| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:10:03 PM | Easy one, Okie.
People are comforted by perceived patterns because they falsely believe they will then be able to identify the next fox in the hen house. It's much easier to look outwardly for demons than it is to confront & conquer the ones which reside within.... | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/12/2009 2:56:12 PM | HaHa... You put a smile on my face nightwing! Haven't heard that one in a while:
En boca cerrada, no entran moscas,eh?
But I think due to the forums my mouth is full of flies!
Note: to the forum-police-Spanish-intolerant, nightwing said: "In a closed mouth, flies do not enter" Of course much cuter in Spanish.
Okie, I agree with nightwing, if I understood your question (I am not sure what "blank statements" are).
Fear of the unknown makes people uncomfortable about anything they don't understand because is different.
You notice children are much more open to exploration. Perhaps over time, pain makes us afraid and less likely to be open and flexible, tolerant.
I am surprised in your list you never mentioned "race". That is a huge one. Perhaps it is too obvious? LOL
In my life I have had a few "invitations" to be tolerant. Myself, being of an interesting racial mixture, plus having been born and raised in another and totally different part of the world from my racially mixed parents, have been in and out of the center of prejudism.
But I don't care. I love being like a "joker" in the game of rummy: I fit anywhere I want to fit.
Mi middle son is bisexual. One day, an oder relative asked if I loved him anyway..... Dumb question. Of course I do!!! -----I honestly don't understand homosexuality. Some people say is inherent, some say it's a choice, some say it's a "sin".... I have no idea...But I love him anyway...who cares!
All I know is that rigidity kills, and that we live in a world of illusions where very few things and even people are what they appear to be. All I can do is be my best self, and hopefully others will do the same...even though the general trend is to blame or look for answers outside of ourselves. It took me a little while, but I finally understood this quote by Marianne Williamson:
"It is what you haven't given that can be lacking in any situation"
I think of this whenever I feel someone isn't giving me what I need/want.
Cheers, MN  | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/14/2009 6:24:24 PM | | I think I've just found the rare exception to nightwing's no-pic rule. I also live in Florida, and I'm well aware of the emphasis on looks - and MONEY - that is so pervasive here. I just joined this site this past week; and, when I did my first search and discovered that members appear on the screen with only photo boxes, used the favorite option to bookmark those who interested me so I could find them when I wished to message someone. Only two out of the dozen or so I favorited have no photo posted. Before I got around to emailing anyone, one lady on my favorite list sent a message. When I saw it in my inbox, my first thought was "just my luck that it's one of the no-photo ones." I opened it anyway, and to my surprise found not only a friendly and well-written message but an attached photo. It's an outdoor distance shot and I can't make out her face clearly, but at least I can tell she's not obese. She's 51, and as far as I can tell from the photo is attractive. I thought that she didn't post a photo with her profile for privacy reasons; but this thread brings up the possibility that she may have been somehow testing me. If so, then perhaps I passed a test when I favorited her. Sorry for the length of this post - I decided to write because I find what nightwing wrote interesting to ponder. | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/15/2009 6:51:16 AM | Sort of like playing a game with you. Thanks, but no thanks.
Bob, I agree with you about the possibility this could be kind of a 'game' that she was playing! ALSO - for the record - I DO think everyone SHOULD post a picture!
However, I DO find that the 'concept' of learning about a person's character, interests, qualities, philosphies (the cerebral) etc., BEFORE 'revealing' the physical attributes...........has MERIT!! NOTE: I did say 'concept'!!
How MANY times have both men and women been 'smitten' with the physical aspects of a person ONLY to find that when they scratched beneath the 'surface' they didn't like what they saw!
OF course there is the 'other' side of the coin, where you liked the 'character' of the person but did not like what they LOOKED like!
WHO said this was going to be EASY??? NOT me!!
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:05:54 AM | I had someone contact me without a pic once who sent me one privately and seemed to think that just because he wasn't unattractive I'd be anxious to go out with him. However, he went on and on about how ignorant and stupid he thought it was to put a pic on the Internet (which I do). He also never really sufficiently answered my queries as to why he felt that way, as I tend to think they have something to hide, from somebody.
Whether it's for business reasons (high security position), or personal reasons (they're married or in a committed relationship), I didn't get a satisfactory explanation as to why, in his opinion, it was something he'd NEVER do and anyone who DOES is a moron. Therefore, why did he want to get to know me, a moron? | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/15/2009 4:29:55 PM |
The sarcasm was NOT lost on me, glad to see it wasn't on YOU either
You gotta LOVE the 'irony'! If nothing else, by 'consorting' with a picture-posting internet dater.....
he was guilty himself 'by association' of being a MORON!
Kind of off topic, but does ANYBODY else think it is 'moronic' when a MAN who is say '55' - says he is ONLY interested in women who are between 38 and 48???
Like it's OK that HE is 55...................but.........NOT his woman!!!
Go figure! | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/15/2009 4:57:00 PM | Funny you say that Leslie, because I was just thinking that it was probably more ironic than sarcastic (but it was both).
Also, to your other point, I recently posted on another thread about "profile lists of requirements" that it's a turn off to me if a man lists in his profile that the age range he's looking for starts about 10-15 years younger and ends about 3-5 years younger than he is. 
Here's that thread (msg #44)
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11765046.aspx
I hope your flu is better - I was getting better but seem to have had a bit of a relapse this weekend. :(
At least getting my library book read (the same one I took to the Keys and had to renew lol) | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/15/2009 5:07:21 PM |
I recently posted on another thread about "profile lists of requirements" that it's a turn off to me if a man lists in his profile that the age range he's looking for starts about 10-15 years younger and ends about 3-5 years younger than he is.
Thanks, Hallie! It's comforting to know I'm not the ONLY one who is turned off by men who do that! | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/15/2009 7:53:52 PM | ^5........I am soooo with you ladies on this one.
Nothing more hilarious then to see a 50+ gentleman's profile stating his fishette's age range is much less then his own. THEN you look at the pic and spew Coke all over your keyboard!!
I just laugh and say "Boy he must be loaded"!! (With cash!! With cash!!) | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 4:15:41 AM |
I think I've just found the rare exception to nightwing's no-pic rule. Nope. We clearly said it was one of three reasons: A) married; B) obese; C) have psychological issues or beliefs that lie so far outside the reality that we deal with that we simply dont want to deal with them.
If so, then perhaps I passed a test when I favorited her. Sorry for the length of this post See item "C", above.
Shore, I hate to be the one to say it but you have as much of a chance as a  in  of finding an exception to the A/B/C rule.
As for the change in topic to why men choose younger women... I mean besides the pure DUH! factor of the answer... for the same reason some women who are 50+ years old clearly state they want men between the ages of 28 and 38... its personal preference! | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 5:04:40 AM | Every rule has an exception.....so there certainly could be folks who temporarily don't have a photo up.
A nice woman posting on this thread has a photo up now & is certainly attractive.....& conversing w/ her has proven that she's not saddled w/ issues (her reasons for not having a pic up were legit & temporary).
They are out there...probably rare in Florida, tho. | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:11:20 AM |
As for the change in topic to why men choose younger women... I mean besides the pure DUH! factor of the answer... for the same reason some women who are 50+ years old clearly state they want men between the ages of 28 and 38... its personal preference!
Yeah - I understand it is a PERSONAL PREFERENCE and I also understand the DUH-factor! I’d have to be ‘udderly’ STUPID not to!!!
HOWEVER - the ‘red flag’ that waves its blustery, egotistical, arrogant face says:
“I might be OLDER - but it’s OK for ME ========- but I do NOT find it acceptable for my MATE to be as OLD as I am”.
I can’t help but speculate how this attitude of not applying the same principals to YOURSELF as you do to your MATE would insidiously creep into other aspects of a relationship.
DO I think there are successful relationships where there are age differences?? OF COURSE I DO!
What I find offensive is someone blatantly & emphatically stating that they will NOT even ENTERTAIN
meeting someone of their OWN age!
JUST reeks of arrogance! Grant you, that is just MY personal take on it! | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:39:38 AM | I agree with the red flag and the egotistical ways but it has been widely accepted in our society for 100's of years so I dont see it changing.
Typically an older man offers a younger woman things she cant get from men her own age: Security, social promenance and access (experiences... i.e. trips to europe). In return he gets a smokin hot looker that tells everyone that he A) can provide those things and B) he still has it.
Its no different from any other paid relationship, just the payment is long term and has three legal documents associated with it: Prenup, mariage license and divorcee decree.
To add fuel to this fire, what do older women bring to the table? Flabby butts, bad attitudes and lots of accumulated issues... (Let the battle begn!) | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:40:21 AM | | Yes and also insecurity, lack of self-esteem and mid-life crisis issues because they can't accept themselves getting older and need a younger woman to help bolster that sagging ego. I'm not thrilled about aging but in my opinion a younger person only accentuates the differences rather than allowing me to deny the reality. | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:53:07 AM |
but it has been widely accepted in our society for 100's of years so I dont see it changing.
Typically an older man offers a younger woman things she cant get from men her own age:
AGREED! There is NO doubt that what you say IS accurate! There have been times n my life when I was significantly younger that I was VERY attracted to older men.......they possessed a level of sophistication and experience that appealed to me.
MAYBE it's a case of 'diminishing returns' now that I am older! NOW - a much older man is probably DEAD!!!! | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 6:59:26 AM | | Leslie that's funny. I've met some men quite a bit older who I find quite attractive and fun to be with! Then all my friends say "he's too old for you." I say it's not about age, really, if you know and like someone, but I have concerns about a long-term situation with anybody, no matter how old they are, the older I get. If all I wanted was fun, it'd be a lot easier too, but I'm not. I'm boring and serious lately lol. | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 7:18:56 AM |
it's not about age
That's so true, Hallie, and my second marriage was proof of that. My late wife was 11 years younger than me, which I'm sure many would say was TOO young. (She would have been 53 now.) It was a wonderful marriage and now she is gone and I'm not. Go figure?
It IS about that thing we call "chemistry" that none of us seem to have the formula for. | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:55:20 AM |
It IS about that thing we call "chemistry" that none of us seem to have the formula for. I have determined that Chemistry is a subconcious attraction to someone based on a finite but unknown set of signals. Depending on where we are in our emotional evolution this "chemistry" can lead us to attract the same bad apples over and over again OR draw us to worthy partners.
Disappointment and heartache come when our signal receptors tell us there is chemistry with someone and when we get to know them we find they are NOT who or what we thought they were...
That's my theory. | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 10:00:00 AM |
Chemistry is a subconcious attraction to someone based on a finite but unknown set of signals
Hmmm... interesting. I think it's a combination of both:
overt (looks and instant physical attraction) and covert (what you said).
I think the covert is where we need our red flag detective radars activated! | |
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| why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 2/16/2009 11:28:10 AM | I can have instant chemistry with someone I'm attracted to, get to know them and lose the chemistry. I cannot have instant chemistry with someone I'm not attracted to, but some people can "grow" on you. I really don't think I contradicted what you said, however. My intention was to expound on it (in a humorous manner - oh well) and add to it.
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