| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:10:56 PM | My heart goes out to all who have lost for I have lost to. One of the most important things that others can do, is to allow the person who has lost to share their memories, their good times and sad, and lend them a shoulder without judgement for their loss has had a significant effect on their lives.
If a person has lost someone who was close to them, it is in our best interest as a friend or be it a partener, to let them remember, let them still love, and let them know that their loved one can never be replaced, but that life is still good and happiness can still be found. As hard as it is to lose someone, be the best you can be for the survivor and the best friend you can be when they need to share. | |
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Danzd
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Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 77 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:31:53 PM | k- it took alot of sesions with a counseller,I lost two younger cousins in a car crash I was in with them I was a passener but I carry around the loss everymorn I wake up.I look at it this way we all have some reason that we r here and when we have completed that reason then we may parish.It dosen't make it any easier for the loved ones but always think of positive thoughts because when your time to go has arrived isn't that what you want others to think of u in a positive light? | |
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kame
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 78 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:51:20 PM | I dont think theres anything a person can go threw ,that can bring so much pain in your heart then death,I remember having dreams of my parents only to wake up and burst into tears realizing they were gone ,and the dreams were all based on memorys.it took years for me to look at it as I do now.and become a stronger person from it.
But I know for each of you that has went threw this recently how hard all this is on you,as I said theres nothing in life that comes near to the pain your feeling,and the emptyness in your hearts,but thats were God comes in and the comfort you get from knowing that they live on ,and that it doesnt end with death,and that someday we will see them again.Otherwise it would have been really hard for me to think that death was the last finale stage for each of us and that I wouldnt be seeing them again. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 9:05:42 PM | | My husband was killed in 1978 after 25 years of marriage. If it had not been for my Lord and saviour. I could not of coped with it I still had a 10 year old son to raise, I put my fatith and trust in God. Time does heal but the good memories live on in our hearts. God bless and be with you. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 11:18:35 PM | I lost my wife 3 1/2 years ago, after 21 years of marriage. For the first 6 months, I cried like a 3 year old. Now, I still cry from time-to-time but it's not from pain. The ragged edge of loss will soften with time and you will be left with the good memories.
For Christians, death doesn't signal the end of anything - rather a tremendous blessing. We will be together again as eternal best friends. So, while I will always miss her in this life, the separation will only be temporary. I consider her passing as a "healing" and I thank God for ending her suffering and taking her into His kingdom.
I am still in awe that God would have shared her with me. Rather than focus on the loss, I give thanks daily for the gift of having her in my life. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/6/2006 11:43:29 PM | Oh Gimp -
I realize that my reply to your message is a about two weeks late. I pray that your mom is ok. I also pray that you told her what she means to you whether or not she's still in a coma.
I lost my mom recently to cancer, and the last 60 days of her life were heartbreaking, I only hope that she realized how dear she was to me and my kids. Please if you are able, tell mom what a great job she did, and how much she is loved. I would give anything for one more chance,,,,
my prayers are with you. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 6:55:52 AM | I find myself going to church more often now, why I guess I want to find an understanding to what has happened and maybe an inner peace. In the beginning I felt strange going to church because I was very angry at God for taking my mom away, does that make sense but yet I was hoping somehow he would shed some light on the situation and let me know that he would guide me and help me through this tough moutain I have to climb.
I want to look into a crystal ball and see that I will be ok, both emotionally and financially because right now it just seems like how am I ever going to make it. Can anyone relate to this, please let me know.
Thanks to everyone that is on here, | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 7:10:14 AM | The tears never stop.
Birthdays, anniversaries, christmas's are the worst.
I found it comforting to know that although he was gone in flesh he was still there for me in spirit.
I know there have been times when I needed him and he has been there for me. It was in my darkest hours that I couldnt sense him, I was pushing him away.
Starting again - finding some one new - and not letting our grief get in the way is very important.
Knowing that we cant change what has happened but can learn from it - carry the happy times in heart. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:02:40 PM | I have just read sporadically through the thread ... I lost my 22 year old son 7 months ago. The pain is unimaginable. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. He was the youngest of four ... my baby, my only son.
I know I will never stop crying over this, I know I will never forget him as long as I live. I try to focus on the good times, but understandably, still think of how I struggled just to keep him alive the first 18 months of his life ... I slept sitting up holding him so he could breathe just to keep him alive.
Sometimes there are entire dreams ... sometimes just flashes. For me it's a moment to moment thing and I try to cope as things happen ... from minute to minute and hour to hour and day to day.
I know the pain of loss and my heart goes out to all of you who have experienced this. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:27:17 PM | I lost my first (maybe only) true love when I was young. It's been 20 years, and I have moved on with my life, but I will never forget her.
You cannot stop the tears: only time will. Time forces you to move on. How much time, noone can tell you. Mourn as you need to, but remember that the rest of your life awaits. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:46:17 PM | I lost my husband June/03 & my mom July/04. Here is a poem that helps me cope, hope it brings some comfort to those on this thread grieving.
Until We Meet Again
When dawn's first light
turned into day,
Who knew an angel
would soon call me away,
And although I didn't get the chance
to say goodbye,
I leave you three things
to help you get by.
I leave you Courage,
that you might see
Your heart can rebuild
a world without me.
I leave you Faith,
that you might believe
the spirit will survive
no matter how much we grieve.
And I leave you Love,
to comfort you in its healing embrace
until we meet again in another place. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 1:23:18 PM | | My son died April 18 2006 23 years old how i wish it was me. I don't want my son to be for gotten. I sit many days and night crying trying to move on with my life because i have three other children who i now make sure i tell them how much i love them. I hope that there is a god and he is safe i love you son with all my heart. ALLWAYS I wrote your name in the sand and the water washed it away I wrote your name in the snow and the sun melted it away I wrote your name in the clouds and the wind blow it away So i'll write your name in my heart and thats where it will stay. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 1:41:31 PM | | My son died April 18 2006 23 years old how i wish it was me. I don't want my son to be for gotten. I sit many days and night crying trying to move on with my life because i have three other children who i now make sure i tell them how much i love them. I hope that there is a god and he is safe i love you son with all my heart. ALLWAYS I wrote your name in the sand and the water washed it away I wrote your name in the snow and the sun melted it away I wrote your name in the clouds and the wind blow it away So i'll write your name in my heart and thats where it will stay. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:10:13 PM | | Bravo Judy...you said it so well. Lost my husband when my son was 2 1/2. Though I wish my son would of remembered his father, it was sort of a blessing. He never felt the loss and I was able to tell him of the love his father had for him. My loss was devastating....Holidays are better now as time went by. Tears dried up and I came back to the living again. Life does and will go on....Cherish all the good times and go on to better ones. You alone, is what is going to make a difference. My son is grown now, but has the best memories growing up because I made the difference. Family helps alot, but you are the one they will look to. Make it a good one....Many prayers to you....Roxanne | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:30:02 PM | after my grandmother died it hurt alot and i was reading poems one day and i came across one called The Day God Called You Home when im really missing her and i need something to keep me going i read this:
God looked around his garden,
And He found an empty place.
He then looked down upon this Earth,
And saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you,
And lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He always takes the best.
He knew you were suffering.
He knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never,
Get well on Earth again.
He saw that the road was getting rough,
And the hills were hard to climb,
So He closed your weary eyelids
And whispered, "Peace by Thine."
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
I hope this helps everyone here as much as it helped/helps me
Samantha | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/9/2006 6:07:48 AM | Thanks Roxanne ...Blessings to you. Would like to chat with you, however I can't send a message through your profile because it blocks me by gender.
Judy | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/17/2006 4:22:33 PM | Poems seem to be popular in this thread...I have a couple that always helped me.
The first is in the sentimental mode that has been offered already. It is by the great English poet, W.H. Auden. You may remember it from a movie several years ago.
TWELVE SONGS
IX
Stop all the clocks and cut off the telephones,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead,
Scribbling on the sky the message he is dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my north my south my east and west,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out everyone;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
This next one is by the great Canadian poet Al Purdy who only recently passed on himself. It is in his usual gruff, rough, harder edged style. It hit home with me as I thought I was the only one who did this and was a little afraid to admit it.
ON BEING HUMAN
by Al Purdy
A poem in prose
When my mother went to hospital
after a fall alone in her bedroom
I was eighteen miles away
trying to build a house
I visited her later
and something in my face made her say
“I thought you'd feel terrible”
and she meant that I'd be devastated
by what had happened to her
___I wasn't feeling anything very much at the time
and I guess it showed
just thinking I'd have to travel those eighteen miles every day
to visit her and grumbling to myself
At that moment
she had seen behind the shutters
normally drawn across the human face
and suddenly realized
there wasn't much if any
affection for her in my face
and that knowledge
was worse than her injuries
But there is no going back in time
to do anything about it now
if something wasn't done then
and nothing was
She died not much later
her mind disoriented
forgetting what happened to her
but I remember those words
list them first
among the things I'm ashamed of
as intolerable as realizing
your whole life has been wasted
___remembering my cousins words
about her drunken brother:
“It would have been better
if he'd never lived at all”
I remember those last words
before the fever took her mind
and the only good thing now
is thinking about those words
and she is instantly
restored to life
in my mind
and repeats the same words
“I thought you'd feel terrible”
and again and again and again
and I am still ashamed
and I am still alive
The constant lingering pain will eventually subside, but there will be sudden moments triggered by a memory or a thought that will drive a sharp pain into your heart as if it had just happened. Those moments will always be lurking nearby, just in the shadows. And will then subside almost as quickly.
What Al Purdy is doing here is stimulating them, by his own purposeful actions/thoughts, because when he does, the pain is so great, it is as if she is still with him. That makes it worth it, to him. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/18/2006 7:13:25 PM | | i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who was strong enough to write something in this thread because of you guys i feel a little stronger and i now know that it will get easier...for the first time since my grandmother and uncle died i went to their gravesites without any tears only with happy memories so thanks to all of you | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/18/2006 7:21:04 PM | You deal differently I think depending on the persons relation to you...when my husband died it was a totally different mourning than when my dad died...
The one common ground I think though is nothing really helped me but time...the pain does lessen....
Hang in there....one day you will start to feel normal again...you really will... | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/18/2006 7:25:22 PM | You deal differently I think depending on the persons relation to you...when my husband died it was a totally different mourning than when my dad died...
The one common ground I think though is nothing really helped me but time...the pain does lessen....
Hang in there....one day you will start to feel normal again...you really will... | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/20/2006 9:06:56 AM |
i went to their gravesites without any tears
I also found myself hesitating to visit my parents gravesite because it made me feel sad. Then I decided to do a little gardening. Some weeding, some digging and a little planting of colourful flowers and I came away feeling like I had actually done something for them. My negative feelings were gone. It was actually a positive experience and something I now look forward to. | |
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Mrbizz
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Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 97 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/20/2006 11:23:38 AM | I just read that poem,i have to say that i was very touched by it,i have survived a brain tumour myself,i guess i was one of the lucky ones,however,my deepest prayers go to those that have joined the lord almighty at the end of their fight.Tears will always be a part of life,and those who have left this world,can now be pain free and they will keep an eye on us from then on,we must love one another and keep faith,we will all see each other again,only in a much better place.
God bless you all, | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/20/2006 12:35:51 PM | How long has it been since your loved one died?
Losing a loved one is very difficult.
I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago. He died while he was watching tv and I was fixing dinner.
My first year was truly extremely difficult. The only thing that saved me, was getting a puppy to love, laugh and take care of. The dog didn't take the place of my husband, but just got me to think of something else.
The best thing I can say to you is, just go through the greifing, you will slowly heal.
I found that it is best that you have family and friends to help you through. Keep talking and crying. That is the best medicine. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it! You have to go through the grieving at your own pace.
If need be, go see a professional. They can help you through the hard times. | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 99 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/21/2006 12:16:53 AM | i just read thru the entire thread close to tears. what beautiful poems and such loving words. its so sad to hear of others suffering yet so inspirational to hear of how you've all coped.
i lost a much loved one in 97 to suicide and never thought id smile again but i did.
i lost my cousin last year in tragic circumstances and my sons father/my best friend, is dying from cancer.
grief is natures way of healing and there is no specific time span. we never forget nor should we. i find talking helps and writing feelings down on paper helps. when my loved one died in 97, i wrote him letters..some angry, some sad..some just to ask why. i saw a counsellor and gradually i came out from under the dark cloud.
take your time-cry all you need to. we never forget but the pain does lesson in time. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:04:58 AM | | Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Death is a part of life and we as modern people seem to forget that, plus our culture has an aversion about discussing death. Time is the great healer, the real deal is to love like tomorrow will never come, make sure everyone you care about knows how you feel about them while they are alive | |
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