| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/22/2006 10:07:36 PM | Re #51
If you're lucky and you truly are a prize catch, then you're bound to stick out and be some sort of glaringly obvious beacon from the rest of the 200. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/22/2006 11:49:55 PM | internet dating hard? -you've got to be kidding. its about as easy as ordering a pizza.
type in your zip, what you like: the pof computer pulls up a list of matches. when you find someone who seems compatable, send them a message. if they message back and are as intrigued as you. pick a place to meet and chat. how much easier can they make it? am i missing something? hello dominos? i want a pepperoni pizza, -and make sure the delivery girl is cute & available! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/23/2006 7:20:41 AM | "Suppose you met someone through a mutual friend.Your first contact was by telephone.Your mutual friend showed this person your picture and also showed their picture to you."
Wow, light bulb moment! It hadn't occurred to me until taurus516 said this. Internet dating is essentially blind dating, without the mutual friend in between. With the mutual friend acting as a bit of a filter, you would have some sense the person you are being set up with is genuine. (Which may end up being true or not). On the internet, that semblance of security is lacking. This may explain why this experience is seems so hard at times. Interesting perspective. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/23/2006 9:28:29 AM | Having the "happy ever after" morality structure implanted on us with the fairy tales we/ve heard as children has caused women to view life through a 'fairy tale' filter.
Constantly looking for Mr. right (prince charming, the knight in shining armor, the guy in the white hat), women
tend to project this sense they need to be rescued from their own life.
'Happy ever after' is a fallacy and is an impossible goal to reach. By projecting an unrealistic goal for a man to achieve, women like this will mostly attract the many men that get sex by playing that one prince charming role.
The fairy tale begginings of a relationship are illusion that fades and women see they are not with Prince Charming, the men no more see the damsel distressed and real life sets in.
They find out they don't like one another, divorce and here we are!
Many women looking for the right one, The prince to show up with the other shoe, the white knight, the guy with the chemistry.
And many men trying to convince her, he's got the right shoe.
hmmmmmm.... Maybe that's why women like shoes so much! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/23/2006 9:31:50 AM | | BTW, I look at posts without pics too. There's many valid reasons people do not wish to have their image online. | |
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Rwill
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Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 57 | |
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a01brj
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Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/24/2006 11:25:04 AM | | I have used the dating sites on and off for about 5 years and its really hard for me Seeking a Woman and i don't know why but i think most of them Judge Me How The Way I am & Look ( BUMMER ) And i wish People Who Won't Judges Others How The Way They Are & Look )) | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 4/24/2006 5:17:04 PM | a01brj
Man you gotta do something about your profile. A) you don't advertise that you're living with your mom, B) that you've got no job, C) that you've got a big belly or D) that you're looking for anyone (be specific man!)
You will be on these sites for many more years to come if you continue on that vein. It may be real...but way too real for most! There are some good forums here where women give members honest "Critiques" on their profiles...you may wanna give them a gander..(Do's & Don'ts)
And Now for "Why is Internet Dating so hard?"
Zany.. you started this thread... I look at your profile (your lovely photos, & the numbers you got racked up on people's "Favourites" list) and I really scratch my head as to why YOU would find Internet dating so hard (unless its because you live across the Atlantic!)
Many members bring up some good and not so good pts. What I've learned so far:
1) One man (who's on 5 favourites list / posts his boots as a photo) says its as easy as ordering pizza - well man that bombastic attitude must be really working overtime for you!
2) Its the nature of the beast - prone to window shoppers who prefer mouse clicking and surfing sites rather than actually meeting / greeting
3) A huge gender bias: look up a few of the young female members contributing to these forums (eg 1 here has been a member for 2 weeks and she's on 55 men's favourites lists-- ok so it helps she's 21 and has a flawless figure)
4) Its just as hard as through other venues (friends/out on the town/etc) except in those situations you have other stressors, distractions, and obstacles to overcome -- but are aided by body language and visual cues not available to online dating
5) People judge us by the way we look (and BTW: how we express ourselves- correct English goes a long way!)
None of the above seems to be a mind-shattering revelation for most of us. True it isn't easy to meet people via the Internet when there's nothing but a public place protecting our security (and there's nothing wrong with being a bit careful!). There are good and bad in both sexes. Manors should be first and foremost in our internet communication. Then if there's some similar interests we may wish to call, and contact one another. Why should there be any strings attached to that? We should always have a way out if we feel uncomfortable with what's going on. I have been a perfect gentleman on all my dates and it is usually me who nixes the idea of a 2nd date. That to me seems to be the BIG challenge. And I think we are all a bit guilty (as one wise member put it) of seeking "Mr Right" or "Ms Right" when such a construct is just a figment of our romantic imaginations. Ok: I've said enough: ULTIMATELY its the 2nd and 3rd dates that really count! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/1/2006 12:03:23 AM | | It would be nice if everyone wasn't looking for a 10. Be it physically perfect, perfect job, or whatever else. | |
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scopin
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Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 61 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/1/2006 12:32:07 AM | | Sh it,I don't even bother putting my photo up anymore because i just get abused by women coz they don't believe that it's a real photo of myself! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/1/2006 7:21:00 PM | | The issue with the internet is it allows for too much imagination. We are by nature dreamers and have an image in our minds of what we search for. We take a small fraction of information about someone and try and create a picture of who they are, and who they will be to us. When reality strikes, rarely will that person be who any match for the aleady painted imagine in your mind. They may not look as you thought... not be as funny face to face... and you see the obvious flaws that we all have. It is not that you need low expectations, but you must allow for someones personal qualities to be realized and accepted as opposed to thinking less of them for being who they are... not who you wanted them to be. And as in any dating scenerio, you just might not have a spark. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/1/2006 11:05:04 PM | | The problem with the internet dating is even if we go out on a date with a nice person whom we are attracted too, we still come home, log on and check for new people. It's easy and very convenient. We take for granted the person we just went on a date with. Both women and men do it. In the traditional ways to meet, it is not that easy. With internet dating sites it is. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 5/1/2006 11:40:04 PM | i think internet dating is a lot better than meeting someone at a bar or in a public place. it gives more chance to communicate and get to know one another better and no rejection to your face is involved...and thats a huge plus by me i have to say...rejection sucks and nobody likes it. you never know in a public place if that person is single or taken so internet dating is a much better place to meet someone. a lot of people lie yes, but , always make sure you meet them in a public place just to make sure if that is them or not...you never know really...well...hmmm...maybe there is a down side to it after all lol. Best way to do it is trust your judgement and go from there...best way to say it !!! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 9/30/2006 5:20:44 PM | I agree with you, COMPLETEKAOS. Unfortunately, the 'real world' isn't so 'real', either. We will always run into people who are faking who they really are, online or right in front of us....bottom line, go with your gut.
I've met some really cool people from online sites. In the year I've been doing so, only once have I met a real jerk. And, that is the only one I no longer have contact with. The rest continue to be great friends.
If only I could find a keeper, and I'm open to any venue in which to do so. Good luck to all of you. javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 9/30/2006 6:33:02 PM | | i find that it is so hard because u can talk to someone for ages on here but till u actually meet them face to face and spend time with them u dont really know who they are ... i learned from a bad marriage about internet dating ... but well how is one to meet someone these days if u arent into the bars and not really a out of the house person ... i met someone who was and still is very special to me but well the net kinda destroyed that too ... we met on here but never met ... and to this day i kick myself for having done the stupid things i did and destroy the chance to be with someone who i know was perfect for me all because of my own stupid insecurities and not knowing what i had ... there are a lot of good men out there still ... but there are a lot of ones who will make u believe that they are something they really arent ... i regret not believing in myself like the man i love did in me ... wish i could turn back time and fix that because i know where i want to be and now i cant have that | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 11:43:45 AM | When people meet in person, they determine quickly if they're comfortable being in each other's presence. A huge percent [80%, I think] of communication is non-verbal. You can get more indications of what people mean, by HOW they at when they say things. Once people have that comfort level, they get to know more details about each other slowly. When meeting online, we get to know details about the other person [only as far as that person is aware of, or willing to disclose], but you don't know if you'll be compatible in person.
However, the benefit I see to this style of meeting people is:
- you don't have to lose touch if you don't want to, even after meeting them [I've met people the "in person" way, but didn't feel it appropriate to suggest a way to keep in touch yet...it was just too early]
- either person can initiate [unlike many times in person, you are waiting for the other to contact you, if you didn't swap contacts]
- you don't have time pressure on what your response will be [great for those people who don't think on their feet too well, or are not practiced at dating, or are still working out what they want].
- I think typing is the easiest way to be misinterpreted, but you can instant message to clear up a misunderstanding if both people want to try [people often feel safer typing because they don't get triggered by those 80% non verbals, like tone, tears, interruptions/domination, and quick exits].
If you're frustrated with some aspects of meeting through the internet, try to see if there's a workaround for you, so you don't keep up the same unsatisfactory pattern. It'll likely help you know more about yourself. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 1:06:04 PM | | I know from experience that there are many couples out there who met on the internet and built a good relationship over time........and I do mean time. E-mails and webcams and microphones can bring a person into your life on here. Remember the old art of letter writing. Well that works here as well. Granted, always be aware ladies, men cheat (and some women) whether it be on here, or for real. You have to want to take the chance to make it all possible though. There are no safe bets in life, same on here. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 1:53:37 PM |
I think the dating process is exciting, challenging and fun!
Blue, I agree with you. It can be exciting, and challenging, and fun. It can also sometimes be tedious, monotonous, and more or less a complete waste of time. I can honestly say from experience, I have seen both sides. I won't be so bold as to say, I have "seen it all", but man it feels damn close to that now...LOL!
I am sure I speak for many here though, when I say, I would gladly give up dating in a heartbeat, for the chance to meet someone meaningful, and willing to work as hard as me at making a relationship work. Til then, though, I see alot of conversation, coffee, and dinners dates that while enjoyable for the company, and the night out, aren't specifically what I am looking for. I mean surely you would rather go on 20 dates with 1 person, than 1 date with 20 people right? Dating for me is a means to an end (a necessary evil so to speak), your mileage may vary. Best of Luck!
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 4:10:52 PM | I don't find internet dating challenging, it allows me to communicate and meet up with people who are not present in my day to day activities. 
There are times though, I think this site should be renamed Plenty of $hit. com
due to some members that are "full of it". Also, I seriously wonder if some fellows read my profile or just look at the pics before they contact me.
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 5:11:25 PM | The first thing we notice is the pictures cuz we have nothing else to really focus on, if we talk and meet up w/ someone who never had pictures then you might get some award for looks not mattering but I'll fully admit I look at the pics first. But I'm still w/ you on the point that I'm about to give up on dating too.   | |
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