fuzzle
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Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 101 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/6/2006 12:36:39 PM | Okay, I see what you are saying and I agree with you - attraction is much more than visual. A guy has to be able to engage my mind as well as my heart in order to hold my interest for longer than the first glance.
But on the other hand - we have a much wider population to reject us on the internet - theoretically improving our odds of meeting someone who finds us visually acceptable? And there is always meeting, once you meet you get to see the body language, have eye contact and find out where you stand. To be perfectly honest though, even in real life I often have trouble figuring that part out. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:00:12 AM | | Personally, I admit I have to have a visual attraction first, Sorry but that's that. I'm not saying that you have to be a model, But what I find attractive. and that can be as broad in some ways and as narrow as in other ways too. I am some what superficial, I guess you can say that. But not so superficial that I don't compensate for reality. I am also not he type of superficial person that is blind to true inner beauty or sees only outer beauty. So I guess internet dating is hard for the fact that there are many out there that do have a problem w/ visual, Hell by the time I get a date on this site Ill be to old to see what ever the he** I'm dating..lol. Not much to choose from around here. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:15:56 AM | The pros and cons of Web matchmaking
Psychology, technology and money can come together to make the Web a blissful heaven for some, but a lethal dose for others. Before you venture into world of Web matchmaking, make sure you know how to make the magic combination work, and are also well aware of the profits and pitfalls of Internet socialising.
Pros
Web is convenient
Net socialising needs hardly any resources: a PC, and an Internet connection. From a single desktop, you get the ability to reach people in unimaginable corners of the world.
This quality of the Web to transcend distances through high-speed communication is very popular among people who are bored with interacting within their local communities.
Besides, the Internet is also convenient because it never sleeps! You can choose any time of the day or night, to search for people or to leave/pick messages. Not to mention the fact, that the Net makes bad hair days, out-of-style wardrobes and acne outbreaks, non-issues. One doesn't even need to be in a good mood to log on and make a good impression through the written medium.
A noted sociologist says in a report in washington.edu, that the Internet also removes self-consciousness from people about their looks, or dressing sense, besides being discreet.
Internet is cheap
Compared to real-world socialising, dating on the Net proves to be much cheaper. At the most, you spend some minimal cash subscribing to a dating service, coupled with the cost of Net connectivity. In comparison, offline dating comes with miscellaneous costs: gargantuan bills (phone, restaurant or movie), text messages, and even commuting fares.
The Internet does allow access to hundreds of people world-wide at relatively lower cost than accessing one person in real life.
Traditional dating, on the other hand, begins with the initial costs of prepping and attendance, and gets more and more expensive as the courtship progresses. However, once online daters move to meeting in-person, traditional dating expenses are no longer avoidable.
Online dating is safe
Given the anonymity of the Internet and the tools provided with most online dating services to limit undesirable contact, safety is a significant advantage to online dating over many traditional means of meeting partners.
More than 80 percent of those polled in a February 2002 Lycos online survey, including both men and women, believed meeting through online dating sites to be safer than bars (washington.edu).
However, identifying what increases or decreases the dangers is an important part of recognising safety as an advantage of the Internet as a matchmaking medium. The key to online safety, experts note, is in limiting the amount of personal information revealed.
Profiles serve as a good means of introduction
For many, profiling comes across as a major advantage to introducing oneself on the Internet. Profiling allows users to limit their search to include those matching criteria that are absolutely vital in their potential date/s. Criteria such as location, age, etc. can be accurately limited.
Establishing "nonnegotiable" criteria allow users to avoid a great deal of expense as well, both financially and in terms of time. It is no longer necessary for singles to embark on a four-hour date in order to discover the fatal flaw. Ideally, anyone with a "deal breaker" characteristic never makes the first cut; honest profiles help avoid initial contact between doomed parties in the first place.
Cons
It's not real
The psychology of courtship on the Internet raises repeated concerns in terms of how Web relationships progress. For one, online relationships start with a mere exchange of words, with other human senses missing - such as visual cues, and non-verbal communication - in comparison to offline dating.
This creates a challenge for people in terms of distinctly identifying the fantasy part from the reality. Also, online dating normally advances at a frenetic pace, with most of a person's life history and other details exposed in a relatively short period of time, than in real-world dating.
This speed tends to create a disproportionate level of perceived intimacy, which is separate from reality.
The Internet as a medium for such relationships has a tendency to immerse people in a situation where the line between fantasy and actuality becomes distorted.
Dishonesty levels are high
This is the most commonly known disadvantage of online dating. The Net is full of stories about E-liars, or dating gone haywire - some even ending hazardously - because one or more of the people involved, were dishonest about the information they revealed.
More often than not, there are stories about people finding out that their online love, in real life is either married, or doesn't look like what his/her photograph revealed, or is totally different from his/her personal description.
Besides people, many online dating sites also lie in order to get new registered users, or to tempt people into buying subscriptions.
Technology does, however, lend help to those distrustful of the medium. Assuming that a correct name is acquired, the truly determined can search for a person's marriage licenses, divorce records and criminal histories. Those with a minimum knowledge of using the Internet - and it's assumed that online daters qualify - can do a few quick Google searches with a minimal amount of accurate information and foil liars early on.
Safety is at risk
While online dating has been described safe in the Pros mentioned above, it goes without saying, that it also turns a disadvantage, because there is admitted risk in being exposed to offensive or obscene materials when using online dating sites.
There is also a risk of providing personal information to someone who might use it to harass or harm. However, common sense, good judgment, and minimal safety rules when applied online, tend to reduce this risk considerably.
Limited Chemistry
Chemistry is the most fundamental limitation of online dating in contrast to traditional in-person methods. No amount of database field matching or grooving over instant messaging can guarantee that two people "click" in person.
You cannot assess information about another person without physical, nonverbal cues, says Dr. Reece Burka, a New Orleans psychologist. "A false sense of intimacy is created when interaction remains purely cognitive"
Moreover, a picture doesn't help thoroughly, because you don't learn anything about pheromones, mannerisms and social skills until you meet your online date in real life.
While the increasing addition of Web cams as part of online services helps to some degree, the inability of the Internet to reveal chemistry between people limits its value to the search, initial contact, and establishment of interest with others.
Until technology is able to simulate the sensation of touch between two people online, traditional dates which follow initial meeting are protected from extinction. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:27:10 AM | | I have found the site makes all the difference. Sites are like bars, in a way, or any other real place. They draw a certain crowd. You don't find many straight men in a gay bar, for example. Or older people in a, well, I have no idea where younger people go. In the metaphor of this site, it would be there are different places to fish in the sea. Not all places produce the same results. People come to a site, look around, see if they fit in or if the prospects seem appealing. If not, they move on. Online dating works, but you have to be at the right site. No one site is right for everyone. It depends on who you are and what kind of person you want to date. It is easy if you are at the right site. It is impossible if you aren't. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:40:13 AM | | Ya know what I have discovered about internet dating? People start searching profiles and they see others who (lets face it) in the real world wouldnt even speak to them. It is much easier to send an email than it is to approach someone in real life.. These same people are always looking for the fantasy person who they could never have in real life, so even if they meet someone who is attracted to them, they just keep on searching for someone more perfect! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:17:46 AM | Miss Claudia.............I want U.....lol........But U probably don't want me, U see if you reject me then your right i cant have what I really cant get?...lol.. Hey, just to let you know I'm originally from Spfd ohio....Yea! I uses to hang out in Columbus quite often when younger.
But I know that wont win you either huh ?......lol | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 11:19:06 AM | tattat: I just read your profile and looked at your picture and if you werent so far away.. I'd want you too!  | |
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syhper
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Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 108 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 12:59:46 PM | Some people will agree that online dating is a waste of time, but there are some real life examples of people having met someone special from online. Although, it still is hard sometimes. Finding the right one sometimes is never easy, whether online or the real world. Just be patient and have faith in whatever is meant to be will be. There are so many people out there that long to be free from their existing relationships but feel trapped. Or others that are so unhappy. Maybe being single is a blessing in disguise? Best wishes to all on here and to those searching for someone.
Cheers | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 4:48:43 PM | | One reason it is hard to find love on the net or in the real world is that some people are not sure what they really want. I remember when I was in college and was a star player I had alot women line up for me. 5 years after finishing my degrees now it is hard to get me a date and it amazes me when I tell others the field that I am in laugh and say I dont make that much. No one really knows how much i make and anyways when it become the women job to ask a man how much he makes. I mean you can make alot of money and lose it all. For me going out I approach women and some are scare to talk to me because I am built and so dont that work and on the net some are afraid to talk to me because some dont understand how I got through college so what I learn in my life is some women make excuses and excuses and so that is why I am thinking about moving to another state because where I live some women are shallow on what they are looking for. I mean lately all I want is a women to have lunch with or dinner and that is it but cant even get that. I am not tring to get into anyone's pants did that when I was younger way younger and it is like a joke for me getting a date. If I told women how much I make they would freak out and get jealous of me. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/7/2006 5:56:21 PM | | I look at photos first but once I find interest in them I also take time to read about them. Then you get to know them and see where it goes from there. It's not always going to work out but at least you tried right>? | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/8/2006 6:12:13 AM | | Agree Internet dating is something that takes time to find the right one. I mean three years ago I thought I found the right women but she didnt want a relationship with me anymore and now she is married and learn that sometimes sometimes you have to really get to know a person and see what you have in common and what you dont. Also learning respecting each other is important. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/8/2006 11:00:40 AM | Simple! Internet dating is hard because DATING is hard!
And of course people look at photos....if you were dating in person would you ask someone out (face-to-face) if you didn't care for their looks? I'm not saying only gorgeous people, but just that you must at least be agreeable with their appearance...
If anything, online dating is better because at least the date is hopefully based on something beyond looks - you get a chance to introduce yourself. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/8/2006 11:22:35 AM | The odds may be stacked CK however are odds grow higher at any neighbourhood bar or hardware store.
At least here we can chat on-line for a bit, trying to weed out the bad ones with the intentions that some are not so admirable to you or myself.
At first I was so reluctant to do this, but given my life and schedule who's got the time and energy to frequent social events on a daily basis.
I am a firm believer in fate and destiny for some unknown reason, whether it be a life experience good or bad, it should shape us as to who we are today and want to be tomorrow.
keep searching CK and be patient.
K. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/13/2006 10:38:01 AM | | If there is no real connection or good conversation on the first date I dont usually give it a second, just me though | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/19/2006 8:55:13 PM | 1. People have unrealistic expectations about who they will meet.
2. Even if they meet in person, people forget they are meeting a complete stranger, and have unrealistic expectations about how quickly they will connect. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/20/2006 12:03:27 PM | | Because so many peeps on this sites are shallow, rude, boring, fakes mehh i can name alot but at least i am fortunate to know certain people who are cool on this site | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/21/2006 2:10:35 AM | | i don't think it has to be as hard as some people make it. it really isn't much different than meeting someone off the street. you move on if they don't want to talk or date and if they do you go for it, maybe i'm just a bit simplistic. | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/21/2006 2:45:28 AM | | Kinda like being set up on a blind date! Don't give up. I've been dating since I was like 15 - 16 and I'm 32 now and haven't met "the one". You give benefit of doubt until you meet in most cases. Me on the other hand, I'm a skeptic...I always figure the guy will end up looking like an ax-murderer or something *chuckles*..... | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/21/2006 5:38:34 AM | It is no different than blind dating. Until you actually meet the person, you could be in for the surprise of your life. Enjoy it. Odds are against it working, but it seems odds aren't much better in the real world. Getting to know total strangers around here is like trying to meet the President. At least if there is some honesty in the profile, you get a head start on knowing the person. Of course if they are dishonest, you are no better off!
So folks, be honest in your profile and your e-mails. You'll make the chance of internet dating working that much better for all of us. Dishonesty only gets you short term relationships. | |
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*Echo*
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Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 121 | |
| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 10/21/2006 6:22:30 AM | "Suppose you met someone through a mutual friend.Your first contact was by telephone.Your mutual friend showed this person your picture and also showed their picture to you.Pretty much the same thing,the bottom line here is that it's still up to you and the other person to decide if the dating aspect of it will work."
I politely disagree. My "mutual" friend wouldn't intoduce me to someone who is married and pretends not to be, or who has heavy emotional issues or hang-ups, and/ or is not ready for dating altogether. And at least my friend would know how that guy looks like - because some don't feel that they should show their picture at all.
"Some are sincerely looking for a relationship?" Perhaps 10 -25% max. So...fields of frogs to kiss.  (Sometimes even prince charming turns quickly back into a frog! ) | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:17:22 PM | | Boy are you ever right with what you said. I'm just a couple of years older than you, and I've never seen such poor manners as some of the single people I've met out there. It's unbelievable how childish and immature many of the singles are. At times I have no faith left in ever finding anyone decent. Steve | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:01:16 AM | | Nonsense! Internet dating is the best, it just gets messed with some accounts through the use of spoofing and watermarking by sadistic birth control fanatics who don't know what love is. Internet dating worked great for me until a team professional grotesque mutants were paid a lot money to ruin my customized experiences on better dating sights especially with AV chat and IM's that use java scripting, I'm sorry if they corrupted your account too Zany, with a picture like yours things are bound to improve. Cheers! | |
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| Why Is Internet Dating SO Hard!!
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:19:32 AM | having been on various sites for a couple of years, I also feel that most of the time it is a waste of time!!
You get the odd one that is genuine then a load who are not....To me alot of people are very good at telling the truth.So to the one with the flashy sports car, money to burn,and a job to die for...good luck to you mate ,might just see you at the bus stop tomorrow on your way to work!!LOL
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