| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 10:22:21 AM | I've been through this unfortunately. I hate to sound cliche but it can be one of the hardest things that you will ever go through.
- Take your time and go at your own pace
- Acknowleedge that what your feeling is normal
- Always remember both the positives and negatives about that person
- Everyone has different coping methods, do whatever makes you feel better
- Talking about it may be hard yet it is beneficial because it can help to allievate some of your feelings | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 6:43:07 PM | | I'm not a widower and have only lost my parents long ago but after reading the many post's to this forum I've got to wonder how do you tell that special someone that you're dying and get them prepared for it. I have met a wonderful woman here and I've got some health problems that i don't know how to tell her about. I know I will in time but it just isn't the right time yet.I would hate to hurt her so how do how do I break it to her without totally blowing her away. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 6:50:36 PM | | thats a hard one ive lost a child yrs ago as well as most my family . u never get over it u get through it ! it takes time it also makes u a stonger person. the tears will dry up ! life does go on. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 7:16:04 PM | | Honey eventually you just have to , Sometimes it get's unbearable but you just have to. Your are still alive. act like it. You should never forget them. I won't ever forget those I have lost but you can't stop living. Read the thread " Grief " It might help. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 7:18:51 PM | | I lost both of my parents to cancer and what helped me was coming to the realization and understanding that it was selfish on my part to want them to keep living even though I knew the pain that they were in. I wanted them to keep living for my benefit and not theirs. Thats when I was finally able to let go and start celebrating their lives instead of mourning their deaths. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/15/2006 10:03:22 PM | Losing a loved one is in this visual life only. They are still here - you just can't always see them. When you find them in the little mysteries or when you see something odd happen, or when you dream of them... they are with you. | |
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posh.
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Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 132 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/16/2006 12:18:25 PM | my dad committed suicide on my 30th birthday(4years ago)needless 2 say it turned my life upside down,me and my dad were very close and were more like "buddys",i thought id never get over it.even now 4years down the line i think about my dad every day,and miss him all the time it does become more bearable.my advise is seek counselling if you require it,surround yourself with friends and family and most importantly grieve no matter how long it takes its important to grieve.xxxxx | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/16/2006 5:57:55 PM | | After the loss of my son in a car accident almost five years ago, the best advice I can give anybody is that time will help make those wounds less severe. I remeber believing I could never live with the kind of pain I was experiencing for the first months, years...........I remeber having such turmoil I needed to just stay in bed.............it is trauma and our body and minds need recovery. Time will help............ I so sorry for your loss. | |
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Aunie
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Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 134 | |
| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/16/2006 7:54:42 PM | Jim,
I lost my middle son at birth. He lived 6 hours, the whole time they were trying to save him. He had a heart condition and no medical procedure could help him. I know a little bit what you are dealing with. My therapy, if you call it that, was spending all the time I could with my oldest son. In less than one year later, I had my third son. Some may say that was too soon, but I was ready to be a mom again.
I will admitt some days are still hard for me, especially on his birthday and holidays. But I know he is with God and someday I will see him again. Even though my son is not with me in body, he will always be in spirit. I will tell you that it has been 7 years and I am thankful that he did not have to sufffer and got to go on to be with God.
Take life one day at a time and love all your kids, all of them ( those still with you and your child that got to go be with God.).
Aunie | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 8/16/2006 8:17:47 PM | Losing my Mother and Brother whom I dearly and genuinely love with all my heart, I can empathize with what you are going through.
There are many support groups, one on one therapy and reading materials available to assisst in coping with the loss of a loved one. There is a section at Chapters with great books on dealing with grief. Try to remain close with the ones whom also loved the individual and provide them with comfort and support. In return you will get the support you need. Coming to the conclusion that death is a natural yet disturbing fact of life has us live in fear that the other side is something to fear because it is unknown. You must have some belief in something that enables you to believe that your loved one is being well looked after on the other side. If God created such a beautiful place here for us to enjoy just believe that the other side is just as magical for your loved one.
Another way I have learned to deal with death that may not be healthy but helps me is to put in my mind that they have moved and we can't talk for a while.
After the death your life will never be the same . It is a new life and you will always want to talk with the individual and remember key points that you shared.
If I seem insensitive in your time of grief I apologize.
---- -justin | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:09:21 PM | I did not stop and read all the previous threads, but just want to say that
I just heard that a dear friend of mine passed away days ago, the funeral was
already had. I missed it, because I was caught up in movingand my own problems,
and another friend had tried to call, but my previous phone number was disconnected.
Well, I found out through calling this friend.
I feel like an idiot sometimes, for not having at least called and checked in on the friend who
died.
Anyhow, I am so heartbroken and so shattered.
She was such a great person, and this is not something nice I am just saying because
she passed away!
She really was a super woman! I used to tease her sometimes and say that if she was a
man I would marry her, that made her laugh!
I dont know how to deal with this grief.
I can not stop the tears from flowing........
you know how hard it is to meet a good friend? Why do all the nice people have to be taken
away from me, and the crabby ones are still around?? | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/2/2006 11:00:07 PM | | My heart is with you, I have lost two foster brother's to suicide, a close friend to a car accident and two grandmother's in the past few years and it really is hard to get over it, I was very close to them and my life was a mess for quite awhile. I still break down off and on but I know they are with God now and they are looking down from heaven watching over me. Life does go on and it still gets hard but we have to be strong and stay close to the ones we have now to help us and comfort us. Take Care | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 9/2/2006 11:15:05 PM | Thanks rottiesirus
Sounds like you have lost many loved ones. It must be hard on you too. | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/12/2006 2:54:43 PM | if only someone had the answers to your questions...the person with the answers could make millions! I lost my Fiance just 4 months ago, when he was working on our family boat in our driveway, and it fell of the jack it was on and crushed his head, this happened right in front of me, and I don't think I will EVER be the same! We had a date set and everything!! It took me a LONG time to find this man only for him to ripped from me only 3 years later..and then for it to be so greusome, and for me to witness it....so please if anyone finds the answers to "how do you go on" or "when do the tears stop" or any of the other questions you ask yourself on a daily basis when somethig like this happens please....I beg you, to let me know what they are...thank-you. Brett | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/14/2006 3:48:31 PM | I have lost so many in my lifetime of 56 years.
My father passed away in 1975. We were always close. Where he was at, you would find me
My sister, brother-in-law, a niece and nephew all died when hit by a train in 1985.
I lost my granmother in Feb. 1993. my 16 year old son (train/car accident) July 1993, my mother Feb. 1994.
My husband of 12 years died at home from cancer in 2003.
My oldest brother in Nov 2005 and his wife Dec 2005.
It is hard to go on. My son was the baby of the family and he had just turned 16 in May. My husband was my rock. We cried together and he held me when I had really bad times. My mother told me that God has a special place for my son. That he needed someone to watch over the younger children in Heaven because Gary loved little kids so much. It helped a lot but I still miss and when Christmas comes around it is really hard because he was the one that made sure everything was special for all his neices and nephews. There will always be days when you think of them more and the tears will flow.
When I lost my husband it was the most devastating thing to happen to me. And to sit and watch someone you die and know there is nothing you can do makes it even worse. You pray for them not to suffer any longer and at the same time you don't want to lose them. It has been almost 4 years now and I still have a hard time. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat at times. He told me everyday before he died how much he loved me but after he was gone that I should go on with my life and not be alone for very long. It is hard getting back into the dating scene. I have just started again about a year ago. And at times I feel quilty and I know I shouldn't.
Just remember they are in a far better place than we are. There is no pain and suffering from anything now. The tears will slow down but their will be days when you miss them more than others and if you have family or friends around to help you through those days it will ease the pain. So on days you feel like you can't go on call someone you can count on, if they are true friends they will let you cry on their shoulder and comfort you. And then after a good cry go do something to help get your mind off things. I can assure you of one thing you will never forget them and the tears will come when you least expect it. Maybe from a song, a picture or just a memory.
To love and have lost is better than to never have loved at all.
May God keep you in his care.
Ellen | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/17/2006 2:04:39 PM | my partner was killed on friday 13th december 2002....we had a little row and he had left a friends party...i looked out of the window and saw a body in the middle of the road and it was my partner, my soulmate....we cremated him the day before christmas eve and buried his ashes the day after boxing day...i miss him dearly always will i have since had a little girl from a relationship that did not work out...my own doing because i still grieve.....but i also know he is with me in everything i do....when i see a single magpie i always say hello col cos i know that is him cos a magpie is not your sorrow but the magpies cos when they mate mate they mate for life so when you see one on their own it means they have lost their partner....this helps to heal me
good luck | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/17/2006 5:04:23 PM | I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my son 9ys ago and my partner 3yrs ago, both were a huge shock. Remember all the good time,which will be ever so many.And remember all the love that you shared.
It is the little things that I miss ever so much,the smile they gave, there after shave.
The one things that brings me to tears without fail, red socks!! my partner always wore them, it was his little trade mark and I just adored it.
Remember that so many of us care and truely feel your pain, you are not alone.
love to you all Mary27 | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/24/2006 11:39:50 AM | I received a card from a friend after the death of my husband. It read in part....
"I'll bet you've had about enough of
people telling you how strong you are
and how great you're doing during this
awful, difficult period in your life.
Maybe you'd rather hear someone say
how much this sucks,
how outrageous and unfair it is.
Maybe you'd like to hear someone tell you
you don't have to be strong all the time.
Here I am to tell you all that and more.
There is no right way or wrong way
at a time like this.
However you work through this is immaterial to me.
All I care about is that you ask for what you need,
lean on those who love you and try to trust me when I say
you'll come out the other side."
When my husband died suddenly I was working, tied up in volunteer work, planning a high school grad party, had family flying into town for graduation two weeks later, etc. I was too busy to stop. So I stayed as busy as possible. I realize now that I knew if I stopped I would crash.
Six weeks after his death was our anniversary. I woke up crying and didn't stop for four months. It has taken me over two years, but I have come out on the other side. Having gone through that horrible time has taught me to look at what's important in life. I don't "sweat the small stuff" anymore. I'm not going to waste the time I have here.
I am starting to get back into dating after 20+ yrs. Wow! It never occured to me that I'd be having a "first kiss" again.
Give yourself the time you need to heal. You have to walk through the valleys to stand upon the mountain again... | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/24/2006 6:58:38 PM | Well first of all, everyone is different in the way they handle death of a loved one. I went thru losing the man of my life, whom was my husband of 7 yrs. before he died in 1999. Of course there is a mourning period, some longer or shorter than others. Mine was about a year and a few months, when one day I woke up and realized that he is not coming back and that I must move on with my life. From that day forward I decided to not look back but to only go forward if I were to ever find someone again. Also you must not try to compare the next one to the one you lost, for it won't work, for every one is different in their own way. Here's something I wrote after his death and hopefully it will help you.
"People come and go in our lives, some by choice, others not, but we go on and we smile our biggest smile, we learn to laugh again and someday by chance, we learn to love again". | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/25/2006 3:01:50 AM | Losing a loved one to death,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
This is such a hard subject to deal with, but anyone of us could at any time lose a loved one at any time and it's totally out of our control. This is what life and death is all about and as we all know, life is far too short. We would like to believe life goes on but the pain and anguish remains with us forever. We are the survivors to continue the memories of our lost one who was loved by so many, we all must remember the good times that was shared while we lived and travelled down lives path. I myself recently lost both my Father and my Wife but I gained a Grandchild and I still have hope that someday things can only get better. I know my wife would not want me to sit at home and quit. I have to much of a passion for life and I know she would want me to carry on with a relationship with someone else, to be happy, to share, to love again. She always said unselfishly that I deserved so much better, but at times I wish it would have been me that was so sick and tired. Life can be so mysterious at times and all we can ask is why, why take away our loved one sometimes way to soon...
My heart goes out to you all who have witnessed such loses. All we can do is share the memories of their lives and special moments we shared with them. God Bless...
All__Canadian... | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/25/2006 3:48:28 PM | I know the answer to this (contact me privately ok)...TIME...great friends and support structure and if you have them....wonderful children and family....
~God Bless
~Rachael | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:26:35 PM |
hoe do you stop the tears
You don't. They will eventually stop and mourning the death of a loved one takes time. Starting a new life takes time as well and certainly you will never lose the memory of their love. That is something to cherish. You move on, or at least forward because you know they would want you to move forward and be happy. Mourning their death does them honor, but so does eventually picking up the pieces and carrying on where the two of you left off.
Their memory, their actions and their dreams will always be with you and you may always ask yourself "what would they do? What would they say?" More often then not, you will know the answer, whether it is from your memory or from their telling you makes no difference.
Cherish your relationship with them, but move forward as you know they would wish you to do. If after a time you believe is reasonable you still cannot do that, then seek some grief counseling.
Best wishes to you | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 10/25/2006 4:31:10 PM | I am really sorry to hear that and my heart goes out to you, have you thought about having some counselling to talk to someone about how you feel? | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 1/30/2007 6:46:48 PM | | Hi I am true friend, I lost my wonderful husband almost a yr ago from lung cancer, How do i go on with my life which he wanted me too, Being married 38 yrs so hard to go ahead and find a friendship, Please how do i begin, thank you true.friend | |
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| Losing a loved one to death
Posted: 1/30/2007 7:07:07 PM | Good thread. My cousin just died yesterday. He was only 25. Pulmonary Aneurism. Funeral is on Saturday and a 9 hour drive away from here. Ex works, she can't take the kids. It's my son's birthday on Saturday too. I SO want to go to the funeral but have no one to watch the kids while I go and this is going to be a VERY sad funeral. I won't take my kids. Especially not on my son's birthday. I am quite torn right now. What do do? Where are the answers?
I just talked with my Aunt. She's barely hanging on. My uncle and my other cousin are wrecks right now. She told me she would understand if I miss the funeral.
To anyone else suffering right now... Hang in there. Make some room for me and I'll hang in there with you.
Peace be with you all. | |
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