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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:13:20 PM |
Neither have EVER Lived on their own?
OOH my! That is sad! VERY sad!!!!
Actually what is sad is people like you.
You know the type, the type that put others down to inflate their own self-esteem. I say this because your attitude reminds me of my oldest brother. My oldest brother who wouldn't help out the FAMILY, the one who LAUGHED at everyone, including his own father. My oldest brother has done well for himself, he's 35, almost has his house paid off, nice cars in the garage, has a collection of antiques.. but you know what? He's shallow, insecure, lonely and never had a girlfriend. I wonder how much the two of you have in common. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/19/2006 5:11:26 PM | | Yes, I have heard that but I don't eat her food, I pay my own way and then some. She doesn't want me to go. But you, it was the worst thing I did for myself, stay home to help mom and dad because no one is going to help me. Anyways, I am done with this topic, it aggravates me. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 1:39:44 AM | Actually I used to live on my own when I was younger about 18, then went travelling around North America. While I was out I realized how much I missed seeing my family.
When I got back, I moved out of my apartment and bought a newer larger house for the family. We now live in a 5000 square foot house, with 3 seperate floors and exit/entrances. It's nice, we get to see each other all the time and share meals when we can.
Does that consist of living at home? I think the negative connations of living at home really is a very North American concept. I also think the concept has to do with the thought of freeloading, nobody at our house lives for free.
I wouldn't have very much respect for somebody who wasn't contributing to his family group either.
Because there are 5 of us all working and all paying down the mortgage, we should have this house paid off in 7 yrs.
My one brother when he marries off will probably have his 1st house cosigned against this house, and because of that will owe the money to the "family" instead of the bank.
I don't envy families that aren't close, or tight knit enough. It makes me sad when people don't think of their families as part of who they are. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 2:23:47 AM |  LuvMunky has said it best. I just dated a guy (not a man) that is 40 and back living at home. I agree that going back at anytime after a catastrohic event until you get on your feet is wise. But he has no children, has been divorced for three years, makes $23.00 an hour + benefits, dresses well and has a brand new F150.
He turned out to be self-absorbed, didn't hesitate to cut down others who didn't make as much as him or have new things. Gee, if someone paid for my living expenses, I could afford a new vehicle and clothes too.
Fortunately, I have more respect for myself than that. I have two kids, two dogs and work my tail off. I support my family and don't mooch off of my parents. They live 20 minutes away from me and the kids and that is great.
I truly believe this guy will never have a good relationship with a female. Like what is stated above, living back with his parents (which are not disabled by the way) has emotionally retarded him or maybe that is why he was single again in the first place. It is very SCARY. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:24:26 AM | I kinda 'returned home' when I was 25, my parents split, Mum moved from the country to the city, she got half but not quite enough, so I got a mortgage out and helped her out.
Family is good to have around but living together is different when you've had your independence and then go back to living with a parent.
Miss Proulx | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 12:25:02 PM | hmmmm... this seems to be a very personal thread, with those still living at home defending their decisions.... let me take the point of view of the "other" person...
Let me first say that I am Canadian, live in a town with a very moderate cost of living, rent is very affordable here, and so are mortgages. I am a full-time year-round student in university and I live on my own in a one bedroom apartment. I do not have any form of income other than that which I have worked my butt off to get (scholarships and teaching assignments which don't pay well) and I am 34 yrs old. Canada is much like the States in that it is normal for people to "launch" when they go off to college/university and never return home.
I am frustrated because typically 30-40% of the men I date live with their parents. Men who are also in their mid-thirties. Roughly the same number of dates live with roommates. In each case, all have good reasons for living with their parents/roommates, and in most cases I don't judge them for it and rather respect them for it. But my frustrations come because I feel like the dating is one-sided. I feel like I get used a lot for my place and I feel like there is a whole other side to the man that is hidden from me and I don't get to see it. This makes it very difficult to start a relationship under these circumstances. The reason is, we can never go back to their place. The dating always occurs at my place, the onus is always on me to provide a foundation for us. A lot can be learned about a person from seeing their surroundings, and I don't get that opportunity. I'm so TIRED of being the one always supplying the foundation, I'd just like for once to go to a GUYS place, cuddle on HIS couch, mess up HIS livingroom and kitchen with dinner and movies, see pictures of HIS family and friends, look through the window of HIS life, instead of it always being me and mine. I'm at my place all week, i'd like to go some place new once in a while too. It's like my place is a vacation spot for them to get away from their families/roomies and I think often times they'd rather just come watch my t.v. and enjoy being with a girl, than actually BE with the girl if that makes sense. I just feel that if I can afford my own place, than SO CAN YOU!! You're the one with the full-time job!! --> and before I get whiplashed over this, most of these men are not happy with their current living arrangements and would rather be on their own... so all I gotta say to that is.. THEN JUST DO IT! It's getting to the point that I soon may not want to date a man, unless he's on his own. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 5:32:13 PM | My situation is pretty much the same both of my parents were hurt on the job, disability doesn't pay all that much...
So I help out when needed.. Pay bills, help around the house....
I have seen too many people who don't get along with their parents and end up screwing up their lives so badly that they can't get out of the hole the have dug.
I admit that living at home can have some downfalls but how many people can say that if they were stranded somewhere in the middle of the night (living at home or not) they could call their parents and they would get out of bed and pick them up wherever they are?
I can say that with pride. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 5:34:52 PM | I would do the same for them.....
Anything my parents need or want.....I do my hardest to get it.
They took care of me now it's my turn to take care of them.... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 9:17:34 PM | | Alot of people want to leave home, basically because.....well... they dont like it there..lol! look around and see how many people dread visiting there 'family' for holidays and such? If a female dos'nt like my living arrangements and the fact I help out a aging single parent who dos'nt have much, with paying all most all the bills plus mine= $2000,00/month,'house paid for!' well then she can just.....move on! because if I ever got into a relationship with that women she is also probably the type that has no respect for family and is the first to throw here old aging parents into a nursing home... because she wants to 'mess up my place' and 'be alone with me' 'party hardy' e.t.c. e.t.c... well like I said...move on.... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 9:32:02 PM | | I think this thread should be called....over 30 living at home and free-loading! because after 30 your parents are getting up there in age and it should be more like the kids that are taking care of the parents like in my situation, and this is very very common in Asian familys and European familys like mine...But if you are just living off them and keeping all your $$$ paying no household bills... yeah... thats wrong..lol! and selfish and inmature! If I was a female and met a guy that takes care of his mom and pays almost all the household bills, plus his and has $ in the bank, plus investments, is a good person and helps others, good character, I would trust and respect that guy alot!!! theres a saying the way you treat your mom is the way you will treat a women when in a realationship.... but the sad part is our society in general underestimates, labels, and judges people before they know the whole story, you see it everyday...too bad for them I guess. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 9:36:12 PM | | I couldnt wait to get out of the house at 18 i cannot imagine anyone staying with there parents at there parents house. To me it shows a lack of maturity and responsibility. If i met a guy lover 30 living with his parents i would not even consider dating him I would think he was not to much of a man not to be on his own. I know of tons of these men in the world. Some that i know of even have dinner at night with there mommys..Jeez. thats called a mamas boy. Some of these guys also I have seen have very possesive sometimes overbearing mothers who have somewhat kept them at home. This is just what i have seen. Still living at home = huge turn off | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 9:39:42 PM | totally agree with lonley in pittsburgh, and sensuelle...depends on your backround, most europeans insist on having kids there until there are married, they want them, and moms want to do all the work for their sons...it's just the way it is. now, only the real lazy ones let them do it all, but there are many of those...unless they really need the money, they would never take a penny from their kids...again - just the way it is...all the ones i know get along great with their folks, and enjoy being there until a serious relationship arises!
it's not a lack of maturity, or lack of anything...only those with non-european parents, who haven't grown up that way would think so. if i'm 19...barely scraping by, in some dump apartment, that makes me mature, or "grown up". their philosophy is if you're single, why pay a stranger, when your money can be saved...people that criticize others for this are simply ignorant...since when is getting along great with your family a bad thing? - those who think their are superior to people living at home as adults, simply because they "got outa there at 18" truly have a warped sense of reality! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 10:12:27 PM | that last post is truly sad - would'nt even consider dating a guy over 30 living at home...total joke...like euro_canadian said, these guys are some of the hardest working, most loyal, and trustworthy men you would ever meet. they would treat you like gold, and probably have a good job, great friends, plenty of money, and and upbringing more solid, and moralistic than you could ever imagime. too bad some people have to label others with completely innaccurate and stereotypical titles...his mom would'nt like her anyway, she is the ultimate CAKE!!!
for those who don't get it, you don't have to be "mooching", to be living with your folks, and believe it or not...you can be completely normal, but non-euro's can't possibly understand that, cuz they were brought up very different - and that's fine, but don't judge others that you know nothing about, and haven't even met...that's ignorant! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/20/2006 11:21:38 PM | no one seems to direct the eye of judgement toward the person who so unwisely chooses to rob their children of an intact family due to choosing to make kids with these people who they now choose to judge negatively. Maybe something in the relationship sent them reeling back to their roots! or maybe they were never the type to fulfill the role the judgers proclaim they desired.
Bottom line: when you point the finger, three others are pointing back at yourself.
What were you thinking when you where stuffing your orifices with that no-good loser?
At what point is it ok to throw stones at the people who've outgrown us or we've outgrown?
What does that 'vibe' impart to the kids who are half loser as a result?
Should of been more enlightened when you were young, dumb, and seeking come.
no offence to anyone in particular.
Aloha
file it under: if i only knew then what i know now! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:21:03 AM | There's a lot of mention of the fact that Europeans have a different standard. I think most of us know that. I'm Canadian, so my frame of reference is the Canadian standard. More specifically, I'm from Windsor, Canada's Motown. In Windsor the standard is a car by 16-17, apartment by 18-19, married by 25, house in early-mid 20's. And the wife comes with her own car or you buy her one shortly after marriage. (That's not how I did it, but I'm proud to be non-standard in general.) The point is, whatever we grow up with forms our frame of reference, by which we tend to judge everything. And according to the social standards I'm familiar with, staying at home forever is just not "good."
That doesn't mean that I think that any adult who lives with their parents is automatically somehow "bad." The act of hindering or even sacrificing one's own personal/professional growth in order to take care of a challenged parent is noble indeed, and not what is being looked down on in this thread. I'm quite familiar with the concept; in my mid 20's I gave up my cool apartment and moved in with a friend because after a long stay in the hospital he had a long home recovery, during which he couldn't walk much or lift anything heavy. I was pretty much his butler. In exchange I got pretty low rent for a room. It made dating a lot harder, and there were the usual little irritations when you live with someone. But that's what best friends (and family) are for, n'est pas?
Back to the European vs. Canadian standards thing. In Canada, parents tend to keep thinking of their kids as kids, and it's up to the kids to fight for their independence and try to feel grown up despite the parental pressure. In a Europe, young people are assigned the very different roles of man and woman and expected to act accordingly from an early age. Some will say that's better than in Canada, because it's romantic, and a boy gets to become a man without having to move out first. Some will say it's worse, because it encourages young men to be self-centered and it forces women into a role of servitude. Some will say neither better nor worse, just different. But that's another question for another thread.
So, here in Canada, someone thinks it's lame that a guy in his 30's is still living the same way he did when he was in his teens. And she's asking us if we agree. I agree; it sounds lame to me. And while I don't think everyone here who's still at home (or back home) in their 30's is just as lame, I did read some replies and profiles of people in this thread who do sound a bit like they're missing some of the nuances of having become fully independent. You won't agree, because you're not aware of it, because you can't possibly be aware of it until you've discovered it by becoming fully independent. And it's not something I can explain; just some subtle something-or-other. But people pick up on those things, and that's why living at home in your 30's IS going to be an issue when you're trying to date. So don't fault the people who are turned off by it, and don't make fun of their "wild need to fly out at 18." Just accept the fact that your situations are incompatible, and move on. There's an expression that fits right here... Oh what is it now... "Plenty of..." something... something about fish, I think... oh well. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:36:11 AM | "Id love to hear what you guys think about ppl over 30 still at home."
Dear alura.
I refuse to think of "people who [fill in the blank]"
Agreeing to stereotype others for the pleasure of judging them makes me feel dirty, but not in the "oh you little dirty whore!" kind of way.
If you were my friend, or even an acquaintance, I would ask YOU:
-- alura, baby, why did you choose to create a relationship with someone who you judge so harshly? Did this man not live at his parents' while you were dating/being together?
And I would tell you
-- Let it go, love, let it go.
And yes, you are right, iKilledMrRight! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:42:25 AM |
...unwisely chooses to rob their children of an intact family due to choosing to make kids with these people who they now choose to judge negatively.
Umm... OK, sure, if she knew all along that he was a loser and it would end in tears, but decided to have kids with him anyway so she could raise them herself. Do you really think that was her plan? You're talking about the kind of wisdom and judgement that only comes with experience, from relationships with different kinds of people. Maybe she hasn't had that yet.
At what point is it ok to throw stones at the people who've outgrown us or we've outgrown?
Your point is a good one, that growing apart does not in and of itself make someone bad. But in this case she's throwing stones at him for burdening his family, not for the breakup.
What does that 'vibe' impart to the kids who are half loser as a result?
It imparts the fact that while splitting up when you have kids is bad, it's much better than staying in a destructive relationship. The kids may not turn out to be even half loser. And if she stayed with him, they may have turned out to be 3/4 loser.
...stuffing your orifices with that no-good loser
...you were young, dumb, and seeking come.
no offence to anyone in particular.
Why, not at all sir! I'm sure you've offended almost all of us in general! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 7:37:39 AM | | im thinking that in some situations it is necessary and fulfilling to both sides of the relationship. Although in conversations with my parents about my brother still living at home it is hard for them. They feel and I agree that they did their time, they raised us, spent most of their time and money on us and now it should be my parents turn to enjoy life, make out on the kitchen floor if they want to, spend their time together in their golden years with out grown children running in and out BUT that is my opinion!!! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 3:43:04 PM | If those of you out there think that being 30 and still living at home shows a lack of maturity and responsibility then your lookin at things the wrong way. I am 30 I live at home and I am more mature than most people....
BECAUSE I have the responsibility of helping my aging parents and I am not some **** who thinks "oh well they can take care of themselves" WELL I'm not like that. My parents need me and if people out there can't understand that then TOO F**KIN' BAD FOR THEM! | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 4:06:24 PM | | I know there are reasons for staying and leaving but maybe us North Americans should look at some other cultures. Greeks and Italians often stay at home until they get married. Everything revolves around family in their cultures, maybe we should re think this whole deal. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/21/2006 8:50:10 PM | Actually, when I lived in Europe practically all of the Europeans I was friends with and hung around with were already all independent and living on their own since they were in university. I had the impression that it was the opposite in that the kids leave home at 18 and never return over there in Europe. Or at least Western continental Europe. But anyway, when I moved to Toronto, I thought I would be hanging around young professionals like myself who had moved away from home, but it turned out that not including the married people, I'm basically the only person in my team that lives on their own and away from home. But including the people I've met here, practically everyone I'm close with growing up still live at home or with their families.
I read that Time article about Urban Tribes and those twentysomethings to early thirtysomethings who choose to stay at home and it seems to be a trend these days. My feeling is that it seems like earlier on people would get married earlier in their lives and thus move away from home at an earlier age. But nowadays, marriage is delayed even longer and there is a sense of instability in this world in terms of employment, so it sort of makes sense to still live at home or return home. I don't know about you guys but living away in Europe, away from home for the first time at 23/24 and now living alone still far away from home at 26 it's like I feel a sense of loneliness or just a sense of isolation that I never ever felt when I was living at home. I can understand still living at home when you're unmarried or have no significant other nor have a close group of friends nearby...for this to be the reason to choose to still live at home that is.
Anyway, I have no problem with anyone still living at home at any age. It's like I still consider myself to be living at home because every time I go home my bedroom is still the way I left it and my car is there for me to drive. I grew up with the "it takes a village" kind of family, so I could never judge someone for being at home and contributing to the family beyond a certain age. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 4/22/2006 6:27:17 AM | My brother lived at home for a while. He paid rent and did his own thing. Nothing wrong with that.
Now, my ex on the otherhand. After I moved out of the house we lived in, he never paid the mortgage and let it go into forclosure. Then he moved in with his dad and stepmom to live rent free. He goes out and parties and makes no effort to be a responsible adult. I have no respect for *him* living at home because he lives there free and still won't pay child support. | |
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