self-pity or worse, anger..... To each and every one of you, I thank you for your weakness, it shows me I am not alone, above all, I thank you for your strength, it shows me I too, will get thru this.
However, today is a day I have questions, as I stated earlier, My Mother, (and best friend) passed away 51 days ago. I am now without either parent, and although I have 4 siblings and love them very much. I also have a son, 17, has been driving not quite a year now. I have had horrible nightmares of car crashes, perverts/rapists, murderers, drug addiction, ..... you name it, I have had the dream or the thought and seem to be becoming obcessed with the fear of something happening to him. I know I cannot lock him up with me and throw away the key in order to always protect him and keep him safe. At the same time, I sometimes feel my thoughts and fears are loosening my grip on sanity. Is this a normal thing that others go thru as well???
My other questions are , How often is too often to visit your loved ones gravesite? And when you dont go as often as you want to go, how do you overcome the feelings of guilt and betrayal?
Thanks again to the OP and everybody here, I hope all is going as well as possible. 
Blindheart | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:09:08 AM | No one can tell you how often you should visit a grave site, its up to you and your needs. If you feel you need to go everyday then by all means dont stop yourself or think its not proper. The pain we feel is our own and no one can tell us we should do this or we should do that. What we should do is what feels right within one self, we are the ones dealing with the pain and the loss and its very intense and hard. And if you dont go as often dont feel guilty you dont need to be at the grave site to talk to your loved one, you can be in the comfort of your own home and they will still hear you.
Someone said earlier our loved one is in a better place. I find it really hard to cope with that and deal with it because my loved ones are gone how are they in a better place if they are not here with me. Can someone answer that. I miss my Mom and Dad so much I just want them back here with me.
Im glad I found this thread because everyone here understands and knows how painful losing someone close is. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:11:50 AM | Thanks so much for your support muffins. My three kids and friends helped me to deal through all of this. My Mom, before she passed on, was my shoulder during the separation and the divorce. You say you talk to your Mom every day, well I also do that. I visit her grave and let her know how much she is missed.
This is the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change.
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
I have a beautiful poem I found on the net about the loss of a Mother. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:12:09 AM | | You never get over losing someone,you just learn to cope with and live with it.I lost my partner of 11yrs,No illness,no warning.I had three young children and my grief was almost too much to bear.I am now trying to rebuild my life,but its difficult,its nearly four years on,and I miss him so much,but Im a realist,and know hes not coming back,so I pick myself up and try and live my life as best I can.Time isnt a healer,time just eases your grief slightly and as each day passes by,you do get stronger | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:17:53 AM | | Thanks for the prayer. I wrote a poem about my mom when she died. I really could make two words rhym together before, but one day I sat infront of my computer and started typing away and I created a poem that I am so proud of and have read it to many people, maybe I will post it here. I would love to read the poem that you found. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:36:27 AM | Please share it, this is the one I found.
One night I cried to Jesus,
As I sat beneath a tree,
I looked into the open sky,
And hope he'd answer me.
I/m lost Dear Lord, I've travelled far,
But still I seem to roam,
Please light the way and lead me Lord.
I need to get back home.
I told him of my many burdens,
And the sadness in my heart,
That from his gracious love,
I'd never felt so far apart.
Why did you tak my Mother, Lord,
I know you had your plan,
No longer can I touch her,
O please helo me understand.
I am angry Lord, I am missing her,
I'm drowning in my sorrow,
Please help me to heal my yesterday,
And face each new tomorrow.
It was then I heard her gentle voice,
And I felt her presence near,
How I anted so to touch her,
As I cried another tear.
She said My Child I'm an angel now,
My spirit will be free,
I'm an angel now in Heaven,
S please dont cry for me.
I was chosen by our Lord above,
And now I am in his care,
When you need me, look inside your heart,
I promise to be there.
No one can ever take away,
Our bond with one another,
For you'll always be my precious child,
as I will be your Mother.
So if cannot find your way,
Or the road to home seems far,
Just look up to the heavens,
I will be your guiding star.
She said I am an angel now,
My spirit will be free,
I'm and angel now in Heavn,
No need to cry for me. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:39:39 AM | Please share it1!!! This is the one I found. It brings tears everytime I read it.
One night I cried to Jesus,
As I sat beneath a tree,
I looked into the open sky,
And hope he'd answer me.
I'm lost Dear Lord, I've travelled far,
But still I seem to roam,
Please light the way and lead me Lord.
I need to get back home.
I told him of my my burdens,
And the sadness in my heart,
That from his gracious love,
I'd never felt so far apart.
Why did you take my Mother, Lord,
I know you had your plan,
No longer can I touch her,
O please help me understand.
I am angry Lord, I am missing her,
I'm drowning in my sorrow,
Please help me to heal my yesterday,
And face each new tomorrow.
It was then I heard her gentle voice,
And I felt her presence near,
How I wanted so to touch her,
As I cried another tear.
She said "My Child I'm an angel now,
My spirit will be free,
I'm an angel now in Heaven,
So please dont cry for me."
I was chosen by our Lord above,
And now I am in his care,
When you need me, look inside your heart,
I promise to be there.
No one can ever take away,
Our bond with one another,
For you'll always be my precious child,
as I will be your Mother.
So if cannot find your way,
Or the road to home seems far,
Just look up to the heavens,
I will be your guiding star.
She said "I'm an angel now,
My spirit will be free,
I'm and angel now in Heaven,
No need to cry for me". | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 9:09:04 AM | Thanks so much for that beautiful poem, it brought tears to my eyes and I even ache for my mom even more. Mothers Day is a week away and I feel like Im not going to make it. I feel envious of others and jealous because they have their mothers. I could only wish I had mine by my side. I feel so much pain but I know she would not like to see me this way but its so hard to carry on.
Here is the poem I wrote about my mom, who would ever thought I would be able to do this but I did. Anyone who reads my poem, tell me what you think. This poem is very special to me. I hope you like it.
MOM
Today my mom has left us to be in a better place
How I wish I could hold her, and feel her warm embrace
She meant the world to me you see
I feel so alone, not sure how I will be.
God made a wonderful mother
And gave that dear mother to me
She will always be remembered, for the memories she left in place
We will treasure them forever, by keeping them close and safe
How I wish my mom could stay
But God has called “I must take her away”
Don’t worry the Lord says
Your mom will always be with you in so many ways
My mom is finally happy, she is now with my Dad
How my heart aches with pain, because I feel so very sad
How could this have happened, and why to me
I wanted her to stay longer, but it wasn’t meant to be
Mom, I thank you for your tender care
For deep warm hugs and being there
I hope that when you think of me
A part of you, you’ll always see
Until one day when we’re together
In my heart you will be forever
With the Angels is were you belong
Until we meet, I shall be strong | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 9:25:34 AM | That is a very beautiful poem you wrote. I know all to well what you are going through,
evryone says she is in a better place, but I guess I am selfish, I want her here with me. | |
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kame
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 71 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 9:41:15 AM | Thats a beautiful poem ,just be strong,I know mothers day is a hard day to deal with,the same with fathers day,your going to be fine,Its something we all have to deal with at sometime in our life,just remember them for the good memorys they gave you,and always remember there in a better place ,no more saddness ,tears or worries. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 9:45:14 AM | I wrote this and the Pastor read it at my son's funeral:
Johnathan
The day you were born I was so scared
I didn't know what I was going to do with you
The day you passed I was so scared
I didn't know what I was going to do without you
Every day in between I knew just what to do
And that was to love you with all my heart
You were and always will be the light of my life
You were my best friend and my hero
From the blue of your eyes to that sly little grin
I was so blessed to have you as my son and my friend
The days will pass but your memory never will
It will live on in the hearts of the many people you have touched
In an instant you were gone to be with God and to see your pap
Smile down on me often please because I will be thinking of you always
Love you with all my heart
MOM | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 12:26:23 PM | Thanks to all for your kind words it means so much and knowing every one understands means alot. Its hard to talk to those that have never experienced a great loss like I have.
Great poem you wrote about your son. I read the poem I wrote about my mom all the time, I guess it gives me some kind of peace knowing that although I cant touch her she is always by my side. I look up to them to guide me through this very tough road and moutain I have to climb not sure how I will make it, but I invision that they are still here and offering me support and guidance and words of wisdom. I want them to be proud of me and Im worried I will let them down because I am not strong, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to experience. And I thought that breaking up with a guy was hard and painful. There is no comparisson to losing parents that mean the world to me. When they were sick I felt their pain, I just wanted to make them better but couldnt and feel like I have failed. I wanted them around forever. I didnt ever want to say good bye. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 1:14:26 PM | I lost my mom to a heart attack several years ago at Christmas.
This poem tugged at my heart strings because she lost her father at Christmas.
I had a b/f who committed suicide.
I am missing both my mom (Mother's Day) is always hard but I celebrate that day with my daughter.
We exchange little gifts and notes. She was a Christmas baby.
My b/f/ fiance' died a year after 911.
I still miss him but carry him always in my heart.
For me writing helped.
I wrote a poem dedicated to him entitled "Someday".
I know one day I will be with my Loved Ones, but for now I live in the present, "today" is what counts.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here yet but today is to be "cherished".
Without my family and my friends' support I know that life would have been extremely hard, and I could not have carried on.
Faith has played an important part in my "healing".
I believe that to "everything there is a season" and put my trust in a "higher power".
My heart goes out to everyone here.
I am just taking it one day at a time.
I know that they are with me always, in my "HEART".
Forever. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 7:47:15 PM | *Muffins*, *Redhead*, *Poursugaronme*, *bgirl2*
Awesome Poems, Truely Beautiful.........  | |
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