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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/5/2006 9:09:32 AM | Come on, more responsibilities? That must be a misprint. "Mom can you wash my clothes for tomorrow?" "Whats for supper ma?" Mom, Mom Mom Please stop. Unless you have a mental disability and need to be spoon fed and wear diapers, there is no single possible reason that someone in the 30's should live at home.  | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/5/2006 12:08:07 PM | There are different circumstances that come by in life. I think perhaps the word "Still" in the title line of this thread is what's throwing people off. Nearly everybody takes off, even for a few weeks, months, years, or even a couple decades. It's relative.
One of your parents my be disabled, dying of cancer, it may be that they need your help.
We all grow up and life comes along, sometimes you do have to help out and think of others. This selfishness of "my career is more important than the people who raised me" needs to be reconsidered to become a better human being.
Life is most definitely a two way street, it's not what's seen on tv commercials. You do have the opportunity to be a full human being. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/5/2006 9:44:26 PM | | I see nothing wrong with people living with their parents as long as they are helping out with bills and household chores etc BUT I have an uncle who decided to move back in with my grandma after his divorce even though he could have afforded to have gotten his own place (and by the way he was in his late forties and my grandma in her sixties) he had a job making $28/hour but yet he didnt help pay any bills or buy food and didnt help around the house at all or even mow the damn yard, my grandma did all of this! But yet he also had two kids that he kept every weekend so of course my grandma cooked and cleaned up after them also and if he bought any snack foods he would keep them in his room and wouldnt share with anyone and always complained he didnt have any money but yet bought his kids brand new tvs and vcrs and whatever else they wanted, now he does have his own place and these kids (now adults) wont work and live with him and his daughter keeps having kids and is collecting welfare while living there and his son has a kid that he refuses to take care of. It is my grandmas fault that she allowed my uncle to do this and now it is his fault that his kids are turning out the way that they are and yes it used to bug me that they have all this going for them but I wouldnt change the fact that I live on my own taking care of my kids until they are ready to go out on their own and I have my privacy. I have already told my kids that they can live with me as long as they want as long as they either have jobs or are going to school and help out at home. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:14:41 PM | | I'm still living with my mother and I am 37 going to be 38 this year. I don't have rent, or pay her bills. Here is what I do for her. I maintain her older house. I put on a new roof last year. I tore off 2 layers of shingles. I maintain both of her cars. I get her grocieries, prescriptions and other medicines. I do all the lawn and yard maintenance. I fix the plumbing, wiring, and anything else that breaks down with no help from anyone else. I am a very independent person. Furthermore, my mother physically abused me when I was a child and yet I take care of her anyways. Does this relationship hurt me... YES! it does, because I am her slave...still. I am paying on 20 acres of my own out in the country, and I do plan on putting a house on it someday, hopfully soon. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:11:46 PM | Leaving the nest is a necessary part of growing up. Those who don't are postponing an emotional growth stage. And emotionally retarded people are not well equipped to deal with things like relationships.
=================================
You raise an interesting point there monkey.
Most guys do spend from five to ten years between the nest and the marriage either batching or backpacking.
Circumstance and choice make both of these convenient as men often tend to fly the nest at a younger age and get married at an older age.
But, five years ago at least, most girls did leave the nest only on thier wedding day. Has in changed recently?
And the wedding is certanily NOT a magic gateway to adult life. Thats a learning process, not a magic gateway. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:16:45 PM | New Begginnings
Why isn't your father doing all these things ( This is going to be a very interestng answer, no matter what it is! ) | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:21:32 PM | There's one piece of TOTAL hipocrisy in this post.
If 30 plus people, still living at home, are considered such total failures then the girls should be absoloutely walking accross hot coals to get to me and my brothers.
1/ Left home age 17 for college. Left college age 18 to take up a job. Started own business a few years later
2/ Left home age 15 to take a job offer. Been working that job ever since
3/ Left home age 17 for college. Left college age 18 to take a job. Working ever since
4/ Left home age 17 to take a job. Working since
5/ Left home age 17 to take a job. Working since
So why arent they.?? | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/7/2006 9:49:50 AM | unless the guy is helping out his parents financially
there should be no reason why a guy over 30 is living at home with mommy and daddy
yes ive heard the excuses, lost my job,wife,dog and pick up truck, i would rather stay
with a friend or siblings then to go back home to my folks. | |
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YogiZ
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Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 134 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/7/2006 11:50:51 AM | I find living at home past 30 EXTREMELY difficult to relate with as I've lived on my own since I was 18. But to be fair, there ARE some decent reasons why some people choose to stay at home past 30. A woman I'd met here some time ago regretted having to move back home, but did mostly to take care of her mother who is ill. Such a move is commendable because one is giving up their space for an indefinite time for the sake of someone else's well-being.
Cultural aspects come into play, too, where a guy may stay home at his family's urging. But I think it crosses the line if someone is simply refusing to 'grow up'. ESPECIALLY if they're expecting their significant others to accomodate their inconvenient lifestyle. I find this much tackier when men do it than women as it really says alot about his level of maturity/lack therof. Again, though, every situation is unique. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 10:54:11 AM |
New Begginnings
Why isn't your father doing all these things ( This is going to be a very interestng answer, no matter what it is! )
He died in 2002, and my mother depended on him for everything. Even pumping her gas in her own car. Now that she was forced into retirement, she doesn't leave the house at all for anything. I slipped into my fathers role, and I do everything for her.
One possitive note, is that I do own 20 acres that I plan on building a home on it hopefully in about 5 years. I am making double payments on the land loan, so I can pay it down quickly and get out of here ASAP. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:45:39 PM | | Yeah each case has its own circumstances; I’m 28 and still live at home, wanted to move out at 17 but couldn’t afford it in London (very expensive if you’ve never been here). Then at 21 suffered 3 years of bad health, then by 24 I recovered but was made redundant. Tried to start my own business, was let down by an investor and lost my life savings, since then I’ve found no stability in my work. So life is holding me back, with no inheritance to look forward to its tough, on top of all of this my mum lives on her own and has not worked for years. So as I said, each case should be taken on its own merits. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 3:20:51 PM | | let me just say that if I ever ever thought of moving back home (I left to go to uni at 17) my parents would both have coronaries........................... | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 5:28:12 PM | u are absolutely correct. I am 38 and living home...but i moved out when my first son was born....and to make a long story short, the relationship did not work out and i had to move back home. I was paying child support and i could not afford an apartment for myself. I then lost my job and it took me almost 5 years to recover. And i still only have a temporary position, so i cannot bank on a paycheck every week. Now I have another son, and unfortunately this relationship did not work out either. I was always disrespected by my youngest son's mother because of my circumstances. She would call me a bum and other choice words. But people do not realize that i am a very ambitous person who tried to start several businesses and oneday God will bless me. I also helped bury my brother and mother within 3 years apart. With all these negative experiences, I was still able to recover my sanity and accept things that I cannot change. I would rather stay home, close to my father and help out as needed than to struggle and give money to a stranger. I am content now, not looking for any wife. Just happy to be part of my kid's life and enjoy the time we spend together...SO it used to hurt me when my ex would constantly cuss me for not committing to her by calling me a no good broke ass bum who still lives in a room in my parents house. I was going to commit to her, but after long thought, she was not the one for me. I cannot be with someone who disrepect my life in the worst way and then want me to be with her. I now am happy to be home. And I work as a computer operator,
a good job when I can find work. Life goes on. Enjoy it with people who respect you for who you are, not what you have or where you are. | |
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dr_who
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Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 139 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 7:45:30 PM | Here's why am at home still. (bleh!) Straight from highschool to college; took Electronics Technology thinking since I was good in electronics in highschool. Horrible idea. Never even knew what jobs you would be doing and how hard it would be for me to get a job in it. I wasn't the best at it for sure. In fact, I hated it. Paid my own way through various summer jobs. Ended up in a warehouse for a couple of years in the meantime. Lousy irregular hours and very poor pay. Nowhere enough to even pay rent for apartment. Took a bunch of educational courses along the way, but never helped. Busted my but job hunting all over the country and even into other countries. I have good references, just nothing for me. Even tried those recruiter type places and other job hunt stuff. Eventually I get a lead into some new technical support program being done. I managed to get a loan and into the course; in a completely rushed situation. I passed with major high grades. Did some work placement stuff, but never went anywhere. Even got good references there; just no job openings. Go around job hunting yet again; find out that I don't have enough education to meet various workplace requirements. Learned from other classmates, that was also the case for them too. Most jobs that seemed to even consider my skills were call centers. Being an introvert, that is like pulling your own teeth out and saying that felt wonderful with great glee. I was a dolt yet again. You think I would have learnt from my last educational mishap; I chose something that I hate. I was thinking income only. By this time, the program that had done this new course had conveniently disappeared into who knows where. After couple more years of odd jobs and a nice contract job, along comes my mother's stroke. I was present in the house when she had her stroke. I helped get her an ambulance and did a call to my father. I broke down when a neighbour came down to ask what was going on. This was 2 days before halloween by the way. I tell you, it was one not very happy halloween. Christmas wasn't much happier either. It took 8 years of rehabilitation and lots of returns to the hospital with many health incidents with my mother. I still looked for work during that period of rehabilitation. Yet despite my looking for work, I never found any that would take me. I really grew up a whole lot during that time. I help take care of stuff with my father by doing domestic chores, appointments and whatever else. Take into account I totally left out the fact that my brother was born with some mental and physical disabilities. Still had to help look after him; can be the challenge some days. I did get some odd jobs later on, such as McDonald's for example. Little did I realize what all this had done to my mind. I was getting way off in personality; despite my thinking I was still as normal as could be. Well, one week (I forget when) I totally couldn't think or function. Ended up seeing my doctor and being recommended to see a psychiatrist. I tell you: that day being told that hit me pretty hard; total shock. I had severe depression. Two whole years of my life spent recovering from depression. I did some attempt at a business with other people, only to find out it was some kind of MLM thing that gets you nowhere. Some neighbours were very nice to point that out to me. I was shocked and utterly angry. I ditched them for sure; as tactfully as I could. I could hardly believe how naive I was. I tried getting into business myself, finding I really liked doing business stuff. Still doing it to this day; I like it, but I'm not that great at it. Doing sales is my major weakness. That introvert thing again; bah. I still have a school loan; been trying to pay it off for years. I still live at home and help out with lots of stuff. I look for work and do my best at trying to get my business ago. My grandmother is getting on in years; legally blind and nearly deaf. I help her with appointments and other stuff, since very few in the family can spare much more time. She's ready for the retirement home too; that brings up other stuff to do. I'm totally sure I am leaving lots of stuff out. I haven't had a true rest since I came out of college. I never wanted to be here for so long. I made way too many bad decisions and life threw a few dozen curveballs to make sure things were messed up real good. I'll persist and persevere as I always have. Just hope this makes you all realize that there are real good reasons with people as too why they live at home still. Not all of course; mine is just one case. Let the others explain theirs. I'm 34 and living at home. I hate it for how it affects my personal life. I'm still alive and striving for a better future though. I will get out of here one day for sure.  | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 9:39:48 PM | | I admit that some people male and female live at home after 30 for some very good reasons. However... for anyone to say that they live at home because they cannot afford to pay rent and support themselves is insane. I left the next at 17 and struggled to make ends meet... it wasnt easy but I did it. People who work at Mc Donalds support themselves... I didnt go the educational way to make a career for myself. I did various well paying and some not so well paying jobs in my life and ended up starting my own small business. I dont make a fortune but I do ok. And sure.. over the years I have turned to my mother for help but never moved back in with her and became a burden. Anything she has given me as an adult Ive payed back and then some. And good lord... I cant imagine having any kinda social life if I lived at home after 30. "sure babe.. lets go to my place but ya gotta be quiet or youll wake my parents"??? | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/11/2006 11:38:06 PM | | I hear you bro. I have basically the same situation. Trying to start my own tree service, but it's so hard to dig your self out of a whole. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 3:32:41 AM | | I moved back home a couple years ago after living out of state. I pay my folks rent & help around the house. I don't think I have anything to apologize for. I'm saving money to get my own place pretty soon. Probably in a month or two. | |
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dr_who
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Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 144 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 10:04:00 AM | | You are a very strong personality. I envy that actually. If I am a weak person because I didn't just do it and suffer as hard as you; so be it. I have never dated (met and socialized with though; of course never got anywhere). I never take ladies to my house. I already know the issues that would result; so I don't even bother. I worked at McDonalds for a whole 3 months on probation. I was not kept on due to 'not meeting McDonald's requirements'. I busted my but off for them and they still gave me the shaft. I had hand cramps that wouldn't uncramp for a whole month. Having chronic depression does not help me in the least. Read up on it sometime; just so you may get an understanding of what it really is. I have a mother who had a stroke and still has the after effects. Read up on strokes too. I have a mentally and physically handicapped brother as well. I have an elderly grandmother to help care for. Study those things for yourself and get other peoples experiences in each. Let me know what you learn, please. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 10:51:19 AM | I guess that there are many reasons why someone over 30 might live at home.
Yes, it is common in other parts of the world, but in the USA, it is at least culturally
less acceptable, unless someone in the family or both are in tough situations.
Yada.. yada...
After reading the postings the only other thing I have to add is that there may be some enabling going on from the parent's side of thing (usually the mother). For example, you mention the mom doing the cooking, laundry, etc... The kids could at least do their own or help with the family cooking and laundry. The mom seemly automatically doing this makes me think she isn't doing what is best for her kids for whatever reason. Even if this is the case, at some point, the kids have got to realize that their growth is stunted if they continue to live at home with that kind of arrangement. Although, you can point this out; the individual person has to come to realize this for him/herself.
There could be other things going on (I mean home prices are pretty high, etc...), but from an obviously outsider's POV, that's my 2 cents. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 146 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 10:59:16 AM | The way the economy is, it makes sense to stay at home. Save the money. You'll need it. Taking care of the parents some is also important. So what if you live with your parents at any age? Some cultures don't even recognize you as an adult till you are the oldest living one.
It seems success is measured by what you have in North america. A car, house, up to date appliances and entertainment facilities, etc. A lot of women judge you on those things. This is because they want to make sure that you can "look after them" or "make a fair contribution towards any relationship." What is fair? Half? Most? Who knows? It is all based on the $$$. Do you really need this kind of person in your life as far as a relationship is concerned? Probably not. Even if you "love" this person, stop and think about it. Would a long term illness kill the relationship? Even if you still had a small income but were "unhirable", yet could perform "sexually"? If so, then move on. Relationships built on "financial stability" are not that long lasting when the sh*t hits the fan. I know, from experience.
I'd live at home with my parents if I could...but that was destroyed years ago, and there was no going back. Had my mom live with me a few years too...she had her life, I had mine, we each did our own thing and each looked after the place. Till I moved away again. Her BF and her got thier own place too.
I am in a position now where I might be able to save a few bucks IF I had an income. (work related injury, no compensation), and am trying to get somehting going. Hard to do, but I have to do something. Depressing at times, and frustrating, but I take a break, get down a bit for a couple days, and then come out of it...life has its ups and downs.
Some folks are just not getting the idea that living at home makes sense, economically, and socially. I approve of it wholeheartedly. the arguments against it are just not there. the benefits, not only to the family, but to society as a whole, far outreach those who prefer to live on their own.
Take advantage of the fact that you even have a family that you can live with, and be happy. Nobody has the right to finger-point and scream "Loser!" at you. Just snicker at them and ask "Who is going to look after YOU if you get sick or when you get old? Going to check yourself into a home? LOL! Enjoy the 'reconstituted toast', and the lonelyness!" | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 11:10:29 AM | Well, I must admit with some embarassment that I do live at home with my Mom. I don't pay rent or any of the bills, but I do take care of my own stuff around the house. I often pick up after my Mom and give her heck for not being 'tidier' around the house. Through the years she has grown accustomed to living alone. I'm also the one who fixes stuff around the house (leaking toilet, listening to her car to see if it's actually a mechanical problem or not - Mom gets worried about the car breaking down on her). Generally speaking I do most of the cooking too. Her co-workers know when I'm living at home, cause she actually brings leftovers for lunch ("What did your daughter cook for dinner last night?")
I moved home again (not 'still') in order to go to school full time. With a degree I will be able to get a better job with better wages. I have found that being female places limits on income and it's extremely difficult to maintain one's own household alone (that's why I'm back in school). Paying rent alone (without roommates) in Vancouver area is expensive. I am financially resonsible for myself (student loans). My Mom does not pay my bills and I buy groceries for us to have in the house. Oftentimes in relationships I have found myself to be the financial supporter and frankly it's too tiresome (yes, I've made some poor choices in relationships).
I left home at 17 (the first time) and have spent more time living on my own than at home since then. While everyone does have their reasons for still living at home with their parents, I will admit that it's less acceptable for a man to live with his parents than a woman. If you haven't lived on your own, try it sometime - you'd be amazed at what you learn (especially if you live by yourself). | |
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dr_who
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Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 148 | |
| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 1:44:51 PM | country angel said: "If you haven't lived on your own, try it sometime - you'd be amazed at what you learn (especially if you live by yourself)."
How I long for that day! How did you do it on your own anyway? I am really hoping to get some insight. I am not being sarcastic in the least. If you could hear my voice, you would find I'm deadly serious.
I have worries about the following; are they just non-sense? (again, I'm not being sarcastic at all; depression can make you worry way too much. That could just be the problem then; I don't know):
-need to get health care to look after grandmother, mother and brother for appointments and other health issues and supervision. I really hate how long it takes to get appointments with the support workers. Oh well. Trust me on this, there's alot of stuff behind the scenes that goes on. They'll need the help.
-my father works flat rate as a mechanic; doesn't make much at it; usually not enough work brought in to make a lot; it pays the bills though. He'll have to take time from work and not get paid then, to take care of the health care stuff. I am after all, busting my but to get a job to pay my own way. The majority of workers in healthcare don't work past 5pm. At least the ones that make the decisions that is. Takes awhile for forms and stuff to get government approval for funding. (a month or more usually)
-I need to get an apartment right away then; phone for sure. Forgo Internet and any cable tv of course; I can get over that easy. I hope I get a job real soon; can barely cover the 1st and last months rent needed. Going to have to bug parents about getting food for awhile until I can get a job
-oh ya; I have to take time to find the apartment before that too; move my stuff in
-I won't have a car to use; I can't pay the insurance, gas and maintenance. Taking a bus doesn't bug me at all. So I'll bus it. Use my feet as always too.
-change of address calls and whatnot stuff to get done; shouldn't be too hard
-I can't make certain jewelry for my business since in an apartment. Just hoping that which I can make can be sold someplace. Can't solicit in an apartment complex. Bleh.
-new clothing, shoes, etc. as needed
-dentist fees
-monthly chiropractor fee; I have a slight back scoliosis; it's really painful if not treated
-psychiatrist appointments; I'm sure I'll need alot of them during transition.
-my father will take care of all the domestic chores at his home. Mother can't help with much at all. Brother is just plain lazy; but considering his condition, I just leave him alone. Not wealthy enough to hire domestic cleaners. I have no problem with my domestic stuff; did mine for years plus theirs.
-make sure I have all domestic cleaning and hygiene supplies. Probably not a problem.
-I can cook for myself. That's not a problem; sorry.
-that bloody school loan interest every month needs to be paid
I better have not missed anything. Would find out soon enough anyway. Deal with it as it comes. I really hope this is all in my head. If it is, then I should just leave right now. Smart move? Man I'm scared at the thought, but I've been through alot worse. Hope no one else gets hurt along the way with this though. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 9:04:14 PM | | Mr Nobody...it is not a smart move if you do it because of the stigma from small-minded people, because someone urges you on, or because of purported magical changes that will happen in your life. Don't listen to these mindless yuppies. You can change your life and experience the exact same things while you are living with your parents. In fact you can take greater risks financially and socially while you are living in a family unit than someone who is on their own. Do it on your own schedule and for the right reasons and at an economically less risky time as the opportunity to do that is available to you. | |
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| over 30 and still living at home
Posted: 6/12/2006 11:49:38 PM | WHOA!!! Mr. Nobody... please, slow down.
Don't jump out of a comfortable situation impulsively. Please email me directly and we can chat. I have several concerns for you which I would prefer to address privately. You have too many restrictions on your profile for me to email you... so please send me an email and we can talk.
Please do not take what I've stated personally and please do not act upon it. This is a public forum, and my message was not directed at you personally. It was merely a general statement. Just email me... we'll chat. | |
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