| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/21/2006 7:43:03 AM | Merf720 I really appreciate all your imput and I mean that as well as to all of you and while you helped me understand a whole lot more about myself I'm afraid it's to little to late as posting this question served to be a tool to attack me with by this woman. This person seem to feel that asking outside input was a betrail of trust. I truely am greatful for all this advice though and will undoubtably use it with future encounters and merf720 thank you especially for taking so much interest in this. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/21/2006 8:09:01 AM | oh my! sonny, i am so sorry to hear it! that's awful. i mean, people always ask outside advice about things, that's what we "do." i wonder why she felt that way? i mean, it would be different if, for example, you called one of her friends to talk to her about this woman -- that, i'd agree, would be a betrayal of trust. but this? hmm, i dunno... oh well... best of luck to you!  | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:48:43 PM | ok ... if you are collecting dusy ... its too slow
....... if you can't read the signs and everything is a blur ... its too fast.
 now what's for dinner? | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/21/2006 5:08:48 PM |
My rule of thumb is at least wait till we've met a few times before using the 'L' word.
Ok.. this is true irony...
The term rule of thumb comes from a law in midevil times which stated that "a man could beat his wife if what he used was a switch no thicker than his thumb."
Lets just state here that a WOMAN, has a rule of thumb in regard to how fast a MAN should go. I love it when a plan comes together! | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/21/2006 9:50:00 PM | It doesn't matter what your chronological age shows, if a romance is going too fast for one of the parties, it's too fast. And, frankly, your comments about the fact that you're 50 seem to imply that you aren't comfortable with that age and are rather in a panic, like you have to meet some sort of deadline.
Many of us have reached or are looking at 50 and don't feel any panic whatsoever. Quite the contrary. We've learned over our 50 years that to rush into something might spell disaster. Rather than criticize this person, you might thank them. Something tells me you might have jumped the gun and missed a good thing, actually.
Slow down. Unless you have a crystal ball that shows your dod as 04/22/06, you've got some time. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 6:43:29 AM | | Yes rushing something normally does spell disaster and no I'm not uncomfortable with 50. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 2:55:03 PM | I kind of like the idea of distance between me and who has shown interest. It gives TIME to get to know each other to a greater degree, and if things continue to Click, and we spill our mental/physical History out to each other, and its Still a go.. Miles will not separate us for very long if the feeling is MUTUAL.. I can relocate, and the adventure would be welcomed if its in Peace and Contentment..
There is a Whole world out there needing my footprints and attention, I figure..
It would be awful to meet face to face, and the spark was only a dream of someone else! The chances of this happening grow less with Photo exchange, and brain scans on the Net.
I'd rather died alone, than to suffer another failure at this point in my life.. No hurry.
I have ample time to find,
The Heart that matches mine..
If not in this life..
Can happen next time..
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 3:35:19 PM | yea, countryslim, i like your attitude.
at the same time, there is something like MAGIC that happens between people... or doesn't.
ya know?
imho: there is something in this thing we call romance that is inexplicable and magical and physical and about a connection two people feel which can only be known in the flesh (not talking about sex here)...
but -- i loved your posting, just lovely, really...   | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:17:09 PM | Countryslim your great with what you said. I commend you. I think more than anything time is the big element to a healthy relationship and staying with'in a comfort zone as I also heard through this forum. But if the likes are there between two people then nothing can keep them apart for ever. man
I do hope this forum helps more people than just myself on thinking behaviors. I know I'm not the only one who have made mistakes of going to fast. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:21:20 PM | Yes merf there is. Seeing in the flesh is how most of us meet another and we don't have that luxury on the net but like slim said if there is a connection then the people will meet.
There is no better magic than face to face though and once again thank you merf.
Sonny | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:27:35 PM | | Although I can relate to developing feelings with someone you have only spoke to on the internet , I have to say it can be a bit disconcerning if someone becomes too serious before even meeting. I had a man tell me he loved me before meeting me, i had another start looking for jobs in my area and looking into renting a place near by. It made me want to run for the hills.Meet and then let it all evolve at its own pace. Life is not a race , because when we take things to fast we miss alot along the way. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:50:04 PM | hi sonny. oh sure, just blabbing on about my own personal opinions. :-)
but, can you not just stick to meeting people locally? i mean, so far at least, that is what i have done. this way i don't have to worry about a "false" thing developing virtually only, ya know? i did do that once and it was a complete disaster upon meeting, really really bad. there are many many things, i learned, that one simply cannot know before meeting, and some of these things are critically important and can make or break the attraction -- which obviously has to be there in order for there to be anything... phew! now i'm outta breath after that run-on sentence!  | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 6:03:29 PM | you know, sonny (and slim), i just remembered a situation in which the physical became quite important (oh heavens, i will try to keep this short! ) -- there was a guy i met online (not from POF) and who, when i talked to him on the phone things seemed ok. just fine really. then we met. and it was when we met, after awhile, that my intuitive radar turned on and for some reason this guy freaked me out, and i became frightened and felt that there was something not right about him, and i had this inexplicable urge to get away from him and so i did. (the urge is not entirely inexplicable -- he was saying things to me that would concern many people, but what i mean is that my instincts were telling me "get away from this person, he is not well", and i always follow my instincts.) obviously this is something that could happen with men and/or women. but i am not sure if i'd have ever been able to get that sense (or come to know what i realized then) without having actually been in his presence.
no, no, i think we cannot underestimate the importance of actually sharing the same space with a person, especially if we are using the L word. :-)
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 6:09:12 PM | Merf720, sticking to meeting people locally can work if you live in a big city, like New York, but I live in a small town of 12,000 people, and the nearest larger town (80,000) is 100 miles away. I would probably not make a 200 mile round trip just for coffee, but I would for dinner. For the dating pool to be large enough, I am probably going to have to drive at least 150-200 miles each way, probably more like 250-300. Much beyond that means flying, not driving, and that changes the dynamics again.
So I think it is pretty much a given that there has to be quite a lot of emailing or IM'ing, just to get the basics out of the way, and then when we trust each other enough to give phone numbers, a lot of phone conversations, before we even meet. And even then you don't really know much about the other person.
The last person I dated lives 180 miles away, we had talked a LOT on the web and by phone, and when we met it soon became clear that we were not a match. But that's the chance you take, and its different every time. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 6:21:07 PM | hmmm, yea, i had not thought of that. and maybe that is sonny's situation also? bummer.
well, thennnnnnnnn... why don't you just come to new york, dhubsith? problem solved!!!!   | |
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jlynnr
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Joined: 4/17/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 7:14:25 PM | | When I feel that things are moving to fast it makes me feel like the other person is desperate..it makes me feel like they just don't want to be alone. After all if they haven't even taken the time to get to know me how could they possibly know if we are compatable. It also shows signs that they are needy and insecure. All are very big turn offs. There are a lot of ways to show a person how interested you are in them without scaring them off. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 8:25:38 PM | Thanks for the compliment merf, and this you posted:
"i am not sure if i'd have ever been able to get that sense (or come to know what i realized then) without having actually been in his presence"
Is the Nightmare that shopping on the net could provide.. Therefore, I think taking it slow to be more certain is the best option. Me being a Man and of larger stature than many smaller Ladies, it would seem that I would have little to fear, other than embarrassment, or hurt feelings.
"I" can get over hurt just fine, but as you stated with experience.. A woman is playing with Fire to let a virtual unknown into her space, and can "They" deal with it?
Take your time, and allow others theirs.. After all, a good relationship it worth it, I think!
The Magic will carry its own weight, if it is so.. Hoping is not Magic, but Magical in its practice if dreams become reality.
I would expect my future partner to have good Judgement, for her decisions could effect my Life. After all, this isn't a candy store, and shopping entails more than the "Looks" of a catchy package. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/22/2006 11:06:15 PM | Your right slim. Doing things to fast I believe could be a very scary experience to a women so out of respect I'm beginning to think that it's better to let the women set the pace. But really what do I know!
Sonny | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/23/2006 3:59:42 PM | | If someone tells you they want to go slow it's usually because they are either not really interested or they not sure about you yet. | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/23/2006 5:14:37 PM | Yes I agree with the later Lipstick but the key question is how do you know if your reading the other person right because the first part can also apply. Sometimes people read the wrong sign where as a person can be nice and sweet and maybe lead into a little but really never interested in having a relationship. From all the responses I have got on this thread one thing I beleive is the importants of respecting each others space and to listen to what each other is trying to say(Not to just assume)and if in question ask the person. I guess with my own experiences if you ask they normally will answer where if you ask everyone else it does kind of make a person feel like there feeling don't matter. An of course there is patience. Something I think doesn't always come easy as we are human and sometimes like everything yesterday.
Thanks though for the input and hope I did ok on what I have learned.
Oh Great Picture by the way.
Sonny | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:50:38 PM | | Slow is good... no need to rush and why would you...you need time to get to know each other...time is the great equalizer....."Fools rush in where where wisemen(women) fear to tread". | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/24/2006 8:59:52 PM | | Okay, what are we talking about here? I hear from guys that they want to take it slow, but they want sex right away. What do men mean by "taking it slow". | |
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| How Slow Is Slow Enough.
Posted: 4/24/2006 11:01:40 PM | "Okay, what are we talking about here? I hear from guys that they want to take it slow, but they want sex right away. What do men mean by "taking it slow".
Umm..Slow Sex right away? .. | |
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