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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/7/2007 8:12:42 PM | Wow, interesting range of reactions to this one. Obviously there are a lot of different situations here. Some are very noble, and some are pathological.
In my family, we have givers and takers. After my Dad was hospitalized with Alzheimers, my mum went on yet another credit card binge. One of my siblings joined with me to pay off the debt and save her home, the others just made it perfectly clear that they still wanted a full cut of the estate when Mom passes, and thats it.
I'm the youngest, and I left home long before the eldest did, and he will not help in any way. I can't understand it. I just hope loving mum, staying in touch, and being her friend, she can live out her life with dignity, and maybe ease the pain of a broken heart. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/8/2007 7:41:52 PM | curious...i've had 2 long term relationships. Both were living at home past the age of 30. One was actually 40 when moved out and into my place. Both were country boys helping on the farm and with the family stuff. Both had jobs off the "farms" too. Told myself wouldn't do it again. No more men/boys living at home.
Now realize there could be times when there might be an exception. In Dec 06, moved into my grandfathers house to be his part-time caretaker. He's 85 but still fairly functional. I make sure he takes his meds., cook and clean for him. I also work full time. I've taken a few daytrips and left him for periods of time without issue. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/9/2007 2:07:01 PM |
It is all bs in my eyes. Seems these days everyone gets judged by how they live, what the drive and type of job. And sadly many people will live their lives based on other's opinions.
Well said Champ.
It's true that it MIGHT BE that living with ones parents might be an indication that they are a, ahem, "loser". OR it might be an indication that they are flexible people, acquainted with the fine art of compromise, and who can see beyond themselves.
Likewise, one can take a person living alone as an indication thatthey are a "winner". OR it could be taken as an indication that they are inflexible, have no aptitude for compromse, always want things there own way and place themselves first.
As I've said before in this thread, when I stopped in a couple of months back, if a person doesn't have their hand in YOUR pocket, how is it your concern? Where is it your place to generalize, judge or ridicule them? Likewise, if they are contributing members of the household.
I lived on my own, or at least ot with my parents, for most of my adult life. My mother lives with me and my son now, and no one is getting a free ride. I love my mother. I like a household that is filled with a spirit that transcends me. I'm definitely not a momma's boy. I stand beside my family and place what is right over what looks cool any day of the week. And don't consider what I lose in the process much of a loss. And I'd much rather accomodate and answer to the parents of a woman I was interested in than to her friends. Of course, we all have our priorities.
I don't see too much sense in kicking up a bunch of dust calling people one doesn't even know LOSERS, based on such a small matter of little consequence at that. Unless of course it is to mask some greater fault or inadequacy that the accuser possesses, as is generally the case. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:25:16 AM | | Growing up in Italian background, there is nothing out of the ordinary about this in our culture and other cultures. If the person is working/contributing and not sponging off their parents, then doesnt really matter. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:52:46 AM | ^^ You will find that North America, the accepting thing is if you are of European backgrounds. Because people realize those cultures are family oriented. When someone is not of that background they will be ridiculed and criticized. Sad hw people's business has become what others will judge others about when it has nothing to do with them.
Why people feel justified to explain to someone why they live at home still is uncalled for. Because most times the person you are explaining to will not see it the same way because they left home say around 24 yrs old and think you should have also regardless. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:58:47 PM | I don't live at home and that has done such wonders for my dating life that I'm still at this site.
I do not accept that one is suddenly grown up when leaving the household. Sure, there are new lessons to learn, but we get those one way or another. A strong family is to be cherished, not demonized for someone living with them, due to an irrationally set age limit. It takes different strokes to rule the world, I guess.
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Mia828
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Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 382 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/11/2007 8:32:34 AM | Hmm. I would like to know what state or city you live in so can laugh at your ex. Because I live in NYC and trust me I can't afford the rent. So I had to move back home with my parents. That doesn't make me a loser.
And when I think about it a lot of people I know that are in their late 30's and early 40's are still living home with their parents as well. But once again rent here in the city is very high.
But unlike your ex, I do pay my own bills and help out with their bills. Also I've notice different cultures of single my own age living at home with their families find it unnatural for single women and men to living alone. I've just learn this now so I don't feel so bad.
Plus living at home helps me save up for my own co-op. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/12/2007 11:35:05 PM | alura2
All I can say is good for you if you have been able to take care of yourself and live on your own. Most people in their 20s and 30s these days are doing well because they have been able to receive help from their parents. There are very few in their 20s and 30s that have been able to create their wealth without any help from mommy and daddy. Or you have to take into consideration that high economic status offers advantages to attaining wealth.
There isn't any point of being judgemental when we live in a society of haves and have nots. Or live in a country where Bill Gates owns a mansion and the homeless man sleeps on the street.
I'm from Queens, New York. I only need to take the subway to go into the Big Apple "the greatest city in the world". Riding through the subways you can see homeless people just sleeping in the subways while going to Fifth Avenue to shop at New Yorks most expensive stores. New York is the place to find wealth and welfare living in the same street.
Maybe your ex-boyfriend is in a situation where he's just lucky to have a roof over his head. And his parents are willing to help him out until he's able to create his own wealth. Otherwise living on your own and living well is anything but cheap and if your ex-boyfriend can't settle for any old neighborhood, he won't like living on his own.
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/15/2007 4:17:09 PM | IMO, someone living situation says a lot about the person, It shows their level of responsibility, sometimes their emotional stability and their ability to prioritize to a degree, I believe everyone should live on their own for a period of time so that they can develop the know how on living by oneself and not being dependent on someone, my reasoning is If they are living together and something happens to the partner, they already know that they can do it because they did it before, I know it sounds simple
My reasoning is this, when a couple is married, living together etc etc etc, both partners knows what it like to manage/balance a full time job and a house/apartment etc, so that one partner doesnt expect the other do do everything and take care of them like they are a infant.
Did our parents live at home (depending on the culture) because it was the easier method of accomplishing their goals??? probably not, I know mine didnt, they hunkered down, bit the bullet and SACRIFICED
If youre a adult and want a higher level of education, then more power to you, I think you should make the necessary sacrifices and do it on your own.
The exception to the rule are those who move back home to take care of aging parents, God bless them for their devotion to their parents,or losing their home due to natural disasters or things beyond one's control, I'm sure there other good reasons.
I have a problem with adults who mooch off their parents, that to me is plain wrong | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/15/2007 6:02:26 PM | There are specific reasons why adult children come home. Wether that be to help them get back on thier feet after a bad breakup.. health issues..loss of job.. moving or a new baby in thier lives some go back to school and tuiition and cost of living in very very high.. Most of the time its a temporary thing, and they are back out again in a few months.
Sometimes thier parents fall ill ( god help them) and they are needed back home. All of the above are commendable...and most children contribute and do thier best to help in the home.Wether it be in housekeeping...rent..the shopping..the driving...sometimes just helping without money is all it takes.
But living with your parents like its a hotel a restaurant...a taxi service and bank account is not acceptable in my books. Its unfair and cruel to place yourself as a burden. Your parents raised you to grow up GROW UP!!
It makes me sick when I see parents taken advantage of and help enable thier adult kids in staying longer and longer at home. ( like my ex..its been 5 yrs no change) I am ASTONISHED that his parents havent thrown him out and changed the locks.
IMHO>> i am quite worried if he DOES MOVE OUT!! can he make it on his own?? its always been either me.. or his mommy and daddy doing everything for him.He hasnt an ounce of responsibilty in him! He hasnt been on his own in years..
I dont see it changing.. and im so freakin happy that im an adult and act like it. Succcess really is power isnt it?? | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/16/2007 5:56:01 AM | Someone wanted me to ask here:
Do rock stars Kim Wilde, and Kylie and Dannii Minogue still live at home?
On the topic, I personally think the one *valid* reason for living at home after 30 is caring for a sick parent. That I would find "noble" in a way, but even then I would probably prefer to simply move closer to them (so I could be there to help out), but not move in with them. But I agree with trikersbaby, a lot of people I've seen just need to grow up and take responsibility for their own lives. My GF has a good one, a friend of hers who knows a guy that is in his 30's, still lives at home, doesn't work, and is 'practicing' to become an olympic figure skater or something (and has every excuse in the book for not practicing enough). I mean *get real*, if you arent there by 30, you never will be. Me, I'd move into a little one room hole in the wall apartment before "running home to mommy and daddy", I don't expect them to help me financially, I *want* to stand on my own two feet. I mean, ok, if you get divorced and move out, and need to spend 3 months with your parents while looking for a place to live, maybe. If you're over 30 and have spent *years* living with your parents, or have never left home at all, there's something wrong. And again, agreeing with trikersbaby, it would make me wonder if they *can* make it on their own, because one would question if they even have the skills to survive on their own, and if getting into a relationship with them would just be substituting yourself taking care of them for their parents. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/16/2007 5:29:22 PM | ^^ Wow I moved back home 5 years ago to help my mom out financially. She got laid off after 30 yrs at the same job, was in her mid 50's and sure can't find a decent job in the snap of a finger. I have and still get bashed by women for it, at one point I did feel that maybe having a good relationship with my mom, helping her out financially is not the right thing to do...then I thought wait a minute. To hell with what these women think, this is my mom, who raised me all on her own with no help from anyone. having no father and no bros and sis just me and my mom, I felt obligated to help her out. And for the first couple of years I paid all the bills and rent while she paid what she had to to get back on track financially. Now the rent is 60% mine as I make more than her, I pay the phone, cable, laundry..actually I do the laundry yes..I do actually, scary huh? I also help with buying the groceries. I clean the apartment..my mom taught me how to budget my income, taught me responsibility. Now I use that in helping her out.
When the lease is up this summer I will move out back on my own as my mom has now got a job that pays good enough, she can retire in 4 more years as well.
Sad thing is I have to explain this all to women and then they say "I left home at 24 I don't see why your mom could not get help from other family members, you do not have to be the one to help her"
Well I felt I wanted to, I felt that being my only parent in my life, I will help her. But most women I have met frown upon it..yet they go out shopping with their mothers every weekend and do lunch...then they say men should never have a close relationship with their mom, should be with their dad...hmm my dad walked out when I was 3..died 16 years ago..was never a part of my life...sad how people expect others to be a certain way and not appreciate how someone is. Unreal. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/16/2007 10:57:10 PM | ^ Champ,
See, in your situation (were it a woman ;-) ), I would take no issue with that. You've been on your own, and taking care of your parent (your mother) was 'situational' (sp?). I personally find that noble, and would probably do the same. Perhaps saying "sick parent" in my post was too limiting, but realizing all that my parents have done for me over the years I would not hesitate to help them if need be.
The women that "frown on it", sorry, but seeing as you have been independant and self-sufficient (and still are) and are doing it to help out your elderly parent, I would consider a *positive* trait, not a negative. That is their own shallowness.
What I think the intent of this thread was, is to comment on people that, barring other circumstances, are "mooching" off their parents. Thus the "over 30 and *still* living at home". My one above, the "olympic skater wannabe", to me, get a life, his parents need to punt him out the door because they *aren't* doing him any favors in life. Eventually they aren't going to be around, and he will have no "life skills" to survive on. *You* on the other hand, sound like you do.
If I met someone who was 30+, and still living at home, and had *never* been on their own, I would have to seriously question why. There is a vast difference between "paying part of the bills" and "being on your own". One needs to learn, at some point, that there is not a "safety net" that is always going to be there, and that you need to be responsible for your own choices. I think until one leaves "home" and is on their own, fully, they dont' realize that. Life isn't all "comfort, toys, and easy living".
I personally would commend you on your choice. Maybe it didn't do your dating life any favors, but then again, your own feeling of "doing the right thing, to help someone who did so much for me in the past" is commendable, and worth more than a few dates. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/21/2007 3:52:59 PM | noo what u did was commendable... and even I would applaud you for it. Just as it was our parents duty to help us and raise us...when the need comes we simply cannot turn away a blind eye when our own parents need us back.
This happened to my fiances mother as well. She got injured ( broke her leg) on the job and was never the same after that. The 2 boys had to take her in...she had to give up her apartment...her freedom and privacy to live with her sons.
My guy is fiercely independant and now 3 yrs later his brother loves having his mom around, and has continued keeping his mom there with him. The only sad part is...... theres no getting rid of her!!! I think she has gotten so used to being mommy again..shes grown dependant on her sons.
ohh well. Its funny...i had this talk with my hunny last night actually. We were comparing how each of us has moved on so much and accomplished so much in 5 yrs whereas my ex and my fiances ex hasnt budged an inch.
We have great jobs... a home...new cars...money in the bank...happy and in love...expecting our new baby soon...its sad. Our exes still live at home...are broker than shit..in and out of relationships non stop...and seem to have no drive to move on and get a life..WHAT GIVES??? like I said earlier.. im very worried if my ex DOES MOVE OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD.. will he handle it?? will he flop...will be able to provide a weekend home thats suitable for his kids?? I have this worry all the time.. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/24/2007 6:36:07 AM | | Know 2 classmates from high school still live at home, one is taking care of his Grandfather though. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 2/27/2007 12:24:40 AM | | LOL. Silly me for staying either at my parents or brother's house. After all, if I had someone sending me the amount of money that I send my ex-wife every month then I would have a $250,000 home and a $40,000 dollar car, too. There may be a few important details that you are leaving out of this. For insight into the lack of drive into males today, take a look at Robert Moore's work, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover here http://robertmoore-phd.com/0062506064.cfm | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/2/2007 2:44:57 PM | I had to move back home after my divorce my exwife left me in a financial ruin. I was forced to sell off my house at a loss and pretty but everything I owned was sold to pay off debit
Now its been two years and I'm almost back on my feet again soon i'll have another house and I'll be living the high life
I don't care if it wen't for my parents I'd be stuck living in a shitty appartment eating Kraft Dinner for years | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 395 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/12/2007 9:10:34 PM | | For me it's a definate NO NO... I've been living on my own since 26 and I'm 38 now.... The moment I left home I had to get used to it ofcourse for a couple of months.. But now that I flew out of the nest I'd never go back to my parents, unless it's an emergency... Nowadays we visit each other, but I love having my own place and space. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/12/2007 9:42:01 PM | I think ppl put WAY to much emphasis on this type of situation...
do you know their financial situation?
do you know their emotional state?
do they have children?
do you know if its regarding their parents health and well being?
c'mon ppl... get a grip... have at last some thought before making these type of assumptions... some seem to think its about their 'standards'... if you judge someone based on this, I would think you dont have any. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/13/2007 12:26:18 AM | well i'm new here and i'm hoping i'm just posting for the thread here.i don't mean to quote the last person here.
well i'm 37 today(omg)and i'm at home.reason i'm here is a little story but to make it smaller it goes like this.....wife walked out for another man,left me the house ,bills,kids.i managed till my job desciption was terminated(nice way of saying goodbye)had to sell the house,moved in with rebound gf(big mistake)i leave with my kids and no place to go but my parents.now that i'm at my parents there are a lot of + about being here but a lot of - as well.we live on a farm and my moms retired and my dad is about to retire.we have horses and well lots of work here,i help with as much as i can.i work 10+hrs a day then come home and deal with the kids(homework, supper etc)i pay some bills and maintain the fleet of farm equipment and vehicals that they own. i fix thing for them and my mom dosen't want me to leave.as if i could leave..rent here is out of this world.even with a 50k a year job i would still be living in poverty with the 3 kids.yes i get child support but i pay more for my 1st son than what i get for the 3 that live me.sometimes i just hate it here and get pretty depressed sometimes(like i think sometimes ...who would want me..i live at home)but its a great place for my kids(lots of open space,the girls love the horses and their bunnies and my son and i like to ride our bikes woohoo(he's just learning)so all in all if you have a good reason to be there then its a good thing.if your there just because its free and your a taker then there a problem. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/13/2007 7:47:12 PM | | I threw my parents out of the house. They were in their 60's and still living at home; can you believe it? | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 3/16/2007 8:44:18 PM | | GET A LIFE, that's what i think..(who wants to date a guy with his folks in the background..tiptoe up the stairs, making sure the bed doesn't rock too much (LOL) or the music is too loud.. (spare me momma's boys)..i don't give a shit if you are divorced or money is tight..it's time to break away from the nest and that includes living upstairs /downstairs/across the street or in the basement LMAO..spread your wings and fly in the real world..i can't imagine living with my parents at this age (oh god!!!!) Parents need to give him a good kick in the ass | |
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