| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:07:04 AM | yea, that's the thing, it's as if people don't REALLY want to make a connection, just wanna put their big toe in... regardless of what the profiles say. (either that or the guy's really married?)
but i have a hard time understanding that, i mean, if i didn't really wanna find somebody, i am pretty sure i'd not be on in the market trying to find somebody, ya know?  | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:38:11 AM | i truely think a lot of people are new to online relationships and feel that they are not real yet. i have noticed this a lot. they haven't even talked themselves into this as a true venue for dates. they hold the old fashioned belief that anyone online is weird ( maybe they think they are weird so everyone else is too) .
I have had this happen in several ways not only with singles sites but online chat and singles phone chats and all i can say is it smacks of a person that will be committment phobic in the future and you can be happy you got rid of them before they hurt you. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:46:14 AM | I get this all the time... I must have talked to about 50 girls in the history of being on this website.
Everthing is going great...I get their phone number is going great.
Then all of sudden nothing!! They get really quiet and really just short in their answers....like I am bothering them. My gut feeling is they are talking to a few guys and they just one out of the few. You know lkie picking a dog at the SPCA. You play with them for awhile and then you play with this one for awhile...then you leave with one or just don't even pick one. It would be nice to to just be fuching honest...and tell the others what you are doing......:)
Thanks for letting me vent...people are such users. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/18/2006 2:35:28 PM | I hear the same thing from my male and female friends. It's something like being at the grocery store......you pick out a lettuce and it looks great then you see one that looks a bit better so you take that one instead.....
A. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/18/2006 10:12:06 PM | yea, opera, i think you're onto something, absolutely right.
and hendrix and angel, i also think it works that way. there's something really artificial about meeting people this way, isn't there? beginning to wonder if it's just not the way... | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 12:18:33 AM | | Okay I loved that someone posted this topic as this has been bugging me since I joined this site. I have had it happen several times where a man will email you a lot and call you and then wham he disappears without a trace. My most recent one happened the other week. We had been communicating for a while. I had been busy with school and told him we could meet up once I had a break. We talked on the phone and things went well and we made plans for Thursday night. He funny thing is we even talked about how people had disappeared on both of us from this site and how rude it was. I called him the day before we were to meet and left him a message just to make sure we were still on. Then he called and left a message and cancelled claiming to have to work late but I know this was a lie (the Canucks were playing that night and I know he is a huge hockey fan, he should have just been honest) and could he take me out Friday or Sunday night. So I called him back left a message and said sure to let me know which night we were on for. Well needless to say I have not heard back from him and I even sent a message through the site which I know he picked up. So I am assuming he either got cold feet, or lied about something to me and knew I would figure it out when we met or maybe he discovered someone better as someone else had posted on here. It seems all the men are like "yeah you seem great but maybe there is something better for me". I feel it is like kids in a candy store. I often feel this whole site is like a video game or a form of cheap entertainment for some people. | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 32 | |
| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:23:55 AM | ^^^^This post from this person is very very curious! A thread she began about an undeserving lout who dared meet her and he was NOT all he promised includes how her past boyfriends have all be acceptable. Now she's lamenting that a guy disappears on her----doesn't one have to wonder if it's her----or them?
If she's have the wonderful being she describes in her own profile how does an unaccepable person get through her filter OR why does yet another one suddenly disappear? Somethings amiss here----and I'm suspected it's not always "them" one bit---we don't have their side of it, do we????
Look before you leap--unless you like having horror stories to tell?? | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:13:59 AM | | Sounds like jwa is jealous. Thanks to the others who have been nice enough to let me vent. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:35:06 AM | yea, fashionmuse, i don't have a clue what jwa is talking about... you're wonderful in reality, i'm sure, and so am i :-)... just because we wind up talking to a few guys who are unreliable or ambivalent doesn't mean there's something wrong with us, and i am sure that's happening to lots of guys as well...
yea your situation does sound like some of the ones i've experienced. i think it must have something to do with the medium, that we are meeting these people online and because it's as if it's not really real, they think they can just disappear without a word and who cares "because it wasn't really real anyway" -- or something like that.
my son also made a good point -- he said it could be partly an age thing, he was saying for people his age (he's 25) doing things on the net is perhaps more normal, more real, but perhaps for people my age/our age, it is less so since we didn't grow up with computers and the net when we were much younger... i wonder if it might be partly that too. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 6:53:27 PM | Thanks Merf for your support. You are right, I read your profile and you are wonderful. :) If I was a lesbian I'd contact you. Heck with the way things have been going on this site it looks like a good option right about now lol!
Your son may indeed have a point. Like you I find people are living in a fantasy life on here and not in reality. But if anything when I encounter people like that I just realize how glad I am to be the person I am (and that my parents did a good job of instilling values and morals in me) and to live an honest life and enjoy what I have and work with what I got. I believe everything happens for a reason and the ones who disappear well they were supposed to disappear I guess as it wasn't meant to be.
Again thanks honey for the support! | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:24:00 PM | hi fashion, thanks! if i was a lesbian i'd certainly be hitting on you, sister! :-)
yea, there is something about virtual-land that's always frightened me a bit... it's a crazy place, right?, where there ARE loads of people "being somebody they're not" and that kinda freaks me out... then again, i have made some amazing wonderful friends online, beautiful people, you know?
have an excellent night, fashion! :>) | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:08:18 PM | It's always going to work both ways, no matter how or where or when. I had someone who kept asking for my phone number, and I kept telling him I wasn't ready to give it to him. I wouldn't hear from him for awhile, and the next time I did, he'd ask for it again. It's funny, each time he asked, I had this mental image of a stringer of fish... | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/15/2009 11:51:14 PM | | With this online dating you dont get to see someone face to face. You dont get to see their manorism ,hear their laugh, or be attracted by cute things they do. You have to judge them by their pictures and what they write to you. Writing can be edited before sending. In person what you say isn't retreiveable. So after enough emails you have to decide if you really want to meet this person or not. If not does one hurt feelings and give it straight? Or drag them out with shorter and shorter messages until they get the hint and stop? Or just stop wasting both your time and disapear! Personally Ive used all methods above. Straight up isn't one I use often. A scorned woman packs hells fury. They claim they want the truth but can't handle it.Theres a number of reasons why I did. It's usually after exchanging personal email addresses,receiving other pictures and realizing that the site ones weren't current. Like yours hulahoney. I see a few years difference in your face and body! But to each his own. If they were honest to start with it could have been different. But deceptions a red flag for me and gives insight into the future of what you would be dealing with. Not everybodys going to like you. That's why we chat. To find out. So if they disapear,move on! Something just didn't click. My easiest method of checking honesty is sent message. You can ask if they got your message. The liars will say they haven't been online in a while or haven't opened it not realizing you can check on read or not read and when. After caught it 3 or more fibs I disapear! Vertan users are wise to this and dont get caught but most have no idea. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 6:02:21 AM | | This is by far the most redundant subject on here. Do a search before posting for th elove of Pete. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 6:42:40 AM | Yes, it is very likely that they have set up back up dates... I mean, in all seriousness, the danger of this site is that you could very easily become a serial dater... one date for every day of the week...
Personally, if a guy says "I promise you will hear from me tomorrow"... just the wording of the assertion would be offensive as though he is certain that you are salivating for him....
What he should have said is, "would be it ok if you heard from me as soon as tomorrow?".. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 9:52:36 AM | If you think about it...you didnt meet the guy in person.
Talk is cheap.Anyone can say nice things to someone even without meeting them.
IMO those people who you never meet in real life HAS the RIGHT to disappear.
I think you got carried away with his "sweet nothing" talks.
How could he say he likes you and vice-versa if you havent met yet?
Who knows if you have met each other in real life things could have changed?
Its better to disappear now--than later....no expectations..dont feel bad.....you guys dont have any relationship YET in any shape or form.
It was just a chat! | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 10:10:06 AM | I'm going to be some tough love right here, right now...
Why wonder why?
They weren't as attracted to you in order to take it to the next step OP. For whatever reason it was, whether that's the case or life just got in the way of making online dating plans, just keep on fishing. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 10:33:22 AM | he probably got the plague! there was this guy i was talking to and he got the plague, it was the reeeal bad kind that dissolves your fingers so you cant type or use your phone, very sad tragic case it was.was never seen again, i often wonder if i shouldve called the local undertaker to see if he checked in............. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 12:34:44 PM | | I think they've either got cold feet or else they're one of those guys who enjoys the thrill of the chase and you gave it up too easy. Dating is stuuuuupid... lol | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 5:48:47 PM | | well usaly thay are liers and cheters so you dont miss much thank god thay disaperd befor you could fall for them,dont fret over the litol stuf lots of men will stay and become youre frend atleast,ive had it hapen too me to,and found out later he was marred all a long so dont worry about the bad apols consontrate on the good ones. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 7:17:49 PM | I posted a thread about this a while back called "Disappearing Acts." I got a lot of mean, nasty replies, such as "he was just not that into you," "maybe you're not attractive enough," ad nauseum. The reality is, these people hung all over me like cheap suits, asked me to set aside specific nights for them, then disappeared and didn't have the decency to even call to cancel.
In every, I mean EVERY instance, they wound up responding to my ads again. Two guys who did this to me responded FOUR MORE TIMES!!!!
Since, I did not post a photo, they obviously didn't know who I was. Yet, they responded FOUR MORE TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So much for finding someone "better" than me!
There is no excuse for this awful behavior. These people are scum, and they should be banned from dating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, yeah, they just are not "into you," blah, blah, blah.
BULLSHIT! If you are just not "into" someone, then why bother to ask them to set aside a specific day/evening and disrupt your schedule.?! That is BULLSHIT! People like that should be reported and outed for the miserable creeps that they are! | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/16/2009 9:09:01 PM | | It's always the hiders with no pictures up that whine the most. All the while they search others with pics but get bent when we tire of talking to nameless faceless type. I think pictureless whinners should be banned! Or at the least if they dont post then there only allowed to view profiles! That would thin them out but quick! | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/17/2009 1:48:29 AM | Its called the POOF syndrom, it happens a lot on here. You just go its them and not you. Move on since there are lots of fish in the pond.
Never second guess yourself you will find some show lots of interest but dont want to meet in the real world. This is usually because they are not what they say they are. Some will want to meet right away to see if you are desparate and willing to give them sex. Some will set up a date and not show.
You again go its them and not you. There are just a lot of bottom feeders/snakes/sucker fish and garbage fish in the pond. You have to keep trying till you find a trophy fish. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/17/2009 3:26:23 AM | Merf:
This is just Life on the Internet.
Seriously.
There is nothing more to it.
It took me by surprise when I first got online until I realized what was going on.
After that it's really not much of an issue. | |
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| people who disappear...
Posted: 3/17/2009 3:50:59 AM | yea, maybe so, grantmoore. but it's weird because in both cases the guy initiated contact with me and kept talking about how very very interested he was in me...? i was wondering also if it's a problem with people online not really being sure they want to find somebody, despite what the profiles say, like a kind of general cold feet thing?
Maybe you didn't show enough interest. Just yesterday, I sent an email to a woman in whom I was very interested, that said, ``Nevermind. Thanks for your time,'' although last week, she said she'd meet me for dinner. The reason I did that is because she didn't indicate enough interest. The problem is not that I don't want to ``find somebody,'' it's that I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't act interested enough. Among other things, that means not leaving my emails unread or replying to them in timely fashion. If someone doesn't answer an email the next time she's online, that's not a timely enough fashion for someone who's supposedly interested in going out on a date. So, perhaps you aren't acting interested enough for someone to want to follow through. It's not a ``cold feet'' thing. It's an, ``I want to get the show on the road, so don't be wishy-washy'' thing.
Some will want to meet right away to see if you are desparate and willing to give them sex.
If someone doesn't want to meet me right away, she isn't interested enough. | |
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