| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:24:40 AM | I am here because I work the midnight shift and it's hard meeting people . I am very real and I am all of who I am. I am a singer,romantic,good at communicating, a fuuny guy and laid back. Too bad zanygirl I would not mind meeting you but you are too far. That's the bad thing about this. It's always the ones far away that you like. Good Luck Zanygirl  | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:01:14 AM | Sounds like someone's in a slump. If you've had some good experiences then focus on them and the criteria you used in selecting those guys. Too many people are blaming their date for everything going bad. Remember, you picked them so the onus is on you as well. I have dated guys without photos because I got a good sense of them from their emails and we had a great time so a photo isn't the only thing you select them by.
The first date could be bad - it could also be good
Do you give each other the benefit of the doubt? - Wouldn't you want him to give you the benefit of the doubt? How would you feel if he didn't?
Cheer up and remember, new people are joining everyday. Your guy could be writing his profile as we speak. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:09:50 AM | Funnygirl...
What I'd give to go back to being married...atleast I knew exactly what form of insanity would be served up day after day after day after day....
Nooooooo!
haha
This whole internet stuff is Krazy...at least I found it so.
I love the forums, but if I was to use this as a tool to find a relationship....well GOOD LUCK!
It lacks that eye contact... intial response...the smile..the extra look...the nervous energy to go up to a stranger you find attractive and just say "Hello".
Anything is possible...so stick with it.
And Funnygirl...I would ask you to marry me...but I like being single
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:12:16 AM | Well, internet dating is difficult because it requires people to make intelligent choices.
In fact, life is difficult or can be difficult for the same reason. In general, we are not taught how to choose. Yes, I know that we in the professions are trained to use information to make choices on behalf of clients. But those choices or decisions are always or usually based on facts available to our intellect.
In dating, however, things are different. Firstly, we are not likely to know every relevant detail about our propective partner even after years of dating unless the partner wants to reveal the information.
Secondly, it takes time and effort to make intelligent choices in relation to even one prospective partner. But the internet dating scenario confronts us with countless numbers of individuals seeking a date. If we have no time to make a serious decision about one person then only providence knows how we will cope with a limitless number.
Thirdly, we live in a consumer society and adopt a shop window approach in most areas of our lives including relationships. However, although physical appearance is important, it is not or cannot be the primary basis for a relationship. Internet dating is essentially an extension of the shop window approach to find a romantic partner. Yes, some people do read the labels on items or the profiles of individuals. But,sadly, many people do nothing more than look at the pictures before "deciding".
wiseone | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:18:34 AM | | I may not work for an airline, but I work for a hotel, does that work?? At least I can get cheap rooms when I travel | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:35:31 AM | | i agree with wolf...guys just want sex...women want sex but we like the chase or to be chased.....with me im just not sure what to do with em after that...lol..any ideas...its all fun n as long as u respect each other n no one gets hurt..play on..we r all adults n we r here of our own free will... | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 32 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:44:02 AM | Any place that you drop a lot of choices .. from different circles ... gives the people that candy store mentality.
I also like to point out to the ladies that every time you read/delete an incoming invitation, you are possibly chasing one more guy with some self respect, the incentive to go away and don't bother with this anymore. Hence, quickly, you end up with the bottom feeders. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:44:52 AM | Why internet dating so hard? because all is reversed!
Normally, you will see the person first, you are able to see the body language, the movement in the environment and then, via conversation (oriented directly to you and how he/she comunicate with others),the personality, mind frame, and so on.
(attraction and chemistry)
We get a lot of information this way at the unconscious level (primitive brain)and without knowing it, do a pre selection (that's millenia of evolution at work). Let's face it, courting is in fact our "mating ritual" (let's keep an open mind here...I can here some of you..but face it..we are only humans)
The thing with Internet dating is that it reverse that procedure completly and prevent you to absorb part of the information that you should have right from the start, only to give it to you at the end, which in turn, is sometimes catastrophic as we built up some "image" of the person in our mind and sometime end up to be disapointed to actually see the missing informations. (or in some cases, what are the real information).
Added to this, some work a lot with previous experience (generally bad ones), so all of the tools that you should normally have to make up your mind are not present, and therfore, ask you to do a leap of faith, which in return, by an autoprotective reaction, make you behave in an anormal way too, and thus create a behavioral spiral.
Just as a blind lost his vision, other sense are amplified; but you know that your not blind and you brain is pressing you for that information.
let's me give you a little game to make you understand:
You meet 'something" out of this world. It ask you "what is a banana", so you explain that it is a fruit, basic description and so on. then it ask you "describ the taste in details".
not that easy anymore, and you will be blocked after only few words, not knowing what to say.
dating or courting procedures/selections are already difficult right from the beginning, but if you start in a reversed motion, it's even harder in a way. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:48:20 AM | Most things worth doing require some effort. Internet dating is no different.
I find internet dating MUCH easier than traditional dating. I have a huge pool of prospects, I can learn a lot about them before deciding to meet so that I know we truly have a chance at compatibility, and I have some idea of how they look from pictures or maybe webcam.
Traditionally, I might meet someone at work on socially from an extremely limited candidate pool, I probably don't know much about them other than that I find them sufficiently attractive to consider approaching, and will possibly be sucked into a relationship with them on that basis while trying to find out if they are compatible. More often than not, they aren't and then it is difficult to make the correct decision to get out, because we are involved. And, the truth is, they may not be bad people at all, but they just don't have what I need in terms of compatibility to make a long term relationship work. So, unless I am very disciplined, I'll stay with the mistake.
This scenario is far less likely to happen with online dating if you learn more upfront, before meeting. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 8:50:04 AM | Naw - its not about choices...well, I suppose thats part of it.
The truth is that when you meet someone online, you wind up creating an amalgamation of who they are in your head...filling in details of what you think they should be, sound like, etc etc...what you become attracted to, before the initial meet, is the amalgamation rather than the person. When you meet the person, you are either totally let down or pleasently surprised with the differences. But that person is never who you have become to believe they are. Just dont expect what you believe to be true - cause you made most of it up.
It happens in the "real world" too, but for some reason its amplified online. Probably because there are too many missing details that we, as human beings use to define attraction - details such as body language, tone of voice, clairty of eyes and so on. Also, there is the lack of chemicals - sorry folks, but chemistry exists, pharamones play a significant role in attraction. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 36 | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 9:11:59 AM | Like shopping for a new car? I don't think so. Brand new cars smell like a new born babies, unpredictability is higher, hence the free insurance provided with first xxx miles.
A bit dented but back on the track, MOT safely passed, familiar with blind spot behind and on the clock, ...hey plenty of miles to do together on the road of mutual discoveries.
Now, where should I turn right or left... 
buzz | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 9:34:14 AM | Bonjour;
This is why Carrie gets confused. Carrie is young and naive mon ami. She thought that if someone was taking the time to get to know another person, then it was just that person they were getting to know. This is how Carrie works, only one at a time. However, mon amie, this is not the case. Apparently as I have learned from email buddies yesterday, most men have many ladies going at the same time. Making each one feel special and that they are devoting so much time to getting to know just them. When in fact, the they are doing this with a few or many ladies. This is sad for Carrie to hear.
Carrie is here for the forums as she is too sweet and sensitive for this. If she finds someone, great. If not, she has her email buddies, her Kaos as her drinking buddy and the forums.
Have a great day everyone and bonne chance!
Carrie | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 11:40:57 AM | | Well carrie .. next time a really cute guy with a good profile says hi .. think twice before read/deleting his email because you are chatting with just one guy ... who may or may not (most likely not) be the one | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 1:01:32 PM |
And Funnygirl...I would ask you to marry me...but I like being single
I'd take away your beer for a whole month if you were to ask me such a question, you silly boy! Can't we just pretend, lol? I mean really, that's all this online and offline dating crap is anyway, a heart breaking game of pretend.
The Funny Girl doesn't do marriage, but she is ALL OVER the perks!
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:52:37 PM | | Being a new comer to this type of dating, and never ever done this before just gives me the heebjeebies, you never know who will contact you, i have not put my photo on the website, not because im rats but the phots on the website are so terrible that they would not do me justice. its a nightmare. if you think about it, everyone is looking for somthing that they will never find, i am giving it a go only because of my lifestyle, working away from home so much i really do not get the chance to meet girls of my age. hey ho life is a **** | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 3:54:01 PM | *Sigh* Carrie, Carrie, Carrie.
Surely you jest...men keep women on the string?
Some men, of course - but not all.
Just as do some women.
And, again like some men, some women will not be saddled to one pony.
The world doesn't owe us a commitment from another - in fact, it can't provide it. That's a mutual decision of two souls who desire to be one. I believe you know that.
But you can have the last word on that.
Annudder | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:10:10 PM | Mostly I think I have a hard time because I am so perfect and everyone else is so not!  Actually I think its just like anywhere else, but its a little easier to be a keyboard warrior and say hello to a complete stranger. So, a lot of us meet more people online that in the real world. Meeting more people means meeting more weirdos. At least thats what the girls call me. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:18:23 PM |
The Funny Girl doesn't do marriage, but she is ALL OVER the perks!
No kidding!
I liked being married...and someday I will rejoin the DarkSide.
But its not going to be today, or even a couple of years from now...Guaranteed!
And FG...you can take away my beer...just not the silly icon of the beer, (reminds me of A&W with my siblings)
< | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/19/2006 4:48:22 PM | Then there's the theory that if you want something too much, it seems hard or hurts when you don't have it.
If you reduce the amount of wanting, you reduce the amount of hurting.
How can you do this?
Beats me!! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:47:35 PM | Jeeeeez, that was my first thread and I didn't think anyone would reply.
Ok, few options.
1. Become a Nun (I am a convent girl anyway - and YES it's all true)
2. Just be happy on your own - I can do that now, once you stop searching, BANG 538 blokes come along.
3. Hard to focus on one person, because that ONE person could be dating/mailing another 10.
Oh I don't chuffin' know - a lesbian Nun that likes wine?? Yep I'm off to the convent see you there!!!
KazzyWazzBazz
aka Zany Girl  | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/22/2006 9:01:47 PM |
Internet dating is difficult because most are dating, and still looking, not giving what 'could have been' or 'might be' the chance it might deserve, everyone seems to be looking for that greener pasture..........
sooo, not the place to really be serious about finding anyone.
that's my take anyway.......
Exactally. When its too easy to meet people, problems arise. The person you're with loses value.
I wonder if I'm wasting my time trying to find a chick whos 'real' on the internet. How can she possibly think I'm a rare catch when she has 200 emails in her inbox? | |
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