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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/21/2006 7:54:59 PM | My heart goes out to everyone on here that has lost a loved one. it is never easy and never will be, but time does make it better, but never heals completly. when i was 17 i met the most wonderful man in the world, in my eyes, he would write me little love letters and cards and leave them in my house or send them in the mail, send me flowers at work. he treated me like a queen. We were engaged, and could not wait to grow old together. But unfortunaltly he got sick and passed away before we could have all of our dreams full filled. I spent many nights crying and wondering why this could happen to us when we were so happy and had so much to look forward to. But everything happens for reason, sometimes i do not get why but it is true. "It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all." He will forever live in my heart, but i know he would have wanted me to move on with my life and be happy and get everything i ever hoped of getting.
If Tears Could Build a Stairway to Heaven
If tears could build a stairway
and memories a lane
I would walk right up to heaven
and bring you back again.
No fairwell words were spoken
No time to say good bye
You were gone before I knew it.
And only god knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness,
what it meant to loose you
no one can ever know.
But now i know you want me
to mourn for you no more,
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today, a hallow
place in my heart
R.I.P Brandon
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:46:06 PM | True words.."to love like tomorrow will never come".Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives we forget to tell the people we care for just how much we love them. It"s sad to have those regrets once they are gone. I learned thru the death of my son just how precious those tomorrows are. My loved ones know every day now,just how much I care and how happy I am to be a part of their lives.Yes,healing comes with time and also from the hearts of people who care. ..to all.......Rainbows4sue | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:51:12 PM | A book that helped me when I lost my girlfriend was "Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love: Daily Meditations to Help You Through the Grieving Process" by by Ray Mitsch, Lynn Brookside.
Another thing that helped me was to write to her. I wrote poems, and letters and stories to her and about her. It is hard to deal with death. The pain never compelety goes away, it just becomes less and less until you can bear it.
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/28/2006 6:15:46 PM | i am just new to this and i came on this site and i thought of replying to you, i can say that i have been there not once not twice but 4 times and it does get better, my dad died when i was 2 weeks old, never having a dad in my life was terrible and very hard on me, i had all these thought going through my head that i was adoped and one day i would find dad, then my mum died when i was 16, thats nearly 13 years ago this year and it has been a rough road to walk, i never imaginged that i would lose both so young,
then i lost 2 very close uncle's on my mums side, they were both like a dad to me, my world just fell apart, i thought i was being punished for something, why was the people i loved the most gone from my life, why me and not someone else, life had to go on for me, but i still to this day miss dad so much even thought i never knew or saw him and he is 30 years dead this year,
it does get easier, i miss them so much, i would love to turn back the clock and have them back in my life for a few minutes. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 5/28/2006 6:17:41 PM | | i lost my husband three years ago. the tears eventually stop, but they come and go and probably always will. i'm proof that life goes on. it's hard, but you will get through it, though life will never be the same. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:07:06 PM | I to know the fealing of loosing somone dear to you the pain is greatly ubarable at first but with time it will ease but the memory will remian, the key is to remember the good times, speak not of the times missed but speak of the good times gone by and cherish the memorys of those who are dear to you.
Through this holy anointing may the lord in his love and mercy help you with grace of the holy spirit , May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up
Father in heaven,
through this holy anointing grant and comfort in his/her suffering.
when he/she is afraid give him/her hope, and when alone,
asure him/her of the support of your holy people.
we ask this through christ our lord.
Amen | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:25:23 PM | like many of us i've lost too many relatives and friends for various reasons. with long term illness its said that knowing death will come soon helps friends and relatives cope , this isnt true, its just as painful and as devastating as a sudden accident or suicide, and yes i have suffered the loss of people close to me in those circumstances also.
as i sit here writing i can feel the pain and tears are welling. still as fresh as when these losses first happened( the last in december 05 being that of the suicide of a dear friend and his personal goodbye to me that tore me apart). and i fully expect to feel like this every so often when a memory flashes back or something reminds me. but... these periods of sadness and reflection do come less frequently with time. even though they still make me ache with every beat of my heart .
quiet reflection helps. talking to friends and family helps. we DO survive and carry on, thats the way things are meant to be and always has been... but the only true healer is time..
and on that note i have to sign off, cant see through the tears.
xxxt
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:57:53 PM | | On Jan 3 2000 I lost my 13 yo son suddenly to illness..the tears never stop they just fall less frequently..if not for my relationship with Jesus.I would not be here to talk about it. I dont know how anyone does it. My son was an extrarordinary young man. I choose to remember those things. I know where he is now...a place I surely much rather be but I must wait my turn. Until my time I will endure. And Gods Grace flourish richly. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:59:37 PM | Hi
I read your post and just had to reply first of all let me say I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband suddenly he got sick Nov 7,2004 and I had to shut the resperator off Nov 17 it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, we had promised each other we would not let each other live if there was no hope of a functional life. When they told me his brain cortex was gone he might lose his feet, a few fingers and he may not know anyone or anything that was happening I had to keep the promise. He got strep, became septic, had kidney failure, pnumonia, acetosis, on and on and on all this after getting a pnumonia shot/ and flu shot Nov 3rd. He was 43.
It is 19 months and I still miss him every day. It does get a bit easier, but no time will not heal all the wounds. nothing will ever heal them. It hurt that day and it hurts today. I dont know if not thinking about it or keeping busy has been the thing that got me thru but I dove into working two jobs, made friends since I moved to the area right after he died. I moved in with my sister or I would have been homeless.
With the help of family and friends I have made it over the hump. I have improved a bit each day and am looking ahead. I used to wake up in the morning and think Dan has really died and left me. Now I wake up and think of what I have to do. Now dont get me wrong, I think about him love him and miss him more than anyone will ever know but it is easing No I will never forget my husband and neither will you. I dont want to forget. I dont think you do either.
Just know you are not alone. feel free to email me I went to grief counseling, it really helped made me see some of the things I was doing that I thought were crazy, (sleeping with his shirt putting his after shave on my pillow etc ) I found out everyone at the group was doing the same thing. you have to do what makes you feel better dont let anyone stop you from crying, talking or just being alone. If you feel good that is all that matters.
You take care and feel free to email as I said
Annie | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 6/28/2006 2:49:04 PM | big red curls...since your last post I hope you have found console with others who feel your pain.
My own experience was loosing my baby brother who at 19 was involved in a car accident 5 months before graduation. His memory is still with me till this very day. I believe by keeping their memory alive they will always be with us. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 6/28/2006 3:02:34 PM | I`v lost many loved ones in my life.My dad was killed on the job when I was 21,but most recently, my girlfriend died of cancer at 33.This was last year.I`v been to over 50 funerals for friends and family.I always had a real hard time with death.Before my girlfriend/fiancee died,I realised something.Death is tragic.terrible.a waste of life when its a younger person,.we never know when our time will come,and anyone has just as good a chance of passing young as anyone else.
The next most tragic thing I was thinking would be not passing away,but being unhappy,and suffering.Life`s too short to be unhappy for any longer then need be.Take your time to cry,be sad,think about your loved one,but then move on.If your time is coming,do u want your last days to be spent being unhappy,or living life and being happy?Your loved one would want u happy.That was their life and its over,but YOUR ISNT`You have one chance to live your life..
This is what I said to my GF.This is how I said goodbye." I wont` look at this as a negative thing or a lose.I will hurt.It wil be hard.I feel sorry for you haveing to go so soon.I feel for you and love you.But I`m so happy to have know you and loved you the last couple years.You have made my life better,and me a better man.I will carry your memories for life,and always be thankfull that I had this time with you.I will always love you in my heart.
So I hope this can help you and anyone else who may read it.God bless all who lose a loved one. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/9/2006 1:31:52 PM | i lost my daughter on 2-15-06 at 5:55 pm it has been very difficult....she was 32 yrs old and she had 4 kids...she committed suicide...i am in the process of trying to write a song...here is the song all based on the things that my grandkids and i felt....i hope this will prevent just one person from doing that dreadful thing......gordie
WHY, MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER, WHY
GRANDDAD I JUST WANT TO TALK TO MOMMA ONE MORE TIME
LITTLE DARLIN’ LISTEN HERE
YOU CAN TALK TO HER ALL THE TIME
JUST LOOK UP TO THE HEAVENS AND SAY A PRAYER
MOMMA WILL BE THERE TO HEAR YOU
ALL THE TIME
GRANDDAD DIDN’T SHE LOVE US
MOMMA WHY DID YOU LEAVE US
WHY, MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER ,WHY
WE’RE HURTING AND WE’RE CRYIN’
ALL THE TIME
THE PAIN YOU HAD IS GONE NOW
THE PAIN WE FEEL IS FOR ALL TIME
PLEASE LORD TAKE CARE OF HER
AND MY GRANDKIDS ALL THE TIME
MOMMA WE MISS YOU
MOMMA WE NEED YOU
AND MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER WE LOVE YOU
ALL THE TIME
WHY DID YOU DO IT
WHY, MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER, WHY
YOUR GONE FROM US FOR ALL TIME
WHY, MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER, WHY
MOMMA DIDN’T YOU LOVE US
MOMMA DIDN’T YOU WANT US
WHY, MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER, WHY
GRANDDAD I JUST WANT TO TALK TO MOMMA ONE MORE TIME
THE TEARS THE HURT WELL BE WITH US
MOMMA WE MISS YOU
MOMMA WE LOVE YOU
MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER WE LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME
WHY, MY DARLIN’ DAUGHTER, WHY
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/10/2006 11:05:28 AM | | God Bless you Gordie my heart goes out for you and your grandchildren. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:53:17 PM | Hi, I too lost a husband in January. Please go to googles and type. widows and widowers and you will meet a great support group. There is something for everyone evern new relationship for young widows and widowers. A very loving and supporting bunce.
Jenny | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:59:32 PM | Hi, I too lost a husband in January. Please go to googles and type. widows and widowers and you will meet a great support group. There is something for everyone evern new relationship for young widows and widowers. A very loving and supporting bunce.
Jenny | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:06:32 PM |
How do you deal with the death of a loved one, how do you cope, how do you move on start a new life, hoe do you stop the tears......
You don't try to stop the tears. You know that it's supposed to hurt and you don't resist it. Maybe it'll make sense to say that it helps to remember that the most important thing about your loved-one is not that he/she died........it is that he/she lived. It worked for me and it still does. That is what I focus on. Death is as natural as birth....it's the stillness we cannot comprehend. You are in my thoughts.  | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:23:54 PM | I tried to move on from my horror in sept of 2001, but every year it still haunts me.
I was going to school up in CT. My birthday is on the 9th of Sept, so my girl at the time decided it would be good to visit NYC. Remind you, her and I have been together since high school. Fell in love, asked her to grow old with me, and yah she said yes.
Its sad to know that just sheer moments a world would be taken away in a split instant.
So we decided to go to NYC. spend time there looking at the sights. Had the notion of going up to the Towers. I was running late so I told her to meet me there and we go up to have breakfest at the restaurant there. I had to run and grab some film. so we met up at the entrance. got inside, she was able to catch the first elevator. I got the second, didnt make up to far got out on the 17th floor. Thats when the plane hit. I heard a huge crash looking around to see what it was. I hurried and made it to the ground floor. Waiting by the elevators for Julie to come down. Waiting as long as I could before I was told to leave. I was outside and noticed that the other Tower had been hit. I waited as close as I could for her. Still nothing. I was forcd to get away when the tower came down. was lucky enough to hide out to not get hit be and debres falling down. For 13 days I waited for word. and nothing. Finally found her name on the board by the red cross station.
To this day that haunts me. But Ive been tryign to move past it. Its something that I will be carrying with me till I die here.
And we all know about the women who left me for another guy so this hasnt been my decade for joy. those who dont, See the post Titled Whats with women doing a 180. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/11/2006 9:48:25 PM | hI hONEY:
tHE LOVE that u felt for that person will never die..you loved them for a reason and theyh loved u for a reason..never forget....remember the good times..try not to fault yourself for their death or them as well...my mom committed suicide on her birthday dec 18th a week b4 christmas....i remember when i got the call and what i was doing..wrapping christmas gifts with my kids...tree was lir and we were sooo happy..then the awful phone call came in from new brunwick my mom had committed suicide at the ripe old age of 73..she jumped out a window 4 stories up and smashed her brains on the sidewalk...what u don't know is that my dear mom suffered from manic depression or bi polar disease all her life..i don't blame myself any more and i hope you don't everything happens for a reason..hang in there sweetie and life will be good again..try to learn something from your pain ..and pass it on to someone else just as i am doing to you...remember..this person doesn't want you to grieve for them..they want you to live a better life and try to give a message to someone else that is hurting that suicide is final...there is a better day...you know the song..24 little hours..what a differnce a day makes..god bless..Barb | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/11/2006 10:03:33 PM | | Your poem makes me cry..i too lost a son at the tender age of not even 3mths..i picked him up one nite to give him his bottle and his lifeless body is what i found..i was devasted and was pretty crazy for about 5 years..now i'm better but when i think of him it still brings tears to my eyes and it's been almost 16 yrs ago...i miss him sooooooo much and just writing this is binging tears to my eyes..we will never heal totally..we can just carry on and know that we will definitely see our beautiful children again...they are waiting for us in heaven and will welcome us with their beautiful faces and once again we will be a whole family..in the meantime they will watch over us and keep us safe..we need to respect that and carry on in their grace..god will see us thru..and god bless you | |
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shay22
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Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 120 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:02:02 AM | It has been 4 years now since I lost my daughter, and i still cant tell the story without tears. I do have a son that was 2 when it happened and he knows that he had a baby sister n he hurts all the time over her too.. He has had a teddy bear since her passing n has called the teddy her name n has talked to her when he feels alone or sad or just wants to say hi. I have had another lil girl n she is now 2, she will never be the baby i lost but she is like her in many ways its so hard to watch sometimes. But I will always love all of my kids the same no matter what. I do go to her grave when i feel alone or sad or scared, but now I live about 1.5 hours away from her so its harder.. I can think of good memories but it still hurts n always will..If I didnt have the support I had I dont think I would have lived with it on my own.
But back to what I was saying the tears will never go away nor will the hurt.
Im sorry to all the people who have lost loved ones in their life....
If you do no have the support u need then look in the phone book or resources cause some should be there to help. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:14:47 AM | I lost my partner when I was 16 weeks pregant, in a work accident. It was the shits, no nice way to put it. I went through the pregnacy, a move into the city, the birth and raising a daughter, on my own...not exactly how we planned it...
Trust me, there will be horrible late nite tears, moments, even 5 years later when a situation will set you back. BUT, as corny as it sounds, the sun will rise and it will get easier..I promise. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:28:10 AM | | Even though it wasnt a spouse, i lost my sister who i loved dearly this spring, its been the hardest thing for me to deal with in my whole life, she and i werent twins but if anyone could of been it was her and i, its left a empty void in my heart and life that wont ever be filled, i threw my self into work and tryin to just push it out of my mind, but even now 6 months later i find its catching up and hitting me hard, how am i coping with it, who says i am, im just tryin to take one day at a time, when i get the thoughts that make me want to cry i just try to think of the things that she and i did that made me laugh , life wont ever be the same , the only good thing that came out of it was shes not the one setting here having to deal with it cause she would of never handled being the one left here all alone, so that i do thank god for, just hang in there and try to live life the best way you can. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:37:27 AM | | I too have lost a loved one that was VERY close to me as I her. My dear sister just over a year ago. She was ill for a short while, but they could never find out what was wrong with her. I forget the "proper" name of what it is called, but her small intestine wrapped around her large and poisioned her. She was at my house and I was getting her ready to take her back to the hospital and she stood up and asked if I could get her a chair. When I ran and got the chair, I set it down and helped her to it, and she passed on the way down to sit. I tried all I could to help save her life. I felt so alone and it was like I was just a shell of a body standing there while the paramedics were on their way. She was six days into her 44th year of life, and NEVER EVER was this expected by anyone. I know how I felt, the loss of a best friend, sister, a person to argue with over STUPID little things (we did that too, for we were sisters),a mother figure and most of all a mother to my dear dear nieces and nephews. I had to tell her kids whom I am very close to, and the shock and non-belief that came from others was just terrible. There is no sure way to cope, believe me, I wish there was a book on how to deal with something like that, but there isnt. You go through so many mixed emotions and periods of being so upset at god (I did ). There is no explaination to it at all, and that is what is so hard to understand. The "Why" of it all. I am not sure what you mean about starting a new life without them. You have to go on, and it is the toughest thing there is do. I don't believe that you do start a new life, you just have to keep going and deal with them not being in your life. Today, I still find myself wanting to pick the phone up and call her, then realize what happened. The tears for me I doubt will ever stop. They do get less and less, but there are somethings that will just touch your heart and you will just cry and not know why. Please know that you are not alone, and that things will get easier, I dont believe I will ever get over the look in her eyes when she passed. I do know however that I loved her with my entire heart and I still do. My deepest sympathy to you and hope that you too will find a way that will help ease your pain. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/12/2006 11:26:21 AM | I lost my husband 12 weeks ago tomorrow. As everyone else has said, don't stop the tears. They are there for a reason. For me, it really helps having people around to talk to. My husband was loving and full of life. He would never want his loved ones to be sad for so long. He hated to see me upset and would do everything he could to make me laugh...even when we were fighting and I didn't want to let it go!
So let the tears come, and when they do slow down, and they will, think of the good times and cry a little more, but eventually smile. He left you with a legacy of love, and it would be a shame not to continue that legacy.
Take care of yourself. | |
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shay22
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Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 125 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 6:08:50 AM | What I ment to say in the other msg is that u need help n cant do it all on ur own.. well i couldnt. The tears never stop like i said i still cry when i think about my daughter, n i always will.. the pain n hurting never stops either if will just not hurt as much as time goes on.. If anyone out there needs to talk about it at all I here to help anyone. Like i said i have been throught it to n its hard n hurts so bad its hard to explain n yes it is true no one can tell u how u r gonna feel just tell u how they felt when it happened to them, everyone hurts in different ways, no one is the same...
PS. Like I said if anyone feels like they wanna or need to talk im here to talk to....
Ps. Just take it easy for awhile n try to give urself time, It will probably take alot of time but yes that timne will cum that u dont hurt so bad n the tears slow down....
AND ITS NOT EASY N NEVER WILL BE THATS FOR SURE, FOR ANYONE | |
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